Mama of twins here~Upcoming Child Support hearing and I lost my attorney :(

[Ohiogal]

This guy is crazy and violent and OP's solution is to put him in the military as an officer, guiding and shaping junior officers, and arm him with military weapons?

yeah... brilliant.

 

[mAmAnda]

You do realize that him trying to get you to drop things is a violation of the DVPO? If you reported him for that he would be in a great deal of trouble.

Like what kind of trouble?


Also, I havent reported it because I have responded to him. I'm afraid I'll be in trouble if they know I've been responding... but I'm afraid that if I dont respond, he will become even more angry and retaliate.

 

[mAmAnda]

This guy is crazy and violent and OP's solution is to put him in the military as an officer, guiding and shaping junior officers, and arm him with military weapons?

yeah... brilliant.

I am not *putting* him in the military. He has chosen that path. His actions have made it highly unlikely that he will be allowed back in. He acts right when he has to. He is all about his image and control / leadership. His problem resides in his anger control with those closest to him :wife and children (and prior girlfriends).

Please be cautious not to "bash" those of us reaching out for support. I am in a very difficult and scary situation.

 

[stealth2]

I am not *putting* him in the military.

Well, if you do as he's requested and ask about dropping charges, you are, really. You listed the reasons you want him in the military.

 

[LdiJ]

I am not *putting* him in the military. He has chosen that path. His actions have made it highly unlikely that he will be allowed back in. He acts right when he has to. He is all about his image and control / leadership. His problem resides in his anger control with those closest to him :wife and children (and prior girlfriends).

Please be cautious not to "bash" those of us reaching out for support. I am in a very difficult and scary situation.

You need to get in touch with a victim's advocacy group, or a women's shelter. When you enable him by not reporting him for contacting you or when you respond to his contact, you are just making things more dangerous for yourself. You are not handling things right and its going to come back to haunt you. I understand that you are scared, but every time you let him get away with violating the protective orders you are simply allowing him to continue to abuse you.

 

[mAmAnda]

Thank you. I appreciate the time you have spent responding. I am absolutely not dropping the charges. It's not even a consideration. Zero chance.

I will report him if he contacts me again. A few days ago, he asked me about an injury he had (I am a nurse) and I didn't respond. I he contacts me again other than to discuss visitation, I will report him. I am meeting with an attorney early next week (a DV attorney).

 

[divona2000]

...if he is in the USAF, he will be so far away...

Far away? What if he is assigned to Pope or Seymour Johnson?

...He has been accepted into the USAF as an officer...He has a pending criminal charge of assault on a female..If I drop the DVPO and assault, he has a good chance of getting into military. This means he will:
...Have decent income of which I will be awarded approximately $1,300-$1,900/month...

Until he blows up and again assaults another female (such as a fellow servicemember), then what happens to his job and all that child support?

(Not trying to discourage you, just keep all the possibilities in mind, and never count on cs to survive on)

 

[Just Blue]

Okay. I am going to try not to ramble. Just in tears here. This is so hard, you guys.
How did my life take this drastic turn? How could a man become violent with his wife and endanger his children ... he has put a pillow over one of the baby's face to "muffle her crying". He's such a dangerous person.Here's the dilemma (one of the many!)

He has been accepted into the USAF as an officer. He will not be commissioned with criminal charges pending. He has requested that I call the county clerk and ask for a "voluntary dismissal without prejudice".

What is that? Should I do it?

He has a pending criminal charge of assault on a female, as well as another pending charge because he called 911 and lied. False 911 call and misuse of police officers is the term used I believe. There is also an ex parte currently, pending a DVPO (which is going to be heard on May 26th).

If I drop the DVPO and assault, he has a good chance of getting into military. This means he will:

Be gone. Alot. Which makes me very happy.
Have decent income of which I will be awarded approximately $1,300-$1,900/month.

However, dropping the charges means that I no longer have any definite protection from him. Well, I don't right now (as a protection order is simply a piece of paper)...
But if he is in the USAF, he will be so far away.

Okay, second question. He said if I agree to the "voluntary dismissal without prejudice" that he will file a separation agreement with me. What is the point of this? I can't really hold him to any of the agreements.

My attorney withdrew and sent me a letter "Motion to withdraw"
Now comes Ralph Pennington, ESP. and the Law Firm .... attorneys for the defendant and move the court for an order allowing their withdrawal as counsel of record for the defendant in this action, and that they be relieved ofa ll further duties herein..."

So yeah, I'm completely clueless.


I JUST WANT THIS TO BE OVER WITH!

Based just on what you posted here you are not fit to parent a goldfish. You are debating helping a "man" who placed a pillow over your bay's face? Get some GOOD help with your mental disorder.

 

[mAmAnda]

Based just on what you posted here you are not fit to parent a goldfish. You are debating helping a "man" who placed a pillow over your bay's face? Get some GOOD help with your mental disorder.

You could not be any more wrong, Blue Meanie.

I came to this forum for legal advice. I have been bombarded with legal terms, attorneys suggestions and most importantly, deciding what is best for my children. You have severely misjudged me as a mother. The only reason I left my husband was to protect my children from him. It's pretty simple...

I understand where you may have concluded that I am trying to "help" him. He is trying to get into the USAF and I think it would be best for him, the USAF and most importantly, my babies. He would do well as an officer in the USAF. He is obsessed with his image and how others perceive him. Obviously, he thought that I would just put up with his anger/aggression outbursts and physical abuse. He was very surprised when I actually left him and filed a warrant for his arrest. He told a mutual friend that I "turned on him". So, clearly, he did not think I was strong enough to leave him. He could not be more wrong.. similar to your deduction of my mothering

 

[mAmAnda]

Not always about daycare. In my state it's a county administered program, and a person can apply and get child care assistance funded by the state, within a couple of weeks.

It's as simple as fill out an application with your county job and family services office, submit proof of income and identity, choose a child care provider, and done. No waiting list. No interview. Far easier and less complex than applying for TANF or food stamps.

Parents here used to get paper vouchers they gave to the child care provider. Now they get EBT type cards that they swipe at the child care location.

I think my state (NC) does not have such a convenient system. I have applied for the waiting list and from what I have heard from others, it can take up to two years. I am returning to work in July and 43% of my income will be paid to childcare. *sheesh*.

 

[justinjordan]

Based just on what you posted here you are not fit to parent a goldfish. You are debating helping a "man" who placed a pillow over your bay's face? Get some GOOD help with your mental disorder.

Just what is the point of your post Blue Meanie? I am a long time lurker (generally interested in law stuff) and I am pretty disgusted with this comment. But leaving my feelings out of it, lets just clarify something

#1. I would like to know exactly where she stated anything about "helping him." from my perspective, the OP is approaching everything from a perspective of "how can I do the right thing by my children?"
#2 If she was "not fit to parent a goldfish" I am sure the security and comfort of a partner who has a job would draw her back in.
#3 The OP came here asking for advice on how to deal with legal challenges and clearly asking for advice on what the drawback of each option would be. And your response is to attack her? Wow.

Do you have any idea how terrifying and how much courage it takes to leave an abusive partner? Not know where your next meal will come from and being constantly terrified that the perpetrator will find you and harm you? Having to sleep on friends couches and rely on hand outs? And managing to care for two babies on top of that?

This poster has more courage than you can imagine. Please take your negativity elsewhere.

To the OP - I really dont have any relevant advice, other than ignore people who cant spell the word "baby" correctly. Can you get in touch with women's defense lawyer who may be able to work for free or on a sliding scale.

 

[Ohiogal]

Just what is the point of your post Blue Meanie? I am a long time lurker (generally interested in law stuff) and I am pretty disgusted with this comment. But leaving my feelings out of it, lets just clarify something

#1. I would like to know exactly where she stated anything about "helping him." from my perspective, the OP is approaching everything from a perspective of "how can I do the right thing by my children?"
#2 If she was "not fit to parent a goldfish" I am sure the security and comfort of a partner who has a job would draw her back in.
#3 The OP came here asking for advice on how to deal with legal challenges and clearly asking for advice on what the drawback of each option would be. And your response is to attack her? Wow.

Do you have any idea how terrifying and how much courage it takes to leave an abusive partner? Not know where your next meal will come from and being constantly terrified that the perpetrator will find you and harm you? Having to sleep on friends couches and rely on hand outs? And managing to care for two babies on top of that?

This poster has more courage than you can imagine. Please take your negativity elsewhere.

To the OP - I really dont have any relevant advice, other than ignore people who cant spell the word "baby" correctly. Can you get in touch with women's defense lawyer who may be able to work for free or on a sliding scale.

Again, she is attempting to help him by considering dropping the DVPO in order for him to get into the USAF where he can then be armed. But hey OP would hopefully be in for a big payday for child support. The rest of the world would be in danger but what does that matter?

Her whole post deals with money except the one sentence which seems to be an afterthought. There is no questions regarding how to keep her children safe or such but rather how she can get money from him and make sure he gets into the USAF so he will move away and pay her $1300 a month. Women's defense lawyer? REALLY?

 

[not2cleverRed]

You could not be any more wrong, Blue Meanie.

I came to this forum for legal advice. I have been bombarded with legal terms, attorneys suggestions and most importantly, deciding what is best for my children. You have severely misjudged me as a mother. The only reason I left my husband was to protect my children from him. It's pretty simple...

I understand where you may have concluded that I am trying to "help" him. He is trying to get into the USAF and I think it would be best for him, the USAF and most importantly, my babies. He would do well as an officer in the USAF. He is obsessed with his image and how others perceive him. Obviously, he thought that I would just put up with his anger/aggression outbursts and physical abuse. He was very surprised when I actually left him and filed a warrant for his arrest. He told a mutual friend that I "turned on him". So, clearly, he did not think I was strong enough to leave him. He could not be more wrong.. similar to your deduction of my mothering

Being a good parent is about more than feeding and clothing them. By your actions you are showing your children *character*. People with *character* do the right thing, even when (especially when) it is not popular or easy. The only thing *good* about your STBX going into the USAF would be the potential $ from and relocation of your STBX. Assuming he doesn't screw that up or get stationed nearby. The down side is that by having him out there, he is free to date and abuse again. Could you live with yourself if a child was hurt because some misguided girlfriend left it with your STBX and he couldn't handle it and tries smothering them?

Simply put, by our actions we show our children what "character" means to us. You've had the courage to leave, now show that you have the character to place what is right for society above more shortsighted goals.

 

[Just Blue]

Just what is the point of your post Blue Meanie? I am a long time lurker (generally interested in law stuff) and I am pretty disgusted with this comment. But leaving my feelings out of it, lets just clarify something

#1. I would like to know exactly where she stated anything about "helping him." from my perspective, the OP is approaching everything from a perspective of "how can I do the right thing by my children?"
#2 If she was "not fit to parent a goldfish" I am sure the security and comfort of a partner who has a job would draw her back in.
#3 The OP came here asking for advice on how to deal with legal challenges and clearly asking for advice on what the drawback of each option would be. And your response is to attack her? Wow.

Do you have any idea how terrifying and how much courage it takes to leave an abusive partner? Not know where your next meal will come from and being constantly terrified that the perpetrator will find you and harm you? Having to sleep on friends couches and rely on hand outs? And managing to care for two babies on top of that?

This poster has more courage than you can imagine. Please take your negativity elsewhere.

To the OP - I really dont have any relevant advice, other than ignore people who cant spell the word "baby" correctly. Can you get in touch with women's defense lawyer who may be able to work for free or on a sliding scale.

Do you have any idea how terrifying and how much courage it takes to leave an abusive partner? Not know where your next meal will come from and being constantly terrified that the perpetrator will find you and harm you? Having to sleep on friends couches and rely on hand outs? And managing to care for two babies on top of that?

1. Yes.
2. Yes.
3. Yes.
4. Yes.
5. Yes.

To the OP - I really dont have any relevant advice, other than ignore people who cant spell the word "baby" correctly

That's the best you got?

 

[Zigner]

He would do well as an officer in the USAF.

He is obsessed with his image and how others perceive him.

That is not a desirable characteristic for a USAF officer (or any other service branch for that matter.)