What's in a name??

[Nicaho]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? IN

A friend of mine has it is her court order that no one else is to be referred to as Mom or Dad except for her and the father. Is this common because a few other people I talked to going through custody battles have never heard of it?

I made a huge mistake last year when I let my then girlfriends two year old son call me "daddy." I'll be honest...it felt great to hear. Had I known better and the things I know now I would have never have allowed it. It was hard on me after she left and I'm sure a little confusing on him. Her new boyfriend was "daddy" to him before she even moved out of the house and in with him. I don't quite remember but I think she is the one who said it first not her son on his own. A few single moms that I talk to said they would never have done that. His real dad lived in another state and saw him a couple times and talked on the phone a couple times a month. I didn't know better at the time and I know that I will never allow that to happen again if I get into a similar relationship. Now if the child is older and I have been around long enough and they choose to call me dad then that might be different.

I guess my question is if this is something that I should bring up in court next month? Maybe it is different since she is now remarried. I know he is step dad so maybe he gets to be called dad? I'm sure my daughter won't even be saying it for some time as she is only 2 months old but if it something I can legally do then I think it would be best to start as soon as possible. In my friends order it states that they need to be called some type of nickname I believe.

Since Mom already has her son calling him daddy then I know she is going to grow up hearing that. So maybe its not feasible to do and I shouldn't even bother but that's why I'm here...for Advice!

I thought about him being referred to as dad before and it bothered me but I pretty much forgot about that as more important things were occurring. But now I am hearing that he is referring to them all as his wife and kids on his facebook page and that people believe that my daughter is actually his real daughter. I guess he wouldn't put my wife and step-kids and I'm sure he is legally allowed to put that anyway he wants. I dunno. I just feel like I should be Dad and I don't want someone else to have that title. I am losing so much without having her in my life all the time and I feel like I deserve something of my own.

I will just wait for your responses and then go from there. I'm guessing I might hear it from both sides. All I can do is take it all in and make the best decision for my daughter and not just for myself..and do what is legally allowed Thanks in advance!!

*Edit: I also wanted to add and ask if because I let her son call me dad when we were together if that will have any impact on me now with court if any of this is possible.

 

[CourtClerk]

A child has one mother and one father.

Everyone else should get a different name unless BOTH parents agree.

 

[BL]

Is this common because a few other people I talked to going through custody battles have never heard of it?

I don't believe it's common ,although it should be followed .

If a party to the matter in court request that it be ordered ,under certain circumstances I can see a Judge ordering it .

 

[Nicaho]

I don't believe it's common ,although it should be followed .

If a party to the matter in court request that it be ordered ,under certain circumstances I can see a Judge ordering it .

What type of circumstances? So with him now being a step dad and not just a boyfriend makes no difference? I really think this guy likes being "dad" and a family more than he likes being with mom. I just don't think he would be with her if she didn't have kids. I'm not trying to say that in a mean way but have heard it from mutual friends. So I feel like he is taking on the role of "dad" a little more than he should. Not much he can do with a newborn and especially when i am there for visits but I see how he is with her son and I also overhear them talking about her sons dad. They refer to his dad by his name to him. For example...last visit I was over sons real dad called and mom was talking with him, and the husband asked the boy if he wanted to talk to (real name). When I was with her she did the same thing and he would call him his name. I never said it to him. I just didn't say anything at all really. I just don't want that to happen to me. So if my daughter can only call me dad what do they legally get to refer to me to her as? Do they have to say "here go to Daddy" or can she use my real name?

 

[BL]

What type of circumstances? So with him now being a step dad and not just a boyfriend makes no difference? I really think this guy likes being "dad" and a family more than he likes being with mom. I just don't think he would be with her if she didn't have kids. I'm not trying to say that in a mean way but have heard it from mutual friends. So I feel like he is taking on the role of "dad" a little more than he should. Not much he can do with a newborn and especially when i am there for visits but I see how he is with her son and I also overhear them talking about her sons dad. They refer to his dad by his name to him. For example...last visit I was over sons real dad called and mom was talking with him, and the husband asked the boy if he wanted to talk to (real name). When I was with her she did the same thing and he would call him his name. I never said it to him. I just didn't say anything at all really. I just don't want that to happen to me. So if my daughter can only call me dad what do they legally get to refer to me to her as? Do they have to say "here go to Daddy" or can she use my real name?

The reality is it happens .

Mom should foster good relations between you and your child(ren) .However that often doesn't happen that way .

The best thing you can do is talk to the Mom about the issue and if she brushes it off ,the second best thing you can do is talk to your child(ren) and make sure the are aware that you are their Father and their only real father .

Foster the relationship yourself .

Some folks will say it's ok ,the child can have two Dads . I don't agree .

My own children grew up with mom having multiple live in boyfriends at different times ,fostering the children to call them Dad .

They knew who their real Dad was.

It's refreshing to hear your son say that at 8 years old .

Mine are all grown now.

 

[jules2]

I guess he wouldn't put my wife and step-kids and I'm sure he is legally allowed to put that anyway he wants.

Why wouldn't he? I introduce my step-daughter as my step-daughter. I have it that way on Facebook too.

Does mom know that you don't want step-dad referred to by your daughter as "Dad"? I don't think it would be unreasonable for you to ask that of her.

My husband always refers to me with my first name when speaking to his daughter. When we first met (when she was four) I was my first name, when we got married we explained the new "titles" everybody had (stepdaughter, stepmom), but we have never told her to call me mom. I'm not her mom - she already has one of those.

 

[Nicaho]

I had a sit down meeting with mom and, at that time, boyfriend, a few months before our daughter was born. The main reason was for me to meet him before instead of in the delivery room. This was mentioned by moms doctor after she informed that she wanted us both in the delivery room. I do think it was better that way but I still was not very excited about it. We just went over how things might be once the baby was here. She pretty much just told me "how" it was going to be. And it pretty much has been!

I had a list I made up of a few things I wanted or didnt want. This is directly from the list I made:
I do not want him to be referred to as Daddy and I would appreciate it that you do not refer to her as your daughter. When you two are married she can be your Step-daughter.

When I read that to them, they both looked at me like I was an idiot. And I pretty much got that he was going to be "dad" and didn't matter what I had to say.

Another thing I had mentioned was for him to not hold or be around my daughter when I was around. That he already had a stronger bond with her from just hearing his voice in the womb everyday and getting to see her more than me when she was actually here. I don't know if that is wrong to want but I need any advantage I can get to build my own bond with her.

The next day after she was born I walked into the hospital and he was sitting there holding my daughter. I stood for a minute and then sat in the chair next to him. A couple minutes had passed but it seemed like an eternity. I left the hospital the night before about 4am and returned at 11am. Driving I couldn't wait to see her again and to have her in my arms. Finally I asked if I could hold her. I had to as him if I could hold my own daughter! He was mad and I felt he handed her off to me in a not so gentle way. I wasnt going to bring it up to mom but later when we were alone I did. She said she saw the whole thing and it was ok (Well of course he can do no wrong in her eyes and I am the bad guy). She said he was upset because he literally just sat down to hold her. Yet they were up at 7am for breakfast and I got there 4 hours later. He never held her before that??? He could have won points with me had he offered her to me to hold as soon as I walked in the room. I guess I was just there interfering with the birth of "his daughter".

So as far as mentioning it to mom about the calling only me dad...I have and she really doesn't care.

 

[stealth2]

You can ask Mom not to allow it, but it's going to be hard to enforce.

I have to admit that I find this all to be rather two-faced of you. It was just peachy with you to have her son call you "Dad", but now you have a problem when it's actually going to be YOUR kid? What tangled webs we weave...

 

[PQN]

married

Did mom marry step-dad before or after the baby was born?

 

[CJane]

Did mom marry step-dad before or after the baby was born?

They're not married.

Nicaho, you HAVE to get it through your head that this child will ALWAYS spend more time with Mom's BF than with you, and that you will NOT be able to dictate such things as who holds her when you're nearby or for how long, or what words come out of her mouth. YES, she'll learn eventually that YOU are Daddy - the one who helped create her. But for a LONG time, it's just possible that every man will be "daddy" and certainly the man she lives with.

And YES, it sounds INSANE for you to be upset at the idea of her calling THIS man Daddy, but if asked in court, you'd have to admit it was perfectly ok when YOU were the "Daddy".

 

[disneykid52]

when mine were alive i called them by their 1st names

 

[Nicaho]

They're not married.

Nicaho, you HAVE to get it through your head that this child will ALWAYS spend more time with Mom's BF than with you, and that you will NOT be able to dictate such things as who holds her when you're nearby or for how long, or what words come out of her mouth. YES, she'll learn eventually that YOU are Daddy - the one who helped create her. But for a LONG time, it's just possible that every man will be "daddy" and certainly the man she lives with.

And YES, it sounds INSANE for you to be upset at the idea of her calling THIS man Daddy, but if asked in court, you'd have to admit it was perfectly ok when YOU were the "Daddy".

They ARE married now. They were engaged for a week and got married a week ago via Justice of the Peace. The same day our daughter turned 2 months.

My time is my time and I get to do what I want on my time right? So if I go over there for a visit he can hold her the whole time?? Well hopefully when I go to court and get parenting time set up, She will be old enough for me to take her on mu own and I won't have to worry about him being around.

I still don't think it is insane. If her sons dad had objected at all then I would not have felt right about him calling me "daddy". He didn't care but I do. Mom pushed it on her son. Yea it was ok at the time because I didn't know any better. I know that doesnt make it any better but I learned from the whole experience. Even if she broke up with me and wasn't pregnant I still would never let that happen in a new relationship. Never did I refer to him to anybody as "my son". The week before his father came to visit he started calling me by my real name. The week she was moving out on me to be with new guy he again started using my real name. You think he did this on his own or did Mom have a say. I don't know.

 

[ecmst12]

My friend's child is calling EVERYONE and EVERYTHING daddy right now, probably because it's one of the words she can say We went to the zoo yesterday and she was calling all the animals daddy. Needless to say, the actual daddy feels a little slighted! She's 15 months

 

[LdiJ]

My friend's child is calling EVERYONE and EVERYTHING daddy right now, probably because it's one of the words she can say We went to the zoo yesterday and she was calling all the animals daddy. Needless to say, the actual daddy feels a little slighted! She's 15 months

My granddaughter called all women who took care of her, as "mama", at about that age. Her mother, me, my mother and a couple of different babysitters. That didn't last very long.

 

[Indiana Filer]

And my daughter wouldn't even say Mommy until she was 21 months old. She could say anything else, but refused to say mommy. She'd say, "I can't," then start giggling. Brat.