Involuntary Termination of Parental Rights

[icecade]

What is the name of your state? Pennsylvania

I am sorry if this has been posted before, but please bear with me. I was served court papers yesterday afternoon. My ex-wife has recently remarried and she now wants her new husband to adopt our youngest son (age 12). She has petitioned for involuntary termination of my parental rights on the grounds of abandonment.

What constitutes abondonment in the state of PA?

Due to circumstances concerning a very bitter divorce I have not had face-to-face contact with him in years. I have paid child support for him since before he was born and I continue to due so now. I pay half of his medical expenses. I have sent gifts on holidays. I have children from my second marriage who have tried to stay in contact with him in school (they are in the same school), and they do speak to each other in passing. Messages get passed between us through that manner, but that's all.

If anyone can help I sure would appreciate it. Court is scheduled for May21st. Thank you.

 

[moburkes]

I'm not sure what help you'd like, but if you haven't made it a priority to interact with your child, I'm not sure why your child wouldn't want someone to step up and be a parent. No bitter divorce should come between you and your child. You should have visitation rights, and you should have been exercising them, ESPECIALLY since you live close enough that he goes to school with another child of yours.

 

[Just Blue]

What is the name of your state? Pennsylvania

I am sorry if this has been posted before, but please bear with me. I was served court papers yesterday afternoon. My ex-wife has recently remarried and she now wants her new husband to adopt our youngest son (age 12). She has petitioned for involuntary termination of my parental rights on the grounds of abandonment.

What constitutes abondonment in the state of PA?

Due to circumstances concerning a very bitter divorce I have not had face-to-face contact with him in years. I have paid child support for him since before he was born and I continue to due so now. I pay half of his medical expenses. I have sent gifts on holidays. I have children from my second marriage who have tried to stay in contact with him in school (they are in the same school), and they do speak to each other in passing. Messages get passed between us through that manner, but that's all.

If anyone can help I sure would appreciate it. Court is scheduled for May21st. Thank you.

She will not be able to claim abandonment...but since you have no real desire to maintain a relationship, why not allow it? Because if you really cared for the child you would have gone to court and had a visitation/custody agreement and EXERCISED it!

 

[icecade]

The last time I called her for a visit with him (as she had stipulated I do in the court order), I got her answering machine and left a message. Fifteen minutes later the State Police called me back, because she had reported the phone call as harrassment.

The second to the last visit I had with him, I gave my oldest (his big brother) my phone number and told him to call me anytime, day or night. Two weeks later, my son handed the number back to me and told me that his mother "freaked out" on him for mentioning me in the house around her.

The last court hearing we had together in regards to visitation, she brought the two oldest children. Her plan was to parade them in front of the judge with letters she had written and they signed. I could not see my children be put the that.

Exactly six months later, my two oldest ended up on my doorstep, telling me how their mother bribed them with new shoes if they would agree to what was written in those letters. To this day I still haven't read them. My attorney at the time advised me against it.

I know I f****d up. And I will spend the rest fo my life regretting it. But I have spent the past fifteen months rebuilding a relationship with my oldest two, and trying my damndest to do the same with my twelve year old. All I can do is try.

 

[moburkes]

So, you're saying that she has custody of all 3, but only wants her husband to adopt 1?

 

[icecade]

Yes. She has only filed for one, the youngest. The other two are ages 17 and 16. From what they tell me, she approached them about having their last name changed (but not adoption). They told her no, that they didn't want it done.

 

[moburkes]

You need to start exercising your visitation rights. I'm not sure if you'll be given the opportunity to talk about the goings on. HOWEVER, you must call her up, and let her know that on (whatever date), you are going to exercise your visitation. Be prepared. Show up to pick up the kids. If she does not allow it, write it down. Eventually, you will need to file for contempt.

 

[Aria]

Either have the court enforce visiting rights, or ask for one visit to say good bye and tell your youngest that you are letting his step-dad adopt him so he'll have the stable father you have not made much attempt to be. The latter would be the more loving option at this point since it's only NOW that your rights are in jeopardy that you have sudden interest., At the least you'll get to stop paying child support.

 

[icecade]

Maybe some people would think of it like that, but I would rather pay child support for the rest of his life than have my rights terminated. Child support is not the issue.

However, I am looking for an answer to my questions:

What constitutes abandonment in the state of Pennsylvania? I have been researching boards and trying to look up laws while awaiting a consult with an attorney. But I haven't been able to find anything specific.

My ex-wife has stated cause as abondonment, and claims that I have had no contact whatsoever in years. She specifically stated that there has been no child support (again not the issue, but I have proof of payment), nor gifts, cards, etc. But I have sent gifts. The reason why I gave them to the younger kids to give to him in school is because I was afraid his mother would throw them away, and he would never know I sent him anything.

Again, yes, I acknowledge that I have screwed up immensely. But no, it is not that I haven't had any interest in him until now. I have been working on re-establishing contact with him for the past 15 months. She knows this as well as I do.

I am not looking to spar with strangers on an internet message board. I am just asking for help answering my questions.

And PS- when he took home the gifts I passed through to him at Christmas time, according to my 17 and 16 year old, his mother did throw them away. But at least he
knew I sent him them.

 

[Ohiogal]

Either have the court enforce visiting rights, or ask for one visit to say good bye and tell your youngest that you are letting his step-dad adopt him so he'll have the stable father you have not made much attempt to be. The latter would be the more loving option at this point since it's only NOW that your rights are in jeopardy that you have sudden interest., At the least you'll get to stop paying child support.

Aria you need to stop. It is not up to you to determine what is the more loving option. And if mom has RECENTLY married a stepparent adoption may not even be possible. And to say goodbye?Good grief. QUIT ALREADY.

 

[Ohiogal]

Maybe some people would think of it like that, but I would rather pay child support for the rest of his life than have my rights terminated. Child support is not the issue.

However, I am looking for an answer to my questions:

What constitutes abandonment in the state of Pennsylvania? I have been researching boards and trying to look up laws while awaiting a consult with an attorney. But I haven't been able to find anything specific.

My ex-wife has stated cause as abondonment, and claims that I have had no contact whatsoever in years. She specifically stated that there has been no child support (again not the issue, but I have proof of payment), nor gifts, cards, etc. But I have sent gifts. The reason why I gave them to the younger kids to give to him in school is because I was afraid his mother would throw them away, and he would never know I sent him anything.

Again, yes, I acknowledge that I have screwed up immensely. But no, it is not that I haven't had any interest in him until now. I have been working on re-establishing contact with him for the past 15 months. She knows this as well as I do.

I am not looking to spar with strangers on an internet message board. I am just asking for help answering my questions.

And PS- when he took home the gifts I passed through to him at Christmas time, according to my 17 and 16 year old, his mother did throw them away. But at least he
knew I sent him them.

Then you have not abandoned the children. Did you pay mom the child support directly? If so take ALL of your checks to court. You will need to file an answer before then though stating that you have no abandoned. You need to keep trying to call. Her not answering the phone once or twice is not an excuse.

 

[longsally111]

do this, trust me

Do you have court ordered visitation? yes or no? If yes, leave a message stating that you are coming to pick up the child for the visitation and show up WITH YOUR COURT ORDER!!! When she is not home or does not let you in, calll the police and get a report that she is in contempt of court. Do this EVERYTIME you have visitation. Eventually, she will have to compy or go to jail. When you call her home, tape it and when she calls the police and claims harassment, play the tape for the officers.

 

[Just Blue]

Do you have court ordered visitation? yes or no? If yes, leave a message stating that you are coming to pick up the child for the visitation and show up WITH YOUR COURT ORDER!!! When she is not home or does not let you in, calll the police and get a report that she is in contempt of court. Do this EVERYTIME you have visitation. Eventually, she will have to compy or go to jail. When you call her home, tape it and when she calls the police and claims harassment, play the tape for the officers.

This could be more problematic for the OP than his ex!

 

[icecade]

Yes, there is a court order. It says I have joint custody with visitation ever other weekend. But is it even valid anymore? The last court hearing we had was for modification of the existing order (in place since 1999), and that was December 2004. However, the order was never modified (re:my second post on this thread).

Is taping a phone call even legal to do in PA?

Also, is it possible I would get a chance to speak during the hearing? And someone asked about how recently my ex-wife remarried? It is less than a year, I think 9 or 10 months since she's been remarried.

 

[Ohiogal]

Yes the order if valid. They don't expire and don't change unless a court ORDERS a new order.