Working mediation/settlement details into arguements.

[Noelle_71]

What is the name of your state? Tx
Hi all.
How is one to work in details regarding what happened during mediation/settlement offers?
The original order stated that before a modification was requested, the parties must attempt mediation.
This didn't happen, the other party filed and stated that mediation wasn't possible because I would refuse to cooperate (which was as far beyond the truth as possible. )
The judge ordered us to mediate before he would hear anything. So, we went and I foolishly believed we'd work it out right then and there, after all, he only wanted visitation. (he already had it, he just wanted it on paper).Well, he and his attorney walked out after five minutes for no reason other than ...well, I don't even know why, they just refused to talk. We offered a settlement and the attorney for him stated they were working on a counteroffer but never sent it. They did, however, succeed in having the judge order a study into our home lives, to which I had to pay for. My ex refused to speak to me about any of what was going on, refused to compromise, refused to settle and finally told me that what he was doing, through his attorney, was for my own good, for my peace of mind. Of course, you can imagine that I answered by telling him that I did not need any of this, that we should just sign the standard order and be done. But he refused over and over . Well, it's been over a year, the judge gave him every other weekend and an overnight during the week. He never excercised the overnights during the week and often time brought the child back early from the weekend visitation. This "fight" that I didn't want to fight, I wanted to settle for what he asked for in the beginning - standard visitation - has cost me over 12k. For what?
Here is the final question.
When it comes to the final hearing in a few months, I'm not sure I'll have a lawyer, because I can't pay him anymore.
I want to ask for attorney's fee's. I never wanted this fight. I would have given him what he filed for, but he refused to settle. It's my understanding that you cannot bring details of a settlement into court. However, since no settlement occurred, can I say what I offered? Can I say that he walked away from mediation? Since the mediation was court ordered, does the judge know he left?
Help?

 

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state? Tx
Hi all.
How is one to work in details regarding what happened during mediation/settlement offers?
The original order stated that before a modification was requested, the parties must attempt mediation.
This didn't happen, the other party filed and stated that mediation wasn't possible because I would refuse to cooperate (which was as far beyond the truth as possible. )
The judge ordered us to mediate before he would hear anything. So, we went and I foolishly believed we'd work it out right then and there, after all, he only wanted visitation. (he already had it, he just wanted it on paper).Well, he and his attorney walked out after five minutes for no reason other than ...well, I don't even know why, they just refused to talk. We offered a settlement and the attorney for him stated they were working on a counteroffer but never sent it. They did, however, succeed in having the judge order a study into our home lives, to which I had to pay for. My ex refused to speak to me about any of what was going on, refused to compromise, refused to settle and finally told me that what he was doing, through his attorney, was for my own good, for my peace of mind. Of course, you can imagine that I answered by telling him that I did not need any of this, that we should just sign the standard order and be done. But he refused over and over . Well, it's been over a year, the judge gave him every other weekend and an overnight during the week. He never excercised the overnights during the week and often time brought the child back early from the weekend visitation. This "fight" that I didn't want to fight, I wanted to settle for what he asked for in the beginning - standard visitation - has cost me over 12k. For what?
Here is the final question.
When it comes to the final hearing in a few months, I'm not sure I'll have a lawyer, because I can't pay him anymore.
I want to ask for attorney's fee's. I never wanted this fight. I would have given him what he filed for, but he refused to settle. It's my understanding that you cannot bring details of a settlement into court. However, since no settlement occurred, can I say what I offered? Can I say that he walked away from mediation? Since the mediation was court ordered, does the judge know he left?
Help?

You don't have an attorney so you can't get attorney fees and they have to be requested at the start of an action normally. You cannot use anything that happened in negotation/mediation in court. It is inadmissible. You may be able to say he walked away from it and did not abide by the court order if this was not already brought up in another hearing. The judge may know he walked out of mediation.

 

[Noelle_71]

You don't have an attorney so you can't get attorney fees and they have to be requested at the start of an action normally. You cannot use anything that happened in negotation/mediation in court. It is inadmissible. You may be able to say he walked away from it and did not abide by the court order if this was not already brought up in another hearing. The judge may know he walked out of mediation.

As I said, I did have attorney's fees, over 12k in fees. And they were requested at the beginning, but I was told by my attorney that his partner is pressuring him to drop the case because I owe them so much.
He said to keep my requests to him as minimal as possible.I'm asking, thats all.

 

[ceara19]

As I said, I did have attorney's fees, over 12k in fees. And they were requested at the beginning, but I was told by my attorney that his partner is pressuring him to drop the case because I owe them so much.
He said to keep my requests to him as minimal as possible.I'm asking, thats all.

Like Ohio explained, attorney fee reimbursement is unlikely at this point. You MAY be able to have the judge order him to reimburse you for any money you have paid to the mediator and possible the home study, depending on the REASONS he asked for it and the OUTCOME of the study. If the study was ordered because of baseless claims made by dad and proven untrue by the study, you should at least request he reimburse you. The chance of being awarded reimbursement under the above circumstances are 50/50 at best and the odds that he would actually PAY you are slim.

You should ask the mediator to write a letter to the court that simply states that dad left before any discussions began. Chances are good that the judge would give the standard lecture about how the court's time is valuable and that as parents, you both have got to find a way to deal with each other for the sake of the child and that if one or both of you FORCE the court to come up with an arrangement that it is very likely that NO ONE will like the outcome. (Or if the judge believes that only ONE party is hindering the process, that the uncooperative party will not like the outcome.) Once everyone has had a minute to for the judge's words to sink in, you will typically be asked if you would like to give mediation another shot.

You need to prove to the court that YOU are trying to come to a peaceful agreement without acctually blaming or even implying that dad isn't.

 

[Noelle_71]

Like Ohio explained, attorney fee reimbursement is unlikely at this point. You MAY be able to have the judge order him to reimburse you for any money you have paid to the mediator and possible the home study, depending on the REASONS he asked for it and the OUTCOME of the study. If the study was ordered because of baseless claims made by dad and proven untrue by the study, you should at least request he reimburse you. The chance of being awarded reimbursement under the above circumstances are 50/50 at best and the odds that he would actually PAY you are slim.

You should ask the mediator to write a letter to the court that simply states that dad left before any discussions began. Chances are good that the judge would give the standard lecture about how the court's time is valuable and that as parents, you both have got to find a way to deal with each other for the sake of the child and that if one or both of you FORCE the court to come up with an arrangement that it is very likely that NO ONE will like the outcome. (Or if the judge believes that only ONE party is hindering the process, that the uncooperative party will not like the outcome.) Once everyone has had a minute to for the judge's words to sink in, you will typically be asked if you would like to give mediation another shot.

You need to prove to the court that YOU are trying to come to a peaceful agreement without acctually blaming or even implying that dad isn't.

Not exactly what I was hoping for, but if thats the way it is, thats the way it is. One party *is* and has hindering the process. The social worker stated, in her report, that the father was clearly using the court system as an investigative tool and that he appeared to put his own interests over that of his child. It didn't say anything bad, really, that was the worst thing they said about him, other than that he didn't appear to understand that you can't learn how to be a father from a book. I suppose I'm trying to figure this out, really it doesn't seem like the justice system can protect against vindictive filings. So, to wrap up, the filing after filing of silly things, which caused me to rack up thousands of dollars in debt because he wouldn't cooperate, is okay with the court? I just don't understand that concept, the same agreement that I gave him last year(but with less visitation) is the one they finally want to settle on a year later. Seems sad, doesn't it? It just seems logical that the person suing...if it ends up the suit wasn't really about what they sued for, but for what the other party had already offered them..it just seems that should be paid for by the initiating party. At any rate, I'll contact the mediator and ask them how much they can say.
Thanks.