Will the courts deny me visitation?

[daddenied]

What is the name of your state? California

This Friday I am required to be in an orientation for Mediation in Fresno County, where my children and my ex-wife live. I attempted to work out an agreement with their mom to avoid orientation and mediation, but after I did not agree with her arrangement which stated the boys would never have to see me if they did not want to and was not an enforceable visitation agreement, she changed her mind. She wants to visitation with my children to be completely up to them. The last time I saw them was the last weekend of January. Since then I have driven 4 hours to Fresno to file police reports against her for violating the current child custody order which has them with me two weekends each month, 30 days in the summer starting with the first day they are out of school, which was last week (I don't have them) and 7 days at Christmas. I now have 9 reports total. Our mediation is next week and the following Friday is our court date. Will the courts allow her to keep my children from me? Their biggest complaint about visiting with me last summer was that I worked and that they did not spend enough time with me. I believe that their mother influenced them heavily and worry that the mediator may not be able to determine if what the kids say are what they mean or what their mother means. I apologize for the length of this, but I'm trying to give as much information for advice. I am meeting with my attorney this weekend, but because I cannot come up with another $2000 by next week, he will not be representing me at court on July 1st. I am anxious for the kids who are ages 10-15 to speak to the mediator yet at the same time worried. My experience with mediation is that we must come to an agreement and I will not be denied visitation. Please help me understand.

Thank you.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state? California

This Friday I am required to be in an orientation for Mediation in Fresno County, where my children and my ex-wife live. I attempted to work out an agreement with their mom to avoid orientation and mediation, but after I did not agree with her arrangement which stated the boys would never have to see me if they did not want to and was not an enforceable visitation agreement, she changed her mind. She wants to visitation with my children to be completely up to them. The last time I saw them was the last weekend of January. Since then I have driven 4 hours to Fresno to file police reports against her for violating the current child custody order which has them with me two weekends each month, 30 days in the summer starting with the first day they are out of school, which was last week (I don't have them) and 7 days at Christmas. I now have 9 reports total. Our mediation is next week and the following Friday is our court date. Will the courts allow her to keep my children from me? Their biggest complaint about visiting with me last summer was that I worked and that they did not spend enough time with me. I believe that their mother influenced them heavily and worry that the mediator may not be able to determine if what the kids say are what they mean or what their mother means. I apologize for the length of this, but I'm trying to give as much information for advice. I am meeting with my attorney this weekend, but because I cannot come up with another $2000 by next week, he will not be representing me at court on July 1st. I am anxious for the kids who are ages 10-15 to speak to the mediator yet at the same time worried. My experience with mediation is that we must come to an agreement and I will not be denied visitation. Please help me understand.

Thank you.

If there are no fitness issues you are not going to be denied your visitation. It certainly doesn't sound like there are any fitness issues. In fact, its likely that mom is going to seriously get her butt kicked by the judge if the case gets that far...and I suspect that the mediator will be seriously on your side....again, assuming there are no "issues"...and again, it doesn't appear that there are.

However, visitation often gets "murky" when you are dealing with teens. However much it seems as though the other parent is at fault...sometimes its the fault of the teens desire not to be separated from their friends and social lives. The other parent still has some significant fault...for believing that the teen should get to "decide"....but again that is murky depending on the individual situation. Sometimes the preteens follow the "lead" of the teens. So don't assume that is all mom....and don't assume that your kids don't love you and want to see you even if they are resistant to a regularly visitation schedule.

Its always tougher when the two parents don't live in the same community. When you do...the teens can still have their friends and social lives, even during the other parent's time.

 

[daddenied]

Thank you...

If there are no fitness issues you are not going to be denied your visitation. It certainly doesn't sound like there are any fitness issues. In fact, its likely that mom is going to seriously get her butt kicked by the judge if the case gets that far...and I suspect that the mediator will be seriously on your side....again, assuming there are no "issues"...and again, it doesn't appear that there are.

However, visitation often gets "murky" when you are dealing with teens. However much it seems as though the other parent is at fault...sometimes its the fault of the teens desire not to be separated from their friends and social lives. The other parent still has some significant fault...for believing that the teen should get to "decide"....but again that is murky depending on the individual situation. Sometimes the preteens follow the "lead" of the teens. So don't assume that is all mom....and don't assume that your kids don't love you and want to see you even if they are resistant to a regularly visitation schedule.

Its always tougher when the two parents don't live in the same community. When you do...the teens can still have their friends and social lives, even during the other parent's time.

Your assumption is correct...there are no issues, except for possibly the lady in my life. Although we've been friends a long time, we've been seeing each other about a year and she has spent much time with my sons last summer and over the Christmas holiday...she had her 3 nephews visit at the same time to make friends and help my kids have a fun time together. My children, her kids-the nephews and nieces and her family, my children and I get along very well when we are together. When the kids go back home, I don't hear from them. I understand pre-teen and teenagers and that all of their lives are there where they live, but nonetheless it hurts. I am hoping that their mother has some sort of cost-response for her violations, but am not holding my breath. It seems that custodial parents, primarily mothers in my opinion and experience have the courts on their side. I know that the kids love me, but when I pay faithfully every month and try desperately to be a part of their lives through their schools, coaches, etc...it makes me feel badly when I cannot see them. The children have no choice with the custodial parent...they must come home, they must be there when they are told to as it should be, but with NCP such as myself its tough. thank you for your encouraging words.

 

[karma1]

CA mediation

I've been involved in/have knowledge of 5 cases with mediation and all were successful for the NCP/dad's in these cases.
I could go on about things to do and not do but have found if you go to this site...
www.deltabravo.net

and just research the site for "mediation", you will find many helpful ideas.

Children do not get to choose and you must stand your ground for your parenting time.

feel free to PM me here for further personal ideas, though...

good luck

 

[J&A]

I just went through mediation in CA as well. Be sure that you serve the other party (your ex) with your police reports and documentation that you plan on bringing to mediation. This will prove to the mediator that what you're saying is true. Read your mediation paperwork as it will tell you the guidelines on submitting documentation to them. If she will not agree in mediation, the mediator will recommend a particular agreement, which the Judge will almost always put into effect. The mediator will be on your side if you have proof of her denying visitation... actually the proof you state that you have is golden and will put her in an extremely bad position in front of the both the judge and mediator. My ex tried to put that if my kids (Age 5 & 3) wanted to go home at any time that they could. My lawyer said that as long as I did not agree to it in mediation, the Judge would almost never allow for such a rule as it completely disables you as a parent and pits both parents against eachother. He said it is a ridiculous request. My case worked out well for a couple reasons:

1) Be calm, nice and professional in mediation. NO MATTER WHAT. It is extremely important. I was nice while my ex screamed and called names.... the mediator definitely took note of the difference in my temperament and hers.

2) Your documentation is probably the most important thing. Serve her immediately by mail or a 3rd party and use the "proof of svc" paperwork that should have come with your mediation paperwork. Read the guidelines, I believe you have to submit all paperwork to the mediation office like 5 days or so before mediation. I am not sure, but you mediation documentation will say.

Good luck. Even if they talk to your kids and they say that they don't want to see you, as others have said, unless there are issues regarding your parenting you will get some visitation at the very least. At least it will be better then once every six months as you have had now. The courts take it very seriously when the custodial parent denies visitation. As long as you don't let her get away with it, you will prevail in this matter. You should at least get a couple weekends a month I would think.

 

[daddenied]

New development in my custody & visitation case

I will be in mediation this Thursday with my ex-wife and children. It will be their first time speaking with a mediator. At first I was worried that they have been so influenced by their mother's hate and jealousy, but feel that it will go well. My problem is I was finally served with a response by my ex-wife yesterday-court date is next Friday and she is now using a new claim of domestic violence from our marriage which ended in 2002 to support her request to deny me visitation. We divorce over irreconcilable differences and did the divorce ourselves as we did not fight over anything. It was in 2004 when I started seriously dating my girlfriend that all of this trouble happened-her violating the child custody order which states we share legal and physical custody of our children. I originally filed an OSC in Mar. 2004 and because of court transfers and other things beyond my control, we are finally upon the hearing scheduled July 1st. There has never been any record of abuse as it never happened. She is using the fact that I live in a studio apartment as a reason to request that the courts order my visits to be in Fresno (WHERE! A Hotel that I can afford! ) When the boys visit me, for a longer period than an overnight stay accomodations are made to stay either with my girlfriend who lives in a 3 bedroom house or with my parents, etc... Will this work against me? Should I be worried? I am not worried about the abuse charges, but it is the fact that the courts would hold my financial circumstances (a result of paying high child support) against me. I just want to see my children.