Will the judge let dad act as daycare?

[onmytime]

What is the name of your state? AZ

Today my ex and I had a telephonic meeting with our attorneys before we go to court. During the conversation his attorney tried to arrange for there to be a midweek visit. I have always been in support of this because I think our son (20 months) not seeing his father for 2 whole weeks is too long. He stated that with his work schedule he could not commit to a set day or time.

When it came time to discussing daycare being figured into his support he came up with the nutty idea that he could watch our son 3 days a week while he worked from home and he could go to daycare the other two days.

Now heres the problem. My son's father lives 45 minutes away on a Sunday(with hardly no traffic). If my son's father was to watch our son 3 days a week, he would have to come and pick our son up in the morning and drop him off in the evenings. That means that our son will be in traffic 3 days a week for over an hour each way twice a day. Previous to our son going to daycare (which I am paying all on my own at this point) my mother was watching him. She would have a structured day everyday, just like he was in school (she taught for 33 years) and she would take him to the library every Mon & Wed for Jelly Jam Time Reading,check out books, help him learn his numbers and flash cards and take him to the park.

My concern is, even though he is working from home he is still working. Will my son's father just be watching him and keep him stuck in the house while dad works on the computer or will he be helping him learn and take him out to play. I am fearful that the judge will even consider what I think to be a stupid idea and him just trying to get out of having a higher child support payment. I am also fearful because I will now have to depend on my son's father to be on time (no traffic delays) before I can leave for work.

Can anyone tell me what judges look at when either of the parents say they can watch the child oppose to the child going to daycare?

 

[BelizeBreeze]

What is the name of your state? AZ

Today my ex and I had a telephonic meeting with our attorneys before we go to court. During the conversation his attorney tried to arrange for there to be a midweek visit. I have always been in support of this because I think our son (20 months) not seeing his father for 2 whole weeks is too long. He stated that with his work schedule he could not commit to a set day or time.

Sounds good so far.

When it came time to discussing daycare being figured into his support he came up with the nutty idea that he could watch our son 3 days a week while he worked from home and he could go to daycare the other two days.

You mean nuttier than a stranger watching the child, perhaps in a room with 15 other children vying for attention, being sick and exposing your child to the disease or germs? Yep, pretty nutty for a father to provide "CHILD" care.

Now heres the problem. My son's father lives 45 minutes away on a Sunday(with hardly no traffic). If my son's father was to watch our son 3 days a week, he would have to come and pick our son up in the morning and drop him off in the evenings. That means that our son will be in traffic 3 days a week for over an hour each way twice a day.

And, your point IS?

Previous to our son going to daycare (which I am paying all on my own at this point) my mother was watching him. She would have a structured day everyday, just like he was in school (she taught for 33 years) and she would take him to the library every Mon & Wed for Jelly Jam Time Reading,check out books, help him learn his numbers and flash cards and take him to the park.

And that meant that the child was, on my GOD, in traffice EVERY DAY. And your point of this is?

My concern is, even though he is working from home he is still working. Will my son's father just be watching him and keep him stuck in the house while dad works on the computer or will he be helping him learn and take him out to play.

If you are that concerned about junior learning at 20 months then enroll him in Harvard daycare. Frankly, you're not making a very convincing argument.

I am fearful that the judge will even consider what I think to be a stupid idea and him just trying to get out of having a higher child support payment. I am also fearful because I will now have to depend on my son's father to be on time (no traffic delays) before I can leave for work.

The traffic problem is not a problem at all. Why don't YOU take Junior to dad's. Then you'll guarantee he'll be on time.

And a father spending time with his child is NOT stupid. Or, I should say, anymore stupid than you pawning him off to strangers.

Can anyone tell me what judges look at when either of the parents say they can watch the child oppose to the child going to daycare?

No one can tell you what YOUR particular judge will consider or if they will even listen to this argument. But, if you present it as you have done here, I CAN tell you that you will present to the court a very biased and manipulating front which WILL NOT stand you in a good light.

Drop the judgements. A Mother is not the only one who can make decisions about a child's upbringing. And the courts, especially in your state, are finding that out in record time.

And finally, if you have a problem with this, thenI will suggest to you what I suggest to everyone having problems with childcare and support issues.

Give dad custody of Junior and spend a few years on the other side. THEN come back and make this argument.

 

[LdiJ]

Belize....I believe she was talking about the practicality of having the child in the car for 2 hours daily....its a bit much. If you add on the fact that dad has to actually work during that time, which means little actual activity for the child, and the potential for problems with a 20 month old not being directly supervised....and the negatives certainly seem to outweigh the positives of the child spending that time with dad.

Try taking car of a 20 month old and working at the same time....been there, done that...it really doesn't work unless you can limit your working time to the time the child naps.

I also am pretty sure that dad isn't going to be happy spending 4 hours (2, two hour round trips) daily himself, after a fairly short amount of time. With gas prices they way that they are its definitely likely to be more expensive than daycare.

 

[stealth2]

So why not compromise to two days, or to try it for one day for a month and see how it works?

 

[BelizeBreeze]

Belize....I believe she was talking about the practicality of having the child in the car for 2 hours daily....its a bit much. If you add on the fact that dad has to actually work during that time, which means little actual activity for the child, and the potential for problems with a 20 month old not being directly supervised....and the negatives certainly seem to outweigh the positives of the child spending that time with dad.

Try taking car of a 20 month old and working at the same time....been there, done that...it really doesn't work unless you can limit your working time to the time the child naps.

I also am pretty sure that dad isn't going to be happy spending 4 hours (2, two hour round trips) daily himself, after a fairly short amount of time. With gas prices they way that they are its definitely likely to be more expensive than daycare.

That argument doesn't wash with me. I cared for both daughters until they reached the age of 3 at which time they entered kindergarten.

Unless this poster is willing to compromise the court will grant some relief. What that is depends on the case each parent makes. NOT on biology.

 

[onmytime]

That argument doesn't wash with me. I cared for both daughters until they reached the age of 3 at which time they entered kindergarten.

Unless this poster is willing to compromise the court will grant some relief. What that is depends on the case each parent makes. NOT on biology.

Kudos to you for being able to work & care for your children but perhaps I didn't explain the situation fully and let me clear some things up. I don't think it's stupid for dad to spend time with our son, perhaps you missed the part where I stated I have been pushing for mid week visits (and he couldn't commit). During our telephonic conversation yesterday we discussed midweek visits and dad said once again that he couldn't commit but once we started talking about child support all of a sudden out of his mouth without thinking he said he would watch our son 3 days. Why 3? If dad can watch him why not do the whole week? My point is he can't watch him. He has a very demanding position and I'm just being realistic. Dad has to go in to work very often and where would our son go then?

The last time we were in court he told the judge he couldn't commit to a midweek visit and he had a very demanding position. There was also the mention that he was not paying child support. The judge gave him a lecture on priorities. I don't see trying to watch your child to avoid paying higher child support (especially when you haven't been following the court order so far) getting his priorities straight.

No one can tell you what YOUR particular judge will consider or if they will even listen to this argument. But, if you present it as you have done here, I CAN tell you that you will present to the court a very biased and manipulating front which WILL NOT stand you in a good light.

Drop the judgements. A Mother is not the only one who can make decisions about a child's upbringing. And the courts, especially in your state, are finding that out in record time.

And finally, if you have a problem with this, thenI will suggest to you what I suggest to everyone having problems with childcare and support issues.

Give dad custody of Junior and spend a few years on the other side. THEN come back and make this argument.

I didn't ask anyone to tell me what my particular judge would consider. My question was what do JUDGES look at when considering parents as daycare providers. I was looking for others' experience, not for someone to look into a crystal ball.

Regarding your comment about a mother being the only one who can make decisions about a child's upbringing..... I haven't made any judgements! I have been pushing for more visitation. But he has always been too busy! I never stated that because I was the mom, I made all the decisions. You pulled that one out of nowhere.

And to your comment regarding problems with child support and visitation; people have problems in life in every area, work, family, physical, emotional etc. but what kind of advice is it to give to state to give up your child because you have a problem with the father. I prefer to work through my problems to achieve a positive outcome. The reason why I joined this form and read people's postings is to learn from others. Not just throw my hands up or give in. I am hopeful that one day my son's father and I will be able to communicate and be friends. I know that will take time. But I will not just give up because I am facing a PROBLEM!

 

[bononos]

So why not compromise to two days, or to try it for one day for a month and see how it works?

How much wasted time spent typing, and yet still this is the best advice.

He now is willing to do mid-week visits. Who cares about the past.
Compromise.

 

[stealth2]

How much wasted time spent typing, and yet still this is the best advice.

He now is willing to do mid-week visits. Who cares about the past.
Compromise.

...<preen>...

 

[MamaLlama]

why cant Father keep him overnight midweek and provide 2 days a week of care?

If you want the father to have mid week visits and he wants to provide some of the care why don't you give him Thursday and Friday each week to do that and the child can stay overnight. That would avoid the child spending so much time in a car and give the Dad a weekly schedule he can structure meetings around and your child can go to daycare etc 3 days per week and get structure. The best of both worlds.

 

[stealth2]

If you want the father to have mid week visits and he wants to provide some of the care why don't you give him Thursday and Friday each week to do that and the child can stay overnight. That would avoid the child spending so much time in a car and give the Dad a weekly schedule he can structure meetings around and your child can go to daycare etc 3 days per week and get structure. The best of both worlds.

Now THERE is a productive idea! Good job, Llama! Even better on the weekends Dad has kiddo as it cuts out another oneway drive!

 

[CJane]

Now THERE is a productive idea! Good job, Llama! Even better on the weekends Dad has kiddo as it cuts out another oneway drive!

I'm thinking this sounds fantastic.