nope not done yet

[Rwedunyet]

I thought I stated it nice.

And yes we can...But is that in the BEST interest of the FATHER? It's his child...Should he not deal with this himself??

Why yes, he SHOULD have to deal with this himself. AND he is, and doing a pretty good job, I might say!

He is a dad now, I get that, but he is also still a minor child, and as his mother, I am responsible for him. See, the questions that I asked were not on his behalf, they were for my own peace of mind, and my own security.

Ohiogal stated that I may end up responsible for the child-support. IF'n I may have to spend MY money, then you'd better believe I'm going to ask questions! lol

I get the whole deal about having people post for themselves, but I just dont understand, never have understood, what is wrong with a mother posting questions concerning her pregnant/newly delivered minor child. TO tell my son "You did this, YOU handle it" instead of "how can I help you with this mess you created", would be incredibly non-supportive, at a time when he needs support and encouragement.

Love you guys, but while he has to deal with his situation, I have to deal with mine.

 

[Rwedunyet]

Your son needs to file in court to establish a parent child relationship. You can't do that for him even though he is a minor. Without court orders he has no enforceable right to this child. He can be ordered to pay child support. And some states will actually order the GRANDPARENTS to pay child support on behalf of their minor children who are parents. He needs to meet with an attorney and file so that he can be a father to his child. Until he does so, he has NO RIGHT to be at doctor's appointments, no right to have companionship with the child or any right to make any decisions.

Thank you, Ohiogal.

I'm currently researching to see if grandparents have been ordered to pay child support in NC. Not finding much.

I have been able to schedule a consult for both me and my son with the lawyer that helped up with my nephew. I'll talk to her about MY legal obligations and the parent of a minor parent and my son will talk to her about what he needs to do and how to go about doing it.

It could very well be that him turning 18 next week takes me out of the picture all together. If so, then I get to step back and just be supportive. I'll be cool with that, had enough time in the courtroom already.

 

[Rwedunyet]

Thanks to everyone who took time to reply! (can't thank everyone without giving a full blown speech. Havent had enough coffee for that yet, maybe later! )

Lol, even for the friendly debate.

I apologize for taking so long to get back here, things get crazy sometimes.

 

[Just Blue]

Why yes, he SHOULD have to deal with this himself. AND he is, and doing a pretty good job, I might say!

He is a dad now, I get that, but he is also still a minor child, and as his mother, I am responsible for him. See, the questions that I asked were not on his behalf, they were for my own peace of mind, and my own security.

Ohiogal stated that I may end up responsible for the child-support. IF'n I may have to spend MY money, then you'd better believe I'm going to ask questions! lol

I get the whole deal about having people post for themselves, but I just dont understand, never have understood, what is wrong with a mother posting questions concerning her pregnant/newly delivered minor child. TO tell my son "You did this, YOU handle it" instead of "how can I help you with this mess you created", would be incredibly non-supportive, at a time when he needs support and encouragement.

Love you guys, but while he has to deal with his situation, I have to deal with mine.

Fair enough

Good Luck to you and your family!!


Blue

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

I recommend that research be done on a graduated parenting schedule that will eventually have dad having the child in dad's home on a regularly scheduled time. Court orders are your friend. Be prepared for mom to say that dad can have an overnight when the child turns 18 - okay, a bit of an exaggeration but you know that mom will fight this tooth and nail. He may need help paying for an attorney - this is how you can help your son.

Research parenting plans. The best plans have frequent visits with BOTH parent when the child is young. Get your son to make a user id - have him add to this thread. He did the deed - time to work on a future here.

 

[Rwedunyet]

To update:

had a consultation with my lawyer, and as usual, she made me feel better. Those lawyers make great counselors!

As for me, since my son will be turning 18 so soon, I am pretty much off the hook (yay for me!) I will have no LEGAL obligations to fulfill, which is great, because I can just be a grandma that willingly spoils her grandchild! and I am going to spoil this child rotten. And when she is older, I'm going to let her get all hopped up on sugar right before she goes home and laugh sadistically as she walks out the door. That's what "grandparent's rights" are all about!

As for my son and the baby's mother, they are talking. They are attempting to come to an agreement on their own ( and doing fairly good even!), and have it entered as a consent order, with the hopes of avoiding the courtroom. Since my only job as a grandparent is emotional support, I am whole-heartedly supporting this idea. WHOLE-HEARTEDLY, I say. They have asked my opinion on a couple things, which made me nervous until my son told me that I was "whack" sometimes. It's good to see that someone raised him tough enough to state his mind. I did have a frank, bluntly honest conversation with mom, letting her know how I felt as a child growing up without a strong relationship with my father, and how it still affects me even as an adult. She is still extremely over-protective, but I do see her trying to settle down a little. She has finally swallowed her pride and accepted diapers and wipes from my son, and two cans of formula from my husband and I. She is a sweet girl, and a loving mother that just needs more confidence and less pride. I think that we all need to learn to be patient and trust one another, this is a new experience for all of us.

Today, mom wanted to take a nap, so she called my son and asked if he could come "babysit" this afternoon. My son (I'm so PROUD of him) told her he would never "babysit" his own child, but he would LOVE the opportunity to spend time parenting her while mom took a break. (I heard him tell her that over the phone and it was all I could do to not shriek and hug him). AND I am so very proud of MOM, that was a HUGE step for her to let someone else watch baby.

Lawyer did say that she could not represent both mom and dad, that mom would have to seek her own council. I did not know that, but it does make sense. If things go well with their talking this out, she'll need her own attorney to review the consent order, my attorney will review it for my son, and then we'll put it before the Judge to be signed into effect. She also recommended that my son create a savings account, and deposit any refused child support money into that separate account.

Keep your fingers crossed, please! There is hope that this will not be as dramatic and traumatic as I thought! How wonderful it will be to just enjoy this baby!

Goshdarnit, today was such a wonderful day that I am gonna break out the GODIVA coffee!

 

[txmom512]

To update:

And when she is older, I'm going to let her get all hopped up on sugar right before she goes home and laugh sadistically as she walks out the door. That's what "grandparent's rights" are all about!

Just as a parent, on a personal note, my mom did this once. I asked her not to give my daughter suger like she was doing at the time. When she said sugar didn't make a difference, I told my mom that daughter was spending the night with Grandma - and Grandma got to stay up all night with a toddler who would not go to sleep.

Honestly, no offense, but to say that you would do that on purpose makes me lose all respect for you, as I would for as any other grandparent who would purposely do something like that to their grandchild to get back at mom. That's just ugly. Very ugly.

 

[Silverplum]

Just as a parent, on a personal note, my mom did this once. I asked her not to give my daughter suger like she was doing at the time. When she said sugar didn't make a difference, I told my mom that daughter was spending the night with Grandma - and Grandma got to stay up all night with a toddler who would not go to sleep.

Honestly, no offense, but to say that you would do that on purpose makes me lose all respect for you, as I would for as any other grandparent who would purposely do something like that to their grandchild to get back at mom. That's just ugly. Very ugly.

You know how you kids would SAY STUFF to piss off your parents?? Grandparents do the same thing.

Climb down off of your "ugly" high horse, young'un.

 

[Zigner]

Just as a parent, on a personal note, my mom did this once. I asked her not to give my daughter suger like she was doing at the time. When she said sugar didn't make a difference, I told my mom that daughter was spending the night with Grandma - and Grandma got to stay up all night with a toddler who would not go to sleep.

Honestly, no offense, but to say that you would do that on purpose makes me lose all respect for you, as I would for as any other grandparent who would purposely do something like that to their grandchild to get back at mom. That's just ugly. Very ugly.

The perfect example of someone who doesn't get sarcastic humor

ETA: Yeah, what she said!

 

[Rwedunyet]

Just as a parent, on a personal note, my mom did this once. I asked her not to give my daughter suger like she was doing at the time. When she said sugar didn't make a difference, I told my mom that daughter was spending the night with Grandma - and Grandma got to stay up all night with a toddler who would not go to sleep.

Honestly, no offense, but to say that you would do that on purpose makes me lose all respect for you, as I would for as any other grandparent who would purposely do something like that to their grandchild to get back at mom. That's just ugly. Very ugly.

Well, gosh no, I dont see how that could be offensive at all.

Really, go raise your kids. When you get to be grandma, you can come back and preach to me all you want.

I'll wait.

( here is a hint: you might want to climb down off that fabulous high horse of yours and find your sense of humor before the grand-kids come. It makes life more fun!)