In the situation you describe, you could potentially sue the author of the book and the publisher for writing about you without your consent if damage to your reputation results from the publication.
If all that is printed about you is true, you may have a hard time bringing a defamation action, although you would want an attorney to review the material printed anyway, to see if "guilt by association" can apply in your case. Context, in this situation, could make a defamation action possible. If a writer casts suspicion by innuendo, that may be enough to be considered libelous.
Although there is a possibility, as I said, of a defamation action, your best recourse may be an invasion of privacy suit. Privacy torts cover the intrusion into a person's seclusion, the public disclosure of private facts, the portrayal of a person in a false light (which is similar to defamation, but truth is not a defense to this action), and the commercial appropriation of a person's name and likeness. These civil invasions of privacy are recognized by all courts, although they may be covered under laws other than "privacy" in some states.
For the intrusion into a person's seclusion, the author's work must be offensive to a "reasonable" person and have revealed something that is, by all accounts, private. This "intrusion" is generally an actual physical intrusion into another's life, however (such as entering a person's home and photographing them without permission), and this does not apply in your case. Nor would the appropriation of your name and likeness - unless you were a vital part of this author's story and the author relied on your name to sell his book. And, unless you were portrayed as someone other than the boyfriend of a family member, you would probably not have been portrayed in a false light, even if there were some minor inaccuracies. If false opinions or false statements were attributed to you by the writer, though, then this could result in a "false light" suit. And, again, if there was an implied guilt by association.
But, I think "public disclosure of private facts" is an invasion of privacy action you could reasonably consider. Although writers are generally protected by the First Amendment, especially if any facts disclosed are "newsworthy" or of public interest, there is little protection for a writer when the facts disclosed have no news value and no public value purpose. If the revealed connection of you to this woman and her family actually affects you in your community and in your job, this would generally be enough to support an invasion of privacy lawsuit.
You, along with your attorney, would have to consider whether the facts disclosed were, indeed, private, and ones an ordinary person would not want revealed (generally, however, private facts are facts about your own criminal records, diseases, mental illnesses, etc). If the woman in this book was a criminal, though, and your association with the family only incidental to her story, it could still be damaging to your reputation. If your relationship to this woman has no bearing on her own "public" role or newsworthiness, then I think you could have a legitimate action against the author who made any sort of connection between you and this woman. It really depends on how your relationship with the subject of this story was presented in the book, and the resulting damage to you in your community and in your profession.
Many biographies are written with permission of the subject, and biographers are often assisted in the writing of it by the subject and those who know the subject - these books are rarely the target of lawsuits because of the consent given prior to the writing of the book. Other authors will obtain releases from anyone mentioned in their books, to avoid invasion of privacy suits. Unauthorized biographies, however, like the one Andrew Morton specializes in (his current one is on Tom Cruise and Scientology), are biographies written without the permission of the subject, and often without the permission of those written about in the book, and these biographies have often resulted in lawsuits - both for invasion of privacy and defamation. But, perhaps strangely, these unauthorized biographies are often given broader protection by the courts than one would imagine. The First Amendment protects even the most critical and unflattering of portrayals, and courts are often hesitant to punish writers and/or prevent writers from writing freely.
That said, publishers usually protect themselves with either a clause in the author's contract stating that the author is responsible for any libelous material and the suits this material may bring, or the publishers will carry their own insurance, covering themselves and their writers in the event any lawsuits are brought after the publication of a book.
I would definitely have an attorney review the book to see if he/she thinks there is reason to pursue an invasion of privacy action against the author and/or publisher. Suing a writer is not easy, as the First Amendment is pretty powerful protection for those who write, and it is often extremely expensive to bring suit, and there is never a guarantee of a win. If you can prove the writer damaged your reputation, however, you may have a legitimate and winnable suit.
