signing away parental right

[Sassiuki]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? New York

I am in New York and was wondering what (if any) is the cooling off period for signing away my parental right to a child?
I had given my sperm to friends of mine (lesbian couple) who are due at the end of September and they want to send me the forms to sign away my rights so that the partner of the child's mother can proceed with the legal adoption of the child.
My only fear is that the couple may not honor our original verbal agreement of me being able to see the child or maintain a relationship with the child after the child is born.
Thanks.What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

[momofrose]

Was this done thorugh an attorney? Not sure I have an answer on this one, but the adoptive parents have no legal obligation to abide by any agreement after an adoption is finalized.

As far as a "cooling off" period - I believe it is 72 hours before your signature on termination of rights would even be accepted, but that is in a "traditional" adoption - I am not sure in this case..I am sure someone else will give you real advice.

Good luck

[Sassiuki]

There was no attorney on my end but I do know that they have someone that is drawing up the papers.

[proud_parent]

Originally Posted by Sassiuki

There was no attorney on my end but I do know that they have someone that is drawing up the papers.

Dude, you absolutely should consult with an attorney -- yesterday -- to ensure that your rights are protected.

... a New York court recently ruled that an anonymous sperm donor who has waived his rights to the offspring has forfeited his parental rights, regardless of the inseminated woman's marital status. When single women receive sperm from donors who are not anonymous, the legal implications are numerous and the protections few, as was demonstrated in a case that sparked heated debate. This case involved a lesbian couple that enlisted the assistance of a sperm donor when they decided to start a family. The donor agreed that while he would have no parental rights or obligations, he would meet the child if she ever became curious about her biological origins. The donor met the child on several occasions under terms strictly dictated by the couple. When the couple refused one of the donor's visitation requests, the donor instituted a paternity proceeding. The trial court refused the donor's request based on the equitable estoppel doctrine and the best interests of the child. The sperm donor prevailed, however, on appeal. The appellate court ruled that the donor was the child's biological father and as such he had parental rights that could not be terminated without a formal proceeding.

[url=http://www.surrogacy.com/legals/article/nylaw.html]TASC: New York Surrogacy Law[/url]


Understand that if the TPR and adoption are not handled correctly, you may find yourself being required to pay child support.

[milspecgirl]

exactly - don't expect to have it both ways- you don't get visitation and no support- that's not right.

see about a clause allowing you pictures, updates, etc and maybe a once a year visit as a friend of the family

[momofrose]

A clause about visitation or picture exchange after an adoption is not enforceable by law...

[milspecgirl]

I was under the impression if it was added to the court order that it would be. I had a friend in hs that got pregnant and she gave her baby up, but she is still entitled to 1 pic and letter from the parents a year as part of the court order. maybe that had to do with the adoption agency she used- don't know

[momofrose]

First off - your friend "placed her baby" she did not "give up her baby". Second - I know of no court in the US that would force parents (after the adoption is finalized) to have any interaction with the bio parents. Whether it is in the court orders or not - the parents can state that it is not in th best interest of their child. They are the parents, and they make the decision.

I would NEVER trust this sort of arrangement. If the OP wants anything to do with this child, adoption is not the way to go.

[milspecgirl]

I agree that if he wants interaction with the child, an adoption should not take place, but he also made a promise to help this couple have a child and that shouldn't just be trampled on. He needs to decide if he wants to be a true daddy- including being a father- a full time father. He can either do it all the way- legal rights and obligations or none at all. To do it any other way would be unfair to the child.

And I can tell you that when I adopted my daughter, the bio gp were trying to get visitation. The court could have very easily forced it whether we thought it was in our daughter's best interest or not. The gp screwed up at the last minute and the judge denied them, BUT it was pretty much a given that we were going to have to allow the visits even if we thought they were bad for her.

Courts force parents to do things they don't feel are in their children's best interest all the time. It is a huge sticking point in courts- the fundamental right to parent your child as you see fit.

[momofrose]

Unless their is a previous relationship with the child (years) - no court forces adoptive parents to have their child have a relationship with bio parents, grandparents and such...

[milspecgirl]

we will have to agree to disagree on this one.

The key is the adoption hasn't taken place and he does have a shot as long as he files something as an intervenor to the adoption.

when my nephew was adopted, as a baby, his bio paternal gp filed as intervenors to the adoption and were granted limited contact. they had no real relationship with the child- had only seen him a handful of times.

[Rushia]

The OP is in NY. I've looked this kind of thing up for myself and my ex incase we decided to attempt a stepparent adoption. It's called an open adoption and (for lack of a better word) it's a contract kind of thing. It leaves the OP/parent giving up rights STANDING to sue for visitation in the event that the legal parents decide to back out of the deal after the adoption.

OP, my best advice is to get your OWN attorney to look over the paperwork to protect yourself.

[momofrose]

This makes no sense - after an adoption is finalized you can not just "back out of it"... an open adoption is an adoption in which the birthparents can keep in touch with the chuild AFTER a final adoption - but again is not enforceable by law.

After the Adoption is finalized...it is up to the parents to make those decisions.

If this sperm donor (cause that is what he is) want anything to do with this child, I would not go forward with an adoption plan...things always happens and things always change.

D

[milspecgirl]

I thought an open adoption was enforceable by the courts- otherwise, there would be no point in having one. That's why the paperwork/rules etc are different between an open and closed adoption

[momofrose]

Adoption is finalized through the courts - whether they are open or closed has nothing to do with the oucrts. If it is an open adotion and the adoptive paarents agree to some sort of communication after the aoption i s final and do not folloe througj with that - the court can not do a thing about it.

We have an open adoption - my son's bio-mom is gone (though we had an agreement that it would be open). I can not force her to have a relationship with my son (as we agreed) nor (if it were me to change my mind) could she force me to have my son have a relationshio with her.

Adoption is not open to interpretation or outside terms.

D