Workplace harrassment?

[Anonymouswoman]

California

I work for a prominent state organization. This has always been and is very much still a boys club. Men have almost all the authority positions in this organization and all of them in my individual workplace.

I have been told that I and everyone else in my job position (mostly women) are "only" (my position title) and therefor cannot do basic tasks without supervision. We are all treated like third class citizens and are not shown the preferential treatment that the "supervisors" give each other.
No, according to the job descriptions, these men are not our supervisors, but our actual supervisor has delegated this job to these 15 men though (there are only 6 of us in the position I am working).

I've not eaten any meat for almost 30 years. For months now, one of these men in particular will not stop with the comments (he would call them jokes and teasing, I'm sure) about my being a vegetarian. Whenever there is meat cooked for the workplace, he offers some to me, he comments specifically to me about how delicious it is or holds out a plateful to me and shows it to me. He tells me I should just pick the meat out of pizza, or the meals prepared or I should just drink the broth on soups. He won't stop. I've never laughed or smiled or done anything to encourage this or to let him know that I think what he is doing is funny. At the most, when I'm not ignoring his comments, I explain (again) that eating any of these things will make me sick.
I've spoken to a few of the other "supervisors" who are nicer, about this problem with no results.
This man in particular likes to throw his authority around. My fear of confronting him directly to tell him to just knock it off (politely of course), is that I will suffer retribution of some kind.

I am represented by a different union than these guys are in.
Is this actionable behavior? I'm so frustrated. I just want to work and do my job.

- Frustrated

 

[adjusterjack]

Is this actionable behavior?

I don't think so. Be we have an HR expert who participates here who will give you a more precise answer.

My fear of confronting him directly to tell him to just knock it off (politely of course), is that I will suffer retribution of some kind.

Unfortunately, you are probably right about that.

 

[cbg]

The so-called teasing about your vegetarianism, probably not. Being a vegetarian is not a protected characteristic. It's childish and he should be ashamed of himself but I don't believe it's actionable.

However, the differing treatment based on your job duties which are mostly gender divided may be. Are there any men in your job title, and if so do they get the same treatment, or are they treated better?

 

[commentator]

Are you a state government employee or a contracting agency with the state government? Either way, the state has probably got an EEOC officer in your agency, and as you said, you are a union member, as well. Most state entities are super conscientious about not being targeted in EEOC situations, have lots of in house people who are supposed to deal with these types of things.

You are going to have to bite the bullet on the whole teasing issue. "Knock off the comments about my being vegetarian, George, what I choose to eat and not eat is none of your business." So what retribution do you think you might suffer?

To me, your failure to stand up and clearly and concisely tell him to stop teasing you is part of the whole "women are wimpy and can't take it, that's why they can't be supervisors" mentality. How would you ever function in a supervisory position if you can't tell others what to do when giving them direction is appropriate?

If the situation is to improve, you're going to have to be brave, and first of all begin dealing with the teasing problem from the bottom. Talk to your co worker, the next time he makes a comment, just clearly, politely, tell him to get off your case. Make a careful notation about when you did this, and what was said. Then if there is any perceived retribution, take careful note of when and what occurred. Save any documentation of such retribution, as in email, notes, etc. Make note of who was present, who heard any exchanges between the two of you.

If this goes beyond the immediate workplace, if this person is stupid enough not to stop the teasing, or to try to give you grief in a tangible way because you dared to tell him not to tease you, then your next step would be to take it up to HR in your department (if you are a state employee.) While vegetarians are not a protected class, it does seem that he's pressing the playground style of teasing and chuffing you too far, and he needs to be pulled back from it because you find it negative and distracting.

Your goal is a professional work relationship, not a playground bullying session with you as a quiet victim. I actually saw something like this escalate into a scenario where things got to the point where the bully actually tried to "sneak" a bit of the undesirable/forbidden food into what the other person was given to eat. In that scenario, the company quickly discharged the jerk who did this, there were life threatening allergies involved, but the point remains. The longer you tolerate it, the more he thinks it's cute, and the bigger it's going to get.

You might check and see if there is an EEOC representative in the state's HR, who could answer questions and discuss with you both the bullying by your supervisor and the whole situation of your workplace, as in whether the men are in charge, women are only lowly "whatevers" and all the men are in charge of all the women. In any case, your first step would be to make your feelings known about this situation within the agency, as any further investigation of discrimination issues would begin their examination of the situation with "what happened when the situation was discussed with management?"

 

[quincy]

There is currently an interesting discrimination case in Britain that is going forward based on "ethical veganism" being a philosophical belief deserving of protection under their discrimination laws.

 

[PayrollHRGuy]

Good thing we aren't in Britain.

 

[quincy]

Good thing we aren't in Britain.

I wouldn't be surprised to see a similar, copycat case initiated here in the U.S. at some time in the future.

The case has some interesting aspects that could make for some interesting arguments.

 

[PayrollHRGuy]

I wouldn't be surprised to see a similar, copycat case initiated here in the U.S. at some time in the future.

The case has some interesting aspects that could make for some interesting arguments.

My problem with cases like that is it opens the door to any closely held belief becoming a protected right. You spiral down that whole too far and you find a group of people that believe they should be allowed to be paid by an employer while not actually working are then a protected class and can't be fired for not working. Sort of like much of the EU.

 

[LdiJ]

I dated a guy in college who was a vegetarian and it honestly gave him a severe upset tummy if he accidentally ingested any meat or meat by products. It was mostly the fats that did it. If we shared a pizza with others that was half and half, I always ate the pieces on the edges of the half, so that it was unlikely that anything would spillover to what he ate. Therefore, I have some sympathy for the OP. What the supervisor is doing must be very uncomfortable for her.

I also made sure that I had a decent amount of vegetarian options on the menu when I had my restaurant, because of that same guy...LOL.

 

[PayrollHRGuy]

I dated a guy in college who was a vegetarian and it honestly gave him a severe upset tummy if he accidentally ingested any meat or meat by products. It was mostly the fats that did it. If we shared a pizza with others that was half and half, I always ate the pieces on the edges of the half, so that it was unlikely that anything would spillover to what he ate. Therefore, I have some sympathy for the OP. What the supervisor is doing must be very uncomfortable for her.

I also made sure that I had a decent amount of vegetarian options on the menu when I had my restaurant, because of that same guy...LOL.

Oh please. There is a very big difference between having a reaction to a food and seeing the food you don't like.

 

[quincy]

My problem with cases like that is it opens the door to any closely held belief becoming a protected right. You spiral down that whole too far and you find a group of people that believe they should be allowed to be paid by an employer while not actually working are then a protected class and can't be fired for not working. Sort of like much of the EU.

I agree that there are problems, this if the vegetarian or vegan diet is merely a preference based on ethical beliefs (or a dislike of certain foods ) rather than a restriction in diet based on religious beliefs.

I still find the case interesting.

 

[commentator]

We have a tick borne illness going around these parts where if the person eats any mammal meat, or meat products, down to gelatin or butter, they get a terrible reaction. But whether a vegetarian diet is a protected right or not, this is simply a stupid case of workplace bullying, and the OP needs to tell this man to butt out.

 

[cbg]

I have plenty of sympathy for the OP but that doesn't mean I can come up a law that the co-worker is breaking or a legal action she is able to take.

 

[quincy]

I have plenty of sympathy for the OP but that doesn't mean I can come up a law that the co-worker is breaking or a legal action she is able to take.

I also don't see offhand any legal action available to take (based on what has been said, at least). It sounds as if the male coworker is just an obnoxious jerk.

Having employees like this sure can make for an unpleasant workplace, though.