What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NC
A few months ago, my 17 year old son told me that he had gotten his girlfriend pregnant. About the time I had caught my breath from the news, the girlfriend got sick, was hospitalized and the baby was delivered by emergency C-section. My grand daughter weighed 3 pounds when she was born. She is a month old and is doing well now, home from the NICU.
Girlfriend had told my son that she was unable to conceive due to a lack of fallopian tubes, he believed her and did not use protection. NOT his smartest moment.
During the hospital stay, girlfriend was adamant that my son be there. He stayed the whole time, leaving only for work and school.
He signed the affidavit of paternity.
Girlfriend is doing a good job with the baby. Baby is well cared for, to the point of being spoiled rotten (but with a preemie, it's hard not to spoil them).
However, there are problems. Girlfriend is being VERY controlling and possessive over the baby. I can understand it to a point, for a while, we were all very afraid that the baby would not live. She allows my son to come "visit" his daughter at her house pretty much any time he wants. However, she is constantly criticizing him, and will not let him do much for their child. She doesnt like the way he holds her, or fusses because on the rare occasion that she lets him change a diaper, the tabs on the diaper are not centered the way she likes for them to be. (I've seen him change a diaper, he does fine). If my son misses a day of coming to her house, she complains. She complains about how tired she is, but refuses to let him help.
He asked her about starting some visitation where he could have time alone with his daughter, but mom is saying that it will be a very long time before he can "visit" her without mom being there. She will not even let him handle things while she is in the shower**************.she puts her mother "in charge".
My son is not being informed of Dr's visits, so he has not been able to go to any of them. He has attempted to call the Pediatrician's office to when the next appointment was, but because he is not "on the list", they can not give him any information. Mom says that he shouldn't have to worry about it, she will let him know if there is a problem, and that if this is going to work, he is going to have to just trust her.
My son has (with our help) been making every attempt to provide for his child. He has a crib, clothing, diapers, wipes, swings**************.everything a baby needs at our house, although the mother will not allow him to bring the baby here. Mom did bring the baby last week, but refused to let her use any of dad's "stuff", because she hadnt had time to do a "safety inspection" on it. He (with our help) has also been attempting to send diapers, clothing, wipes, a baby swing, etc to the mother's house so that the baby has everything she needs there as well. However, the mother refuses everything saying that she doesnt need it and can handle it herself.
This includes money! Son has, on multiple occasions, taken cash in hand to her, only to have her refuse to take it. Yet, she has a "gofundme" page that seeks donations from friends, and on that page she states "it's just so hard to raise a child by yourself". She also makes statements on Facebook, for example she stated that she wanted a particular item for the baby, but it was only available at a Baby R Us that was about an hour from her, and she didnt have gas money for it so she guessed her child would have to do without it. All she had to do was let my son know that she wanted this item and he would have gotten it for her, or taken her to go get it. She now has three of this item, because her friends went and got it.
Recently, my son asked her to let him take the baby to visit her great grand parents. She said no because the baby is too young to be away from her mother, that it would be damaging to the "mother-child bond". He offered to let the mother come as well, but she still said no, because it would expose the baby to too many germs. However, mom has been taking baby to visit HER relatives, and her home is constantly full of friends and family.
I have asked my son what he wants to do. He told me that he wanted to be able to do more than visit his child, he wanted to be a father to her. The girlfriend is telling him that she wants the two of them to get married when he graduates and my son agrees. He does want to finish school first and start college, so that he can provide better for his family. He does, however, feel that marriage is the last thing he needs to worry about because if he and mom can't get along now, he feels it will be worse when they are married.
He thinks that his best choice right now would be to get established legal joint custody, and visitation. I agree with him. But, he cannot afford a lawyer, and right now, I cant afford to get him one (the fees for my nephew now son pretty much took all our savings).
Another concern is that my son is only 17**************...can he ask for visitation and custody on his own? He turns 18 in four weeks, should he wait until he is 18? Is there legal aid available for teen fathers? Is there a way to do this without a lawyer?
He is not wanting to take the baby out of the mother's home, he just wants joint custody and hopes to gain a visitation agreement.
He has asked me my opinion on the visitation agreement, but I just dont know what to tell him. We both understand that we have a preemie, and that visitation MUST be done in a way that is safe for the baby, but eventually he will need to have overnights. I'd appreciate any insight that anyone would have on visitation.
I do understand that this is about their child, and I do not intend to make decisions for them. But, they are both very young,and the mother is desperately trying to prove her independence, I want her to be able to gain this independence and confidence. All things aside, she is a good mother. My son, is desperately trying to figure out what he is supposed to do and what his legal rights are and what his legal rights should be. He is simply looking for guidance. That's all I want to do here, is give solid guidance and advice.
A few months ago, my 17 year old son told me that he had gotten his girlfriend pregnant. About the time I had caught my breath from the news, the girlfriend got sick, was hospitalized and the baby was delivered by emergency C-section. My grand daughter weighed 3 pounds when she was born. She is a month old and is doing well now, home from the NICU.
Girlfriend had told my son that she was unable to conceive due to a lack of fallopian tubes, he believed her and did not use protection. NOT his smartest moment.
During the hospital stay, girlfriend was adamant that my son be there. He stayed the whole time, leaving only for work and school.
He signed the affidavit of paternity.
Girlfriend is doing a good job with the baby. Baby is well cared for, to the point of being spoiled rotten (but with a preemie, it's hard not to spoil them).
However, there are problems. Girlfriend is being VERY controlling and possessive over the baby. I can understand it to a point, for a while, we were all very afraid that the baby would not live. She allows my son to come "visit" his daughter at her house pretty much any time he wants. However, she is constantly criticizing him, and will not let him do much for their child. She doesnt like the way he holds her, or fusses because on the rare occasion that she lets him change a diaper, the tabs on the diaper are not centered the way she likes for them to be. (I've seen him change a diaper, he does fine). If my son misses a day of coming to her house, she complains. She complains about how tired she is, but refuses to let him help.
He asked her about starting some visitation where he could have time alone with his daughter, but mom is saying that it will be a very long time before he can "visit" her without mom being there. She will not even let him handle things while she is in the shower**************.she puts her mother "in charge".
My son is not being informed of Dr's visits, so he has not been able to go to any of them. He has attempted to call the Pediatrician's office to when the next appointment was, but because he is not "on the list", they can not give him any information. Mom says that he shouldn't have to worry about it, she will let him know if there is a problem, and that if this is going to work, he is going to have to just trust her.
My son has (with our help) been making every attempt to provide for his child. He has a crib, clothing, diapers, wipes, swings**************.everything a baby needs at our house, although the mother will not allow him to bring the baby here. Mom did bring the baby last week, but refused to let her use any of dad's "stuff", because she hadnt had time to do a "safety inspection" on it. He (with our help) has also been attempting to send diapers, clothing, wipes, a baby swing, etc to the mother's house so that the baby has everything she needs there as well. However, the mother refuses everything saying that she doesnt need it and can handle it herself.
This includes money! Son has, on multiple occasions, taken cash in hand to her, only to have her refuse to take it. Yet, she has a "gofundme" page that seeks donations from friends, and on that page she states "it's just so hard to raise a child by yourself". She also makes statements on Facebook, for example she stated that she wanted a particular item for the baby, but it was only available at a Baby R Us that was about an hour from her, and she didnt have gas money for it so she guessed her child would have to do without it. All she had to do was let my son know that she wanted this item and he would have gotten it for her, or taken her to go get it. She now has three of this item, because her friends went and got it.
Recently, my son asked her to let him take the baby to visit her great grand parents. She said no because the baby is too young to be away from her mother, that it would be damaging to the "mother-child bond". He offered to let the mother come as well, but she still said no, because it would expose the baby to too many germs. However, mom has been taking baby to visit HER relatives, and her home is constantly full of friends and family.
I have asked my son what he wants to do. He told me that he wanted to be able to do more than visit his child, he wanted to be a father to her. The girlfriend is telling him that she wants the two of them to get married when he graduates and my son agrees. He does want to finish school first and start college, so that he can provide better for his family. He does, however, feel that marriage is the last thing he needs to worry about because if he and mom can't get along now, he feels it will be worse when they are married.
He thinks that his best choice right now would be to get established legal joint custody, and visitation. I agree with him. But, he cannot afford a lawyer, and right now, I cant afford to get him one (the fees for my nephew now son pretty much took all our savings).
Another concern is that my son is only 17**************...can he ask for visitation and custody on his own? He turns 18 in four weeks, should he wait until he is 18? Is there legal aid available for teen fathers? Is there a way to do this without a lawyer?
He is not wanting to take the baby out of the mother's home, he just wants joint custody and hopes to gain a visitation agreement.
He has asked me my opinion on the visitation agreement, but I just dont know what to tell him. We both understand that we have a preemie, and that visitation MUST be done in a way that is safe for the baby, but eventually he will need to have overnights. I'd appreciate any insight that anyone would have on visitation.
I do understand that this is about their child, and I do not intend to make decisions for them. But, they are both very young,and the mother is desperately trying to prove her independence, I want her to be able to gain this independence and confidence. All things aside, she is a good mother. My son, is desperately trying to figure out what he is supposed to do and what his legal rights are and what his legal rights should be. He is simply looking for guidance. That's all I want to do here, is give solid guidance and advice.
