Can mom designate a 3rd party to pick up child for visitation

[nanasrcool]

LdiJ or someone HELPFUL regarding designated 3rd party

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? I am in Texas, however the child resides in TN so TN law would prevail I believe.

This question actually pertains to my daughter. I am the GM of the child. The father resides in TN. They were never married. They went to court and custody was decided by a magistrate. The paper she received from the court was a one page document stating very few things. Only that father has primary custody. Mom has visitation last week of the month followed by 1st week of the month. Then it said the child support order. The child support (sorry not to get off point) was set at an amount that well exceeds the legal percentage. She is ordered to pay 679.00 per month. She waits tables and only makes about 22K a year. She stated in court on a good day she made 200 and the magistrate set it as if she made 200 every day. So now she is behind on support, even working 2 jobs.

I am a single mom that went has had plenty of dealings in court with Ex here in Texas. I had never seen an order like that. It lacks any real detail and cannot really sustain a long period. For instance when he starts school. There is no way they could go with the orders as written. I have never in my life had the experience of seeing papers so poorly drawn up.

Sorry, on to my original question. The father has harassed my daughter extensively. He wants to get back together and she does not. He brought the child to Texas to visit her on her birthday. It was more to try and get her to get back with him. When she told him no, he was angry. She went to the bathroom and he used this time to hack her phone and have all her calls forwarded to his google voice account. Then called all the men (even just friends of hers) and said horrible things to them about her. But the worst part was the phone thing. She ended up having to get her number changed just to regain control of her own phone. In retaliation he has now told her since she has an outstanding traffic ticket that is unpaid and has gone to a warrant, she cannot have her visitation. Of course if she comes he will have her arrested for her ticket.

She wants to designate me to pick up her son, while she waits at the hotel (we have to drive to TN to get him each visit). He is still refusing to let her have him at all. I want to know if we go, if she has designated me to pick him up on her behalf and I have to call the authorities, do I have the authority to pick my grandson up for her? I know that if we don't go, then proving contempt is beyond difficult. I have had dealings on this with my ex. I was not in contempt because he actually never came to pick our son up. Never even ASKED. But in that I learned that the picking up is really crucial. However, because it is TN and their family law is so hinky (lol my term) I don't know if she is allowed to even designate a party to avoid confrontation with him.

Anyone know? Also, can she get the child support arrears taken off since it was set at an illegal amount from the beginning. She has proof, since she was only working 15 hours a week when she went to court. Even now working 2 jobs she only makes 22K! She has bank account deposits and pay stubs to prove it. Even in the transcript it clearly states "on a good day".

I am not familiar with TN and honestly considering how this has all transpired, I have very little confidence in their system. He wont work. Has been in school for 10 years without obtaining a single degree (knows when he stops the payments for his loans begin) lives with mom in a very small room and has a closet as my grandson's room, collects welfare as his only income and was said to be more financially stable. I mean it was really crazy. So I honestly don't expect the court to do anything about him interfering with visitation as well. This is a baby! He is only 1 year old. The girl he dates deal oxy and he does drugs as well. He tells my daughter these things. Yet he is the primary custodian. So he was given all the control. Uses it too! She is paying everything she makes at her 1st job in child support including 90% of her tips since they are credit card tips. You can't hide income as a waitress anymore. No one pays with cash so tips are VERY easily counted. She isn't and never has hid her income. Yet they are taking 60& of it. She still has an arrears of 2 months because it took her that long to start making any money at her second job and her 1st job wasn't even coming close to making her support payments. She was only able to pay 400 a month for a few months which added up. She can't afford an attorney because they are taking all of her income. It is a nightmare and honestly she is just exhausted from it all. I don't know how she has held on considering the nightmare of first losing your 5 month old baby and then having all your money taken..the harassment by the father and having to BEG to see her child.

She took some VERY bad advice from her attorney (sorry guys but there are some out there that are not exactly in the top of the game) and let him have her son for a few weeks. This was suppose to only be till they went back to court which was just a few weeks from then. However, his attorney, (who was def a smart one!) got a continuance and they drug out the next date for 2 months. I told her NOT to listen to the attorney and tell her no because I knew in most cases, the custody goes to the parent that has the child when you go to court. Not always granted, but in most. Sure enough..well you know.

Can anyone help that knows TN law? Can she designate me and will the authorities help?

Sorry for the long post. As in most family law legal problems, the story is a long one.

Thank you for you time,

Erin
Dallas TX

 

[Isis1]

mom need to take care of that ticket. why doesn't she do that first?

 

[nanasrcool]

mom need to take care of that ticket. why doesn't she do that first?

Because she is broke to put it plainly. She is spending every dime she makes on either child support or going to Tennessee every other months. She is only making 22K a year. Her second job is to cover her gas and expenses. She can't work the second job during the 2 weeks she has her son and has to cut way back on her hours on her first one at that time. Simply put she has no money. It is a pretty decent sized ticket and by the time the fees were tacked on it was well over 400.00. We are trying to find the money but I doubt we can by this weekend which is when she is picking him up. Honestly, it wouldn't matter. He would only come up with another reason. He is angry that she won't go back to him. Anyone that will hack your phone and call every guy you know and say horrible things about you will pull pretty much anything. That is why she really doesn't want to go and get him. Even if she gets the ticket paid. She knows it will be a confrontation every time and she does not want her first time seeing her son on her visit to be like that. I certainly understand that feeling. Don't get me wrong. I am a FIRM believer in paying child support. It should be done really without having to be told to by the court. It is your responsibility as a parent. My only difficulty in her case is the amount is so far beyond the amount it should have been. Unfortunately, she lost her job right after the hearing. She found another not long after that but it put her behind and she seriously needs to get an attorney to get the support put to the correct income percentage. In Texas it is 17.5% for one child. She should be paying 320.00 a month. She is paying almost 38% of her gross income. Twice the amount she should be. It is hard to take care of things you should when you have nothing left. Also keep in mind she pays an addition 300 every other month to go and get her son. I feel for her, if I had the money I would give it to her right now.

Mom's lawyer is in a MUCH better position to advise her than you are.

Really? She does not have a lawyer or I wouldn't be posting on this site asking a question. Otherwise, my advice has been pretty darn good. I at least will ask others that might know more about something before advising. That way my advice will have merit and some knowledge instead of just speaking about something I have no idea about. I go to someone first who DOES know. I gather information before acting. I READ. I came here to ask others. I am not looking to REPLACE her attorney. I am trying to help her while she is WITHOUT one.

My advice was certainly far superior to her original attorney who by the way was FIRED by the firm. She had called and originally spoke to one attorney, but I guess he gave the case to an associate that was NOT a good attorney. She is the one that told her to let her son go and stay with the father till the hearing. The gentleman she talked to originally took back the case to try to salvage it but it just couldn't. He said he would refile for her in Nashville county but she had to come up with 2500.00 to do it. She didn't have it. Keep in mind she is only 24. Barely making it as it is on her own.

I am hoping you meant that in a helpful tone. It is hard to tell in writing. I had a pretty rough experience here last time and honestly was hesitant to even ask here again. I did get help from one very helpful person and I am hoping she isn't a rarity. Please no offense to those that are actually here to help others. I am hoping that I can have a good experience this time.

Erin

PS... I use caps for emphasis, not yelling.

 

[stealth2]

Frankly, Mom needs to be here instead of you.

 

[Proserpina]

Frankly, Mom needs to be here instead of you.

I can't help but agree, stealth. Mom is 24 years old - she's not 14, she's not 16.

That aside though, one of the biggest issues I see here is that Mom told the judge that she earns X amount of dollars on a good day.

That's likely why she was imputed such a wage; she basically told the court that she is capable of earning that much money on a regular basis. Therefore the judge made the order accordingly.

She can probably file to try and modify the current amount, but the arrears aren't going away. She messed up - that's neither the court's, nor Dad's, issue.

 

[nanasrcool]

She isnt here only because I was looking up stuff online trying to find the law for Tennessee. No other reason. I remembered this site and asked the question.

Regarding the support. Stating on a "good day" she can make 200 is not saying you make that daily. It should have been set based on her gross income which can easily be established. I do know for a fact it can be reversed because I actually went through this exact situation with my ex. The only reason it wasn't was his attorney had not read our papers thoroughly and saw that 235.00 of the 555.00 support payments were for medical insurance. Otherwise they were going to wipe out the entire arrears due to the support being set at an unrealistic percentage. The order was about to be signed when I piped in and asked if the medical support was a separate thing. The judge said it was and asked why and I told him that is was almost half of the amount. He read the papers and saw it was and said that the arrears then stood as they were. So yes, it can be taken all the way back IF it is that far out of whack. Anyone that has ever waited tables knows that good days can happen sure, but they are more of a rarity than the norm. That is why they should have gone by her check stubs and not a statement of "on a good day". But that is not Dad's fault by any means. I mean I certainly wouldn't expect him to say NO to the extra support. I am a pretty decent person but I am not sure I would speak up and say.."no no no.. I can't let you pay me that much child support!" lol

I am only asking the question so I will know. I mean honestly, I am sure she will want me to go no matter what you guys say. I would just like to know that I at least have a leg to stand on when I am there.

Is it more that you guys just don't know the answer?

 

[nanasrcool]

Don't worry. YOU have nothing to worry about. You have no legs on which to stand.

Not sure what you are saying there. Can you please just be helpful here? If you don't know the answer than just say you don't and move on to a post where you can help someone instead of giving me a hard time. I thought this was a forum to help others, not give them a hard time. This is the second time I came here to ask a question only to get a hard time.

This is my daughter. 24 or not, I obviously worry, wouldn't YOU? I am not here to argue with you guys. I am only here hoping to get a question answered. Last time thank goodness there was ONE person who actually had some help to offer. She was dead on too. I went to court on my own and was completely victorious. He had an attorney.

You know what..nevermind. I will just wait for an answer from someone that actually KNOWS it and isnt here to give people a hard time. I refuse to let you guys draw me in.

 

[nanasrcool]

LOL..I would hardly think asking a freaking question on a forum is DEALING with her legal issues.

I would just LOVE LOVE LOVE to come here and have someone simply answer a question without getting snide remarks and snarky statements. Is that really too much to ask of this forum? This is only the second time I have come here and BOTH time that is the experience I had. If you dont know the answer, it would be just GREAT if you would just move on to one you DO. I dont need to get a hard time each time I ask a question which seems to be all that happens here. Do you ever help anyone?

 

[nanasrcool]

It would be so nice to actually have someone address the question!

You might find that the common denominator there is you - not those responding.

If that were the case, I would owe everyone an apology. I honestly don't feel that is. I am trying so hard to be nice but honestly I feel many of the responses to me are anything but and certainly NOT helpful.

Asking a question is not an invitation to be attacked or insulted. That is what this forum was created for wasnt it?

 

[Proserpina]

Please have your daughter sign up.

 

[nanasrcool]

Please have your daughter sign up.


Try to remember why you come here. To HELP people. That should be the spirit of your posts. I can certainly understand when someone posts and is nasty to you. I wasnt. I only asked a question. Is that NOT what this site is for? I did not see on here a requirement that it ONLY BE YOUR personal situation! Not in the rules anywhere. This is NOT a attorney/client situation so there are no ethics or conflicts of interests. I am absolutely ALLOWED to ask the question. So simple..if YOU do not wish to answer FINE. I will respect that. Please just don't give me a hard time for asking it.

 

[stealth2]

Please have your daughter sign up.


Try to remember why you come here. To HELP people. That should be the spirit of your posts. I can certainly understand when someone posts and is nasty to you. I wasnt. I only asked a question. Is that NOT what this site is for? I did not see on here a requirement that it ONLY BE YOUR personal situation! Not in the rules anywhere. This is NOT a attorney/client situation so there are no ethics or conflicts of interests. I am absolutely ALLOWED to ask the question. So simple..if YOU do not wish to answer FINE. I will respect that. Please just don't give me a hard time for asking it.

Sweetheart - we get to CHOOSE who we deal with. And most of us prefer to deal with the actual party. Given that you freely state that you "piped up" in court, it i obvious that you ARE over-involved in your daughter's legal situation. Personally, I have no intention of helping you continue to do so.

 

[ecmst12]

Don't you think you've harmed your daughter's case enough by encouraging her to disregard her lawyer's advice? You don't really think you know more than a trained, licensed, experienced attorney, do you? Cause you don't.

 

[Ladyback1]

In Texas it is 17.5% for one child. She should be paying 320.00 a month. She is paying almost 38% of her gross income. Twice the amount she should be. .

so, was the case heard in Texas?

Because if it was heard in Tennessee, then it doesn't matter that she lives in TX. The order comes from a TN court and follows TN law.

If she is low income why hasn't she sought help from Texas free legal aid or another organization tha offers free legal services?

and as far as what theatty did in the past, you need to get over it and move fwd.

 

[nanasrcool]

Sweetheart - we get to CHOOSE who we deal with. And most of us prefer to deal with the actual party. Given that you freely state that you "piped up" in court, it i obvious that you ARE over-involved in your daughter's legal situation. Personally, I have no intention of helping you continue to do so.

I do know for a fact it can be reversed because I actually went through this exact situation with my ex. The only reason it wasn't was his attorney had not read our papers thoroughly and saw that 235.00 of the 555.00 support payments were for medical insurance. Otherwise they were going to wipe out the entire arrears due to the support being set at an unrealistic percentage. The order was about to be signed when I piped in and asked if the medical support was a separate thing. The judge said it was and asked why and I told him that is was almost half of the amount. He read the papers and saw it was and said that the arrears then stood as they were.

Darling, first of all you I seriously HOPE you are NOT an attorney since your ability to READ is seriously impaired. First of all I piped up in MY OWN case as I actually SAID. Do you ever READ what people write before being a jerk so you don't end up looking like a jerk and fool? I absolutely do NOT need or WANT your help. So thank you SO much Sweetie! Your help is not requested or required. I prefer help from someone that can actually READ what is written. Instead of trying to find a way to be a jerk to people that are asking a question. A VALID question.

See anyone can be a jerk. I am trying so hard to just get a STRAIGHT answer. Apparently no one KNOWS the answer. Thank you so much for adding even MORE evidence of what this site is actually about which is ANYTHING but help. Stealth's profile is HX is very interesting. You seem to do nothing more than attack people who post questions. Just as I stated in my complaint to the site owners. I gave them countless posts from people complaining about this site and the LACK of decorum. That it is more a playground mentality of bullying any unsuspecting person that comes here seeking actual advice. YOU are actually one of the main offenders. So please go and "help" someone else! Not that you seem to actually do that! Do you not have a real life and this is your only entertainment? Are you so insignificant in your real life you must come here to feel like you are superior by putting the posters down? Sad, very very sad indeed.

I am actually a very nice person, but to be honest this place would push a saint into being a jerk just because of the nasty posts received for asking a legal question! Like you have to first justify your RIGHT to actually ASK it first! What the heck makes you think I would WANT your help Stealth? You really do not actually answer anyone's questions. You just post sarcastic dribble.

It is truly sad what posters like you have done to the site. You have taken something meant to be for good and made it into something that should come with a serious caution label instead.