Who has to prove best interests to change new order?

[Pearl72]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Colorado

I just had a question. Me and my ex had a mediation meeting with the GAL on our case over our daughter today, Per ex's Request... I am in the process of moving to the area of where my daughter lives in the next two months. Ex (Father) of child wants to change what was granted by the judge just in January of 2011. It was granted 50/50 timeshare, and wants to change that now to keep it as it now (due to distance) where i get 20% of the time. The GAL asked him why he feels it is not in child's best interest to get this time with me, and he said because when i had her the first 7 1/2 years, it wasn't 50/50 (but again, it was because of the distance - not feasable) - The GAL doesn't want to take this to court, and wants us to just agree - but he won't agree to anything, unless it is less time with me.

My question is this - The GAL says we can get into court in the next 2 weeks - It is up to HIM to prove why it isn't in child's best interest to keep the order that was granted just in Jan 2011? Or must i prove to the court why it must stay how it was granted/Ordered in Jan 2011?

 

[alexsfather]

From what I gather,

He made a motion/petition to modify. You have the right to disagree and basically help with denying his efforts. It is up to him (filing party) to argue his side, but unless u argue, back he wins.

Side note: if u want a change also, perhaps for what you want, insure you file a "counter" motion/petition. If it's 50/50 and u want more for example.

In all the ULTIMATE goal is to establish what is in the best interest of the child. The court will side with 50/50 unless an issue has arisen and it proves to be long term.

 

[Proserpina]

From what I gather,

He made a motion/petition to modify. You have the right to disagree and basically help with denying his efforts. It is up to him (filing party) to argue his side, but unless u argue, back he wins.

Side note: if u want a change also, perhaps for what you want, insure you file a "counter" motion/petition. If it's 50/50 and u want more for example.

In all the ULTIMATE goal is to establish what is in the best interest of the child. The court will side with 50/50 unless an issue has arisen and it proves to be long term.

You can spell out all of those big words - like "ultimate" and "establish" - but you can't manage to type out "you"?

 

[mistoffolees]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Colorado

I just had a question. Me and my ex had a mediation meeting with the GAL on our case over our daughter today, Per ex's Request... I am in the process of moving to the area of where my daughter lives in the next two months. Ex (Father) of child wants to change what was granted by the judge just in January of 2011. It was granted 50/50 timeshare, and wants to change that now to keep it as it now (due to distance) where i get 20% of the time. The GAL asked him why he feels it is not in child's best interest to get this time with me, and he said because when i had her the first 7 1/2 years, it wasn't 50/50 (but again, it was because of the distance - not feasable) - The GAL doesn't want to take this to court, and wants us to just agree - but he won't agree to anything, unless it is less time with me.

My question is this - The GAL says we can get into court in the next 2 weeks - It is up to HIM to prove why it isn't in child's best interest to keep the order that was granted just in Jan 2011? Or must i prove to the court why it must stay how it was granted/Ordered in Jan 2011?

The person requesting the change has the burden of proof. Furthermore, they have to show that something has changed in the child's life sufficient to justify reopening the matter. After just a few months, that's difficult to prove. The only change in the children's life is that you will be moving CLOSER - which is not justification for reducing your ordered time.

You will have to refute ex's arguments to the best of your ability. It is correct that 50:50 is frequently impractical for a long distance situation, but if you can prove that it's not going to be long distance any more and you're moving closer, you should be able to beat that. So what evidence do you have to support your statement that you're moving?

 

[Pearl72]

The proof i have that I will be moving, is that my therapist and Pschyiatrist are working with the county that I will be moving to - making it an easier transition for me - and that it is a smooth move - making sure they (the new county) have all my information, and that I can start doing my therapy/counseling there etc. They are helping me with housing Working with the other county so that i can get a place to live within my means for my disability. I am currently in school, and won't get out til the 2nd week of May (hence why the 2 months) otherwise it would be sooner.

 

[stealth2]

The proof i have that I will be moving, is that my therapist and Pschyiatrist are working with the county that I will be moving to - making it an easier transition for me - and that it is a smooth move - making sure they (the new county) have all my information, and that I can start doing my therapy/counseling there etc. They are helping me with housing Working with the other county so that i can get a place to live within my means for my disability. I am currently in school, and won't get out til the 2nd week of May (hence why the 2 months) otherwise it would be sooner.

Honestly? That's really not proof that you're moving. You've been working with them while in your other locale, so... What you need is to show a job, a place to live, etc.

 

[mistoffolees]

Honestly? That's really not proof that you're moving. You've been working with them while in your other locale, so... What you need is to show a job, a place to live, etc.

Agreed. Even if she was willing to pay for them to testify, all they could testify to is that she SAID she's moving.

If she has rented an apartment or bought a house, that would be a good start. Paying for utility service is even better. And actually moving is best of all.

 

[LdiJ]

Agreed. Even if she was willing to pay for them to testify, all they could testify to is that she SAID she's moving.

If she has rented an apartment or bought a house, that would be a good start. Paying for utility service is even better. And actually moving is best of all.

While I don't necessarily disagree, I don't think that Pearl has to prove anything at this point. Two months ago the judge ordered that Pearl was to have the schedule she is on currently, until she moved to dad's area, and at that point she would have a 50/50 schedule. Therefore the judge's order was based on the fact that Pearl had not yet moved to dad's area, and the order covered both contingencies.

Now that Pearl's move to dad's area appears to be more imminent and concrete, dad has suddenly decided that he objects to the judge's order.

The burden of proof is on dad to show that circumstances have changed enough that the judge should change his order.

 

[CJane]

While I don't necessarily disagree, I don't think that Pearl has to prove anything at this point. Two months ago the judge ordered that Pearl was to have the schedule she is on currently, until she moved to dad's area, and at that point she would have a 50/50 schedule. Therefore the judge's order was based on the fact that Pearl had not yet moved to dad's area, and the order covered both contingencies.

Now that Pearl's move to dad's area appears to be more imminent and concrete, dad has suddenly decided that he objects to the judge's order.

The burden of proof is on dad to show that circumstances have changed enough that the judge should change his order.

Exactly. The order has a built in change to 50/50 when Pearl moves to Dad's area. And that order is only a few months old. Dad would have to prove that something else has changed so substantially that 50/50 is no longer in the child's best interests.

This is one of those never-ending sagas.

 

[Pearl72]

There hasn't been a significant change of circumstances. The GAL point blank asked him why he wants to reduce my time when I am trying to move closer, and all he could say was he is trying to protect his daughter. He wants to reduce my summer time to 2 weeks, which would give him 9 (Since daughter has 11 weeks of summer this year) and No overnites during the week - just on my every other weekend, and won't allow her to spend the night on Sunday nites when i have her, when the order states i can keep her til the return of school on Monday.

Also, we agreed on changing her school due to the situation at her school currently - and this is a good school she is going to - even the GAL is excited for my daughter to be attending, and is trying to get some of her other cases (kids) trying to get into this school as well. He now wants to change that, and have her go to where his older kids went, and to the high school they went - and wants that in the order - I refused. The school we agreed on goes up to 12th grade, and feel she should remain there so she no longer has to Change schools again - granted, a lot can happen between now and 12th grade as well - but still.

He did state to the GAL that when i had her most of the time, it was never 50/50 (but again that was because of distance) but it was more like 60/40 - and he refuses to come to where i live currently to pick up child, so i have to take her back to her dads, even though it states he is to pick her up when my parenting time ends. GAL asked him why again, and he could face contempt - He said he can't be forced to go into a town he is not comfortable in. WTH?

Also, he wants me to have a "Perfect" Year with our daughter, with no issues with my disability, and the GAL even told him that isn't going to happen, I have condition, and granted i havn't been in the hospital in a year, he says he is not comfortable in my daughter spending a great length of time with me. He is even having an issue with her spending a week with me at christmas, and on spring break. UGH

 

[CJane]

Pearl, I really think this guy is operating under the assumption that if he keeps poking at you long enough, keeps tugging at that rug your standing on, eventually you will have another breakdown and his "fears" will be justified.

You need to just keep moving forward. The judge wouldn't have granted you 50/50 upon your relocation if he felt you were a danger to the child. And the GAL wouldn't have pushed for it if SHE felt you were a danger to the child. Dad is blustering and blowing smoke. But YOU are reacting to it, and that rewards him for his behavior.

You really need to learn to just play your cards a lot closer to your chest, stop telegraphing your responses/emotions towards him, and close off whatever part of yourself continues to feed his ridiculousness.

You have been focused this WHOLE TIME on proving yourself. And sometimes that's ok. But eventually you need to take a deep breath, realize that you will NEVER be good enough for this man, and accept it. Because really, who cares? I'll never be good enough for my ex either. It stopped bothering me a long time ago.

 

[Pearl72]

Thanks CJane... Just will focus on my daughter, and feel i have to stop proving to him that i am a darn good mom, despite what he feeds my daughter.