Who has the upper hand

[SgtPink]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Illinois

My step-daughter's mother is going around telling people that she wants to file for custody of SD first so that she has the upper hand and she knows she will get whatever she wants.

My stepdaughter's mom and my husband have been going through mediation. He knows its not a legal document but the plan was to figure out the details and then submitted to court document.

Right now they literally have 50/50 days of the month. (ok with the expection of one day when the month has 31 days). Since there is no actual court order, the set up and agree on a schedule per month. For April they each have 15 overnights and its pretty much been like this since she was 1 year old. She is now 3. Her mom has her Friday-Monday/Tuesday and my husband has her Tuesday/Wednesday-Friday. He also gets one weekend out of the month

Now she wants to try to have SD all week allowing my husband a dinner with her but still going to her home for sleep. And giving him every other weekend. That would give him maybe 4 over nights a month. He is in the military and one weekend a month he as to drill. Her mother doesnt work on the weekends and she specifically requested to have her weekends when they first started Mediation.

I have several questions

1. Is it true that the person who files first has the upper hand and will get whatever they want?

2. What advice do you give.

One last thing I want to add. I know I am a legal stranger to this so I am sincerely just trying to help my husband. If I posted something that appears to be a "we" and I didnt catch it, my apologies. Thank you for your time and help.

 

[Ohiogal]

1. No

2. You recognize you are a legal stranger which is a good thing. How far apart do mom and dad live? Is it possible that status quo can carry on when the child goes to school?

 

[Isis1]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Illinois

My step-daughter's mother is going around telling people that she wants to file for custody of SD first so that she has the upper hand and she knows she will get whatever she wants.

My stepdaughter's mom and my husband have been going through mediation. He knows its not a legal document but the plan was to figure out the details and then submitted to court document.

Right now they literally have 50/50 days of the month. (ok with the expection of one day when the month has 31 days). Since there is no actual court order, the set up and agree on a schedule per month. For April they each have 15 overnights and its pretty much been like this since she was 1 year old. She is now 3. Her mom has her Friday-Monday/Tuesday and my husband has her Tuesday/Wednesday-Friday. He also gets one weekend out of the month

Now she wants to try to have SD all week allowing my husband a dinner with her but still going to her home for sleep. And giving him every other weekend. That would give him maybe 4 over nights a month. He is in the military and one weekend a month he as to drill. Her mother doesnt work on the weekends and she specifically requested to have her weekends when they first started Mediation.

I have several questions

1. Is it true that the person who files first has the upper hand and will get whatever they want?

2. What advice do you give.

One last thing I want to add. I know I am a legal stranger to this so I am sincerely just trying to help my husband. If I posted something that appears to be a "we" and I didnt catch it, my apologies. Thank you for your time and help.

answer to question 1. that not true. it can happen that way (says my own case) but that's not how the law works.

since there is no court order....i take it mom and dad were never married?

 

[SgtPink]

They were never married.

My Stepdaughter's mom likes to move around alot but her legal address always stays with her mom, who lives about 10-15 Minutes from us. She recently moved back in with her mom.

 

[SgtPink]

My husband just got an email from my stepdaughter's mother saying she will go to Mediation with him but towards the end of the month. After speaking with the Mediator, they may be going back at the end of April. Now if my husband tried to file I know this will look bad for him.

He is going to speak to a lawyer today but she keeps telling people she is going to take him to court. Is there anything he can do to protect himself? Also he is in the military and will be leaving for a three week mission in May.

Once again if I overstepped my boundaries I apoligize and thank you for your help.

 

[CJane]

My husband just got an email from my stepdaughter's mother saying she will go to Mediation with him but towards the end of the month. After speaking with the Mediator, they may be going back at the end of April. Now if my husband tried to file I know this will look bad for him.

He is going to speak to a lawyer today but she keeps telling people she is going to take him to court. Is there anything he can do to protect himself? Also he is in the military and will be leaving for a three week mission in May.

Once again if I overstepped my boundaries I apoligize and thank you for your help.

It's not going to look bad for him to file for custody even w/mediation pending.

BUT... if he's doing a 3-week mission in May, then obviously the 50/50 plan isn't going to work for that month.

How often does he do these 'missions'? Is he deployable? Is he at his terminal duty station or is he looking at being reassigned in the next couple of years?

All of these things matter.

Has he been legally declared to be the father?

 

[SgtPink]

He is going on his annual training. Usually happens one a year. They actually already mediated about this and what happens is that she allows me to take SD out to dinner once a week. I know she doesn't have to but I think she appreciates the time off and the help. I appreciate the time I get with SD. He gets to make up the time by taking her three full weeks (with dinner night for her mom) spread out until his next AT one week at a time.

He isnt going anywhere as far as reassignment, he is in the IL national guard. As far as deployments it all depends on what the president wants, we (I am in the NG full time) just put over 3,000 out the door in Oct so word is that the state wont be pulling too many soldiers out.

He went through a private lab and it came back 99.999% his child.

 

[truebluemd]

He is going on his annual training. Usually happens one a year. They actually already mediated about this and what happens is that she allows me to take SD out to dinner once a week. I know she doesn't have to but I think she appreciates the time off and the help. I appreciate the time I get with SD. He gets to make up the time by taking her three full weeks (with dinner night for her mom) spread out until his next AT one week at a time.

He isnt going anywhere as far as reassignment, he is in the IL national guard. As far as deployments it all depends on what the president wants, we (I am in the NG full time) just put over 3,000 out the door in Oct so word is that the state wont be pulling too many soldiers out.

He went through a private lab and it came back 99.999% his child.

He needs to get paternity established through the court.

 

[SgtPink]

He needs to get paternity established through the court.

Trueblue
Why would he need to establish paternity if there is no doubt that is his child? He signed the paperwork in the hospital(admission of paternity and his name is on the birth certificate), she looks just like him and the paternity test said 99.999% his kid.

I can kind of see why he would need to do it if there was doubt. But if he is saying that is his daughter why would he need a paternity test?

 

[jbowman]

When he goes to court and admits paternity, then it is legally recognized in the court.

 

[truebluemd]

When he goes to court and admits paternity, then it is legally recognized in the court.

Yes, he can acknowledge paternity in court and they will accept it. Usually, a private paternity test is not accetpable though.

 

[jbowman]

Yes, he can acknowledge paternity in court and they will accept it. Usually, a private paternity test is not accetpable though.

If dad is denying paternity, right. But he is not denying in this case. He had is own test done that he feels comfortable with so he will acknowledge in court.