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Whats it take to be Defamatory

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mgtymike

Guest
What is the name of your state? Washington

Hey guys, first time poster, and I get the feeling it isn't going to be the last time! I'm going to copy a letter that I sent to a Judge in a Restraing Order case that was brought against me by my ex-fiance. --- The Judge basically ignored this letter, and the additional pages of communication between her and I (instant messages and e-mails)... and gave her the restraining order. Now, she is telling my friends that I raped her, and I'm pissed becuase no such thing ever happned, but I don't know how to go about getting this case to court, and what I can ask for as retribution. Where do I go with this thing??

Here is the letter I sent the Judge, it explains most of what went on, and I'd be happy to recount any steps that ya all feel are needed to be recounted.

Your Honor,

On November 12, 2004 I am supposed to come before you to present my reasons for not having a restraining order against me. I am writing to you, because although Holly will necessarily be there, I believe that Brian (I don’t know his last name) (a friend of Holly’s) should be compelled to be at this hearing as well. Additionally I would like to ask that the hearing be moved back to the 15th, 16th or 17th as the 12th is one of the days I pick up my kids and if the hearing goes long it would interfere with that.

The rift between Holly and I has been, in my estimation, grossly overstated, not in the absolution of it, but in the commission of it. The night of the 20th or early morning of the 21st I did in fact show up at Holly’s house, gave her stuff back and at a high decibel level did inform her that yes, I felt she had broken a date with me to suck another guys cock. That was wrong of me, and I believe what she says now that there was no sexual activity till the following night. Not that it mattered at that point, I was hurt and angry, but even then there was no violence, just a simple returning of her things, as she told me she was going to stop by and get (see instant message conversation dated 10/14/04 11:46:54 PM). Of course, she did enter my house, without my permission after that, but I am not pressing charges on that. I will say, I have NEVER entered her house ever unasked. I have included conversations between Holly, Brian and I, that have culminated in this restraining order being brought forth. It is my contention that the only violence in this relationship was a simple and empty threat made by Brian to me. This information is in an attached e-mail dated 10/22/04 at 5:38pm, which was e-mailed by Holly, at the request of Brian, and followed up by Brian using Holly’s computer to send me another message on the same date, but at 6:05pm where he threatened to pursue a restraining order. There has been no stalking, and no unprecedented communication. There are plenty of conversations that took place between Holly and myself that Brian wasn’t privy too, and again, a reading of the attached conversations, will show that Holly had no intention of bringing any action on her own accord until the night of the 26th of October. I will be happy to detail for the court any and all events that took place that night, and answer any questions on what has transpired since then as well. I am confident that there will be no just cause found to keep a restraining order in place, however I think it is totally germane to this cause that Brian be here to answer as to his involvement in Holly obtaining this order against me.

Your Honor, forgive me for not really knowing how to do this, I’m going to take the best stab at it I can think of. I am attaching a bunch of conversations between Holly and I, that I think are important as too the mind set that existed between us. Most of our conversations were kept in writing, so I have them stored in instant message format. I would be happy to provide certified copies of my hard drive or anything else that would show the court that there has not been any tampering with the conversations. Additionally, the court may want to ask that any phone records that are kept by Verizon of instant messages between Holly’s phone and my phone be produced as there were several hundred if not thousands of messages sent between her and I in that media as well. Again, this all goes to show what both Holly and I were thinking and again, shows that status of the relationship up to the 26th which is where Holly and I had our final contact, save for an e-mail each on the following two days (these e-mails are included). – Just so that you know, I keep copies of almost everything that isn’t spam. I have business and personal mail dated further than a year ago. I always find I am referring back to various things, and I keep all of my instant messages as well, again for the same reason. Though those do expire like a year from the date they are put in, but it is nice to be able to go back and lookup a phone number or other information that was written out. So, here it is, the good the bad and the ugly, a love story gone sour, yes, but not a violent situation in the entire time. It is my contention that Holly has filed this order in order to save her relationship with Brian, which is laudable, but not something for which I wish to sacrifice my reputation. The night of the 26th, yes, she cried at the end of the evening because we did wind up having sex. But the tears were not because it was an abusive sexual situation, it was fully consensual, in fact when it started, I asked if she wanted me to stop, she said no. She did say, she couldn’t believe she was doing this.. but that no she didn’t want to stop it. When we were finished, and both of us were thinking again, our final words to each other that night, were – Mine to her.. If you want to save what you have with Brain, there is only one thing you can do --- Her to me… never see you again. You Honor, I walked out the door which she held open for me, and never looked back. I miss that woman like no tomorrow, but I knew in that moment she had made a decision, one that no matter what the past was between us, she would have to follow. I’m not following her, I’m not trying to contact her, I did finish unpacking the boxes that had been packed up to move into her place and I did find her keys, on Oct. 31st, I had help unpacking the final boxes and if the court feels it would be beneficial I can either have a notarized statement made as to the fact of when the keys were found, or I can have Denice (the friend who was helping me unpack that day).. show up to give testimony to the court. I do have her cooler, and Denice had borrowed my truck, so I wasn’t able to take it back to Holly, but had made plans prior to being served with the restraining order to return both to her, on November 1st. As I was served on October 31st I still have both these items in my possession and I would like to know how to get them back to her, as again, I have no desire to keep anything that is hers. As for the money I owe her, I will not dispute it at all, but I believe, though I could be wrong, that small claims court is really the venue for this type of action. The legal fees she loaned me have always been planned to be repaid to her, as was any cell phone bills that were incurred, though since she shut off the phone, the disconnect fee really should be hers, but I’ll pay it anyhow. The money spent on clothes for my kids were as far as I knew what she wanted to do for them, but, again, I am the beneficiary of her largess so I am happy to pay for that as well. I will have to make suitable arrangements to pay this over a period of time, but again, I’m happy to do just exactly that. I bear no ill will toward her, and I wish her all the happiness that she can get. She has had an exceedingly unfair life, with the loss of her husband, and I have no desire to cause her any further pain.

Again Your Honor, I don’t know if this is the right way to accomplish this, but this is what I was told by the clerk to do, in order to facilitate this.
:confused:
 


BelizeBreeze

Senior Member
The Judge ignored the letter because it was ex parte communications which is forbidden by law.

If she is telling people you raped her AND you are suffering actual damages from the rumors, hire an attorney and sue her ass for slander.

If you can't prove damages (can't get a job, housing or other type of actual damage) then forget it and move on.
 
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mgtymike

Guest
Here is what is happening, that I would consider actual damages. I am planning a bid for public office. She has already made false alligations and filed a restraining order against me, which as far as I know is avaliable to the public. As well as with this new twist of being accused of rape, without being able to confront my accuser and have my side judged, at some point she will tell someone else, or her new beau will tell someone else, and it would ruin me. My guess though, from reading in here, there is really no point in pursueing this untill there are actual damages. So that being said, what documentation can I put together to protect myself in the future should these alligations come to light? Should I make a complete item by item account of the night in question? Should it be notorized? Do I just move on, and when the alligations come out, hope that I can afford a better lawyer and just ignore the whole thing? What exactly are Ex Parte Communications, I would have thought that since we both know that the conversations between us are recorded, and I'm just using copies of those recorded communications, they would be fully admissiable. I'm confused that we can't use our own words in court, that just seems wierd. :confused: Thanks for the help.. Mike
 

BelizeBreeze

Senior Member
mgtymike said:
Here is what is happening, that I would consider actual damages. I am planning a bid for public office. She has already made false alligations and filed a restraining order against me, which as far as I know is avaliable to the public. As well as with this new twist of being accused of rape, without being able to confront my accuser and have my side judged, at some point she will tell someone else, or her new beau will tell someone else, and it would ruin me. My guess though, from reading in here, there is really no point in pursueing this untill there are actual damages. So that being said, what documentation can I put together to protect myself in the future should these alligations come to light? Should I make a complete item by item account of the night in question? Should it be notorized? Do I just move on, and when the alligations come out, hope that I can afford a better lawyer and just ignore the whole thing? What exactly are Ex Parte Communications, I would have thought that since we both know that the conversations between us are recorded, and I'm just using copies of those recorded communications, they would be fully admissiable. I'm confused that we can't use our own words in court, that just seems wierd. :confused: Thanks for the help.. Mike
What damages you "MAY" encounter in the future, what she "MAY" do in the future or what she "MAY" say in the future are not damages for which an award can be given.

You are wanting to litigate this on an internet forum. And that just isn't going to happen. If you feel strongly enough about it, file an action for slander against her.

You'll lose but hell, it's not my money.
 
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mgtymike

Guest
LOL.. well that is why I was asking the questions here.. and putting out what I thought. I figured that this might be the case, that until there are actual damages, I can't sue to keep her quite. So, I'll wait till she opens her mouth and actually causes harm in my life. :cool:
 
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meganproser

Guest
You do NOT have to prove any damages when you have been FALSELY accused of committing a crime.

What you would have to prove in this case, is that the woman:

1. Told a third party that you raped her
2. The third party understood that it was YOU who was being accused.
3. The accusation is FALSE
4. The accusation was stated as fact. If Holly said something more like, “I shouldn’t have had sex with him, I felt as though I was being raped”, she is NOT accusing you of raping her.

I don’t see how you can prove the accusation is false and if you were to file suit against her, there is nothing stopping her from claiming that she WAS forced to have sex with you that night. All she has to do is say that she didn’t press charges earlier because she knows how hard it is to prove a date rape.

The fact that she DID apply for a RO, would probably tip the scale in her favor in a slander action. By the same token, I doubt if she would win if she filed criminal charges. Neither of you has enough evidence to make a case against the other.

Perhaps your best bet is to notify her of your intention to sue her if she does not retract her allegations and cease making them. Most people would respond favorably to such notification.

The Statute of Limitations is probably a year in your state. You are not required to wait until you see evidence of the damage she may be doing, to file a case. It's a given that when someone accuses you of committing a crime, there WILL be damage to your reputation. You may NEVER be able to prove such damage, which is why you are not required to do so.

Good luck!
 
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mgtymike

Guest
WOW.. thank you VERY much for that answer! that would be EXACTLY what I wish to happen. I just want her and her BS to go away, and I think that a letter would probably be just the thing for it. Guess it would be best if I had a lawyer write the letter.. she might take it a bit more seriously.


Anyone up to the task?
 

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