Child Living With Non-relative Caregiver Receiving no Support

[C-Vac]

I am not sure if this situation has been examined in the past, and I have not shared my story publicly before posting this. Hopefully somebody finds this interesting even if I do not get an answer.
The background is not as important as the question itself.

Florida.

BACKGROUND: I am the 17 year-old child of unmarried parents. For seventeen years, the mother has been collecting child support payments (originally a New York case, later transferred to Florida to increase amount paid) from the father, who lives in Nevada. The mother has been an alcoholic all her life and has played the system: often illicitly acquiring benefits such as disability and unemployment to support her habit of doing nothing all day long. The father has a life of his own and does not contact the family. He pays on time.

Recently, the mother and child were to move into a friend's house. This friend is a retired senior citizen with two empty rooms. The agreed upon conditions were that the mother would pay half of the utilities and the child would help with housework. The mother was not to drink or smoke at all while at the house. Within the first day, all of these conditions were broken by the mother and she was told to leave. The child opted to stay in the friend's house rather than live in the same room as the mother in a flophouse she found on the internet that same day she moved out.

The mother then agreed verbally and in writing to forward the child support to the child, and to support his decision to find a job and complete his GED to go on to college. These conditions were not met, and the friend is now slipping into debt taking care of the child. The mother will not disclose her current location to the friend or child, and is now harassing them via text message, email, and even through asking other people to contact us in regard to her. The friend and child have stated that they wish to be left alone on multiple occasions, but the harassment continues.

When the child wanted to find a job, the mother would not give her child his legal documents (SS card, birth certificate) and previously in her care, he was not allowed to pursue a driver's license or an education.

NOW: At the time of abandonment, the child was 17 years and 10 months old. The friend sought help from the county Family Law office to get custody of the child, the Sheriff Department's Victim's Advocate for references, Guardian ad Litem for legal help, Child Support Enforcement to report fraud, and the Department of Children and Families to report abandonment. None of these agencies did ANYTHING at all and wasted quite a bit of our time and money.

Hoping to get financial aid from DCF, we submitted an application for food stamps, medical aid, and cash assistance. Medicaid was approved, but everything else denied for reasons undisclosed. Attempting to contact DCF results in a 25 minute hold time and uninformed support agents.

Everywhere we go to gives a runaround and pure injustice. Two months of the mother receiving child support without taking care of the child. Two months of a non-relative caregiver paying from her social security check and savings account to feed a kid who couldn't get a job or go to school because of the mother's irresponsibility.

QUESTION: What the hell do we do now?





BONUS: DCF's reasoning to deny cash assistance
Explanation of Case Action
Economic Self Sufficiency does not decide eligibility for the Nonrelative Caregiver Financial Assistance . Please contact the child's CBC case manager to have an application provided to you.[SUP]1[/SUP] If unsuccessful in contacting the CBC case manager, please email CENSORED[SUP]2[/SUP] to request assistance.
1. After waiting on hold for 20 minutes, we were told that there is no such thing as a CBC case manager
2. This email replied with the phone number of a "specialist" who, when contacted, did absolutely nothing to help.

 

[justalayman]

Hang out for two months and then the kid is an adult. Nobody is going to get all worked up about a kid that is about to age out of the system

The current child support issue is between the mother and father. If the friend wanted to be paid child support he would have to sue the parents for it. I suspect if he did the mother wouid scoop the child up and tell the friend to get lost.

 

[Pinkie39]

Hang out for two months and then the kid is an adult. Nobody is going to get all worked up about a kid that is about to age out of the system

The current child support issue is between the mother and father. If the friend wanted to be paid child support he would have to sue the parents for it. I suspect if he did the mother wouid scoop the child up and tell the friend to get lost.

I am an eligibility specialist/caseworker for my county department of job and family services. Even though I'm not in your state, I can tell you right now that county welfare departments no longer just hand out cash benefits, since federal welfare reform.

Your elderly friend gets Social Security, so the only cash she could POSSIBLY qualify for is child only cash assistance. AND, she won't get it as long as she does not have legal guardianship of you.

As far as food stamps go, she would have to meet income guidelines, which are quite low. And again, she would only get food assistance for herself, as she does not have guardianship of you.

You can't qualify for any benefits on your own, as a minor child, either.

I highly doubt it's a matter of DFS not knowing what they're doing, but rather you not understanding how these benefits programs work.

P.S. If your friend has significant savings (resources), that may also be why she can't get any cash or food assistance, as those are means tested programs. The resource limits for those programs are generally extremely low.

Additionally, if you apply for cash and or food assistance as an 18 year old adult, as an able bodied adult without dependents, you are going to be subject to work requirements.

As another poster said, you're just about 18. Once you turn 18, you can get a copy of your birth certificate and Social Security card on your own, and get a job to help out your friend.

 

[C-Vac]

Thank you for replying. The thing that concerns us is that currently my mother is getting paid to take care of me and she is using that money to take care of herself. We reported fraud already but they don't care to do anything about it. Right now my friend is burning her savings to essentially support my mother's drinking habit. Nobody wants to help us and we are out of options besides waiting for me to get a job and becoming self-sufficient. Even that still won't right the fact that my mom can do whatever she wants with the support money.

 

[justalayman]

As I said before; the current support matter is between your mother and your father. Neither you nor your friend have a claim or right for the money. It is your mother's money. If your father has issue with the situation he can take steps to correct it. Even then you or your friend are not going to get anything. If you aren't already 18 you are close enough that you will be 18 before the courts would do anything.


You can either return to your mother or sit and wait until you are 18.

 

[C-Vac]

If the money was to support my mother it would be an alimony case. This is a child support case. $0 is going to support the child. That is the part I don't get. They are saying we need to take the mother and father to New York to sue them and the process would take 6-8 months. So my mother can go enjoy herself now that she is rid of a child and has supplemental income.

 

[stealth2]

You can either return to your mother or sit and wait until you are 18.

Or call your Dad. Ask him to file for custody.

 

[justalayman]

If the money was to support my mother it would be an alimony case. This is a child support case. $0 is going to support the child. That is the part I don't get. They are saying we need to take the mother and father to New York to sue them and the process would take 6-8 months. So my mother can go enjoy herself now that she is rid of a child and has supplemental income.

It is money paid to your mother to assist in the costs of raising you ergo it is her money. While she is required to support you it appears you have refused to reside with your mother so what happens is you aren't there to spend the money on. If your father has a problem with that he can file an action in the appropriate court and seek a modification of the current order.

 

[anearthw]

Kid, I've marked 4th year English papers that weren't as well-written as your original post. A totally non-legal opinion, but leave the adults to the dispute, leave a bitter childhood behind you, and enjoy the start of your adult life. Move on from it. Good luck.

 

[Pinkie39]

Thank you for replying. The thing that concerns us is that currently my mother is getting paid to take care of me and she is using that money to take care of herself. We reported fraud already but they don't care to do anything about it. Right now my friend is burning her savings to essentially support my mother's drinking habit. Nobody wants to help us and we are out of options besides waiting for me to get a job and becoming self-sufficient. Even that still won't right the fact that my mom can do whatever she wants with the support money.

Well, your friend is a good person then. And you can pay her back for supporting you when you have a job. Sure, your mother should be supporting you, but if she has never been a good parent, it's highly unlikely she's going to change now. And quite frankly, sometimes life just plain sucks.

Learn from your mom's mistakes, get a job and some education, and if you have a child someday, be a better parent than your mom has been.

Get yourself into some GED classes now. You don't have to wait until you're 18 to do them. I had to drop out of high school for reasons beyond my control, but I earned a GED and a bachelor's degree. Neither of my parents had ever even stepped foot on a college campus, and couldn't/didn't assist me with it at all, financially or otherwise. I enrolled myself and went. You don't have to let your entire life be defined by your childhood.

Good luck.

 

[C-Vac]

Thanks again to everyone who replied.
I cannot sign for myself until I am 18 years old. I have nobody who can sign for me. These past few months have been very difficult for me since I do not qualify for aid programs and do not have a legal guardian. I would be homeless if not for my friend (who I met just 2 months ago). I've been in legal limbo and cannot get out on my own. Everyone is saying, "just wait until you are 18 and then you can do whatever you want," but that's not a proper solution. I will be an adult soon, but I have had the responsibilities of an adult without the rights for far too long and no one but me and my friend will suffer for it. Is there no other way?

Kid, I've marked 4th year English papers that weren't as well-written as your original post.

Rude.

 

[stealth2]

Rude.

But accurate.

 

[Pinkie39]

Thanks again to everyone who replied.
I cannot sign for myself until I am 18 years old. I have nobody who can sign for me. These past few months have been very difficult for me since I do not qualify for aid programs and do not have a legal guardian. I would be homeless if not for my friend (who I met just 2 months ago). I've been in legal limbo and cannot get out on my own. Everyone is saying, "just wait until you are 18 and then you can do whatever you want," but that's not a proper solution. I will be an adult soon, but I have had the responsibilities of an adult without the rights for far too long and no one but me and my friend will suffer for it. Is there no other way?




Rude.

How is that rude?? I took it as a complement, that you write better than many senior level college students

I grew up in a dysfunctional family too. One of my older siblings moved out into a friend's parents' home at 16 and never came back home. She worked and finished high school. She has three college degrees now and a very successful career, earning a substantial six figure salary. Talk about having to grow up too fast.

Life just isn't always fair. And some people really should never have become parents in the first place. But you aren't going to magically make your mother become responsible. Find something positive to do now, while you're waiting to turn 18 -GED classes, volunteer work, a mentoring program for teens, etc.

If you like to read, please go to the library and check out a book called Breaking Night, by Liz Murray. It's an excellent book, a memoir that I think you'd find very inspirational and relevant to your situation.

Wallowing in anger and depression over the hand you've been dealt isn't going to lead you anywhere positive. Believe me, I say these things from experience. I really do wish you the best of luck.

 

[C-Vac]

Wallowing in anger and depression over the hand you've been dealt isn't going to lead you anywhere positive. Believe me, I say these things from experience. I really do wish you the best of luck.

I'm less angry and depressed than I am feeling responsible for my friend going into debt because of my mother.

Kid, I've marked 4th year English papers that weren't as well-written as your original post.

Correction: Extremely polite :^)

 

[Pinkie39]

I'm less angry and depressed than I am feeling responsible for my friend going into debt because of my mother.



Correction: Extremely polite :^)

That can be rectified once you're working and can help her financially. It's not your fault that your mother is irresponsible.