Taxing Matters
Overtaxed Member
Not an uncommon feeling of a girlfriend to a divorced/separated dad (or boyfriend to a divorced/separated mom). Dad paints his ex as the most horrible person ever to win the sympathy of the girlfriend to his situation, and she buys into it hook, line, and sinker because she's in love with the boyfriend and is willing to accept what he says at face value. But in my experience dealing with divorced/separated couples it is rare that it is truly that one sided — one of them a true saint, the other the devil incarnate. Usually there is some blame to go around to both of them for what caused their relationship to fail and usually both have had issues post-break up dealing with the other. So I suggest you not take everything he tells you as gospel and I suggest you also think about this: if he is so willing to trash his ex to you, then should you and he break up later, what sorts of stories will he then start telling about you?
While it is not all that difficult in many states to get a temporary restraining order, getting a permanent restraining order is another matter. She had to have evidence sufficient to convince the judge the permanent restraining order was justified. Assuming your fiancé contested the permanent restraining order, this would suggest that your fiancé did indeed present some behavior that warranted it. That too should be something that gets your attention, as he could well repeat that same kind of thing with you later on. The phrase "where there is smoke, there's fire" comes to mind.
Understand that the money he pays is to support his child. He had a kid with her and he has the legal and moral obligation to support that child. And surprise, raising a kid is not cheap. Child support is based on the incomes of the two parents and takes into account the time the child spends with each parent since when a parent has the child he or she has expenses to pay for that child. Most states use formulas to determine support as at least a starting point, and presumably your fiancé was ordered to pay $175/week because that is what the state's formula said was justified. So if he participated in the child support hearings the amount of child support is probably fair, at least as far as the state is concerned. your feelings about it notwithstanding.
If sufficient time has passed since the child support order was made final and if the financial situation of either your fiancé (for the worse) or the mother (for the better) have changed then he may succeed in getting support reduced. Otherwise, it's unlikely to happen.
Because he fathered that child and has an obligation to support that child regardless of whether he sees the child or not. Child support is not a price you pay to get visitation with the kid. They are two separate issues. He has a right to visitation/joint custody if he wants it and assuming that he does not pose such a significant threat to the child that he'd be barred from all visitation. If he really wanted visitation, if he was truly really committed to the child, he could have it. It might have to be supervised visitation to start with, but he could get the visitation. The restraining order would not prevent that. So why doesn't he have visitation? Whatever he's telling you, it's not a situation where he'd do anything to see his kid and the ex is preventing him from getting a visitation order. Thus, I suspect he's not as interested in visitation with his kid as he may seem to you.
He'd see a family law attorney about getting visitation and about whether he might succeed in lowering support.
Word of warning to you: if he's that eager to avoid paying child support for this kid, imagine what he'll be like when it comes to paying you child support should you have a child together and then break up. And don't be deluded into thinking that he's so wonderful that a break up is impossible. Most people think they'll be together forever when they marry, but we all know that for many of them, the relationship doesn't last forever.
