Who has more control

[ABitConfused]

I am new to everything invoving child custody and dealing with exes.I live in Virginia with my future husband. Him and his ex are supposed to have joint custody over their 2 year old child. The child's primary residence is with his ex. His ex seems to think that because the primary residence is with her, she has ALL control over the decisions involving her. How does this work?

 

[MySonsMom]

I am new to everything invoving child custody and dealing with exes.I live in Virginia with my future husband. Him and his ex are supposed to have joint custody over their 2 year old child. The child's primary residence is with his ex. His ex seems to think that because the primary residence is with her, she has ALL control over the decisions involving her. How does this work?

With joint legal custody, both parents should be involved in major decisions regarding the child. But the custodial parent usually has a little more "control" than the non custodial parent...for obvious reasons.

If the custodial parent is not allowing input from your future husband, he can take her to court to have it enforced. So, if you can afford and attorney and have some time...get her to court. They will slap her on the hand and tell her to start asking your boyfriends input on the major decision making.

Good luck!

 

[Mugs23]

It's SO frustrating...

I was and kind of still am in the same boat as you. The mother of my fiancee's son is the CP, and she thinks she has all the control. She wouldn't even give my finacee a medical card for their son - she told him that if he was sick then the doctor could call her and she would give the doctor the information. Like that? We got the card by the way, by going online and having it mailed to us.
What I am finding out as time passes, control freaks will eventually screw up. She has been caught lying a couple times since the custody/support agreement went through, and to the wrong people. We don't NEED to take her back to court YET, we'll just let her continue to screw up until she does a big one.
If your fiancee doesn't have a court order in place, he needs to get one. I know it gets expensive, but it is SO worth it. She will still try and pull stuff, but she only ends up making herslef look like an ass. MySonsMom is right - joint legal custody means they BOTH make the decisions. Whether she likes it or not.

 

[LegalBeagle]

I am new to everything invoving child custody and dealing with exes.I live in Virginia with my future husband. Him and his ex are supposed to have joint custody over their 2 year old child. The child's primary residence is with his ex. His ex seems to think that because the primary residence is with her, she has ALL control over the decisions involving her. How does this work?

A simple answer is this..

The CP's control is directly proportionate to the amount of money the NCP has to spend on taking them to court.

Therefore, if the NCP has no money, the CP is in complete control.
If the NCP has lots of money and hauls the CP’s ass into court each time, then the control is reduced.

 

[morning_angel]

A simple answer is this..

The CP's control is directly proportionate to the amount of money the NCP has to spend on taking them to court.

Therefore, if the NCP has no money, the CP is in complete control.
If the NCP has lots of money and hauls the CP’s ass into court each time, then the control is reduced.

I've never thought of it that way, LB, but I've never heard a truer statement, either!

 

[LegalBeagle]

It's all about the money, honey!

 

[Naturalmom]

Why is it that ncp all have this thing that they must have a loud say so youknow the more you keep this attitude up the animosity between the two parents will continue if you have thought about backing off with your own control freak problems maybe things would flow easier and more time would be spent giving more time above the court agreement to the ncp then constantly being in the CP face after all your not the one who is taking care of the day to day activities you get all the PLAY TIME and the CREAM OF THE CROP TIME and not getting all the other facets of being the full time parent the parents that have learned this already have a great working realtionship with thier ex and theier children......

 

[LegalBeagle]

Naturalmom, Have you ever thought about using a period here and there? It would help you to get your *point* across better

 

[thestepmom]

So what are you saying here?
That while your kids are with dad that they are perfect and never need punishing? If that's the case maybe dad should have more time. After all the kids are so much better with him, right?
Dads have such a bad rap still. Things are getting better and better every time a dad steps up and pushes to have more time with his kids! So Dads and stepmoms keep up the good work! Don't give up just because biomoms want you to. If you do you are handing over all your control.