wife will not relocate with me

[tccoyle]

What is the name of your state? She is in New Mexico and I am in Alaska

It looks like I am going to have to go thru a divorce. The situation is that I have found another job in another state, and my wife just won’t go. She has made it clear that she wants me to pay dearly for making the move, because she feels that she is getting screwed over. I have been the primary and sole income for most of the 7 years of marriage. (I know she will get half of the 401) We do not have any kids together. She now has a job. We got married in NV and live in NM.
Will I be hit with alimony? Will it be considered that I am deserting her…even if I encouraged her to come along?
What else can I expect since she wants this to be an ugly drawn out affair in which I will PAY?What is the name of your state?

 

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state? She is in New Mexico and I am in Alaska

It looks like I am going to have to go thru a divorce. The situation is that I have found another job in another state, and my wife just won’t go. She has made it clear that she wants me to pay dearly for making the move, because she feels that she is getting screwed over. I have been the primary and sole income for most of the 7 years of marriage. (I know she will get half of the 401) We do not have any kids together. She now has a job. We got married in NV and live in NM.
Will I be hit with alimony? Will it be considered that I am deserting her…even if I encouraged her to come along?
What else can I expect since she wants this to be an ugly drawn out affair in which I will PAY?What is the name of your state?

Alimony? You have a relatively short term marriage. She is working now. Alimony probably will not happen. She is entitled to half of the retirement that accrued during the marriage as well as half the marital property and half the marital debt. Why did you leave your wife and move if you wanted your marriage to work?

 

[tccoyle]

better job

Hi, thanks for the reply.
I Originally grew up in Alaska, and moved to New Mexico. I ended up with a great job with intel in Rio Rancho NM, but....I really missed alaska and could not get used to the desert. I told my wife that I was going to put my feelers out to see if I could land a job back in Alaska and she was for it...not 100%, but not totally against it. When I was looking around I got a job offer for a management postion working in the small town where my dad lives. The job offer and interview happened in a flurry way too fast for my wife to obsorb. The new job offered me more money, a decent benifit package, and I would be using my management degree...(up until now I was just sitting on the degree, and outlook was dismal to use it with cut backs looming at intel)
This new job was a way back to alaska, and a real step up in my eyes. She didn't see it that way....It is in the town that we left the first time...she has 2 ex's there and a past she didn't want to go back to. like I said I wanted it to work, but the marriage is pretty weak...so being back in Ak with my Dad won out.
well that is somewhat of a long explanation

 

[nextwife]

Are there kids? If not, guess you need to choose between wifey and job and file for divorce.

If there ARE, then the divorce and residency of the kiddos is more complicated.

 

[tccoyle]

job it is

no kids, took the job already...should I use a new mexico lawer or an alaskan one?
thnx
chris

 

[LdiJ]

no kids, took the job already...should I use a new mexico lawer or an alaskan one?
thnx
chris

If you want an immediate divorce then you must use a NM lawyer. Once you have been back in Alaska long enough to re-establish legal residency you can file there....unless your wife files in NM first.

 

[Bali Hai]

What is the name of your state? She is in New Mexico and I am in Alaska

It looks like I am going to have to go thru a divorce. The situation is that I have found another job in another state, and my wife just won’t go. She has made it clear that she wants me to pay dearly for making the move, because she feels that she is getting screwed over. I have been the primary and sole income for most of the 7 years of marriage. (I know she will get half of the 401) We do not have any kids together. She now has a job. We got married in NV and live in NM.

Does she make enough money to keep her off the welfare rolls? If not the judge would probably give her some of your Alaskan earned money to benefit the state of NM.

Will I be hit with alimony?

Depends on the judge's view. Sounds like she's the typical b@#$@! that will push to clean you out. Sounds like the type that believes she's "owed" for providing 7 years of marriage to you.

So the judge may get into your pocket as a token jesture just to please her.

Will it be considered that I am deserting her…even if I encouraged her to come along?
What else can I expect since she wants this to be an ugly drawn out affair in which I will PAY?What is the name of your state?

You are moving to provide a better life for your marriage. Again depends on the judge's view and how good her attorney is.

Expect her to live up to what she says and will try to clean you out in any way she can. Her lawyer will do the same thing, because that's the way it's done.

 

[stealth2]

You are moving to provide a better life for your marriage.

How so? He's moving to be back with Daddy.

 

[Bali Hai]

How so? He's moving to be back with Daddy.

The new job offered me more money, a decent benifit package, and I would be using my management degree...(up until now I was just sitting on the degree, and outlook was dismal

 

[stealth2]

the marriage is pretty weak...so being back in Ak with my Dad won out.
well that is somewhat of a long explanation

One can always argue a different side. Especially since AK has a much higher cost of living. <shrug> You're letting your bitterness get the better of you, Bali.

 

[LdiJ]

The new job offered me more money, a decent benifit package, and I would be using my management degree...(up until now I was just sitting on the degree, and outlook was dismal

Again, daddy, Alaska and the new job obviously are more important to him than his marriage.

 

[nextwife]

(I know she will get half of the 401)

FYI - she is NOT automatically entitled to half the 401K. ONLY to half of whatever portion of the 401K accrued during the marriage. If she expects half of ALL 401K funds, and any of those are premarital, you should fight her on that portion.

You are also entitled to half of whatever part of HER retirement that accrued during the marriage.

 

[Bali Hai]

One can always argue a different side. Especially since AK has a much higher cost of living. <shrug> You're letting your bitterness get the better of you, Bali.

That's true and hence the reason we have "neutral" courts to decide such matters. But we all know which "side" the courts are prone to "fairly" decide in favor of.

Akaska has a much higher cost of living is true, so we should just assume he has no good reason to move there other than to be close to daddy??

Are we to further assume that the wife (who has two ex-husbands there in Alaska) should automatically get an "equitable" share of the marital assets as well as alimony because of her refusal to relcoate to an area she is orignally from?

My bitterness has nothing to do with seeing things as they really are. I believe that is what people like you resent and attempt to attack on these forums. You and some others are feminist and there is no talking your way around that.

 

[Bali Hai]

Again, daddy, Alaska and the new job obviously are more important to him than his marriage.

The same could be said for the wife. Living in NM is more important to her than her marriage. #3 marriage at that.

He could stay married to the woman, stay in NM, continue working at a dead-end job and 20 years later make the move.

BY then the b@%##! would most certainly own him.

He's better off cutting her loose NOW.

 

[cissycicle]

That's true and hence the reason we have "neutral" courts to decide such matters. But we all know which "side" the courts are prone to "fairly" decide in favor of.

Akaska has a much higher cost of living is true, so we should just assume he has no good reason to move there other than to be close to daddy??

Are we to further assume that the wife (who has two ex-husbands there in Alaska) should automatically get an "equitable" share of the marital assets as well as alimony because of her refusal to relcoate to an area she is orignally from?

My bitterness has nothing to do with seeing things as they really are. I believe that is what people like you resent and attempt to attack on these forums. You and some others are feminist and there is no talking your way around that.

I know which side the courts were on when my former husband went in and started publicly blubbering to the "nice lady judge". She was on my side alright, my BACKSIDE!!! Believe me, Bali, the woman in the courts showed absolutely NO special treatment to anyone other than the MEN.