Wife Walked Out After 43 Years-legal issues

[robertknapp]

We live in Missouri. I am retired from Federal Government and receive social security. On Jan 10, 2001, wife left and is living 40 miles away with family. There is really no grounds for her to have left other than she is tired of not having financial security and we just can no longer get along.Our marriage has been going downhill since 1985 when we first sought counselling. In 1988 we moved to Virginia and in 1992 she left me for three months, allegedly out of personal fear. After mediation, we agreed she would get $300.00 per month spending money and we reunited. When I decided to move to Missouri 1995, because of affordable living, she was reluctant to come here to this town of 12,000, but she did and has hated it ever since.
We have a large mortgage on our home, and are making payments on one car. I will not divorce her because of religious reasons. If we became legally separated what entitlement would she have to my retirement income and social security? Alcohol and drugs are not an issue, but we both have health problems.

 

[Roscoe]

43 Years?

Good luck Robert. You probably won't get many responses -- most posters can't even begin to imagine what it is like to be married for 43 years. I wish you the best. I wish I had an answer for you, but I am a poor example. After 10 years of marriage, my spouse and I have decided to throw in the towel. Now, I'm begnning to think "wow, 10 years, that's nothing compared to what you had". Again, I wish you the best and better health for both you and your spouse.

 

[Grandma B]

Your Social Security is safe. You didn't say, but since you were at one point giving her $300 spending money, I'm guessing she was never employed. As your spouse, she is eligible for SS benefits from your account which she can draw whether she is married to you or not.

If she decides to file for divorce, you don't get to decide whether or not there will be one. You don't have to agree to it--she can file and it can be granted.

As a Federal retiree, you would be covered by either CSRS or FERS. Since FERS consists of SS benefits supplemented by an investment program, I'm guessing again that you are a CSRS retiree. Be prepared to split that annuity with her. That's true even if she signed a waiver for spousal benefits at the time of your retirement. A Judge's decision in a divorce ruling will supersede the waiver.

You indicated that you both suffer health problems. As a Federal retiree you have excellent health insurance available for both you and your wife at reasonable cost. Your wife should consider this when deciding whether to end the marriage.

I divorced after a long-term marriage. He gets a portion of my retirement pay, but you know what, it's worth every penny!





[Edited by Grandma B on 01-26-2001 at 09:06 PM]

 

[Roscoe]

Great benefits?

Grammy: Trust me, from experience, federal employees and retirees DO NOT have that great benefits. Plus, they pay for those benfits from their paycheck or their annuity. This a a common misconception about federal employees...

 

[robertknapp]

Update

So far you are both right. I retired from the Air Force in 1977 and turned over my air force retirement in 1995 to collectively combine my time to retire from the Federal Government. We have air force privileges, ie medical, commissary, but the money part comes from OPM. We have BCBS medical, backed up by Tri-West (military). She may get half of my OPM retirement, but her loss will be in military and civilian medical. That could hurt down the road. I've been fighting for this marriage for 43 years, but I am beginning to have a loss in hope. My wife has worked periodically throughout our marriage and will get some social security in two years at 62, or 65 if she chooses to wait. The big factor is life insurance. If she divorces me, the children will benefit, not her. Is it really worth it???, leaving me.

 

[Grandma B]

Re: Great benefits?

Grammy: Trust me, from experience, federal employees and retirees DO NOT have that great benefits. Plus, they pay for those benfits from their paycheck or their annuity. This a a common misconception about federal employees...

Sorry, Roscoe, I wasn't guessing about the benefits of Federal employees and retirees. I spent 37 years as a Federal employee and recently retired at 55 so this isn't a misconception on my part. Federal employees can chose from a huge list of health insurance carriers, all of which provide benefits exceeding most private or group policies. Granted they pay for the coverage, but only a portion of the actual cost--the Government kicks in a sizeable sum.

 

[Tigres]

Re: Update

Is it really worth it???, leaving me.

Was the move worth her leaving you? No, I'm not judging, just pointing out that there are always reasons... we may not agree with them, but they do exist...

Tig

 

[Roscoe]

Know too.

Grammy: Been there; done that. Still stand by what I say -- unless you retired from the Postal Service in which case, your right. But regular Fed's? Don't know what agency you retired from but it's much different now a'days.

 

[Grandma B]

Re: Know too.

Grammy: Been there; done that. Still stand by what I say -- unless you retired from the Postal Service in which case, your right. But regular Fed's? Don't know what agency you retired from but it's much different now a'days.

Roscoe: I'll grant you that the Postal Service has a much better benefit when it comes to health insurance, but the benefits offered to other Federal retirees (which by the way is the group into which I fall) still exceed those in private industry.

I'm not sure what your "now a'days" implies; but I'm a recent retiree. I'll even agree that being a Fed employee today doesn't hold the attraction it once did, but that has nothing to do with the Government's benefits to both employees and retirees. Downsizing of the Feds has led to less job security, and private industry caught up with some other "bennies" such as leave amounts.

The only other reason I can imagine brought about your remark is that the Government switched from CSRS to FERS several years ago. That should in no way cause employees to suffer. FERS retirees draw Social Security as well as proceeds from funds (with matching funds from Uncle Sam) they were encouraged to invest to supplement their SS.

I know what I pay for an excellent health care plan, and I also know how much more many of my friends pay for lesser coverage. In fact, many employers don't even allow retirees to take their health insurance into retirement. You'll have to convince someone other than me about Fed benefits.

 

[robertknapp]

Not About Fed Employees Benefits

I appreciate the replies that I have received and I agree with Granny, we feds have some great benefits, especially health. My wife would be a big looser if she were to divorce me. For 43 years she has not worried about the basic essentials of life, they have all been provided.
As for the move being worth loosing her, she would have gone long before now, when we loss the house etc. we could not afford in Virginia.
Keep bringing sound advice.