What to do!!! This is bad!!!

[longsally111]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? South Carolina
Posting this for a neighbor as his computer has been packed up. I will try to make it brief. His wife of 3 years did not work, clean, cook, take care of the kids, grocery shop, nothing. He did it all, while she laid around the house claiming to be too ill to do aything but could get up for hair, nails, tanning etc.. She left the house 1 1/2 weeks ago taking her son from a previous relation ship that he did NOT adopt. They have a 2 year old together.

When she left, she left her key and told everyone she was returning to NC. He changed the locks to protect the marital assets with attorney approval as NOONE is living there currently. The next day, she wanted in the house and could not get in so she threw a rock through the front window and then left. Husband moved out with 2 year old until emergency court hearing for custody ( in case she changes her mind) and since all bills were in his name, he shut off all utilities and winterized the house and put tape over the huge hole in the window!! She now states she is moving back into the home and demands he turn everything back on. He told her to put it in her name and pay for it herself as he is not under court order to pay her anything or do anything at this time and she is the one who left.

I told him I did not know if that was legal. I am concerned as she did not send her son to school all last week because she was too lazy to get up and take him ( husband always did it) and she is leaving crazy messages for him like " you wont even let me go to college" It should be noted she has failed her GED twice!!!!

He is taking care of the little 2 year old daughter who he adored and she is currently in pain management for chronic pain and just got switched off Morphine to percocets and is also on Klonopin for "panic attacks" ( she is 25).

so, on to the question: 1. Can he turn everything in the house off is noone is living there, 2. Can she be held responsible for the damage to the home 3. is there any hope of him getting custody of the 8 yer old e did not adopt? ( natural father is in jail and had rights stripped already)

I would also like it noted that on their last day together, she called the police and put in a report stating he pulled a gun on her and threatened her and was then overheard by 3 people stating she was going to bruise herself and claim that he is beating her so she can "take him to the cleaners". He wont be in the home or go anywhere where she can get close to him and make false allgations again.

 

[mistoffolees]

He will not get custody of the 8 year old who he didn't adopt. (I'd imagine that there might be some bizarre scenario like both the mother and father abandoning the child and him asking the court for custody, but it would be extremely unlikely, so he might as well forget it).

As for the house, it's still the marital residence, so she has every right to live there. If he turns off the heat and electricity and refuses to restore it, he is likely to be in deep trouble.

Best bet is to turn everything back on and file for temporary orders regarding their child and the house. If he doesn't want to live in the house, he could ask the court to give him permission to sell the house, but I doubt if it will happen if she wants to live there. It could well happen in the final order, but that's months down the road.

She had every right to break into the house. It's the marital home and he could not legally lock her out. Granted, she should have asked him for a key (which he would be obligated to provide) or contacted a lock smith instead of breaking in, but it's her home, too. I suspect that you didn't get the full story from the attorney. He certainly had the right to change the locks on an empty home, but not to keep her out.

As an aside, I wish posters would stop with the nonsense about what an evil, lazy, worthless person they married (or, in this case, a 'friend' married). It's completely irrelevant to the legal issues and you made the choice to marry them. It simply makes the poster sound like a whiny teenager.

 

[NotClueless]

When the neighbor was at work, where the the 2 year old?? At a babysitter, or with mom?

Where are they staying now?

For all the folks who say "he has to turn on the utilities", why can't SHE turn on the utilities? Understand all the "she didn't work", etc. BUT, why is HE the only one responsible for turning on the utilities? Since it is a marital asset, they BOTH are responsible for the upkeep, etc. until the judge divides the assets and the liabilities.

 

[mistoffolees]

For all the folks who say "he has to turn on the utilities", why can't SHE turn on the utilities? Understand all the "she didn't work", etc. BUT, why is HE the only one responsible for turning on the utilities? Since it is a marital asset, they BOTH are responsible for the upkeep, etc. until the judge divides the assets and the liabilities.

Simply because it's a marital home that she has a right to live in AND HE TURNED OFF THE UTILITIES. You can't turn off the utilities of a home where a small child is living without repercussions. The fact that she had left briefly doesn't change that. The mother wants to live there with her child and by turning off the utilities, he could conceivably be charged with child neglect. Not to mention that divorce courts are fairly rigid on not making major changes on things like that without a court order when a divorce is underway.

Yes, she'll have to get a job and will have to support herself eventually. But that doesn't give him the right to throw her out and cut her off in the middle of the winter.

 

[nextwife]

He will not get custody of the 8 year old who he didn't adopt. (I'd imagine that there might be some bizarre scenario like both the mother and father abandoning the child and him asking the court for custody, but it would be extremely unlikely, so he might as well forget it).

As for the house, it's still the marital residence, so she has every right to live there. If he turns off the heat and electricity and refuses to restore it, he is likely to be in deep trouble.

.

Not sure. She's the one who left, and he did the responsible thing in winterizing the house.

In just the last two weeks, I've had to manage a combined $100,000 on freeze up damage to homes in which the wife wanted to occupy the house after a break-up and then up and moved out without either a heads up to the lender or a winterization being done. Husband faces a potential deficiency of many tens of thousands in damage if he DOES turn on the water and she only stays a short time and moves out without letting him know. In this weather a freeze up can happen in a A SINGLE day after the utilities get turned back on, if she turns off the heat and moves out. Maybe he knows her well enough to be concerned about her moving out again without first winterizing or notifying him. The financial risk is HUGE (I'm averaging $50,000 damage per vacant freeze up home).

She's got a mouth. She can call to turn on service.

 

[penelope10]

Where did he move to? Generally a house sells better if there are furnishings etc. in the home. And certainly it sells better if there is electricity, gas, water, etc for those who come to look at a home to purchase. Plus I would think it would be better for the house itself in cold weather to have heat to keep the pipes from freezing, etc.

His ex can certainly turn on the utilities herself. However, the fact that the utilities were turned off all together could be viewed as a hostile act by your friend to make it difficult for the stbx to have possession of the home. (Even if she was the one that left). It's a marital asset and she is entitled to have a key to get into the home and she is also entitled to use of the home. (Just as he is).

 

[longsally111]

ok, I will try to answer everything. For Not Clueless: The baby went to a sitters every morning and stayed there until dad picked up the baby ever night, even though mom was home all day. She refused to watch her. Mom did return to North Carolina and is still there. All the bills were in his name only and he has always paid them. She did not contribute at all. He told her to turn them on in her name and she can pay for them but he is unwilling to pay bills on a home where he is not residing at present. He must provide for the little girl that she left behind when she went. He does continue to pay the mortgage as that is also in his name alone. He will move back in after the emergency custody hearing where he also asked for the home.

for Mistoffolees: I told him the same thing, that there is very little chance of saving the 8 year old. On a better note, HER father is now suing for custody of the child, stating she is unfit. The house is the marital residence and she can go live there, I completely agree. I do not agree, however, that she can continue to live there, pay for nothing and get a free ride until this is over. She can restore utilities, she just has to do it in her name and be responsible for them. She called the police and while on the phone wth them, he told the officer about all the false allegations and that he would ot go near her and if she wanted something out of the house, he would arrange access for her but she decided to throw the rock and leave instead.

The whiney part: She was an uneducated girl with a small child that she had at 16 and was living in a trailer with her parents. He fell in love and married her and they had a child. The trouble started after she took the drugs and then continued to do so. He asked her to go to inpatient treatment and she refused. She attempted suicide once before and when she threatened it again, she told him that she would never be locked up again. She was given a beautiful home in an upscale neighborhood, new car for her birthday, diamond earrings bigger than I coud ever afford and yet, she was unhappy, drinking and pill popping. Actually, I find the whole situation evry sad.

 

[longsally111]

next wife: She left, then he left and it was not until she turned over her key and announced that she was leaving the state that he turned everything off because neither of them is staying there and there are NO children residing there now. She has the 8 year old in NC and he is staying with family.

 

[LdiJ]

I think that you need to advise your friend to get a consult with a local attorney. You are FAR too opinionated about things and you think that you know better than the people here that are giving you advice. Therefore you are not going to give your friend accurate information.

Your friend needs to speak with an attorney to get correct answers that are not influenced by your opinion, before your opinion gets him in hot water.

 

[longsally111]

I did tell him to get an attorney and it was the attorney who told him to change the locks and secure the home since neither of them is living there. He filed for an emergency custody hearing which should take place in the next 1-2 weeks where, he was told, more than likely he will get the little girl and the house. He secured affidavids from 6-7 neighbors about this woman and her witnessed behavior and I think he stands a good chance. As for the utilities, I do not think his attorney knows about that yet. She can go home and live in the house with a huge broken front window ( deductable was 1000.00 so he didnt fix it ) in the cold with her 8 year old and figure out how to pay for the bills.


I posted here because I have been on this forum before and have always gotten good advice. I was just looking for another perspective. I am involved as I also was roped into watching the children for the last year while he went to do things, even though she was home.

 

[penelope10]

Where is he living now? If he's not planning on selling the home, I find it curious that he moved out as it sounds like he plans on trying to keep the home after the divorce.

 

[longsally111]

Penelope, he is staying with family at this time. He does not want to sell the home, there is nothing curious about it. She has called the police on him before and filed false alligations and so if he lives in the home, she can show up anytime she wants and let herself in and then call the police and try to file more charges. Remember, she was heard telling people that she was going to bruise herself and then claim he was hitting her!! He is staying away until they go to court on the emergency hearing. There is also the chance that she sould show up and try to take the 2 year old ( if she changes her mind ) and he does not want to risk that. She really doesnt care about the kids, she see's them as a way to get money.

 

[mistoffolees]

I did tell him to get an attorney and it was the attorney who told him to change the locks and secure the home since neither of them is living there. He filed for an emergency custody hearing which should take place in the next 1-2 weeks where, he was told, more than likely he will get the little girl and the house.

He may get the house. That doesn't excuse his behavior.

It's possible that the attorney told him it was OK to close up the house. But if the attorney knew that she had returned and he was throwing her out in the cold, it might be a different story.

It's going to go in front of a judge. I can picture the story: "Your honor, I just went to visit family for a little while and when I came back, I had nowhere to live. He threw me out in the street, changed the locks on the house, and turned off the power. When I had to get into the house so my poor little girl and I had somewhere to stay, he raised a ruckus." How is he going to defend himself against that?

As for the daughter, I don't think you have any way of knowing how the judge will rule. If he's been working all day and the mother has been the primary care-giver, the judge could easily rule that the child stay with her and he pay heft child support. You just don't know. I don't know either, but then, I'm not the one coming here saying how it's going to play out.

Ldij is right - you want advice, but insist that you know everything and refuse to listen. Furthermore, unless you're privy to his conversations with his attorney, you don't know what the attorney said. It also brings up another possibility: "Your honor, we had a beautiful 2 year old daughter and he left me for this other woman and now she's sticking her nose where it doesn't belong and trying to take my daughter away".

Let him get his own advice and if you want to get advice, you really ought to at least listen.

 

[longsally111]

]He may get the house. That doesn't excuse h[/B]is behavior.

which behavior?

It's possible that the attorney told him it was OK to close up the house. But if the attorney knew that she had returned and he was throwing her out in the cold, it might be a different story.

he did not throw her out in the cold!!! She left, gave the key over to a neutral 3rd party and told people she was leaving to move back where she came from. He has affidavids to that.

It's going to go in front of a judge. I can picture the story: "Your honor, I just went to visit family for a little while and when I came back, I had nowhere to live. He threw me out in the street, changed the locks on the house, and turned off the power. When I had to get into the house so my poor little girl and I had somewhere to stay, he raised a ruckus." How is he going to defend himself against that?

By stating, your honor, she left, turned over the key, did not bother to take our 2 year old with her, told everyone she was leaving the state, I left my home due to all her false allegations and felt I could not live there safetly until the court hearing, I changed the locks to protect the marital assets as no one was living there and I was advised to do so by my attorney and I cut off the utilities AFTER 1 1/2 weeks when noone was living there and she did not come back.

As for the daughter, I don't think you have any way of knowing how the judge will rule. If he's been working all day and the mother has been the primary care-giver, the judge could easily rule that the child stay with her and he pay heft child support.

she had not been the primary caregiver and he has affidavids from over 10 people stating just that.

You just don't know. I don't know either, but then, I'm not the one coming here saying how it's going to play out.

unfortunatelt, living down the street from them and hanging out with them almost daily, I do know. It was and is a very sad situation.

Ldij is right - you want advice, but insist that you know everything and refuse to listen. Furthermore, unless you're privy to his conversations with his attorney, you don't know what the attorney said. It also brings up another possibility: "Your honor, we had a beautiful 2 year old daughter and he left me for this other woman and now she's sticking her nose where it doesn't belong and trying to take my daughter away".

I do not insist I know everything. If I did, I would not post here. By the way, I have a house full of kids and there is NO WAY I would want another one here ( lol).

Let him get his own advice and if you want to get advice, you really ought to at least listen.

Believe me, I am listening and I enjoy the different points of view. One poster says he cannot turn off utilities. One says he can, etc. Its the different points of view and diversity I enjoy here.

 

[LdiJ]

[/B]


Believe me, I am listening and I enjoy the different points of view. One poster says he cannot turn off utilities. One says he can, etc. Its the different points of view and diversity I enjoy here.

The poster telling you that he can is unfortunately expressing a personal opinion as to the right or wrong of the situation, rather than a legal one.

One other thing that none of us have addressed is that he is basically keeping mom away from the child. That could possibly cause him some grief as well.