When does it get too much or does it?

[JacobJoel]

Your responses to OG, Pro, are validating her observations, not refuting them.

think about it.

respectfully...

 

[profmum]

I am sure OG has been a great resource for many on this site and her continued presence and input is to be appreciated for those who have benefitted from it. I never have, and while I appreciate anybody who takes the time and energy to respond to my posts (because this is a free site!),I think early on she decided she "disliked me" and Dad was the victim.. regardless, I get great advice from the site, most of it from parents like myself.

 

[Ohiogal]

Did not know you had "clairvoyant skills" as well and thanks for dooming my child to a life of misery based on your interpretation of a 2.5 second review of facts of the details of my case and this conviction that Dad is always right. Hope the malpractice premium is paid up

Never said I was clairvoyant. Nor did I decide dad is always right. LEARN TO READ and COMPREHEND!

You and your ex are going to be in court until the child is 18.

That refers to both of you.

WHy? Because neither one of you want to act like adults.

Both of you.

Look at your posts on here. You and he are playing a game.

BOTH OF YOU.

When is enough enough? When you BOTH decide to put aside the petty BS and grow up and start realizing what is the extremely important part of this whole thing!

BOTH OF YOU.

Can you guess what I am referring to? Can you? Come on profmum -- I have read ALL of your posts. I have followed your story.

Lets see you have had several posts and it has taken more than 2.5 seconds to get through them all.

You danced around the issue of 50/50 for a long time.

You did. That is a fact.

You demanded to leave the country every year and then he returned the favor by scheduling his vacation according to the court order you AGREED to and then you decided you needed to go back to court on that point and file a motion. Now he is filing a motion.

Hey that is both of you as well.

This is not one-sided.

How much clearer can I get?

This is two immature little kids who want to play tit for tat and use the child as a weapon.

Again, BOTH OF YOU. Not just you.

I feel sorry for the child.

I do feel sorry for your child because I have seen children put through this BS because the parents refuse to be adults. They refuse to communicate. And the one it ends up hurting is the child that loves BOTH parents. Hey note the word BOTH again.

BOTH OF YOU need locked in a room together until you can both grow up and learn to communicate.

Again, referring to you and dad.

Which at the rate the TWO OF YOU are going that won't be until you are both broke, your child is 18 or one of you dies. Good job.

Again referring to both of you. Yet I am saying dad is a victim? Where did I say dad was a victim? You asked a question and I answered. But you refuse to try and comprehend. As for disliking you, I do not. I dislike your behavior. I dislike the fact that you are going to be subjecting your child to a tug of war and tearing the child apart for many years because you and dad (Hey it is BOTH OF YOU AGAIN -- what do you know) can't seem to act like adults and are participating in a game of "Do what I want or I will take my ball and go home" third grade level of play. I would hope that you would be able to correct your behavior and make it positive for your child but you refuse to acknowledge that you may have done anything wrong. Instead, you constantly go on the defensive and attack. Nice. As JJ said, you are just affirming my opinion of you. Which is that no matter how much education you claim, you can't see the big picture -- you are too concentrated on getting the better of dad and missing the part that your child should be the most important person. You can't change dad but you can change how you react. And, you know what, if you did that, things might get better. They really might. At least they might get better for your child. The fact that you do not do that and continue playing this stupid tit for tat does say a lot about your parenting skills -- they are getting lost in your need to best dad -- someone who your child loves. Someone who your child deserves to have a relationship with. Someone your child deserves to spend time with. Instead though we don't hear about your child. We hear constantly about you and your attitude towards dad. And that IS NOT and SHOULD NOT be the reason for any custody battle. Hence why I do not think too highly of your parenting skills.

 

[profmum]

Never said I was clairvoyant. Nor did I decide dad is always right. LEARN TO READ and COMPREHEND!



That refers to both of you.



Both of you.




BOTH OF YOU.



BOTH OF YOU.



Lets see you have had several posts and it has taken more than 2.5 seconds to get through them all.



You did. That is a fact.



Hey that is both of you as well.



How much clearer can I get?



Again, BOTH OF YOU. Not just you.



I do feel sorry for your child because I have seen children put through this BS because the parents refuse to be adults. They refuse to communicate. And the one it ends up hurting is the child that loves BOTH parents. Hey note the word BOTH again.



Again, referring to you and dad.



Again referring to both of you. Yet I am saying dad is a victim? Where did I say dad was a victim? You asked a question and I answered. But you refuse to try and comprehend. As for disliking you, I do not. I dislike your behavior. I dislike the fact that you are going to be subjecting your child to a tug of war and tearing the child apart for many years because you and dad (Hey it is BOTH OF YOU AGAIN -- what do you know) can't seem to act like adults and are participating in a game of "Do what I want or I will take my ball and go home" third grade level of play. I would hope that you would be able to correct your behavior and make it positive for your child but you refuse to acknowledge that you may have done anything wrong. Instead, you constantly go on the defensive and attack. Nice. As JJ said, you are just affirming my opinion of you. Which is that no matter how much education you claim, you can't see the big picture -- you are too concentrated on getting the better of dad and missing the part that your child should be the most important person. You can't change dad but you can change how you react. And, you know what, if you did that, things might get better. They really might. At least they might get better for your child. The fact that you do not do that and continue playing this stupid tit for tat does say a lot about your parenting skills -- they are getting lost in your need to best dad -- someone who your child loves. Someone who your child deserves to have a relationship with. Someone your child deserves to spend time with. Instead though we don't hear about your child. We hear constantly about you and your attitude towards dad. And that IS NOT and SHOULD NOT be the reason for any custody battle. Hence why I do not think too highly of your parenting skills.

OG.. my post was about Dad constantly filing motions claiming all kinds of ridiculous things, how is that to quote you " my wanting to get the better of Dad"? how is that "tit for tat", now legally speaking, if he files a motion alleging that I am going to flee the country when i have lived her for 16 years and have always come back with my daugther.. I have to respond to the motion.. that is not playing a game of tit for tat.. that is my legal obligation..the Courts saw it that way as well.. when he filed a child endangerment motion alleging that i was denying him parenting time, i have to respond!.. how can you as an attny tell your client or anyone otherwise?
related to that Dad (like you) claims i danced around the 50-50 pareting time, then WHY am i not in contempt?? I dont want to drag things out at all.. last week, i begged him to come for our 4yrd old's daugthers bday party, he did and we all had a great time.. i sent a heartfelt email thanking him for coming and a week later, his newest motion claims i am alienating our child with hateful comments about him.

Anyways, I am sorry, i think you are a great resource for many people on this board, you take and energy to respond to every post, and clearly folks here appreciate that and you have a fan club here, which is no doubt is well earned. You deserve the appreciation that you get.

But personally,I dont agree with a lot of what you say (legally speaking that is) and your approach to legal solutions, which has quite often been dramatic, knee jerk reaction based and over the top actions. If i were looking for an attny, your approach to family law would not be something I could work with.
I do sense you have a chip on your shoulder regarding me.. i dont talk out my child much because she is doing ok.. thankfully,otherwise, if she was not, I would get a GAL involved to revist the parenting time or if i wanted to get back at Dad.. my post clearly says.. "i want this to work"...

but hey there is lot of space on this forum for you and I and anyone else!

 

[wileybunch]

profmum, there are some here that have lived an absolute living hell in the courts. It's unreal. I don't know how ppl do it.

I don't always agree with what OG says b/c I think she makes a lot of assumptions and is harsh in delivery, but I had thought you were the same poster that wanted clarity on the vacation time clause and that was interpreting it in your favor for yourself and against your ex for his time and OG's post confirmed it for me w/o having to look it back up. I think it's not all that uncommon for ppl to act out of fear, especially in the beginning of a divorce situation, but it seems like you are both trying to protect your territory and litigating the gray areas which may need to be done if you can't agree on how to tighten up the CO, but just don't "blame" that on him.

I do think OG is right that you have a back/forth dynamic going on, it's not just coming from ex. One of the two of you has to change that pattern of behavior, whether b/c you don't want to financially hemorrhage to death, you don't want to live this way any more, or the time/effort/money going into it could be better spent elsewhere. Sometimes it really does take only one person to change their approach to effect a positive change.

 

[JacobJoel]

You do know that OG is a GAL, right? that means she has submitted to some kind of training that teaches (and i know i am down playing her education/experience, etc.) her how to watch parental interaction and evaluate its effects on the children.

she is a qualified (paid) observer. SHE WORKS FOR THE CHILDREN, NOT THE PARENTS.

you also know that if the court ordered you and your husband (maybe they already have, i do not know your story) to obtain something like a GAL you would pay for it. big bucks.

You asked a question: When will this end?

She gave an answer. Moreover, her response gave you a tedius breakdown on the action/reaction sceanario that, again, you would pay big bucks for should you seek this kind of service from another source as highly qualified and recommended.

everyone else was really gentle and backed up your side. OG (and probably others, but please, your issue right now is OG) gave you a rather slam dunk on the situation and you took issue to it.

and then you came back with a fluffy politically correct response on why her unpaid, highly qualified, meticulous and SOLICITED response did not apply to you or work for you..

so, here is the REAL question:

Do you wan this chaos to stop or do you get some kind of high off of the morbid cycle.

if you are not dicking around and really want it to stop, swallow your pride and dispassionately review what you have been given. if you need suggestions/feedback/ideas on how to stop YOUR side of the chaos, ask again.

if you do not. don't.

but it will not stop until somone grows up and ... well, STOPS.

i do not want to offend you but i suppose i have. i am not upset with you, i don't want to upset you. i am really trying to help you think about what you are thinking about!

respectfully.

 

[profmum]

You do know that OG is a GAL, right? that means she has submitted to some kind of training that teaches (and i know i am down playing her education/experience, etc.) her how to watch parental interaction and evaluate its effects on the children.

she is a qualified (paid) observer. SHE WORKS FOR THE CHILDREN, NOT THE PARENTS.

you also know that if the court ordered you and your husband (maybe they already have, i do not know your story) to obtain something like a GAL you would pay for it. big bucks.

You asked a question: When will this end?

She gave an answer. Moreover, her response gave you a tedius breakdown on the action/reaction sceanario that, again, you would pay big bucks for should you seek this kind of service from another source as highly qualified and recommended.

everyone else was really gentle and backed up your side. OG (and probably others, but please, your issue right now is OG) gave you a rather slam dunk on the situation and you took issue to it.

and then you came back with a fluffy politically correct response on why her unpaid, highly qualified, meticulous and SOLICITED response did not apply to you or work for you..

so, here is the REAL question:

Do you wan this chaos to stop or do you get some kind of high off of the morbid cycle.

if you are not dicking around and really want it to stop, swallow your pride and dispassionately review what you have been given. if you need suggestions/feedback/ideas on how to stop YOUR side of the chaos, ask again.

if you do not. don't.

but it will not stop until somone grows up and ... well, STOPS.

i do not want to offend you but i suppose i have. i am not upset with you, i don't want to upset you. i am really trying to help you think about what you are thinking about!

respectfully.

hon... appreciate the "help", really do..

 

[JacobJoel]

rejected again. <sigh>

 

[profmum]

, but it seems like you are both trying to protect your territory and litigating the gray areas which may need to be done if you can't agree on how to tighten up the CO, but just don't "blame" that on him.

Dead on.. this is exactly what we were trying to do with either a status conference with the judge on the vacation issue OR a motion to clarify. All parties had agreed, the x decided to file his newest motion alleging the things I had mentioned.

I do think OG is right that you have a back/forth dynamic going on, it's not just coming from ex. One of the two of you has to change that pattern of behavior, whether b/c you don't want to financially hemorrhage to death, you don't want to live this way any more, or the time/effort/money going into it could be better spent elsewhere. Sometimes it really does take only one person to change their approach to effect a positive change.[/QUOTE]

This is exactly true, either he and i do this for the rest of our lives or I stop my "reaction" to him with nothing but a fact based legal response, nothing more. And most importantly an attitude change.. as many of you have said.. that is the key change required to dealing with my ex for the rest of my natural life... so yes, this is what i needed to hear " buck up and you can decide how you can deal with this.., you have that power:!

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Profmum, the thing I have learned the most on this forum is how MY attitude and approach affects our relationship. It has been an eye opener for me.

I had it easy with my first ex since he took the approach of trying to be friends after the divorce. With him, it was easy to co-parent - neither of us felt threatened in our position as either mom or dad. If I had a problem with one of my boys, I could call him and ask for advice. There were times when he would say, I'll talk with **** and see if a man's approach will work.

I cannot say the same thing with my daughter's dad. I work hard at trying to never ever say derogatory things about dad. Since I have custody, my reaction is the most important. This is her dad and I know that he loves her. I just feel constantly threatened with him - therefore, co-parenting doesn't work easily.

Profmum, take lots of deep breaths and make swiss cheese of tongue. In the long run, it does work.

 

[Ohiogal]

hon... appreciate the "help", really do..

"Help" huh? See, that is the attitude that gets you in trouble. She didnt' pat you on the back, and you got sarcastic and assinine. You will be in court until your child is 18. At which point your child will most likely be fed up with BOTH you and dad (see there is the BOTH again) and say BYE BYE to the bull**** you are engaging in.
As for tit for tat -- lets see, you filed an order to clarify the vacation motion because you disagree with how dad is utilizing it, and then he files a motion about something else. Now you both answer each other's motions. And then once litigated something else will set the two of you off and you will file a motion regarding FOR EXAMPLE, oh hell I don't know, something about movies he takes her to see. And he will file a motion regarding fast food. Two unrelated topics but tit for tat. Understand the idea now?I never said I do not encourage my clients to ANSWER motions. I do tell my clients however not to engage in the stupid tit for tat here. It is like the two of you are in a competition and the only way to stop the competition is to STOP competing. Even if you win the rat race, guess what? You are STILL a rat.

 

[Silverplum]

This entire thread is yet another validation of my decision to leave profmum alone in her Colorado legal struggle. She's too bitchy, too vindictive, and doesn't learn or grow or change. She does not acknowledge Dad as a human being, the permanent father of their child.

In other words, not worth my time and not worth my CO experience/help.

 

[Ohiogal]

rejected again. <sigh>

Don't worry about it, JJ. One of these days she will learn. Or not.

This entire thread is yet another validation of my decision to leave profmum alone in her Colorado legal struggle. She's too bitchy, too vindictive, and doesn't learn or grow or change. She does not acknowledge Dad as a human being, the permanent father of their child.

In other words, not worth my time and not worth my CO experience/help.

And the shame of it Silver is she doesn't care. She wants nothing more than pats on the back and cheers. She wants to be told that dad is the devil and how dare he question her. Oh well.

 

[casa]

Thanks for all of the kudos ...

That said, I think it's HIGHLY unlikely that a 'review of parenting responsibility' would EVER be spurred by frivolous motions on anyone's part. Yes, he may eventually be ordered to shut the hell up as Casa's NuttyX was ordered to do... but I sincerely doubt it would ever affect custody or parenting time.

Your ex is an ass. But you're letting him get to you.... YOU can stop the madness on YOUR time. You really can.

I agree w/LdiJ. Fire your attorney. Respond to his motions as he files them. Keep records of stuff, pay attention. Parent your child. Refuse to engage w/him. Find a different headspace. With the one you're in, OG is right... you'll NEVER get out of court.

4 LONG years of continual filings....continual attempts to remove custody...continual allegations. 5 attorneys, 2 forensic evaluators, a rebuttal forensic evaluator, a Minor's Attorney, therapists all the way around, 4 false CPS reports, 6 home welfare checks, $180,000.00, endless harassment/multiple ROs.

In the end he had 2 attorneys quit on him & it ALL resulted in him NO LONGER being able to have Decision (Joint Legal) and he can only return to court if I DIE or am INCARCERATED.

 

[profmum]

4 LONG years of continual filings....continual attempts to remove custody...continual allegations. 5 attorneys, 2 forensic evaluators, a rebuttal forensic evaluator, a Minor's Attorney, therapists all the way around, 4 false CPS reports, 6 home welfare checks, $180,000.00, endless harassment/multiple ROs.

In the end he had 2 attorneys quit on him & it ALL resulted in him NO LONGER being able to have Decision (Joint Legal) and he can only return to court if I DIE or am INCARCERATED.

Phew!.. i am exhausted just reading it...ok feel better prepared to handle my ex!