xhusband wants to modify visitation for the 2nd time in 9 months

[jwittefinancial]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Indiana.
I've been divorced since January in 2008. Since our divorce my x-husband was awarded visitation according to Indiana Visitation Guidelines, as well as an additional 2 days per month from 6-9pm. We both agreed at time of our divorce that it was not in the best interest of our 8 year old daughter to spend the night away from home on school nights. In March of 2009 he filed a motion to modify visitation asking for his weekday visitation to NOW include overnights. I really didn't have the money to go to court- and we were able to agree that she could have overnights on Wednesday night ONLY, not the every other Thursday visitation where she goes from 6-9pm. Modification was filed and all was well. She is now 10 years old and in September of this year he filed yet ANOTHER modification of visitation- wanting her EVERY THURSDAY rather than e/o Thursday to include overnights, as well as an overnight on the Sunday corresponding with his weekend visitation. (He has her every other weekend from Friday at 6pm until Sunday at 6pm) Basically this would require my daughter to be away from home e/o Wed- Mon. as well as every Th-Fri. In the same modification request filed with the court he would ALSO like to reduce his child support. Indiana basis child support on the number of overnights that you have the child- so hopefully you see where I'm going with this. I have an attorney and we go to court on Dec. 23rd. (Happy Holidays to me!) but I guess I just want to be re-assured that the likliehood of a judge finding this arrangement in my daughter's best-interest UNLIKELY. Here is a little background on both of us... Since moving out of the home in January of 2008 he has had 3 different residences. NONE OF WHICH are in her school district. His current residence is that of his girlfriend and her x-husband and the home is supposed to be going up for sale per her divorce order- so he will be moving again. He is a good father per se- pays child support etc... so I cannot prove him unfit or anything like that. He does however refuse to allow her to do extra-curricular activites on his visitation days and I do have text messages proving this. Also- our marital residence has been for sale for 2 years (I have resided there since our divorce), and obviously when it sells I will have to move to a new location which would undoubtedly force my daughter to change schools as our house is in an affluent area that I can't afford! I've purchased a property 9 miles away from my current residence, however it is in a different school district. He is CONTESTING THIS MOVE saying my daughter should not switch school districts. It's 9 Miles away as we live right on the county line. The school system I will be relocating too is JUST AS GOOD as the one we live in. I also have a 17 year old son from a previous relationship that I have FULL CUSTODY of. Both of the children are straight A students, never get into trouble etc... so obviously he cannot prove me unfit either. I am employed full time, pay my bills, tend to my childrens needs and furthermore, I feel that it would be detrimental to have my daughter change structure yet ANOTHER time this year and be flip-flopped back from home to home every other week. Can someone give me some reassurance that in all likliehood he will not be ordered this extra visitation? It would take away from time with her brother, friends etc.. and she would basically have no sense of home in my opinion. His girlfrend's house is NOT HER HOUSE. It's making me sick to my stomach to even think that he is using my daughter to lower his child support and not putting her best interest at hand. Any advice or thoughts would be appreciated. Thanks

 

[CJane]

I am not our resident Indiana expert. However, it's my understanding that without CONSENT of both parties, it's HIGHLY unusual for Indiana judges to deviate from the standard. Ever.

You DID consent to the weeknight overnight though.

Also, you can't claim instability w/Dad's potential relocation when YOU intend to relocate as well, especially when that relocation involves changing schools.

 

[jwittefinancial]

Thanks for your reply, I really appreciate it! I'm not claiming instabiity for the move again- however he has moved 3 times, soon to be 4 in less than 2 years. My move will be the first and last and was known from the day our divorce was finalized as I was ordered to list the marital residence for sale. My reason for moving is that I can get a comparable home for 1/2 the price of where I'm living now. In your opinion is that a justifiable reason? I did OK the ONE night per week overnight- however he is basically asking for not only 4 additional visitation nights per month- he's also asking for 8 additional overnights- and I just think this would be highly disruptive! The one night overnight on a school night is one thing- but basically changing our visitation schedule to be 50% would be highly disruptive and quite a big change for a 10 year old, pre-pubescent little girl! In your opinion, would you think this would be disruptive?

 

[Isis1]

Thanks for your reply, I really appreciate it! I'm not claiming instabiity for the move again- however he has moved 3 times, soon to be 4 in less than 2 years. My move will be the first and last and was known from the day our divorce was finalized as I was ordered to list the marital residence for sale. My reason for moving is that I can get a comparable home for 1/2 the price of where I'm living now. In your opinion is that a justifiable reason? I did OK the ONE night per week overnight- however he is basically asking for not only 4 additional visitation nights per month- he's also asking for 8 additional overnights- and I just think this would be highly disruptive! The one night overnight on a school night is one thing- but basically changing our visitation schedule to be 50% would be highly disruptive and quite a big change for a 10 year old, pre-pubescent little girl! In your opinion, would you think this would be disruptive?

this won't work if dad isn't in the same school district.

 

[jwittefinancial]

So the likliehood a judge will order this type of arrangement in his favorwould be nill, right? Also, do the judges reaize that when modification of visitation and re-evaluation of child support are filed at the same time- that the father is just wanting more visitation to lower child support?

 

[CJane]

Thanks for your reply, I really appreciate it! I'm not claiming instabiity for the move again- however he has moved 3 times, soon to be 4 in less than 2 years. My move will be the first and last and was known from the day our divorce was finalized as I was ordered to list the marital residence for sale. My reason for moving is that I can get a comparable home for 1/2 the price of where I'm living now. In your opinion is that a justifiable reason? I did OK the ONE night per week overnight- however he is basically asking for not only 4 additional visitation nights per month- he's also asking for 8 additional overnights- and I just think this would be highly disruptive! The one night overnight on a school night is one thing- but basically changing our visitation schedule to be 50% would be highly disruptive and quite a big change for a 10 year old, pre-pubescent little girl! In your opinion, would you think this would be disruptive?

Well, I had basically the schedule that your ex is proposing (I had Sun overnight - Wed AM every week and every other weekend, ex had Wed AM-Fri AM every week and every other weekend) for years and the kids were FINE.

They were actually MORE fine then than they are NOW w/a schedule much like the one you HAVE.

The "disruption" in my experience is GREATER when it's one overnight stuck in the middle of a week then when it's a string of overnights in a row.

 

[jwittefinancial]

Did you both live in the same school district? We don't and we never will. He currently has to wake my daughter 45 min. early every Thursday morning to drive her to the bus stop. Also, had we started this visitation out like this, it may have worked a little better, but this will be the 3rd change this year for her. He doesn't even have his own home- he lives WITH his girlfriend. He's not on the lease, or the mortgage and I'm waiting for her to kick him out! Wouldn't this show instability?

 

[CJane]

Did you both live in the same school district? We don't and we never will. He currently has to wake my daughter 45 min. early every Thursday morning to drive her to the bus stop. Also, had we started this visitation out like this, it may have worked a little better, but this will be the 3rd change this year for her. He doesn't even have his own home- he lives WITH his girlfriend. He's not on the lease, or the mortgage and I'm waiting for her to kick him out! Wouldn't this show instability?

No, we didn't live in the same district from the divorce until May 2008.

I had the children 60% of the time, they attended school in DAD'S district. I drove them to school every morning that I had them and picked them up every evening - paying for any required daycare on my time.

Sometimes that drive (depending on where I lived) was 45 minutes to an hour.

The kids were straight A students w/occasional problems completing homework/paying attention in class.

NOW, youngest (at almost 10) failed science last year while Dad had primary custody during the school year. She's also now in tutoring, her reading comprehension has DECLINED, she's having serious issues paying attention in class, getting homework done on time or at all (when at Dad's house) and has regressed emotionally significantly.

And that's AFTER they got a "more stable" schedule.

 

[jwittefinancial]

well, my daughter IS STABLE NOW!!!!! Therefore, I don't see why disrupting the stability would be beneficial? It's almost like "tempting fate". She is thriving- so why add more stress to the situation? Did you see my question about the child support issue? Do you think since he has also asked to modify child support- that a judge will correalate the two and see it for what it's worth?

 

[Ohiogal]

well, my daughter IS STABLE NOW!!!!! Therefore, I don't see why disrupting the stability would be beneficial? It's almost like "tempting fate". She is thriving- so why add more stress to the situation? Did you see my question about the child support issue? Do you think since he has also asked to modify child support- that a judge will correalate the two and see it for what it's worth?

her father is not stress. What dad basically sounds like he is attempting to do is a graduated schedule. The last change didn't harm your daughter.

Seriously, this is more about YOU and NOT your child. You are the one stressing. He may be asking to recalculate based on a time shift. That is NOT necessarily an issue. A change in custody or a signifianct time shift WOULD be followed by child support.

What is your real issue with this situation? Other than this is your daughter.

 

[jwittefinancial]

NO- it's actually NOT about me at all. I am the custodial parent- I've been the primary caregiver her entire life. I was a stay at home mom until 1 year ago. I'm trying to work with him and understand his need to see his daughter- and his current visitation is far greater than the Indiana Guidelines of which I've agreed too. However- when does it stop? This is the 2nd time I've been subjected to legal counsel and the First time (less than 6 months ago)- I gave him what he wanted. In 6 months from now will he be suing me for SOLE CUSTODY? I just think that a child should have a sense of WHAT exactly her address is, this late in the ball game. My older son is on the same schedule that she is, visitation wise and with the new plan that her father is trying to enact- they would see each other once every other week. I don't feel that siblings should ever be seperated and he also felt this way less than two years ago- however he has since changed his mind. My attorney has told me that it will not be an easy task for him to conquer as he must PROVE it's in my daughter's best interest to switch to this arrangement and I certainly appreciate your veiw point on this. Obviously, he will most likely use the same reasoning as you have in proving this theory and I'm glad that you have pointed it out to me. While I disagree, it's certainly something to think about.

 

[Ohiogal]

NO- it's actually NOT about me at all. I am the custodial parent- I've been the primary caregiver her entire life. I was a stay at home mom until 1 year ago. I'm trying to work with him and understand his need to see his daughter- and his current visitation is far greater than the Indiana Guidelines of which I've agreed too. However- when does it stop? This is the 2nd time I've been subjected to legal counsel and the First time (less than 6 months ago)- I gave him what he wanted. In 6 months from now will he be suing me for SOLE CUSTODY? I just think that a child should have a sense of WHAT exactly her address is, this late in the ball game. My older son is on the same schedule that she is, visitation wise and with the new plan that her father is trying to enact- they would see each other once every other week. I don't feel that siblings should ever be seperated and he also felt this way less than two years ago- however he has since changed his mind. My attorney has told me that it will not be an easy task for him to conquer as he must PROVE it's in my daughter's best interest to switch to this arrangement and I certainly appreciate your veiw point on this. Obviously, he will most likely use the same reasoning as you have in proving this theory and I'm glad that you have pointed it out to me. While I disagree, it's certainly something to think about.

The children are half siblings. If you wanted them on the SAME schedule and constantly together then you should NOT have had two children with two different men.

 

[LdiJ]

Thanks for your reply, I really appreciate it! I'm not claiming instabiity for the move again- however he has moved 3 times, soon to be 4 in less than 2 years. My move will be the first and last and was known from the day our divorce was finalized as I was ordered to list the marital residence for sale. My reason for moving is that I can get a comparable home for 1/2 the price of where I'm living now. In your opinion is that a justifiable reason? I did OK the ONE night per week overnight- however he is basically asking for not only 4 additional visitation nights per month- he's also asking for 8 additional overnights- and I just think this would be highly disruptive! The one night overnight on a school night is one thing- but basically changing our visitation schedule to be 50% would be highly disruptive and quite a big change for a 10 year old, pre-pubescent little girl! In your opinion, would you think this would be disruptive?

Indiana judges typically will not order a 50/50 schedule unless the parents are in agreement to that. I cannot guarantee that you won't find a judge in Indiana that will, but if there is any hint in the judge's mind that the ncp only wants that in order to get out of or significantly reduce child support, its not going to happen....and yes, Indiana judges do indeed catch on quickly when its really all about the child support.

Also, its needs to be pointed out to the judge that this is the second modification that dad has filed in less than 9 months. That is generally a big no-no unless there has been a significant change in circumstances.

 

[jwittefinancial]

Thanks for your response. I've been told the same thing about the "significant change in circumstance". Could you elaborate and let me know what would constitute a significant change? My boyfriend moved in with me on Sept. 15th, however he moved into his girlfriends home in June of this year. My boyfriend is an educated , wonderful man with no criminal history, drug abuse problems etc. He is employed full time and we've been together for 1 year. He is actually basing this modification on the fact that I have a full time job now (after being a stay at home mom for 8 years) and that I don't get my daughter on the bus EVERY morning and his flexible schedule would allow him to do so. My attorney has told his attorney that I actually do have the flexibility to get our daughter on the bus every morning, but that we "working moms" in the neighborhood take turns doing so, to help one another out. Their have been no other extensive changes since the day were were divorced.

 

[LdiJ]

Thanks for your response. I've been told the same thing about the "significant change in circumstance". Could you elaborate and let me know what would constitute a significant change? My boyfriend moved in with me on Sept. 15th, however he moved into his girlfriends home in June of this year. My boyfriend is an educated , wonderful man with no criminal history, drug abuse problems etc. He is employed full time and we've been together for 1 year. He is actually basing this modification on the fact that I have a full time job now (after being a stay at home mom for 8 years) and that I don't get my daughter on the bus EVERY morning and his flexible schedule would allow him to do so. My attorney has told his attorney that I actually do have the flexibility to get our daughter on the bus every morning, but that we "working moms" in the neighborhood take turns doing so, to help one another out. Their have been no other extensive changes since the day were were divorced.

A boyfriend moving into the custodial parents home could be a significant change in circumstance, or it could not be a significant change in circumstance.

If it has no negative effect on the child, then its not a significant change in circumstance.

You going back to work full time could be a significant change in circumstance, or it could not be a significant change in circumstance.

If you are working days, its not a significant change in circumstance. If you were working second shift (3-11) it would be a HUGE change in circumstance.