MI- custody when one parent moves away suddenly.

[Proserpina]

Did I answer? Yup! Yes, I did.

Because no matter how much of a crappy parent you are, or how many times you cheat on your spouse/taxes/SATs, or how much of a bully/walkover/hypocrite/martyr/tomatyr you are, someone answering your actual question quickly goes SO much further in avoiding 6 page epic eye-rolling threads.

Non?

 

[anisaerah]

No one said you had to pay for airfare. No one said he could just change parenting time. The POINTS are as follows:
1) If he sends you a plane ticket for HIS TIME, you send the child regardless of whether he shows up at your front door;
2) You answer his calls as you are able and don't ignore them just because the court order doesn't state you MUST answer;
3) You educate yourself and your child that dad has MOVED but not abandoned her;
4) If your child has issues, get her into counseling.
5) Be the bigger person and don't portray yourself in the way you have on this thread.

You actually have said that I have to pay for airfare at least twice in this thread.

so which one is it?

 

[anisaerah]

Actually I was saying that you were doing a poor job of communicating on this thread.

It is totally and completely fair for you to insist that he provide a round trip ticket. He is creating the distance therefore he should be responsible for providing the transportation for visitation. In addition, you are under no obligation to give him any time that he isn't already scheduled to receive.

However, isn't this really a moot point right now? You are saying that he is driving out there with no job and no home. Its likely to be quite some time before he could provide even a one-way ticket, let alone a round trip one.

I do agree however that you were being a bit witchy about the phone calls. Your daughter is 13. What possible harm is there in handing her the phone if her father calls her? I think that is the part that really got people going.

He is insisting that I make her available every single evening for phone calls. I think that is unreasonable, especially since she does not have her own phone. He made all kinds of threats when I told him what *I* thought was reasonable.

Whether I take his calls or not at any particular time, I wanted to know what I am legally *required* to do.

Same for the parenting time. He is insisting that he get the extended period in the summer and all of her school breaks automatically. He says he is planning on purchasing plane tickets with this imaginary parenting time schedule in mind. whether or not those tickets materialize, I need to know what to do if I still have no address for him at that point.

somehow, he always manages to have an attorney when he shows up for court, and that is not something I can afford without our daughter going without. Therefore I am asking these questions on a internet legal forum.

 

[rooms222]

Just a practical note that your daughter is of the age where some airlines require her to be an unaccompanied minor and some let her fly by herself. . Whoever drops her off at the airport usually has to pay the UM fee at that time.


Delta- It's mandatory below 15, it can be paid in advance or at the gate. $150 each way.
Southwest- 12 and up can fly by themselves
American- Mandatory below 15, $150 each way, pay at counter
United- 12 and up can fly by themselves
Spirit- Mandatory below 15, $100 each way(children get free snack and beverage, unlike other passengers) Pay at counter.

UM has been a point of conflict in contentious family law situations I have been involved with.

 

[anisaerah]

Just a practical note that your daughter is of the age where some airlines require her to be an unaccompanied minor and some let her fly by herself. . Whoever drops her off at the airport usually has to pay the UM fee at that time.


Delta- It's mandatory below 15, it can be paid in advance or at the gate. $150 each way.
Southwest- 12 and up can fly by themselves
American- Mandatory below 15, $150 each way, pay at counter
United- 12 and up can fly by themselves
Spirit- Mandatory below 15, $100 each way(children get free snack and beverage, unlike other passengers)

UM has been a point of conflict in contentious family law situations I have been involved with.

I am familiar with UM, as that is how she used to have to travel when he lived in TN.

I've been through TSA many more times than I have actually flown anywhere.

IIRC, he paid for the fee on my end by sending me an airline gift card that I used to pay the fee.

 

[SESmama]

If he wants to follow the previous order then why not agree? Follow that order to a T or follow the current. Inform dad of this. Tell him if he wants something different then he needs to file in court.

Answer the phone. If you are having dinner then call him back. If you are out, call him the next day.

 

[anisaerah]

I fail to see how refusing to go along with every random whim my ex has makes me a bad parent.

I intend to follow our court order, which does not require me to pay for plane tickets or put her on an airplane in lieu of him picking her up.

I'm willing to take her to the airport for his court ordered parenting time if he purchases a round trip ticket for the correct dates. That's far beyond what it appears I'm legally required to do.

Hell, a few months ago I showed up to his previous show cause hearing, and stated that the court should be aware of what an active parent he is.

That clearly worked out well.

 

[anisaerah]

He wants to follow certain aspects of the previous order, but strangely, did not contact me about this before he moved.

If he wants a new order, he can file for it.
I'm not planning on following an order that's no longer valid or enforceable.
When I suggested we come to an agreement and file a consent order, he got upset- I'm pretty sure this means he doesn't want to be legally obligated to pay for her transportation, like the old order required.

 

[LdiJ]

I fail to see how refusing to go along with every random whim my ex has makes me a bad parent.

I intend to follow our court order, which does not require me to pay for plane tickets or put her on an airplane in lieu of him picking her up.

I'm willing to take her to the airport for his court ordered parenting time if he purchases a round trip ticket for the correct dates. That's far beyond what it appears I'm legally required to do.

Hell, a few months ago I showed up to his previous show cause hearing, and stated that the court should be aware of what an active parent he is.

That clearly worked out well.

The reality of things is that your first post on this thread (which is why I called you a poor communicator) really came off badly and that is what started the round of you being a bad co-parent.

You got answers that basically said that you both HAD to stick to the exact court orders (pick up the child from dad) but were a horrible parent if you didn't violate the orders by giving dad everything he wanted. That of course is contradictory and not true. Its also certainly not what dad would have been told if he was the one posting here.

HOWEVER...I cannot disagree with what anyone else had to say about the phone calls. Once a day is not excessive, AT ALL. What's more, denying phone contact could be the ONE thing that would get your butt handed to you in court. On top of that, even if the phone calls actually kept on being once a day they would end up being short phone calls because dad and daughter would run out of things to talk about for longer than a few minutes so its utterly silly to even make phones calls an issue.

In fact, for your daughter's sake you should encourage skyping (I don't think I spelled that right) when its possible. I don't have a smart phone so I don't know if skyping is possible from a smart phone and dad may not have internet capability for a while.

I personally have some sympathy for your poor communication because you were obviously blindsided by dad's dropping by on his way out of town, with no warning and knowing he was skipping out on a bench warrant...AND his making almost ridiculous demands about visitation.

Nevertheless, take a big deep breath, think about what is truly best for your child, weighing in all the factors, and then proceed from there.

However, my advice is that you do NOT put her on a plane, round trip ticket or not, unless you provide her with both a cell phone AND have received an address from dad that you have verified is real...because after all, dad IS skipping out on a warrant.