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would it be worth fighting for custody?

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johnson05

Junior Member
What is the name of your state?Texas
I am writing for an unbias opinion. my husband has a child with a woman and she recently motioned for a reevaluation of child support. A year ago her and my husband (at his own will) signed papers to up his child support to $400.00 dollars a month. This mother is on wellfare and has three other children with two other father's that do not pay child support. She is pregnant again. They live in a three bedroom government home and are on food stamps. My husband and I by all school clothes and supplies. Anytime she needs money or he needs something we provide it for her. not to mention that I have bought clothes, shoes and food for her other children as well. With this new child coming living quarters, food and money will be tight. Should we go for custody or agree to pay more money. I hate to take a child from its mother but I think in this case he would be better off with us. HELP
 


NotSoNew

Senior Member
you will not get custody unless you can prove the mother unfit, which is generally very hard to do, she has to be a drug addict or abusing the children (generally speaking) simply because she has too many children, I dont think they would take the baby away from her.
 

johnson05

Junior Member
what is the defintion of unfit? She is married to a man that cannot live with her because he is a drug addict. She herself is an admitted recovering addict. She has four children she cannot afford and another is on the way. We have a three bedroom home with a room all for him. Would it be better to live cramped and share a room with two other children or in a home with his own room? I understand that it would be ideal for him to stay with his mother but she can't afford him and all the others and I do not feel that it is our responsibility to take care of all the kids.
 

brisgirl825

Senior Member
johnson05 said:
what is the defintion of unfit? She is married to a man that cannot live with her because he is a drug addict. She herself is an admitted recovering addict. She has four children she cannot afford and another is on the way. We have a three bedroom home with a room all for him. Would it be better to live cramped and share a room with two other children or in a home with his own room? I understand that it would be ideal for him to stay with his mother but she can't afford him and all the others and I do not feel that it is our responsibility to take care of all the kids.
Poverty is not a basis to change custody unless there are extreme circumstances like homelessness.
If she's an addict, why wasn't this brought when custody was being decided? Do you have proof of her addiction?
How many kids, from how many different fathers were there before your husband started having sex with her?
 
B

betterthanher

Guest
johnson05 said:
What is the name of your state?Texas
I am writing for an unbias opinion. my husband has a child with a woman and she recently motioned for a reevaluation of child support. A year ago her and my husband (at his own will) signed papers to up his child support to $400.00 dollars a month. This mother is on wellfare and has three other children with two other father's that do not pay child support. She is pregnant again. They live in a three bedroom government home and are on food stamps. My husband and I by all school clothes and supplies. Anytime she needs money or he needs something we provide it for her. not to mention that I have bought clothes, shoes and food for her other children as well. With this new child coming living quarters, food and money will be tight. Should we go for custody or agree to pay more money. I hate to take a child from its mother but I think in this case he would be better off with us. HELP
STOP GIVING THIS WOMAN MONEY!!!! Like YESTERDAY!! Only give her the amount of money the order says to and nothing more. Doesn't anyone else see what this lazy, welfare-mooching, piece of crap is doing?? People like this really rile me up. She is clearly milking the system (and her ex) for money!

If she's getting assitance for housing AND welfare, she's not necessarily hurting. She's probably also getting assistance of some sort for her utilities as well. Whatever your hubby does, DO NOT AGREE TO GIVE HER ANYMORE MONEY until the modification is complete.

He certainly can make a valid argument as to her being an unfit parent. Why isn't this woman working? Has she worked before she found a lively career of laying on her back? Was she fired? What's her inability to hold employment? She can't even support herself, let alone children. That's an unfit parent. Do you have documentation of her requests for money? What's the crime rate like where she lives? What about this meth thing? Is he not living with her because he is incarcerated for drugs? What about the overall living environment of the children? Obviously there isn't enough room for the children now. Why would it be in the best interest of the child to reside with you and your husband, instead of where the child is at now? He has a lot of leg work to do to make a valid case, but it sounds like it is worth it.

It doesn't matter if she has more kids and has another one on the way. They are not your financial responsibility. Unfortunately, Miss Legs-Wide-Open will keep getting breaks in the support for the children she's popping out as a career. Insist an income be imputed on her. I'd also heavily research any legal options you have to insist this women seek assistance from the state's jobs and family services about getting some sort of vocational training.

Your husbandy should file for custody with supervised visitation with the mother. While many say that their financial status usually isn't considered, it doesn't mean it won't. Here are some rulings to use to strengthen your case.

"A child has an equal right to be raised by the father, and must be awarded to the father if he is the better parent, or mother is not interested. STANLEY V. ILLINOIS, 405 US 645 (1972)"

"Custody can be awarded to father of girls of "tender years" if mother commits perjury, and is otherwise immoral. BEABER V. BEABER, 322 NE 2d 910"

"An award of custody to a father will be upheld as in the best interest of the child where the mother is irresponsible with money, lacks control over her impulses, and has poor judgment. Apgar v. Apgar (Cuyahoga 1984) 21 Ohio App.3d 193, 486 N.E.2d 1181, 21 O.B.R. 206."
 

johnson05

Junior Member
Thanks for all the advice. just to clear some things up. My husband had a child with this women ten years ago. She has a seven year old and a set of three year old twins. The man she has the seven years old with and is now pregnant with was in jail for drugs for five years and recently got out. in the time he was in jail, she had a set of twins. Neither of these dads pay child support. She always has her hair done with highlights and her nails and toes are done. I have to wonder if our child support helps do these extras and feeds, clothes the other children in the house. She left a job making 50,000 dollars a year because she couldn't afford daycare. She now is going to school (so she says) to be a nurse. I know she loves her children, but I can't help to think of the stable lifestyle that our home could provide for my husband's son. He would have his own room. A home with two loving parents. maybe that's not enough to seek custody, however, we cannot afford more money to help support the other three children and the one on the way. And unfortunately, that's what she will use the money for because she can't get the other dads to pay. UGGGH.
 

sugey

Junior Member
Different view

Hey, please do not get offended. I just wanted to know how the child feels? You know if he is happy with his mother, it doesn't matter to him how or where he lives as long as he is with his mother. It sounds like she has quite a background and I know it is easy to judge but consider what the effects on the child might be. If you are going to prove she is unfit, then he will hear about it, that can't be good, right? I am going through a similar situation, I think his ex is a bit loose but who am I to judge her, maybe she doesn't believe in abortion and is a strict Catholic, who knows? I think she has a right to have as many as she can, and you are only responsible for yours. I know that is harsh, who can say no to the other babies, since that is his brother/sisters?
I have decided to respect the mother of my husbands other child, no matter what because he is going to grow up and see everything for himself one day. All I can say is try not to get bitter, it'll show, and that won't make you any better in the child's eyes. Sorry for your trouble.
 

MistyLady

Junior Member
No Extra Money!

I agree with the previous poster about not sending extra money. DO NOT send her extra money! Child support rates are set high enough that she should be able to take care of the child, IF SHE DOES HER PART! Remember, he's her child too, and she has a responsibility to him. If you send extra you're probably paying for her hair and nail jobs! I don't know about you, but I like to have my own done now and then. I'm not going to pay for hubby's X to have hers done.

Our case is similiar to yours. Hubby's X "never" has the money to clothe his two boys, nor does she have the money for any extras such as sports, etc. She makes sure her hair is tinted/frosted and her finger and toenails are always done, however. We feel if we send extra, we're just enabling her and therefore as as guilty as she is. She does work and makes decent money, but she can't seem to pay her bills or take care of the children. She lies to family members saying hubby doesn't pay the child support, and suckers them into supplying most of their needs.She's totally worthless as far as parenting goes.

We're getting ready to go for a custody modification. Hubby's boys are both almost teens now, and definitely need their father in their life, since their mother neglects and abuses them. She's going to be shocked when she finds out what all we actually know and can prove. The boys complain about these things to their dad and I, even though she threatens them within an inch of their life if they do tell. We've had to keep quiet about most of what we know, and ask the boys to hang with us (since they're begging us to go for custody for them) until we can get things in order and go to court. We've had to wait on serious enough charges to ask for a modification, but believe we have it now.

Good luck to you!
________________________________________

Thanks for all the advice. just to clear some things up. My husband had a child with this women ten years ago. She has a seven year old and a set of three year old twins. The man she has the seven years old with and is now pregnant with was in jail for drugs for five years and recently got out. in the time he was in jail, she had a set of twins. Neither of these dads pay child support. She always has her hair done with highlights and her nails and toes are done. I have to wonder if our child support helps do these extras and feeds, clothes the other children in the house. She left a job making 50,000 dollars a year because she couldn't afford daycare. She now is going to school (so she says) to be a nurse. I know she loves her children, but I can't help to think of the stable lifestyle that our home could provide for my husband's son. He would have his own room. A home with two loving parents. maybe that's not enough to seek custody, however, we cannot afford more money to help support the other three children and the one on the way. And unfortunately, that's what she will use the money for because she can't get the other dads to pay. UGGGH.
 

MistyLady

Junior Member
Thank you! As a matter of fact, I did not. I saw everything but! I don't know what necroposting is. Please...be patient with me as I learn where everything is, and how it works. :confused:


Did you notice that this post was 3 years old when you posted?

Please... stop necroposting.
 

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