Why do I deal with this??

[WyattJ]

What is the name of your state? IL

Okay just got off the phone with ex. He now informs me that I am stupid, can not talk right, and tells me that he can now afford to buy clothes at the mall for our son - which I had to tell him that is where I purchase the child's clothes anyway. Man he pisses me off.

Then he tells me why didn't I discuss issues with him concerning the doctor I picked for our son. Well lets see at the time he was not working and had no insurance. I have the medical card and I found a doctor that takes it. He had never asked before....go figure! (The doctor before went out of business - our son had him since comming home from hospital - he is now 9)

Also he still wants to say that I took the back child support and didn't spend a dime on our son because I paid some back bills that piled up while he wasn't paying. He said I hear ya paid one of your friend's bill of $400.00. Are you kidding I asked. I asked him where did he hear such a thing. He wouldn't tell.

So of course, he just wants to get me going. It does not state in our papers that I have to inform him of any doctor for our son. I figured and this is what I explained to him was that I am not going to change doctors now - even though he says that he is go ing to look into another one. I told him why - what happens if he loses his insurance, then our son will be out of a doctor cause all I have is the medical card, to cover our son with a doctor lets stay with the one I have now.

Also I did inform him that with the deductible on insurance if I get a bill I will only pay $10.50 out the $75.00 that I owe since he still owes me $64.50 of a uncoverd medical bill - boy he wasn't happy to hear that.

Steath I now feel your compassion with the ex!

I did have a time where the ex wouldn't talk to me and I thought it would be better for us to communicate about our son then go through other parties. But it seems that he is making it impossible to communicate just to make a point that is why he would go through other parties.

I wish income taxes (don't shoot me) would get here so I can get the money for lawyer to get our paper modified - only the stipulations not the visits - maybe I will throw in there New Years Eve..lol and get a modification of child support. Even though he is saying now that he is paying more bills that his CS will decrease.

Any thought, ideas...I know I have not ask a legal question I just needed to vent this all out, quit letting him belittle me. My husband did get on the phone and told him and girlfriend that if you can not call regarding child issues with the bull shi$$ then don't call.

Thanks for reading this long drama and yes this did happend to me!

 

[christinaylor]

Um..I'm sorry but it really gripes my butt to hear someone say that folks "didn't spend a dime of that child support on those kids...". Don't they realize that almost every penny you spend is towards something or another for those kids??? My ex once got the nerve to yell at me for paying my power bill with the child support. I should have never answered what I spent the money on in the first place. Like electricity was just some luxury item that the kids didn't really benefit from..

Ok. I'm done now. That is just one of my pet peeves.
Christi

 

[WyattJ]

I agree

That is the biggest and I mean biggest mistake I also do is answer his questions as to what I pay with CS or what I do with our son. Some things he doesn't need to know and really he only wants to know so he can think he can throw it back in my face later.

You see he pays CS for two children - my son and his 1 year old that now lives with him. He says that when his girlfriend and him marry that he is going to continue to pay CS on the child because he knows where that money goes and that is to a saving account, and also he thinks paying CS on the second child will prevent him from having a increase in child support on our son who was first.

The first child CS - $46.00 a week
The second child CS - $86.00 a week

Does my child deserve what his half sibling is getting I think so. $46.00 doesn't feed our son for the week..please.

 

[christinaylor]

Ok. You're going to have to get tough with this guy. Don't answer his questions if you don't want to. You don't have to. You know that you are doing what's best with the money and that's all that matters. There is a reason why you are the primary caregiver and not he. Don't let him intimidate you. You can do this while still "being nice".

And you bet I'd take him back to court for more money..that's not enough money to feed 1/2 a kid!!!

Did I understand?? Is he paying child support for his girlfriend's child that lives with him? I would definitely have to ask an attorney about that one. Seems wishy washy to me.

Good luck.

 

[WyattJ]

As I am typing this now they (girlfriend - mother of second child) are living together and plan on getting married in Feb. 04 They only moved in right before Thanksgiving.

This is the first time the ex has moved out of his parents home. I can not say this is the first time he moved out on his own because so far he never has, he has the girlfriend soon to be wife who not only a year ago had a OP on him and was fighting him in court for custody and visitation with the second child living with him now.

Talk about screwed up people these days. When I first found out she had a OP on him I thought of being "cool" with her. My god my son likes her and he was happy to have a brother ( I can not have anymore - but he felt this brother being close, my son does have 4 step-siblings from my husband). So we become "friends", let my son see his brother often, we went shopping, out for drinks and now she went back to him...How naive was I? I should of known better. But I always try to get along with others concerning my son.

And here I go again blah, blah, blah........lol

 

[christinaylor]

My advice? They seem wacky. Stay away.. you don't need their friendship. Why the heck would he pay child support for a child that lives with him? Is that even legal? Doesn't sound like it. I don't know..but if I was you I would stay as far away as possible without hurting the dad's relationship with his kid.


Oh..by the way.. your child can be close to his half-brother while he is visiting his daddy.

 

[WyattJ]

Oh..by the way.. your child can be close to his half-brother while he is visiting his daddy.

***A. At the time daddy was not seeing his second child...she would bring him to my house so my son could visit his brother. That is then and this is now and I do stay away.

I don't call pver there unless NEEDED - my son has been over the past 5 days comming home tomorrow and my son has had the flu so I have called him to see how he is doing.

Why the heck would he pay child support for a child that lives with him? Is that even legal?

***A. That is what I been looking to find to see if that is legal to do? I know that is not my busy what they do but when it effects my CS then it is my business.

 

[christinaylor]

If he is supporting the second child otherwise, and the support he pays to that child affects the money your child receives, that would definitely be an issue for me.

 

[maria and mia]

...my fellow Illinoisian...

Hi Jamie....
I do have some idea of where you are coming from. You have read my situation with the NCP...and I thank you for your response.

He now informs me that I am stupid

-----he said that? He has some nerve! After everything you are doing for yourself and your son!

You get $46 a week??? Congratulations.......I only get $34 a week
I found that some times it is better if third parties handle this. We (the custodial parents) are much to emotional to handle it. And by emotional I mean all the emotions.....anger, sadness, rage,frustration,depression...and all the other ones. Tried the "killing him with kindness", didn't work......I was a "bitch" for a summer...that didn't work...I tried "friendship"....that didn't work. Under the advice of my lawyer....she said...KEEP THE LINES OF COMMUNICATION OPEN BUT YOU DON'T EXACTLY NEED TO BE FRIENDS WITH HIM.
Stay strong
Maria

 

[WyattJ]

Thanks to Maria and Christina I appreciate all the reponses.

Yes Maria he actually said I am stupid. Now that gets me to wonder where our son was when he said that. I first asked him when he called what was son doing and he said lying down. Okay he has been sick with the flu. But he could of been lying down anywhere...bedroom or livingroom.

Anyway what brought on the being stupid part was is our son has been sick now the last 1 1/2 week basically the whole 2 week x-mas break. I have took him myself three times to the hospital since his doctor is out for vacation. He has the flu that turned into phuemia, well dad said that if he is not completely better by Monday - first day back to school that he will watch him so I can go back to work. Okay I said but really I will find another sitter so I don't have to put up with his ****.

Anyway our son comes home tomorrow and I told dad that by Friday I will get him into the doctor for a check-up since he has been sick for two weeks and running fevers off and on. He thinks I am stupid for doing a check-up when in fact he is recovering but I rather have a check-up and know for sure.

Illinois sucks when it comes to CS. I am supposed to get $39.00 a week but since he got behind again not even a few months after paying off the back support of $3,000 they took a extra $7.00 to pay it up - this time he only got $100.00 behind but I guess they didn't want it to get far behind again.

As for being friend.....I rather .....well I will be nice now......lol

 

[maria and mia]

Your strong...hang in there....

Jamie,
It sounds like he's trying to bring your self esteem down. Don't let him do that. You are a great mom. I'm hoping that when you do take him to the doctor, the doctor can prescribe something for him or maybe something stronger. If your son did hear him say that you stupid, it'll work in your favor HOW? He sees you every day, he will see just how "stupid" you are. He will see and realize how lucky he is to have you as a mom. Be proud.
My daughter had pneumonia with her asthma right around this time last year...took her 3 weeks to get better...the doctor simply said that every body is different and some take longer to heal, but you simply need to be a little more observant. Be informed, ask questions when you go see the doc........oh let me stop......now I'm sounding too cautious!LOL He is old enough to tell you how he feels. You know what you need to do. Take care

 

[WyattJ]

THANKS!!!

My husband says the same thing. I dated this guy for three years and that felt like a life time. I've been with my husband now for 8 years - we've been married now 4 years. My husband has a ex-wife and 4 children but we all get along. We don't always agree to everything but when it comes down to the children we work together and communicate like adults. His ex-wife remarried too so we all four adults when needed or really not needed get together with kids and have good talks. It helps the kids see that all sets of parents can get along - even though there are times when we all don't agree to things but that is to be expected.

During these times where we get together for his kids we involve my son because when all of his kids was comming over for visits there were time (sibling rivery) goes on and of course, my son was part of that too. Now the two older children don't come over that often - they are in high school and husband doesn't force them over....as long as he has communication with them it works.

My son sees the communication working with the adults on my husband's side but doesn't see it the same with his dad and I. I have tried to do the same with his dad but he doesn't like to be nice....and yes I have a way with talking sometimes, I bite my tongue alot with him too. All I say now when he tries to pick a agrument is "Is that all that you need or called about"? That usually gets him to understand that I am not in the mood to keep agruing with you......lol

Yes everytime I called my son this last 5 days being with dad (twice a day - couldn't help it) I talked to him and asked how he was doing, feeling, ect....also asked dad and girlfriend, and grandma that had him the first three days of visit. Dad didn't want him at his home because of second child didn't need to get sick either....fine by me. I don't usally call my son like that with his dad, but this really scared me with the flu and all.

Anyway...I go on and on and on
Email me [email protected]
Thanks again for the hope!

 

[monnickasmommy]

The first child CS - $46.00 a week--199.18 a month

My husband pays his ex wife 47.00 a week(garnished through pay check) for 4 years and not once has she griped- Yes we could have went back to court after we had 2 more children but we felt and so did she that 200.00 was fair because now we have 3 children to support -

Yes, his child from girlfriend will AND always be counted in support somewhere.


Try this out
Illinois Child Support Calculator
Calculates if you are paying or receiving the proper amount of child support. Our child support calculator calculates child support payments accurately and confidentially.
www.supportsys.com


Illinois Child Support Analysis
The calculations used in this analysis are based on the Illinois Child Support Rules and Guidelines. The results of the analysis are only as accurate as the data you provide. If the final report shows that a change has occurred in your favor, you will need to meet with your attorney to assist you in making a more thorough and complete analysis and to pursue necessary changes that are then determined to be needed.

To complete this analysis, you need to provide the following information about yourself and the other parent. This information you provide will be used solely for the purpose of these calculations. The results of this analysis will only be as accurate as the information provided.These results are strictly an estimate and not intended to replace the advice that you may receive from your attorney or counselor.

The information required for the calculation is:

Number of Children in this custodial relationship
Annual total Gross Income for the non-custodial parent
Annual Federal income tax payments by the non-custodial parent
Annual State income tax payments by the non-custodial parent
Annual Social Security (FICA) payments by the non-custodial parent
Annual amount of mandatory retirement contributions made by the non-custodial parent
Annual amount of Union Dues paid by the non-custodial parent
Annual amount of Health/Hospitalization insurance premiums paid by the non-custodial parent
Annual amount of prior court-ordered support obligations of the non- custodial parent
Annual amount of reasonable and necessary business expenses paid by the non-custodial parent
Annual amount of medical expenditures necessary to preserve life or health paid by the non-custodial parent
Annual amount of reasonable expenditure for the benefit of the child or other parent excepting gifts made by the non-custodial parent
If you have all of this information and agree to the fee of $9.95 to have this analysis completed

 

[WyattJ]

Thanks I am gong to check on that....THANKS again!

I will let you know if I could figure it out.

 

[WyattJ]

Illinois Child Support Calculator
Calculates if you are paying or receiving the proper amount of child support. Our child support calculator calculates child support payments accurately and confidentially.
www.supportsys.com

***Okay well I will have to do that when I have the money...it cost only $9.95 but I don't even have that much to spend on my credit card...thanks again for trying to help me. If there is a free site please let know...lol