Can emailing random colleagues with private details of my kid land me in trouble?

[stealth2]

@badmouthed some reading for you?
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/tech-support/202402/estranged-parent-6-tips-for-reconciling-with-an-adult-child?fbclid=IwZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAAR1r6SCIXNdIu33LcDFg5_6yheJI23R8mDh0g0ANISp9dT_00bse85NMWTs_aem_AfoMsuFHWSMO5DdAekyTtvccD_24-SJwboXREeqW4Dw8sJIlcUAWgfc8vvV7Sw_DcigIZDHSBOkup1880jS5AifZ

 

[badmouthed]

@badmouthed some reading for you?
I do appreciate the article, I read it completely but it doesnt quite apply to this situation since it makes references to estrangements that the child took years (or "decades") to decide to do, whereas in my situation my daughter decided practically overnight to cut all contact with me, while I allowed her to live exclusively with the mother who I did not realize was actively badmouthing and alienating me (which actually I believe the mother's new husband was behind this conspiracy, he who I campaigned against since my daughter initially told us she hated him).

If my daughter had just one caring person reach out to help her understand I was always on her side and she was lied to by her mother (proof which I have & prepared to demonstrate in an online zoom call), that would make a world of difference. And the Dean of students seems to be the only contact point. Nothing stopping the Dean except the "not my job" and "I dont have time for this" syndromes, but if I were a relative of the Dean, I'm sure the Dean would be way more willing. I need to motivate the Dean since I understand there is no legal university policy preventing the Dean from becoming more involved

 

[stealth2]

Sadly, I think that you missed much of the point of the article. No matter how quickly you feel your daughter turned OR who you think is behind it, the fact is that the two of you are estranged. Did your ex/her new husband have anything to do with it? I don't know. What I DO know, based on your own words and proposed actions is that you are both perpetuating it AND keeping your daughter in the middle. That is NOT the way to bring about a reconciliation. Trust me.

Why should you trust me, a perfect stranger on the Internet? Because my daughters are both estranged from their father. And before your mind goes *there*, no it had nothing to do with me. In reality, I bent over backward to facilitate their respective relationships (and there are folks here who can attest to it, based on many conversations over the years). I'm certain that he, too, believed that it happened overnight and due to me. And that couldn't be further from the truth. My girls have a decade on your daughter, but they dealt with similar actions from their father - actions I've only recently found out about. And it definitely affected any desire they have wrt reconciliation. He has missed out on two weddings, one divorce, and three grandchildren.

Don't be that guy.

 

[cbg]

Sadly, I think that you missed much of the point of the article. No matter how quickly you feel your daughter turned OR who you think is behind it, the fact is that the two of you are estranged. Did your ex/her new husband have anything to do with it? I don't know. What I DO know, based on your own words and proposed actions is that you are both perpetuating it AND keeping your daughter in the middle. That is NOT the way to bring about a reconciliation. Trust me.

Why should you trust me, a perfect stranger on the Internet? Because my daughters are both estranged from their father. And before your mind goes *there*, no it had nothing to do with me. In reality, I bent over backward to facilitate their respective relationships (and there are folks here who can attest to it, based on many conversations over the years). I'm certain that he, too, believed that it happened overnight and due to me. And that couldn't be further from the truth. My girls have a decade on your daughter, but they dealt with similar actions from their father - actions I've only recently found out about. And it definitely affected any desire they have wrt reconciliation. He has missed out on two weddings, one divorce, and three grandchildren.

Don't be that guy.

Re: the bolded - yes, this is certainly true.

And I speak as one with personal experience as a daughter once estranged from her father. And in my case yes, it was due to a misplaced loyalty to my mother. And yes, I did eventually realize my mistake and reconciled with him. I will never stop regretting those lost years and I will always be grateful that he was willing to let me work my own way through my issues and not force me to do it his way.

You need to do likewise.

 

[LdiJ]

"I need to motivate the Dean since I understand there is no legal university policy preventing the Dean from becoming more involved"

I wish you understood how bad that makes you sound. If you actually manage to force/coerce the Dean into getting involved all you are going to do is embarris your daughter and convince her that you are exactly like what she believes at this point. It will have the opposite effect that you are hoping for.

 

[quincy]

It might help for badmouthed to learn what a Dean’s job at a university actually is.

 

[badmouthed]

It might help for badmouthed to learn what a Dean’s job at a university actually is.

Don't be that guy.

Please hear me out here. I do know the Dean's priority is solely the educational success of the student. But I understand there is nothing legally preventing the Dean from giving personal advice/direction to a student regarding family matters. What none of you realize is the extreme lengths I have gone to over the many years of being estranged from my daughter, through no action of my own, completely brainwashed by the mother as reflected in the forensic report that I paid dearly for, thinking it would one day help shed light on the situation for my daughter, who has absolutely no idea how much I love her and tried over the years to show my love and was fought by her mother in her efforts to cover up the truth, a true conspiracy that I never expected to happen.

The fact is, I have absolutely no other avenue whatsoever to contact my daughter except through the Dean (everybody else at the school directs me to the Dean) and if I don't get the Dean to speak to her and my daughter leaves the school, she is gone FOREVER. There will be no way to ever find her, as I'm sure her mother has groomed her for a witness protection program to avoid any opportunity to learn the truth about my love, my efforts, and the damning forensic report where the mother was thrown under the bus for abuse by the forensic child psychologist.

If you folks understood the depths of the problem where my daughter needs a psychological intervention or else this is a relationship between my daughter and me and my son (her brother) that will forever be lost if the Dean doesnt step in (because nobody else will), you would understand the importance of the Dean to step outside her box. THERE IS NO OTHER ALTERNATIVE!

I can't just sit back and wait, because I'll be waiting forever, and my son also will be waiting forever as he's just as heartbroken.

The premise of this post ("emailing random colleagues") is just so that I would know my rights and liablities if I were to do such a crazy thing (not my plan), when really my only goal is to motivate the Dean to step forward to help.

So since I can't just wait, what is my next step, being that everybody points to the Dean as the only point of contact?

 

[quincy]

Please hear me out here. I do know the Dean's priority is solely the educational success of the student. But I understand there is nothing legally preventing the Dean from giving personal advice/direction to a student regarding family matters. What none of you realize is the extreme lengths I have gone to over the many years of being estranged from my daughter, through no action of my own, completely brainwashed by the mother as reflected in the forensic report that I paid dearly for, thinking it would one day help shed light on the situation for my daughter, who has absolutely no idea how much I love her and tried over the years to show my love and was fought by her mother in her efforts to cover up the truth, a true conspiracy that I never expected to happen.

The fact is, I have absolutely no other avenue whatsoever to contact my daughter except through the Dean (everybody else at the school directs me to the Dean) and if I don't get the Dean to speak to her and my daughter leaves the school, she is gone FOREVER. There will be no way to ever find her, as I'm sure her mother has groomed her for a witness protection program to avoid any opportunity to learn the truth about my love, my efforts, and the damning forensic report where the mother was thrown under the bus for abuse by the forensic child psychologist.

If you folks understood the depths of the problem where my daughter needs a psychological intervention or else this is a relationship between my daughter and me and my son (her brother) that will forever be lost if the Dean doesnt step in (because nobody else will), you would understand the importance of the Dean to step outside her box. THERE IS NO OTHER ALTERNATIVE!

I can't just sit back and wait, because I'll be waiting forever, and my son also will be waiting forever as he's just as heartbroken.

The premise of this post ("emailing random colleagues") is just so that I would know my rights and liablities if I were to do such a crazy thing (not my plan), when really my only goal is to motivate the Dean to step forward to help.

So since I can't just wait, what is my next step, being that everybody points to the Dean as the only point of contact?

The Dean is not your point of contact. His job is not to help you repair your relationship with your daughter.

I recommend you seek personal counseling for yourself.

 

[stealth2]

Please hear me out here. I do know the Dean's priority is solely the educational success of the student. But I understand there is nothing legally preventing the Dean from giving personal advice/direction to a student regarding family matters. What none of you realize is the extreme lengths I have gone to over the many years of being estranged from my daughter, through no action of my own, completely brainwashed by the mother as reflected in the forensic report that I paid dearly for, thinking it would one day help shed light on the situation for my daughter, who has absolutely no idea how much I love her and tried over the years to show my love and was fought by her mother in her efforts to cover up the truth, a true conspiracy that I never expected to happen.

The fact is, I have absolutely no other avenue whatsoever to contact my daughter except through the Dean (everybody else at the school directs me to the Dean) and if I don't get the Dean to speak to her and my daughter leaves the school, she is gone FOREVER. There will be no way to ever find her, as I'm sure her mother has groomed her for a witness protection program to avoid any opportunity to learn the truth about my love, my efforts, and the damning forensic report where the mother was thrown under the bus for abuse by the forensic child psychologist.

If you folks understood the depths of the problem where my daughter needs a psychological intervention or else this is a relationship between my daughter and me and my son (her brother) that will forever be lost if the Dean doesnt step in (because nobody else will), you would understand the importance of the Dean to step outside her box. THERE IS NO OTHER ALTERNATIVE!

I can't just sit back and wait, because I'll be waiting forever, and my son also will be waiting forever as he's just as heartbroken.

The premise of this post ("emailing random colleagues") is just so that I would know my rights and liablities if I were to do such a crazy thing (not my plan), when really my only goal is to motivate the Dean to step forward to help.

So since I can't just wait, what is my next step, being that everybody points to the Dean as the only point of contact?

I still don't understand what, specifically, you expect the Dean to do.

 

[cbg]

He expects the Dean to somehow make his daughter agree to contact with him.

There is NO legal action he can take that will force the Dean to do that.

OP, you could convince every person on this board of the righteousness of your position, and there would STILL be nothing you could do to force the Dean to intercede on your behalf.

 

[stealth2]

He expects the Dean to somehow make his daughter agree to contact with him.

Sigh... yeah, I get that. And I don't discount that his ex may well be the one behind 100% of the hatred/lack of contact. But... as the mother of *two* daughters estranged from their father (which many of you know - both the fact of and circumstances behind), I fully understand that there is often more to the story, My ex would tell you that it is all on me, quite convincingly,
I'm sure. And I'd bet that he could find an expert to support his version. That said... I am fairly certain that, had he tried to coerce contact via a Dean or other Admin? It would not have helped him. Shoot, we're over 10 years past age of majority, and the girls are no closer to wanting a relationship (and yes, it saddens me). What do *I* think would help? If their Dad would acknowledge any portion of the hurt he caused.

I can only hope @badmouthed considers that.

 

[not2cleverRed]

But I understand there is nothing legally preventing the Dean from giving personal advice/direction to a student regarding family matters.

It's a bit creepy for an administrator to give a student personal advice regarding family matters.

 

[Just Blue]

It's a bit creepy for an administrator to give a student personal advice regarding family matters.

Yes...not to mention inappropriate.

 

[badmouthed]

their Dad would acknowledge any portion of the hurt he caused.

Yes, I would be HAPPY to acknowledge any portion of the hurt I caused. If she would just give me a minute of her attention. The mother convinced her to avoid any communication with me whatsoever.

What could the Dean do? Well, the Dean could advocate for me, something like "your father LOVES you and was not wrong in going through your cellphone when you were 12 when you were being romantically pursued by a potential lover. That's what fathers do, they look out for their little girls!"

She thinks I hated her and abused her.

Everything I did in the name of parenting is being punished because of her mother's brainwashing, and her mother wants her to think she was abused, but nobody would agree with that if they saw the facts, which are clearly outlined in the forensic report that I cant even get my daughter to acknowledge

Unfortunately at the age of consent, the Dean is the only person with any access to her at all. I don't want to lose her forever

 

[cbg]

Just because the Dean has access to her, does not mean he is legally obligated to do what you ask. Is he legally prevented from doing so? No. Is he legally required to do so? Also no,