Why is it...

[kayceebee]

What is the name of your state? KY
I am the CS. I've never tried to keep my kids from going to see their Dad. When they seldom complain, I let them know that this is the way life is now. Anyway... why is it that if I refuse to let him see them, I can be held in contempt - BUT... if he decides at the last minute to not get them for the weekend, that's my problem and he is not responsible. Why aren't NCP with visitation rights held up to the agreement? The anwer I've heard is, "You can't make them take their kids." If I have enough notice that's fine. I work on the weekends my kids are gone and do not have a sitter available on weekend.

Thanks,
kcb

 

[djohnson]

I'd say if you go back to court make that a part of the order, that if he doesn't pick them up,he is responsible for finding child care and it's costs. Usually it's the terminology. The NCP is given rights. It's NCP's choice to use those rights or not. But if you deny the rights it's contempt. Just like I have the right to plead the 5th, but I don't go around using that right on everything everyday. But if you take that right away from me, then you are in the wrong. We just assume that as parents NCP would want to see the children as much as allowed. It just doesn't always work out that way. That's why you are the CP.

Not sure that answered your question or if you were just venting

 

[kayceebee]

Thanks.
I guess that it is "Rights" is the answer to my question.
kcb

 

[haiku]

visitation rights ensure that an NCP CAN legally see thier children a minimum amount of time. Without legal times set forth in a court order, the CP is not at all legally obligated to give up the child for visitation.

Doesn't mean they (NCP) have to utilize any of it. And they can even ask for more, if they want, but the CP is only legally obligated to the times within the court order.

 

[amiegaines654]

Well it is like this---he is court ordered to pay you X amout of child support every month. If you chose to not accept those payments, he can't have you thrown in jail for that. He has followed his part of the order. It is the same for visitation. You are legally required to provide his kids to him for his court ordered visitation time, but he doesn't have to accept it. Does that make sense?

One of these days, your kids will see that you provided them an opportunity to see their father, and he chose not to see them. You have done everything you can.

 

[kayceebee]

Thanks, and yes, I do understand.
I'll alway be under his thumb so to speak. He can call 10 minutes before his is scheduled to see them and say he's not coming - or not call at all for that matter.
You are right, my kids will (and are starting) see that Mom is ALWAYS there.

I guess I should have stated in the agreement that if he fails to use his visitation, then he is to pay my child care expense. Hindsight 20/20. I benefit though, I get to spend more time with my 2 precious boys.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state? KY
I am the CS. I've never tried to keep my kids from going to see their Dad. When they seldom complain, I let them know that this is the way life is now. Anyway... why is it that if I refuse to let him see them, I can be held in contempt - BUT... if he decides at the last minute to not get them for the weekend, that's my problem and he is not responsible. Why aren't NCP with visitation rights held up to the agreement? The anwer I've heard is, "You can't make them take their kids." If I have enough notice that's fine. I work on the weekends my kids are gone and do not have a sitter available on weekend.

Thanks,
kcb

I have seen a few cases like yours where a judge DID hold the ncp responsible. In those cases the cp's work schedule was arranged around the children (like you, the cp worked when the ncp was supposed to have the kids). The judge ruled that if the ncp didn't take the kids, then the ncp was responsible for finding and paying for alternate care for the kids.

I can't guarantee that your judge will rule that way....but it wouldn't hurt to try.

 

[tigger22472]

I would definately try what Ldij suggested. I remember when my ex decided (after being forced by family) to take the kids EOW like he was allowed and called me the night before his scheduled visitation and told me he would be getting them a day later as he had to work. My husband and I had already bought tickets to a concert and had plans while the children were gone and couldn't change the tickets obviously. I in turn then paid for the babysitter for that night. It wasn't easy to find one either as I didn't know many people around me. When I took the children to my ex the next day I was obviously frustrated and told him how much I'd spent on a sitter (It was more then I HAD too but I always pay sitters well) and he proceeded to tell me he didn't care as it wasn't his problem. I asked him what he thought we did when we were both working and once again he told me that wasn't his problem. I informed him that when it was HIS time he should be responsible for child care and obviously he didn't think the same. I learned a lesson then, however this was something I could prevent in the future. You, OP can't prevent this so again, do as Ldij suggested because if your ex doesn't care enough to exercise his visitation rights then he sure isn't going to care that you're paying out money for child care on his time and won't pay it or excercise them unless forced to.