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Which Grandmother?

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Fatherof4

Member
What is the name of your state? Idaho

This question is for my sister.

After having a child a few months ago, she is concerned about what would get the baby should something happen to her and her husband.

Who would be first in line, so to speak, maternal grandmother or faternal grandmother?
 


O

oneandonly

Guest
"who would be first in line..."

would more than likely be the one that files for custody...
I don't believe, upon the parents death, the child would be dropped off and a "here ya go" said...
Someone would have to be made legal custodian or guardian, I would think-and that takes a court order.
JMO
 

nextwife

Senior Member
Why necessarily a Grandmother? If the two of you have wills in which you, together, designate an appropriate guardian for your child, I'm told by our estate planning attorney that the court would honor that designation (note that this must be the wish of BOTH parents) unless there were some major reason not to. Obviously, it is important that whomever you designate would want, and be able, to take this on.

In our case, we designated that my sister would be guardian in the event something happened to both of us. One Grandma is deceased, the other not all that well, and DH is an only child.
 
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Fatherof4

Member
To me my mother should not be given a small child to raise and my brother-in-law's mother shouldn't either. I have only met her once and that was when she showed up at my mothers apt with purple hair and tried to fight my pregnant wife. Then again it is not my decision.
 

nextwife

Senior Member
The point is, WHY leave it 100% to chance? You and your wife know your family dynamics better than anyone. It's not automatic that a Grandmother would get custody at all.

"Then again it is not my decision."
It is your child as well. It SHOULD also be your decision. You should both pow-wow on this and come to a mutual agreement. You and your wife should set out your mutual preference as part of your estate planning. Health care POAs. Guardianship. Wills. You can't will your child away, but you and your wife CAN set out what YOU desire as the parents.
 

nextwife

Senior Member
The answer is the same for her husband and her. They should not leave it to chance. They should get their mutual preference set out as part of their estate planning. Then they can stop agonizing over what might happen by default. They should designate whomever they together prefer. Grandparent, aunt, uncle, grown sibling of child, whatever.

In our case, DH and I absolutely want to make certain his grown kids would NOT get custody of our daughter if we both died. They have made insensitive and racist remarks (our daughter is Roma). Anyway, there are many different possible guardianship scenarios, and without anything set out, it's a crap shoot.
 

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