Wife left... should I file a police report?

[beau56]

What is the name of your state? MS

Wife left, made no contact with me, she changed her number years ago and never told me. My suspicion is she was doing some illegal drug related things and felt she was going to get caught. Don't ask, I don't know the details.

Never considered a divorce because I retired a few years ago and my marital assets are much more than hers so I'd lose big. She doesn't bother me and I don't bother her, we are more or less roommates at this point and I'm not interesting in remarrying. My state does consider desertions a fault based reason for divorce, so I can reconsider.

One of her relatives told me she moved with her daughter. I am really good friends with her boss and he said she resigned, she's on Cobra insurance and refilled meds a week ago from a pharmacy, the pharmacy is less than a mile from her daughters house.

I want to do welfare check and have a police report generated. Objective is to:
(1) Show no liability on my part. I want police to make contact, find out she's safe and she willingly left.
(2) Down the road if desertion helps me in the divorce, I can consider filing.

 

[beau56]

Desertion info from my state:

Desertion is a spouse's willful abandonment of the marriage for at least one year without consent, just cause, excuse, or intention to return. Desertion can occur under the same roof, if the spouses live as strangers and the deserter intends to end the marriage. The deserted spouse must demonstrate that he/she did not consent to the leaving and that a willingness to renew the relationship was refused by the deserting partner. However, if the deserting spouse makes a good faith offer to return and the other spouse refuses, the refusing party usually becomes the deserter.

 

[Zigner]

Thank you for sharing. Best of luck to you.

ETA: Your wife left ""years ago." There really is no reason to file a police report now.

 

[adjusterjack]

I want to do welfare check and have a police report generated. Objective is to:
(1) Show no liability on my part. I want police to make contact, find out she's safe and she willingly left.

My gut says let sleeping dogs lie, don't poke the bear, don't put your foot in the bear trap to see if it works. Bringing yourself to her attention may start her thinking about how much money she can get from you.

(2) Down the road if desertion helps me in the divorce, I can consider filing.

The MS state Bar uses the same words as posted by beau56.

The Mississippi Bar :: What Are the Grounds for Divorce in Mississippi?

However, the statute says

"Willful, continued and obstinate desertion for the space of one (1) year."

You may have to look up case law to see what the courts actually require.

And keep in mind that MS also allows for no-fault divorce

Mississippi Code § 93-5-2 (2023) - Divorce on ground of irreconcilable differences :: 2023 Mississippi Code :: U.S. Codes and Statutes :: U.S. Law :: Justia

 

[Zigner]

And keep in mind that MS also allows for no-fault divorce

The OP wants a "fault" divorce so he is in a better position to avoid having to give her money.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state? MS

Wife left, made no contact with me, she changed her number years ago and never told me. My suspicion is she was doing some illegal drug related things and felt she was going to get caught. Don't ask, I don't know the details.

Never considered a divorce because I retired a few years ago and my marital assets are much more than hers so I'd lose big. She doesn't bother me and I don't bother her, we are more or less roommates at this point and I'm not interesting in remarrying. My state does consider desertions a fault based reason for divorce, so I can reconsider.

One of her relatives told me she moved with her daughter. I am really good friends with her boss and he said she resigned, she's on Cobra insurance and refilled meds a week ago from a pharmacy, the pharmacy is less than a mile from her daughters house.

I want to do welfare check and have a police report generated. Objective is to:
(1) Show no liability on my part. I want police to make contact, find out she's safe and she willingly left.
(2) Down the road if desertion helps me in the divorce, I can consider filing.

Why do you think that a police report would be in any way appropriate or useful after "years"? She is obviously safe and therefore you cannot be accused of doing anything to physcially harm her. Her family knows where she is. It doesn't matter whether she left willingly or not. She has been gone for years.

As someone else indicated, it would be foolish to "poke the bear".

FYI, you cannot be roommates if you are not living in the same home. You are simply married in name only.

 

[xylene]

Hire a PI do check up on her discretely and anonymously.

FYI, you cannot be roommates if you are not living in the same home. You are simply married in name only.

Quite true, I took that, as it is often used, as a euphemism for "we no longer have sex." And that she has substantial personal belongings remaining in the martial home. It would be nice to have more clarity on those points.

 

[commentator]

Unless you live in a very large place, which there are not so many of them in Mississipii, most of it's pretty rural or small town, everyone around you including the local police already know all about you and your wife and your living arrangements. If you call the local police, it will make you look pretty silly, regardless, as in "my wife and I just occupied the same home for years, as roommates, but now she has apparently left and I want to report her as a missing person though I believe she is living with her mother." Not legitimate, won't establish anything, and as I said, makes you look and sound silly. I would suggest that if you have adequate assets to worry about her getting some of them in a no fault split, you have adequate assets to hire a good attorney to advise you and from the sound of things, you need to do this. Pretty soon in this process, instead of waiting a year and then trying to cheap your way through a divorce for abandonment.

 

[Zigner]

I believe I was incorrect with my earlier statement. I now believe the OP is saying his wife left recently, not a long time ago.

 

[quincy]

Where is your wife getting her living expenses? Do you have some fear that she is going to claim you were abusive?

 

[zddoodah]

Wife left, made no contact with me, she changed her number years ago and never told me.

When did this happen?

My suspicion is she was doing some illegal drug related things and felt she was going to get caught.

What facts caused this suspicion?

we are more or less roommates at this point

This seems to contradict your earlier statement that your "[w]ife left."

One of her relatives told me she moved with her daughter.

Another contradiction. When did this person tell you this? Is it correct that her daughter is not also your daughter?

I want to do welfare check and have a police report generated. Objective is to:
(1) Show no liability on my part. I want police to make contact, find out she's safe and she willingly left.
(2) Down the road if desertion helps me in the divorce, I can consider filing.

No liability for what? Why do you think the police will care whether "she willingly left"?

With respect to desertion, according to the Mississippi bar, in order to divorce based on desertion, "[t]he deserted spouse must demonstrate that he/she did not consent to the leaving and that a willingness to renew the relationship was refused by the deserting partner." Even if you don't want to seek a divorce now, a consultation with a local divorce attorney might be a good idea.

Last, you are, of course, free to request that the local police do a "welfare check," but if I were a cop and you came to me with this story, my first question to you would be, "Why do you think there's any concern for her welfare? Welfare checks are about her welfare, not your desire to disprove liability for who-knows-what or to bolster your legal position in a fault-based divorce."

 

[beau56]

She moved upstairs in a spare room about two years ago. Misread Desertion definition, seems like living in a spare room upstairs counts as desertion. Not sure how I'm going to prove "the deserted spouse must demonstrate that he/she did not consent to the leaving and that a willingness to renew the relationship was refused by the deserting partner." Any ideas?

She moved to another state in December. From my understanding she told this women (who isn't really her friend) that she'll keep some things local like her bank statement so I can't do desertion. I harbor doubts about it's efficiency. Seems like she might have consulted an attorney months ago. I've not been served or anything.

She also thinks I'm still working and told her friend "there is no reason to divorce now because he gets paid [not disclosing here] and I get half by not doing any thing, I'd be a fool to divorce".

 

[LdiJ]

She moved upstairs in a spare room about two years ago. Misread Desertion definition, seems like living in a spare room upstairs counts as desertion. Not sure how I'm going to prove "the deserted spouse must demonstrate that he/she did not consent to the leaving and that a willingness to renew the relationship was refused by the deserting partner." Any ideas?

She moved to another state in December. From my understanding she told this women (who isn't really her friend) that she'll keep some things local like her bank statement so I can't do desertion. I harbor doubts about it's efficiency. Seems like she might have consulted an attorney months ago. I've not been served or anything.

She also thinks I'm still working and told her friend "there is no reason to divorce now because he gets paid [not disclosing here] and I get half by not doing any thing, I'd be a fool to divorce".

I get the distinct impression that your main goal is not to have to share the marital assets with her. You need to realize that you will end up sharing the marital assets with her even if you prove fault in a divorce. That is just reality. Therefore, what you really need is a consult with a local divorce attorney where you can lay everything out on the table and find out what is and isn't marital property and what you will or will not have to share with her in a divorce.

It is not unusual for people to spend far more on legal fees trying to prove fault, or to fight sharing marital assets, then they would have any hope of saving. It is also not unusual for people to spend a ton on legal fees and not end up saving anything. Don't be one of those people.