STBX threatens family pet

[tuffbrk]

What is the name of your state? NJ
STBX released fr hospital 2day. Told me & 14yo that the dog is dead tomorrow. He's not putting up w/her shedding. I can either find her a new home in the next week (he is doing rehab for a week) or he'd have a buddy come & get her. Then he & his mother took a bag of clothes and left.

There was add'l fighting - claims I whisper that I hope he dies in his sleep, that he's having a hospital bed put in the living room, his sunglasses are missing, wanted to know if we were trying to get high from empty air in whipped cream cans and then flipped me the bird walking out.

Police say as a co-owner of the home, he can authorize anyone to come on the property, enter the home, etc, If I'm home (I work) I can call if an unwlecome guest comes...

There has to be some way to protect the rights of me and my kids when he's threatening the life of a pet, no? Could use some advice

 

[nextwife]

What is the name of your state? NJ
STBX released fr hospital 2day. Told me & 14yo that the dog is dead tomorrow. He's not putting up w/her shedding. I can either find her a new home in the next week (he is doing rehab for a week)or he'd have a buddy come &bgether. Then he & his mother took a bag of clothes and left.

There was add'l fighting - claims I whisper that I hope he dies in his sleep, that hes having a hospital bed put in the living room, his sunglasses are missing, wanted to know if wenwerentrying to get high from empty air in whipped cream cans and then flipped me the bird walking out.

Police say as a co-owner of the home, he can authorize anyone to come on the property, enter the home, etc, If Im home (I work) I can call if an unwlecome guest comes...

There has to be some way to protect the rights of me and my kids when he's threatening the life of a pet, no? Could use some advice

Well, I'd surely kennel the pet a few days until he's out.

 

[tuffbrk]

Until he's out? Do you mean out of the house? He's coming back to the house in a week - we are both on deed, I am solely on note. Judge will not compel him to sign realtor agreement until final judgement is ordered. In the meantime, I dont seem to have any rights or any way to protect our dog.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Would you have anyone who could be a foster parent to the dog? Take him for a while until things cool down? I know that we fostered a dog - doesn't have to be a permanent change.

 

[Ohiogal]

File a criminal complaint regarding this situation and see if you can get a CPO due to the threats. And yes I know they are against the family pet but does that cause anyone to be afraid of what he might do to them? Does it make anyone fearful? File DV today!

 

[LdiJ]

File a criminal complaint regarding this situation and see if you can get a CPO due to the threats. And yes I know they are against the family pet but does that cause anyone to be afraid of what he might do to them? Does it make anyone fearful? File DV today!

I agree....you shouldn't have to live that way or live in fear.

 

[tuffbrk]

I googled "CPO" - is that a protective order of some sort? So even tho I went to my local police and they turned me away, I can file something with the county?

I feel like an idiot yet my stomach is turning that he's going to come back next week. He's thrown out/destroyed so many of my personal belongings, breaks into my room and rifles thru my stuff (i installed a hasp lock so that I could sleep at night w/o being afraid he'd come in when I was sleeping), and now he wants to kill our dog. IDK if it's because he signed the mediation agreement giving me physical custody or if it's because this situation has dragged on so long but his bitterness is definitely escalating.

You'd think he'd be thrilled since he just had a life saving transplant and yet this was his 1st order of business upon getting out of the hospital. So sad. He didn't even tell our son that he missed him or asked for a hug...

I'm rambling - sorry. "DV" - I'm presuming that's domestic violence? I have to go to the county, not local, right? I went for one locally last year and was told that unless it's physical abuse, I'd be denied that county is more appropriate?

I really appreciate your time & advice.

 

[LdiJ]

I googled "CPO" - is that a protective order of some sort? So even tho I went to my local police and they turned me away, I can file something with the county?

I feel like an idiot yet my stomach is turning that he's going to come back next week. He's thrown out/destroyed so many of my personal belongings, breaks into my room and rifles thru my stuff (i installed a hasp lock so that I could sleep at night w/o being afraid he'd come in when I was sleeping), and now he wants to kill our dog. IDK if it's because he signed the mediation agreement giving me physical custody or if it's because this situation has dragged on so long but his bitterness is definitely escalating.

You'd think he'd be thrilled since he just had a life saving transplant and yet this was his 1st order of business upon getting out of the hospital. So sad. He didn't even tell our son that he missed him or asked for a hug...

I'm rambling - sorry. "DV" - I'm presuming that's domestic violence? I have to go to the county, not local, right? I went for one locally last year and was told that unless it's physical abuse, I'd be denied that county is more appropriate?

I really appreciate your time & advice.

DO NOT go to the police. Go to the courthouse and file for a restraining/protective order. Do it TODAY.

 

[Ozark_Sophist]

DO NOT go to the police. Go to the courthouse and file for a restraining/protective order. Do it TODAY.

If you need help, contact a woman's shelter in your area.

 

[Bali Hai]

If you need help, contact a woman's shelter in your area.

How do you know the dog is female?

 

[fairisfair]

How do you know the dog is female?

laughing. . . . .you are sooo dumb. . . .

 

[tuffbrk]

DO NOT go to the police. Go to the courthouse and file for a restraining/protective order. Do it TODAY.

UPDATE -Well - I didn't get there on Friday as I waited for a return call from my attn'y who told me he could file an Emergent Order if my son who witnessed it would sign a certification. Had a family meeting with our sons to get their "vote" on our dog. The younger voted to sign off a certification, the older agreed we needed to do something. Sent an Email to the attorney.
Monday - legal holiday, everything closed. STBX who supposedly is "elsewhere" for rehab therapy (think he's at his aunt's house) showed up at the house (per my sons - I was at work), went in, got something and left. How coincidental that somehow or other the hanging baskets, wind chimes and spinner hanging on the trellis somehow wound up smashed in the garden.
Tuesday - I had off (was supposed to be in court for ESP but w/his recent hospitalization, it was adjourned, no new date), followed up the Email with a VM. Admin calls to say attn'y in court, he'll be in touch. Now attn'y advises that he can only move forward with this under a Roberts hearing, he doubts we'll be successful unless my son(s) advise they fear for their lives and that he wouldn't recommend filing for a TRO as the STBX is "too sympathetic of a defendant" and that even if I got a TRO, it wouldn't become permanent as when STBX walks into court room the judge will not see him as a physical threat. Then Emails me a copy of the letter he sent to STBX attn'y in the event action is taken against our dog. That's great - it'll be as effective as the letters demanding that he provide the items granted to me by the courts (due 7/10) that have been completely ignored.

I have been advised to carry a recorder with me at all times and that if I can record him being verbally abusive, I'll have a chance at him being removed from the house. In the meantime, I've no idea where he is, when he plans on coming back, no way to restrain him/his friend from the home, no way to prevent our dog from being taken away. My emotional reserves are depleted, I can hardly eat and frankly, I'm struggling to keep it together. It appears that I'll have no other choice than to continue to lock myself in my room until such time as the divorce gets finalized - still have to do early settlement, if it's not successful we then have to do financial mediation and if that doesn't work it's on to trial - or I can get him on tape. Hopefully the meds he's currently on don't impact his control over impulses.

So - that's it - just wanted to say thanks and provide current status.

 

[Ohiogal]

Get another attorney. Seriously. Get a new one that will go to bat for you. If youa re afraid of him it is time to get a cpo.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Can anyone foster the dog? A friend? Relative? Co-worker?

 

[tuffbrk]

Can anyone foster the dog? A friend? Relative? Co-worker?

You now, Ginny, we're trying. She's 9 yrs old, is a siberian husky and is not accustomed to sleeping outside so it makes it difficult to find someone who can take her in that has a fenced yard and room enough for her to sleep at night. My younger son - who was sitting at the table when his dad said the dog is dead in 7 days - has even tried asking school friends. We tried keeping her at my neighbor's during the day when we're at work and school but the other 2 dogs there were having none of it. So we're kinda stuck.

My older son (she was his b-day present when he turned 10) refuses to consider fostering her as he says whether his dad has her removed or we foster her he still loses his dog. I'm trying to get him to see that at least he'd know that she was happy and well cared for. He's being stubborn and I'm hoping that when the emotions calm down, he'll see it's best as I don't know how any of us will be comfortable leaving her when STBX shows back up.

Unfortunately, due to STBX's illness, the divorce has been prolonged (2 1/2 years) and I think we're all tired of the Jekyl and Hyde routine from STBX - we never know what we'll be dealing with next. I'm a big believer in karma so I keep trying to be the better person, ignore STBX and it's rare that I'll respond to him. I did so last Thursday because his mom was there and my son was at the table so I figured he'd only keep on with his mouth and not attempt anything physical. Normally I'm way too intimidated & other than cooking and eating dinner with my sons in the kitchen, we all just stay in our bedrooms. I'd take my sons and our dog and just go (I have residential custody via parenting plan) however I am solely responsible for the mortgage payment & cannot afford to pay that and rent so ...this has been our life for quite some time now.

I know a lot of women and men make false allegations re: verbal and emotional abuse and I recognize that as a result, the law needs proof to ensure folks aren't wrongly accused. But I just think once your pet's life (she's already afraid of him now) is threatened, most likely, you're moving out of the verbal arena andi t's going to get physical. I am preparing for it to be either my younger son or myself that will be his next target as we're the 2 dealing with the verbal and emotional now.

It's unbelievable to me that I am not able to protect our dog via legal means simply because he is a co-owner. I am the other co-owner, I pay for everything and yet I can't even protect our dog. I really don't understand it.