Who gets custody at the breakup?

[moynihan1129]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NY

My fiance and I have a 8 month old daughter and are not getting along. We are trying our best to work out our issues for our interest and our daughters.

If it comes to breakup, she has said that she will leave and would take the daughter. Is that legal?

I own the house (soley in my name). Both of our vehicles are in my name. I work a full time job in finane and pay all expenses for our daughter. I pay for her daycare, etc. Everything that we own and all furnature for my daughter was purchased by me. If my it doesn't work out and she leaves, the only place she has to go is her mother's one bedroom studio apartment. We both love her to death and spend equal time with her. I would be ok with joint custody, however, I would want her most of the time as I am able to give her the life I never had growing up. I am pretty confident I could win custody case if it cam down to it, but I guess my question is: Suppose she decided to leave at 2 in the morning and took the baby with her, is it legal to take her out of her primary residence or would she have to stay with me until we agree on custody or go to court? If she took off with her at 2am and said, " I am leaving and taking our daughter?" what could I do about it?

Please bare in mind that this is unlikely to happen as we seem do be doing better and just had a rough patch; I am just the type of person that likes to be prepared for every situation in advance. Any advice is greatly appreciated.

 

[Hisbabygirl77]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NY

My fiance and I have a 8 month old daughter and are not getting along. We are trying our best to work out our issues for our interest and our daughters.

If it comes to breakup, she has said that she will leave and would take the daughter. Is that legal?

I own the house (soley in my name). Both of our vehicles are in my name. I work a full time job in finane and pay all expenses for our daughter. I pay for her daycare, etc. Everything that we own and all furnature for my daughter was purchased by me. If my it doesn't work out and she leaves, the only place she has to go is her mother's one bedroom studio apartment. We both love her to death and spend equal time with her. I would be ok with joint custody, however, I would want her most of the time as I am able to give her the life I never had growing up. I am pretty confident I could win custody case if it cam down to it, but I guess my question is: Suppose she decided to leave at 2 in the morning and took the baby with her, is it legal to take her out of her primary residence or would she have to stay with me until we agree on custody or go to court? If she took off with her at 2am and said, " I am leaving and taking our daughter?" what could I do about it?

Please bare in mind that this is unlikely to happen as we seem do be doing better and just had a rough patch; I am just the type of person that likes to be prepared for every situation in advance. Any advice is greatly appreciated.

Yes it is perfectly legal for her to do that. Now are you legally the father? Are you on the Birth Certificate? Sign a AOP? And you having more money and bigger house does not make you the better parent. Joint custody if you file (and the paternity has been established) is more than likely what you will receive.

 

[moynihan1129]

Yes it is perfectly legal for her to do that. Now are you legally the father? Are you on the Birth Certificate? Sign a AOP? And you having more money and bigger house does not make you the better parent. Joint custody if you file (and the paternity has been established) is more than likely what you will receive.

Yes, I am on the birth certificate and have established paternity. I realize having a house does not make me the better parent and it is ultimately what is best for the child. I would be more comfortable with waiting to figure out custody in court if I knew she would be somewhere decent with my daughter and not sleeping on someone's couch as that is, in my opinion, not what is best for the child when she has her own bed, room with a loving parent. My point is she doesn't have a car or place to go. I would not be able to sleep not knowing where my daughter is and if she is safe. I would be completely fine with 50 50 joint custody if she is able to establish a residence and provide our daughter with the essentials. The fact remains that if she up and left she would not be able to immediately and it is not a situation I would want my daughter to be in.

 

[Hisbabygirl77]

Yes, I am on the birth certificate and have established paternity. I realize having a house does not make me the better parent and it is ultimately what is best for the child. I would be more comfortable with waiting to figure out custody in court if I knew she would be somewhere decent with my daughter and not sleeping on someone's couch as that is, in my opinion, not what is best for the child when she has her own bed, room with a loving parent. My point is she doesn't have a car or place to go. I would not be able to sleep not knowing where my daughter is and if she is safe. I would be completely fine with 50 50 joint custody if she is able to establish a residence and provide our daughter with the essentials. The fact remains that if she up and left she would not be able to immediately and it is not a situation I would want my daughter to be in.

But that is to bad because your gf having your daughter at her moms studio is perfectly acceptable and in no way does it take away from your daughters best interests. YOU dont get to dictate where mom stays. YOU dont get to say she has to set up residence in her own house that meets your standard. She is perfectly legally able to live where she wants. YOU dont get to control that. And no court is going to say that she cant either. You have to accept that when you break up and if a court gives you joint custody that you dont get dictate what the mom does or where she lives when its her time with the child. Just as she can not dictate the same for you.

 

[CJane]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NY

My fiance and I have a 8 month old daughter and are not getting along. We are trying our best to work out our issues for our interest and our daughters.

If it comes to breakup, she has said that she will leave and would take the daughter. Is that legal?

Of course.

I own the house (soley in my name). Both of our vehicles are in my name. I work a full time job in finane and pay all expenses for our daughter. I pay for her daycare, etc. Everything that we own and all furnature for my daughter was purchased by me.

Good. Keep it all when she leaves.

If my it doesn't work out and she leaves, the only place she has to go is her mother's one bedroom studio apartment.

Good. She won't be homeless.

We both love her to death and spend equal time with her. I would be ok with joint custody, however, I would want her most of the time as I am able to give her the life I never had growing up.

While that's great, it's irrelevant.

I am pretty confident I could win custody case if it cam down to it,

How?

but I guess my question is: Suppose she decided to leave at 2 in the morning and took the baby with her, is it legal to take her out of her primary residence or would she have to stay with me until we agree on custody or go to court?

No, she will not be forced to stay with you, or leave the child with you. Not legally, anyway.

If she took off with her at 2am and said, " I am leaving and taking our daughter?" what could I do about it?

Nothing initially. File for visitation/custody/paternity/child support eventually.

Please bare in mind that this is unlikely to happen as we seem do be doing better and just had a rough patch; I am just the type of person that likes to be prepared for every situation in advance. Any advice is greatly appreciated.

Because you chose to have a child out of wedlock, Mom is the only legal custodian of the child. Because this is true, by the time you get into court to establish custody, etc, Mom will have been primary caregiver for a significant amount of time and you'd essentially have to prove her unfit in order to gain primary custody.

Is Mom employed?

How old is the child?

 

[Proserpina]

Ditto everything CJane said.

And as far as this is concerned....

Quote:
We both love her to death and spend equal time with her. I would be ok with joint custody, however, I would want her most of the time as I am able to give her the life I never had growing up.

This speaks volumes about what you want, but absolutely nothing about what's actually in the best interests of your child. Rethink this part. Seriously. She was not privy to, and should not be held to, whatever did or did not happen during your childhood.

 

[ecmst12]

The courts do not decide custody based on who has the biggest house or the most money. It's not even taken into consideration.