What to say to kids w/ Parenting Coordinator..

[turkeydinner]

What is the name of your state? Oklahoma



Ok Stealth here's the new thread....lol

I have posted a few times before about the situation...

But my children are 11, 13 (this thursday) and 16 (in Sept)


I have been deinied visits by my ex....I filed a motion to enforce visitation(different than a contempt) back in Feb. we have tried to resolve this and her attorney has tried to help in this but it appears she will do nothing she doen't want to...she claims the kids "don't wanna come" in May she agreed to a temp. order that she would agree to send the kids till the hearing ...well that lasted a month..then she stopped ending them again..so then the judge orders everyone to see a Parenting coordinator AS SOON AS POSSIBLE..that was last month....I was in there the next week talking with her...well she is yet to talk to her...she finanllly made an appointment for last monday BUT NEVER SHOWED..so we have a court date for the 18th (this is the 3 one since I filed in Feb.) but I still haven't asked that mom go to jail or even be punished (although I think she's going to be...punished not jailed) I didn't even get to talk to them much less see them on Father's day...

She is saying the kids don't wanna come and up till this point (over the years) I havne't pushed the kids...I'm here for them if they want me to be..but havent forced myself in the situation because I know what mom does to them with the drilling them for info on me and my new wife etc.. I realize now that this WAS NOT a wise thing to do and had I stood up before we probably wouldn't be so bad off..but for 7 years now she has been feeding my kids full of crap about me and all I've ever said before was don't worry about it..

The parenting coordinator thinks it might do some good for the (older two) kids to hear from me that ALL I WANT IS to see them not put mom in jail....not cause mom problems but just be in their life.... I'm not making a list of screw ups their mom has done...I'm not planning on saying YOUR MOM DID THIS TO ME!..I'm just planning on letting them see what I really want is to see them... and if she gets punished by the judge it's because of HER ACTIONS...not mine.......just like if you break anyother law..which THEY ARE OLD ENOUGH TO SEE..IMO...

 

[stealth2]

Thanks for starting a new thread - I think it's important enough for it vs hijacking, ya know? I'm gohna think on it for a bit as I have to go out for a while. But I'll be back.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state? Oklahoma



Ok Stealth here's the new thread....lol

I have posted a few times before about the situation...

But my children are 11, 13 (this thursday) and 16 (in Sept)


I have been deinied visits by my ex....I filed a motion to enforce visitation(different than a contempt) back in Feb. we have tried to resolve this and her attorney has tried to help in this but it appears she will do nothing she doen't want to...she claims the kids "don't wanna come" in May she agreed to a temp. order that she would agree to send the kids till the hearing ...well that lasted a month..then she stopped ending them again..so then the judge orders everyone to see a Parenting coordinator AS SOON AS POSSIBLE..that was last month....I was in there the next week talking with her...well she is yet to talk to her...she finanllly made an appointment for last monday BUT NEVER SHOWED..so we have a court date for the 18th (this is the 3 one since I filed in Feb.) but I still haven't asked that mom go to jail or even be punished (although I think she's going to be...punished not jailed) I didn't even get to talk to them much less see them on Father's day...

She is saying the kids don't wanna come and up till this point (over the years) I havne't pushed the kids...I'm here for them if they want me to be..but havent forced myself in the situation because I know what mom does to them with the drilling them for info on me and my new wife etc.. I realize now that this WAS NOT a wise thing to do and had I stood up before we probably wouldn't be so bad off..but for 7 years now she has been feeding my kids full of crap about me and all I've ever said before was don't worry about it..

The parenting coordinator thinks it might do some good for the (older two) kids to hear from me that ALL I WANT IS to see them not put mom in jail....not cause mom problems but just be in their life.... I'm not making a list of screw ups their mom has done...I'm not planning on saying YOUR MOM DID THIS TO ME!..I'm just planning on letting them see what I really want is to see them... and if she gets punished by the judge it's because of HER ACTIONS...not mine.......just like if you break anyother law..which THEY ARE OLD ENOUGH TO SEE..IMO...

Keep something in mind. Its possible that your kids don't want regular visits. Not because they have any problem with you, but because kids of those ages are very involved in their own social lives and activities. Unfortunately, those kind of tend to be more of a priority to them than spending time with parents during the teen years.

If that's the case, if mom does get punished they may very well resent you...and feel like THEY are to blame. They may feel this way even after you "present your case". They may believe that mom was doing what THEY wanted mom to do so its their fault.....and your fault by extension for trying to make them do something they don't want to do...and for getting their mother in trouble because of what THEY want.

I am not suggesting that you give up or give in....I am just forwarning you that it may be something that you will have to deal with. If you live close enough to mom to make it possible, you may want to make it clear to your kids that they can have their normal lives on your weekends...just based from your house rather than mom's.

 

[casa]

What is the name of your state? Oklahoma



Ok Stealth here's the new thread....lol

I have posted a few times before about the situation...

But my children are 11, 13 (this thursday) and 16 (in Sept)


I have been deinied visits by my ex....I filed a motion to enforce visitation(different than a contempt) back in Feb. we have tried to resolve this and her attorney has tried to help in this but it appears she will do nothing she doen't want to...she claims the kids "don't wanna come" in May she agreed to a temp. order that she would agree to send the kids till the hearing ...well that lasted a month..then she stopped ending them again..so then the judge orders everyone to see a Parenting coordinator AS SOON AS POSSIBLE..that was last month....I was in there the next week talking with her...well she is yet to talk to her...she finanllly made an appointment for last monday BUT NEVER SHOWED..so we have a court date for the 18th (this is the 3 one since I filed in Feb.) but I still haven't asked that mom go to jail or even be punished (although I think she's going to be...punished not jailed) I didn't even get to talk to them much less see them on Father's day...

She is saying the kids don't wanna come and up till this point (over the years) I havne't pushed the kids...I'm here for them if they want me to be..but havent forced myself in the situation because I know what mom does to them with the drilling them for info on me and my new wife etc.. I realize now that this WAS NOT a wise thing to do and had I stood up before we probably wouldn't be so bad off..but for 7 years now she has been feeding my kids full of crap about me and all I've ever said before was don't worry about it..

The parenting coordinator thinks it might do some good for the (older two) kids to hear from me that ALL I WANT IS to see them not put mom in jail....not cause mom problems but just be in their life.... I'm not making a list of screw ups their mom has done...I'm not planning on saying YOUR MOM DID THIS TO ME!..I'm just planning on letting them see what I really want is to see them... and if she gets punished by the judge it's because of HER ACTIONS...not mine.......just like if you break anyother law..which THEY ARE OLD ENOUGH TO SEE..IMO...

I think your idea to let them know your intention is just to be involved in their lives is a great one. Normally I advise NCPs to fight when CPs attempt to interfere in visitation- and I strongly encourage all CPs to be the parent and not give children the 'option' of visitation. Since there are other issues involved here (possibly the mother alienating them against you) it would be wise to see if you can get the children into some kind of counseling and repair your relationship with them. Many people say teens want their own time for social lives, etc., but my opinion is that teenagers need their parents more than ever before. It's important to be in contact with your children during that tumultuous time in their lives. Don't give up.

 

[turkeydinner]

Well I do agree with you about the kids might not wanting to come if it was going to put a damper on their events....BUT I have explained to them about just calling and letting me know what's going..we don't really live in the same town...they live in the country and we are in town...but it's really a big 15 minute drive out there so distance isn't an issue..it's more of mom saying what goes on and completely leaving me out of the loop.....I can't even get phone contact anymore...I usually get the answering machine..but I was lucky enough for someone to answer yesterday...moms BF...I asked for kids....he said hold on..3 minutes later the phone got hung up....called back and of course NO ANSWER.it's just a bunch of games to try to keep me out of the picture and personally I think she gets kicks just by knowing she's hurting me...but it's JMO..

All I want is time with my kids...when I first filed she called and said that oldest son was wanting to come, but now he doesn't want to because he thinks I 'm trying to put her in jail..... and I even told her that he didn't HAVE TO come every weekend or even all weekend but I wanted to talk to him..she said she'd have him call me the next day...and no call..so I try and my numbers blocked (has been since) I call from cell phone and grandmas and great grandmas....they never answer..never call...

The PC said she wants everyone including her BF and my wife to come to these meetings/sessions....like i said before I was there within a week with my wife...her attorney said her BF (of 7 years livein) WILL NOT BE INVOLVED...and PC said she would have a session with just my oldest boy and I alone to talk ...and mom doesn't want this.....I tried about 3 years ago to get my kids in counseling ..I took them in for an intake and mom threw a fit..said I had no LEGAL RIGHT to take them anywhere like that..and they were not to return.....and she kept them from me then for a while....it's always something with her...this is the 3rd time I have had to file to get my visits back........and unfortantly I think it won't be the last..