Who will get my child?

[lnscott]

What is the name of your state? Indiana

In the past month, my mother-in-law has passed away, my mom and grandma were in a bad car wreck (luckily ok), and my dad has informed me his doctor wants to check him for colon cancer. Needless to say, this has me thinking a lot about the future what would happen after my passing - hence, I'm wanting to start working on my will to protect my husband and my child(ren) - we have one on the way.

My question has primarily to do with my six year old daughter. Her father and I divorced about five years ago and since we've both remarried. He lives about three hours from here and only sees our daughter every other Saturday. In my will, I would like to request that my mother (if she's still living) be granted custody on the basis that these are the people she's use to. She's not use to be away from them and I'm not sure how she'd handle it.

I guess I have a few questions in this matter:

1. If I were to pass away and my husband remain living - would her father be able to step in and remove her from his custody despite what requests I make in my will?

2. In the event that we both pass, would her father get custody over the wishes I make in my will?

3. Would my wishes hold any consideration in the courts should my mom/husband decide to fight for custody - or could she/he even do that?

 

[weenor]

1. If I were to pass away and my husband remain living - would her father be able to step in and remove her from his custody despite what requests I make in my will?

Yes, children are not property that can be distributed in a will.

2. In the event that we both pass, would her father get custody over the wishes I make in my will?

Assuming "both" means you and your mother...see above.

3. Would my wishes hold any consideration in the courts should my mom/husband decide to fight for custody - or could she/he even do that?

Possibly, but only to the extent that a million other things would be considered. The only way your ex would not get custody is if you have proven him to dangerous to the child. The child is HIS too.

 

[lnscott]

Possibly, but only to the extent that a million other things would be considered. The only way your ex would not get custody is if you have proven him to dangerous to the child. The child is HIS too.

For starters, I never said this wasn't "HIS child too." My main concern is that my husband (currently) has been more of a father-figure to her than her own father - that goes without saying since she sees him everyday and only sees her father twice a month (if that). It also worries me that (IF anything ever happened to me - I'm sure not planning on it) if her father got custody of her, he'd never allow my mom and the rest of my family to see her since he never liked them. On the off chance he did - they'd probably have drive the whole distance to do so. Like I said, I'm not planning on going anywhere (at least not any time soon) so hopefully, it's all a moot issue anyway. It's just been something that's been brought up a lot and I have different people telling me different things and wanted to find out if my instinct was right (that her father would take her regardless). Thanks for your help.

 

[BlondiePB]

What is the name of your state? Indiana

In the past month, my mother-in-law has passed away, my mom and grandma were in a bad car wreck (luckily ok), and my dad has informed me his doctor wants to check him for colon cancer. Needless to say, this has me thinking a lot about the future what would happen after my passing - hence, I'm wanting to start working on my will to protect my husband and my child(ren) - we have one on the way.

My question has primarily to do with my six year old daughter. Her father and I divorced about five years ago and since we've both remarried. He lives about three hours from here and only sees our daughter every other Saturday. In my will, I would like to request that my mother (if she's still living) be granted custody on the basis that these are the people she's use to. She's not use to be away from them and I'm not sure how she'd handle it.

I guess I have a few questions in this matter:

1. If I were to pass away and my husband remain living - would her father be able to step in and remove her from his custody despite what requests I make in my will?

2. In the event that we both pass, would her father get custody over the wishes I make in my will?

3. Would my wishes hold any consideration in the courts should my mom/husband decide to fight for custody - or could she/he even do that?

Children are not personal property that can be willed away. The children will go to their father.

 

[shell007]

I have different people telling me different things and wanted to find out if my instinct was right (that her father would take her regardless).

Your instinct is correct and so is Weenor!

Bio-dad would/should get his child before ANYONE ELSE. Your current husband IS NOT and WILL NOT even be considered part of the equation.

 

[lnscott]

Children are not personal property that can be willed away. The children will go to their father.

I never called my daughter "personal property." I only knew that most people included this issue in their will. Plus in my reply above, I mentioned that I figured that's where she'd go. I'm not trying to argue this or find a loop hole here. I know some people do. I won't lie - I'd love hear that my mom or current husband have an excellent chance at getting custody, but that's not what this is about. I never disagreed that her biofather doesn't have rights. He pays child support (even if I did have to take him to court and have his wages garnished to make it happen or he probably wouldn't be) and has visitation rights. I simply wanted to know if my wishes (which keep my daughter's best interest in mind) would be taken in to consideration in the event something happened to me. That was all.

 

[BlondiePB]

I never called my daughter "personal property." I only knew that most people included this issue in their will. Plus in my reply above, I mentioned that I figured that's where she'd go. I'm not trying to argue this or find a loop hole here. I know some people do. I won't lie - I'd love hear that my mom or current husband have an excellent chance at getting custody, but that's not what this is about. I never disagreed that her biofather doesn't have rights. He pays child support (even if I did have to take him to court and have his wages garnished to make it happen or he probably wouldn't be) and has visitation rights. I simply wanted to know if my wishes (which keep my daughter's best interest in mind) would be taken in to consideration in the event something happened to me. That was all.

Interesting how even weenor stated that children are not property to be distributed in a will and she did not receive such a defensive posture from you.

 

[lnscott]

Interesting how even weenor stated that children are not property to be distributed in a will and she did not receive such a defensive posture from you.

I apologize if you took my comment has defensive and directed toward you. I choose your quote because it was short and to the point - however, the comment was meant for anyone who had made the comment or wanted to. I was being honest and felt it was nothing less than sincere - I love my daughter. I don't consider her to be my property - nor do I treat her in such away. She's a gift and I just want to make sure she's taken care of and it breaks my heart to know what will happen should something happen to me. My intent with posting these questions in the first place was only to confirm my instincts before working on preparing my final wishes. Nothing more.

 

[BlondiePB]

I apologize if you took my comment has defensive and directed toward you. I choose your quote because it was short and to the point - however, the comment was meant for anyone who had made the comment or wanted to. I was being honest and felt it was nothing less than sincere - I love my daughter. I don't consider her to be my property - nor do I treat her in such away. She's a gift and I just want to make sure she's taken care of and it breaks my heart to know what will happen should something happen to me. My intent with posting these questions in the first place was only to confirm my instincts before working on preparing my final wishes. Nothing more.

Apology accepted, thank you.