What’s likely to happen if.....

[StellaD]

What is the name of your state? California

We have a custody order with an attached parenting plan. He has not followed it at all, just does things on a whim, rude, late, never plans in advance, etc....(I can prove everything with messages, texts, my own notes, emails, and now even a phone conversation that he approved to be recorded for court if we ever go) it has been over 4 years of this mess and my daughter who’s almost 6 hysterically refuses to see him now. I completely understand why. He’s a stranger to her. Yesterday I input all the hours and notes about his 2017 visitation and he saw her a total 23days not counting the time she was sleeping during those days. He is rude and crude and comes off that way in court (to my advantage.) I have said and put on the record that I’m stopping all visitations until he takes co-parenting classes and his teacher/therapist personally approves that he is be allowed to see her in ADDITION one of the following three options
1. He comes to my house daily until she’s ok with him
2. We go to group therapy with her and do what therapist (court approved, therapy sessions open to court, he pays for everything)
3. We go to court and do what the judge orders. If he gets another chance and fails (which he will!!) At which point does the Judge say, that’s enough. It’s torture for this child and it’s not in her best interest is my question exactly. ???
P.s. he’s supposed to have 1st 3rd and 5th weekend, alternating holidays and half of all vacation breaks ( but no longer than a week at a time). Since I know who I’m dealing with, and I’m 99% sure that although he will fight in court to hurt me, he will never change and do what’s right for her. How much longer will the judge make me deal with him?? And how many more times of her crying, hysteria and worries will it take??? What is the law on that in California? Thank you for ANY ADVICE AND WISHING EVERYONE A GREAT WEEKEND!

 

[Ohiogal]

You need to follow the COURT ORDER. End of story. You do NOT get to stop visits because you have decided to do so until he takes co-parenting classes and his teacher/therapist personally approves that. YOU are ridiculous. A court order is NOT a suggestion.

 

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state? California

We have a custody order with an attached parenting plan. He has not followed it at all, just does things on a whim, rude, late, never plans in advance, etc....(I can prove everything with messages, texts, my own notes, emails, and now even a phone conversation that he approved to be recorded for court if we ever go) it has been over 4 years of this mess and my daughter who’s almost 6 hysterically refuses to see him now. I completely understand why. He’s a stranger to her. Yesterday I input all the hours and notes about his 2017 visitation and he saw her a total 23days not counting the time she was sleeping during those days. He is rude and crude and comes off that way in court (to my advantage.) I have said and put on the record that I’m stopping all visitations until he takes co-parenting classes and his teacher/therapist personally approves that he is be allowed to see her in ADDITION one of the following three options
1. He comes to my house daily until she’s ok with him
2. We go to group therapy with her and do what therapist (court approved, therapy sessions open to court, he pays for everything)
3. We go to court and do what the judge orders. If he gets another chance and fails (which he will!!) At which point does the Judge say, that’s enough. It’s torture for this child and it’s not in her best interest is my question exactly. ???
P.s. he’s supposed to have 1st 3rd and 5th weekend, alternating holidays and half of all vacation breaks ( but no longer than a week at a time). Since I know who I’m dealing with, and I’m 99% sure that although he will fight in court to hurt me, he will never change and do what’s right for her. How much longer will the judge make me deal with him?? And how many more times of her crying, hysteria and worries will it take??? What is the law on that in California? Thank you for ANY ADVICE AND WISHING EVERYONE A GREAT WEEKEND!

Copying but literally, based on this YOU are TOTALLY OUT OF LINE. As I said above: You need to follow the COURT ORDER. End of story. You do NOT get to stop visits because you have decided to do so until he takes co-parenting classes and his teacher/therapist personally approves that. YOU are ridiculous. A court order is NOT a suggestion.

 

[StellaD]

I have followed it to the t, but because he has not she refuses to see him. I have given him the option to come here or to go to therapy prior to doing this. Am I supposed to force my fighting, crying daughter into the car watching her cry for an hour in the way and hand her over as she is clinging on to me???

 

[Eekamouse]

What is the name of your state? California

We have a custody order with an attached parenting plan. He has not followed it at all, just does things on a whim, rude, late, never plans in advance, etc....(I can prove everything with messages, texts, my own notes, emails, and now even a phone conversation that he approved to be recorded for court if we ever go) it has been over 4 years of this mess and my daughter who’s almost 6 hysterically refuses to see him now. I completely understand why. He’s a stranger to her. Yesterday I input all the hours and notes about his 2017 visitation and he saw her a total 23days not counting the time she was sleeping during those days. He is rude and crude and comes off that way in court (to my advantage.) I have said and put on the record that I’m stopping all visitations until he takes co-parenting classes and his teacher/therapist personally approves that he is be allowed to see her in ADDITION one of the following three options
1. He comes to my house daily until she’s ok with him
2. We go to group therapy with her and do what therapist (court approved, therapy sessions open to court, he pays for everything)
3. We go to court and do what the judge orders. If he gets another chance and fails (which he will!!) At which point does the Judge say, that’s enough. It’s torture for this child and it’s not in her best interest is my question exactly. ???
P.s. he’s supposed to have 1st 3rd and 5th weekend, alternating holidays and half of all vacation breaks ( but no longer than a week at a time). Since I know who I’m dealing with, and I’m 99% sure that although he will fight in court to hurt me, he will never change and do what’s right for her. How much longer will the judge make me deal with him?? And how many more times of her crying, hysteria and worries will it take??? What is the law on that in California? Thank you for ANY ADVICE AND WISHING EVERYONE A GREAT WEEKEND!

Just because he isn't doing/acting exactly like you want him to act, you don't get to deny him his child. He's not required to dance to your tune.

 

[Eekamouse]

I have followed it to the t, but because he has not she refuses to see him. I have given him the option to come here or to go to therapy prior to doing this. Am I supposed to force my fighting, crying daughter into the car watching her cry for an hour in the way and hand her over as she is clinging on to me???

How old is the child? And who told her she gets a say on whether she visits with her father or not?

 

[StellaD]

And I never thought that the court Order is a suggestion because I have done everything it has said. . I’m doing this in the best interest of our child. I cannot watch her be abused like this any longer

 

[StellaD]

Just because he isn't doing/acting exactly like you want him to act, you don't get to deny him his child. He's not required to dance to your tune.

Nope, he not using his time that was given to him. He’s never considerate of her or how he treats her. He doesn’t care that she’s having a hard time! He uses only 1% of yearly time When we were in court I made the parenting plan by writing it with a co-parenting coach, when the judge saw the plan he just stamped and said that is what it will be from now on. And again due the fact that she will not get dressed or even out of her room fighting me, not wanting to go, I have opened my homefor him to come here not only during visitation but also outside of visitation he was offered. What ever do you suggest you do? She’s a human being she’s not an object that you hand over from person to person whenever you feel like it

 

[StellaD]

How old is the child? And who told her she gets a say on whether she visits with her father or not?

She’s 5.5 and is very vocal about not seeing him. Do you suggest I force her? She cries every time I mention it to the point where she throws up. What would you do?

 

[Eekamouse]

She’s 5.5 and is very vocal about not seeing him. Do you suggest I force her? She cries every time I mention it to the point where she throws up. What would you do?

So what happens when she cries and throws a fit because she doesn't want to eat her broccoli or when she doesn't want to go to bed at bedtime? She is a child. She doesn't get to dictate what she wants to do and not do. You should be telling her to stop misbehaving.

 

[Eekamouse]

Nope, he not using his time that was given to him. He’s never considerate of her or how he treats her. He doesn’t care that she’s having a hard time! He uses only 1% of yearly time When we were in court I made the parenting plan by writing it with a co-parenting coach, when the judge saw the plan he just stamped and said that is what it will be from now on. And again due the fact that she will not get dressed or even out of her room fighting me, not wanting to go, I have opened my homefor him to come here not only during visitation but also outside of visitation he was offered. What ever do you suggest you do? She’s a human being she’s not an object that you hand over from person to person whenever you feel like it

You hand her over to her father for his visitation and stop acting like she gets a say so in this because she doesn't.

 

[Eekamouse]

You know, there is no "we" anymore. You and he broke up and he doesn't have to spend time with you to spend time with his child. You are being ridiculous. The child throws a fit because she's influenced by her mother's feelings. You have a problem with him so she has a problem with him. Quit interfering and let them have their own relationship where your bitter feelings don't play into it.

 

[LdiJ]

You know, there is no "we" anymore. You and he broke up and he doesn't have to spend time with you to spend time with his child. You are being ridiculous. The child throws a fit because she's influenced by her mother's feelings. You have a problem with him so she has a problem with him. Quit interfering and let them have their own relationship where your bitter feelings don't play into it.

While the odds are that you are right, there is also the possibility that you are not. When my ex and I split up I was just certain that if he put our daughter into the car seat and took her that she would calm down and be ok. She was three and she adored her daddy. He didn't even get a block away before he came back and said that he would NOT accept her looking at him that way. He then worked up to her going with him.

 

[stealth2]

How much longer will the judge make me deal with him??

Until she's grown. You picked him. That's the reality.

 

[stealth2]

And again due the fact that she will not get dressed or even out of her room fighting me, not wanting to go

Send her in her PJs. 5 1/2? Pick her up and hand her to Dad.

What consequences does she face when she misbehaves this way?