Wife Threatened with Infidelity Exposure

[mary84107]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Michigan

A friend in Michigan had an indiscretion about 18 months ago. She has tried very hard to restore her marriage and relationship with her husband. While she had a couple of ongoing online flings, she had a one-time incident with a family friend.

Her husband has threatened her over and over again that he will expose her indiscretions to her boss (she works at a church run school) and to the community at large. She expects she will lose her job should the incident come to light, even though it occurred before she started working at the school.

She has endured pure hell from her husband this past year, and while she grovels to earn his trust and forgiveness, the man has mentally abused her repeatedly.

If he goes public and she loses her job... 1) she will have no means of support; 2) her 3 daughters will probably be forced out of the church school (working there reduces their tuition significantly, plus there might be embarassment for them as well); 3) the community is close-knit and finding a new job might be a problem.

Is there any legal remedy or restriction to stop him from disclosing the information?

She has tried reasoning with him, but he is very vindictive and really wants her to suffer greatly...

Any ideas?

 

[Zigner]

Yes, I would suggest that, aside from offering a shoulder to cry on and suggesting counseling, you stay out of the matter.

 

[Proserpina]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Michigan

A friend in Michigan had an indiscretion about 18 months ago. She has tried very hard to restore her marriage and relationship with her husband. While she had a couple of ongoing online flings, she had a one-time incident with a family friend.

Her husband has threatened her over and over again that he will expose her indiscretions to her boss (she works at a church run school) and to the community at large. She expects she will lose her job should the incident come to light, even though it occurred before she started working at the school.

She has endured pure hell from her husband this past year, and while she grovels to earn his trust and forgiveness, the man has mentally abused her repeatedly.

If he goes public and she loses her job... 1) she will have no means of support; 2) her 3 daughters will probably be forced out of the church school (working there reduces their tuition significantly, plus there might be embarassment for them as well); 3) the community is close-knit and finding a new job might be a problem.

Is there any legal remedy or restriction to stop him from disclosing the information?

She has tried reasoning with him, but he is very vindictive and really wants her to suffer greatly...

Any ideas?

There is nothing in the law preventing her husband from airing his wife's dirty laundry.

A couple of online flings and an indiscretion with a family friend? Not exactly a one-off.

 

[justalayman]

Is there any legal remedy or restriction to stop him from disclosing the information?

Nope.

It sounds like the woman has more problems than the concern of exposure. Any woman who would:

She has endured pure hell from her husband this past year, and while she grovels to earn his trust and forgiveness, the man has mentally abused her repeatedly.

to attempt to do this:

restore her marriage and relationship with her husband

has some real issues to deal with.

She needs to dump the guy and move on. His treatment of her shows he is only toying with her and has no desire to maintain a real marriage. I suspect when he tires of her, he will end the relationship himself.

 

[Proserpina]

I love how the husband is the bad guy in this.

If you want out of a marriage? Get out.

Staying and cheating? Well, it says a whole lot more than just leaving.

 

[justalayman]

I love how the husband is the bad guy in this.

If you want out of a marriage? Get out.

Staying and cheating? Well, it says a whole lot more than just leaving.

I believe they are both "the bad guy" but for different reasons. The wife because of her multiple incidences of infidelity (yes, I consider even an online romance an infidelity) and the husband due to the abuse.

 

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Michigan

A friend in Michigan had an indiscretion about 18 months ago. She has tried very hard to restore her marriage and relationship with her husband. While she had a couple of ongoing online flings, she had a one-time incident with a family friend.

Her husband has threatened her over and over again that he will expose her indiscretions to her boss (she works at a church run school) and to the community at large. She expects she will lose her job should the incident come to light, even though it occurred before she started working at the school.

She has endured pure hell from her husband this past year, and while she grovels to earn his trust and forgiveness, the man has mentally abused her repeatedly.

If he goes public and she loses her job... 1) she will have no means of support; 2) her 3 daughters will probably be forced out of the church school (working there reduces their tuition significantly, plus there might be embarassment for them as well); 3) the community is close-knit and finding a new job might be a problem.

Is there any legal remedy or restriction to stop him from disclosing the information?

She has tried reasoning with him, but he is very vindictive and really wants her to suffer greatly...

Any ideas?

There is no legal remedy that will prevent him from telling the world the truth. She catted around and there are consequences to that. If she didn't want to suffer the consequences, she shouldn't have stepped out on her marriage. Her willingness to sleep around is what is causing all this. If the children are embarrassed, mom can look in the mirror and realize that it is her fault.

 

[Ohiogal]

I believe they are both "the bad guy" but for different reasons. The wife because of her multiple incidences of infidelity (yes, I consider even an online romance an infidelity) and the husband due to the abuse.

What evidence is there of abuse? What is he stating? Is he just blaming her for catting around? Is he calling her mean names like an adulterer or slut? What is the abuse? That is what I am wondering.

He is angry and vindictive. Vindictive because he doesn't care WHO he tells about HER infidelity. Ummm, that is not abuse. Is the hell she has had to endure because he blames her for her adultery? Is the hell because he just wont' forget that she has cheated?

 

[justalayman]

What evidence is there of abuse? What is he stating? Is he just blaming her for catting around? Is he calling her mean names like an adulterer or slut? What is the abuse? That is what I am wondering.

He is angry and vindictive. Vindictive because he doesn't care WHO he tells about HER infidelity. Ummm, that is not abuse. Is the hell she has had to endure because he blames her for her adultery? Is the hell because he just wont' forget that she has cheated?

I was taking OP at their word without really dissecting it. The treatment stated is abusive. It may be due to the actions of the wife but none-the-less, it is abusive and not conducive, or even indicative, of the person wanting to refresh their relationship with the other party.

If he does want to continue the relationship, he needs to chill out on the slut comments and if necessary, get counseling to help the relationship move forward. I stated my opinion on his intent though which was that he was simply treating her like crap until such time he tires of the game and dumps her in an effort to get back at her. That is abusive and quite immature. If he doesn't want the relationship, end it. If he wants it, improve how he treats his wife and work to get through the injuries of the past.

 

[Bali Hai]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Michigan

A friend in Michigan had an indiscretion about 18 months ago. She has tried very hard to restore her marriage and relationship with her husband. While she had a couple of ongoing online flings, she had a one-time incident with a family friend.

Her husband has threatened her over and over again that he will expose her indiscretions to her boss (she works at a church run school) and to the community at large. She expects she will lose her job should the incident come to light, even though it occurred before she started working at the school.

She has endured pure hell from her husband this past year, and while she grovels to earn his trust and forgiveness, the man has mentally abused her repeatedly.

If he goes public and she loses her job... 1) she will have no means of support; 2) her 3 daughters will probably be forced out of the church school (working there reduces their tuition significantly, plus there might be embarassment for them as well); 3) the community is close-knit and finding a new job might be a problem.

Is there any legal remedy or restriction to stop him from disclosing the information?

She has tried reasoning with him, but he is very vindictive and really wants her to suffer greatly...

Any ideas?

He should file for divorce and dump her ASAP. Michigan statutes factor in the past conduct of the parties when deciding alimony.

If her cheating really bothers him, he should be aware that this situation will likely never improve and the longer he waits, the more money it will cost him.

He should strike while the iron is hot and she is in her present frame of mind.

 

[ecmst12]

So it's ok for someone to abuse their spouse if it's because the spouse cheated? Hm does that apply to physical abuse too, or only mental/verbal abuse?

 

[Proserpina]

So it's ok for someone to abuse their spouse if it's because the spouse cheated? Hm does that apply to physical abuse too, or only mental/verbal abuse?

To some people, yes, it's okay to verbally abuse your cheating spouse.

To me? Abuse is abuse. My earlier post was simply responding to the OP, who was making out the husband to be the only one at fault.

They're both at fault. They need out of that toxic marriage.

 

[Bali Hai]

So it's ok for someone to abuse their spouse if it's because the spouse cheated? Hm does that apply to physical abuse too, or only mental/verbal abuse?

The alleged abuse needs to be proven, the confirmed adultery stands on its own merits.

 

[mary84107]

Clarifications: Exposing Infidelity

I probably should have been more clear. I didn't expect such a strong reaction to the infidelity issue (both online and offline).

The husband and wife participated in an alternative lifestyle. Both had experiences with other parties while married. He was the initiator after years to convince her to try, but that is irrelevant. She had one episode with a man and two online affairs without his approval. Yes, she is to blame for her indiscretions. She has taken responsibility and tried to make it up to him.

I was just asking if there were legal ways to stop him from forcing her to lose her job and maybe scar the kids. He has done numerous things this past year that quality as abuse, again, not the primary issue. But if she leaves, he will go public. If she doesn't do what he says, he will go public. She is so scared about the public stigma that she won't take any action to protect herself.

So... if there is nothing legally she can do to stop the public disclousure then she will have to live with the consequences of her past actions and any future actions. Thanks for taking the time to respond.

 

[HomeGuru]

I probably should have been more clear. I didn't expect such a strong reaction to the infidelity issue (both online and offline).

The husband and wife participated in an alternative lifestyle. Both had experiences with other parties while married. He was the initiator after years to convince her to try, but that is irrelevant. She had one episode with a man and two online affairs without his approval. Yes, she is to blame for her indiscretions. She has taken responsibility and tried to make it up to him.

I was just asking if there were legal ways to stop him from forcing her to lose her job and maybe scar the kids. He has done numerous things this past year that quality as abuse, again, not the primary issue. But if she leaves, he will go public. If she doesn't do what he says, he will go public. She is so scared about the public stigma that she won't take any action to protect herself.

So... if there is nothing legally she can do to stop the public disclousure then she will have to live with the consequences of her past actions and any future actions. Thanks for taking the time to respond.

**A: that makes matters worse and does not change the responses.