step parent adoption and termination of parental rights

[crazyby5]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? GA

My husband of 8 years and I live in GA and my ex husband and father of my 2 oldest chilren (I have 3 with current husband), lives in VA. We have a court order giving both of us joint legal custody and me sole physical custody. It also spells out visitation and child support. He hasn't had contact (in person, by phone or mail), since Dec. 2006 and the children haven't recv'd any child support since March 2007. The last time I heard from him was in July 2007 when he was supposed to come down to pick them up for a week visit during summer break. Their bags were packed and he never showed up. That's the last I've heard from him. My husband has been there for them since they were 3 and 4.5. and wants to adopt them. They know about their biofather but consider my husband their father. I've read so much about step parent adoptions and have even consulted with 2 different attys. in our area. One said that yes, we did have grounds for termination of parental rights and could go ahead with the paperwork. The other said the only way for step parent adoption to take place is if ex voluntarily relenquished his rights and that my only option was to take him to court for contempt and non payment of child support. I know what the statues say as far as grounds for terminating rights, but I've also read that not paying and not having contact is not something a judge would terminate a parent's rights for. I would really like some advice b/c I don't know whether to go ahead with it or not. My husband is active duty army, so it is very important to us both that we know they children will be taken care of. There are lots of things they would be entitled to with him being a servicemember, but only if they are natural or adopted children.

 

[Zigner]

Not a word, not a peep after he missed his scheduled visitation? And you haven't thought to TRY to find out where he was? Why are you in such in a hurry to find a new daddy then to find out what might have become of their FATHER?

 

[crazyby5]

Not a word, not a peep after he missed his scheduled visitation? And you haven't thought to TRY to find out where he was? Why are you in such in a hurry to find a new daddy then to find out what might have become of their FATHER?

I drove my children to VA for visitation for years and he wasn't paying child support then. I've done everything I could to foster a relationship with the kids...when I personally think he should be the one fostering the relationship. His phone number is unlisted, he is not at the last known address that I have. I don't think its right for me to have to spend money to hire an attorney when I know that he will not pay. And my children want this, they are 13 and 11. They know that my husband is their dad but want it to be legal. And so do we so we know that they will be taken care of should anything ever happen to my husband. He just got home from his 3rd deployment in Oct., so those fears are real.

 

[Zigner]

I drove my children to VA for visitation for years and he wasn't paying child support then. I've done everything I could to foster a relationship with the kids...when I personally think he should be the one fostering the relationship. His phone number is unlisted, he is not at the last known address that I have. I don't think its right for me to have to spend money to hire an attorney when I know that he will not pay. And my children want this, they are 13 and 11. They know that my husband is their dad but want it to be legal. And so do we so we know that they will be taken care of should anything ever happen to my husband. He just got home from his 3rd deployment in Oct., so those fears are real.

So, you've lied to them this entire time?

I guess when he disappeared, you just breathed a sigh of relief? No thought as to whether the man was even still alive?


Seek the services of an attorney to help with your stepparent adoption. It can be done. Just seems off to me that you don't even wondered what happened to the FATHER of your children.

 

[MominCarolina]

The second attorney you spoke to is wrong. Your situation does meet the requirements for terminating ones parental rights.

You can do this a couple of ways. Tell your attorney you have no clue where he is, give them his last known address and if he can't be served, a judge will order him to be served by notice of publication.

You could also go to an internet detective website, pay the fee (usually under $20) to get more current information so he can be served more properly. He may even be willing to give his consent once he gets served, you just never know.

I would highly advise that you go about this adoption in the most proper manner, and that is to try to locate him. An adoption is just not something you want to be underhanded about in any way.

 

[crazyby5]

So, you've lied to them this entire time?

I guess when he disappeared, you just breathed a sigh of relief? No thought as to whether the man was even still alive?


Seek the services of an attorney to help with your stepparent adoption. It can be done. Just seems off to me that you don't even wondered what happened to the FATHER of your children.

Wow Zigner, you have some issues don't you? I did not breathe a sigh of relief when he just disappeared from their lives b/c I know how important and special a relationship with a father can be. If I had not wanted him in their lives, I wouldn't have driven 4 hours each way every other weekend so he could see them, even when they weren't getting financial support from him. I know he's still alive b/c I've contacted his parents several times and they won't tell me where he is (he also owes lots of money to the IRS). Why should we have to spend our money on a lawyer to find him when he knows where they are and how to contact them. Doesn't he have any responsibilities towards them? And no I have not lied to my children. They know who their biological father is (remember I used to take them to visit, up until they were 7 and 8.5?), but they also know that there is much more to being a father than just donating the sperm. My husband is their dad by his actions and his love for them.

 

[MominCarolina]

You don't have to pay an attorney to find him. You have to pay an attorney so he can be served.

 

[crazyby5]

You don't have to pay an attorney to find him. You have to pay an attorney so he can be served.

And what if he doesn't consent? I know that in GA no contact or support for more than a year is grounds for termination, it's just how likely? I've read other places that that alone will not persuade a judge to terminate rights. Would it be any different since my husband wants to adopt them? I only ask because I've gotten conflicting advice from 2 diff. attorneys and I don't want to spend all of that money on a lawyer if it isn't likely to happen.

 

[Silverplum]

And what if he doesn't consent? I know that in GA no contact or support for more than a year is grounds for termination, it's just how likely? I've read other places that that alone will not persuade a judge to terminate rights. Would it be any different since my husband wants to adopt them? I only ask because I've gotten conflicting advice from 2 diff. attorneys and I don't want to spend all of that money on a lawyer if it isn't likely to happen.

He doesn't have to consent. He has rights simply by virtue of being the father. It's up to you to talk him into it, or to talk a judge into it.

Generally, termination of rights goes hand-in-hand with stepparent adoption.

 

[MominCarolina]

If he doesn't want to consent, then he can fight the adoption in court and it will be the judges decision on whether your husband can adopt the children or not.

 

[Zigner]

Why should we have to spend our money on a lawyer to find him when he knows where they are and how to contact them.

Because YOU want to force him to give up his parental RIGHTS. You aren't going to be able to do this alone.

ETA: To be honest, I'm on your side on this one. I just think the attitude you have shown on this forum needs to be ...adjusted... a bit before you head to court.

One more edit: I *have* done a TPR/Step-parent adoption without an attorney. In YOUR case, you will want to utilize the services of an attorney.

Good luck.

 

[crazyby5]

Because YOU want to force him to give up his parental RIGHTS. You aren't going to be able to do this alone.

ETA: To be honest, I'm on your side on this one. I just think the attitude you have shown on this forum needs to be ...adjusted... a bit before you head to court.

One more edit: I *have* done a TPR/Step-parent adoption without an attorney. In YOUR case, you will want to utilize the services of an attorney.

Good luck.

When I wrote that I didn't see why we had to hire an attorney, that was in response to your first post when you said I should try to find him. My original question was do judges normally terminate parental rights for failure to support and contact. I've gotten 2 different opinions from 2 different attorneys. As far as my attitude, I'm sorry if you think it needs adjusting, but you attacked me in your very first post, and assumed I just wanted my ex out of the kids lives from the get go. I feel I've done what I could so they would be in each other's lives, and he hasn't tried to foster a relationship with them. Now its time to look out for what is best for the children, and with a biofather not supporting them and a step dad being in the army, they would have no support if something happened, as well as if something were to happen to me, my husband, who has raised them for 8 years, would have absolutely no rights to them. So if looking out for my childrens' best interest is considered having an attitude, I will gladly have one.

 

[Zigner]

When I wrote that I didn't see why we had to hire an attorney, that was in response to your first post when you said I should try to find him. My original question was do judges normally terminate parental rights for failure to support and contact. I've gotten 2 different opinions from 2 different attorneys. As far as my attitude, I'm sorry if you think it needs adjusting, but you attacked me in your very first post, and assumed I just wanted my ex out of the kids lives from the get go. I feel I've done what I could so they would be in each other's lives, and he hasn't tried to foster a relationship with them. Now its time to look out for what is best for the children, and with a biofather not supporting them and a step dad being in the army, they would have no support if something happened, as well as if something were to happen to me, my husband, who has raised them for 8 years, would have absolutely no rights to them. So if looking out for my childrens' best interest is considered having an attitude, I will gladly have one.

A bit of cheese for your whine?

That attitude adjustment is for YOUR benefit in court. But, whatever floats your boat I suppose.

 

[LdiJ]

When I wrote that I didn't see why we had to hire an attorney, that was in response to your first post when you said I should try to find him. My original question was do judges normally terminate parental rights for failure to support and contact. I've gotten 2 different opinions from 2 different attorneys. As far as my attitude, I'm sorry if you think it needs adjusting, but you attacked me in your very first post, and assumed I just wanted my ex out of the kids lives from the get go. I feel I've done what I could so they would be in each other's lives, and he hasn't tried to foster a relationship with them. Now its time to look out for what is best for the children, and with a biofather not supporting them and a step dad being in the army, they would have no support if something happened, as well as if something were to happen to me, my husband, who has raised them for 8 years, would have absolutely no rights to them. So if looking out for my childrens' best interest is considered having an attitude, I will gladly have one.

I am truly sorry for the responses that you recieved here, because the legal reality is that you truly could involuntarily terminate the biological father's rights in a situation like this one. The biological father meets the statutes for legal abandonment in pretty much all states.

However, the reality of things is that a termination of parental rights plus a stepparent adoption honestly need an attorney. It is NEVER a DIY project if you want to truly make it happen.

 

[Zigner]

I am truly sorry for the responses that you recieved here, because the legal reality is that you truly could involuntarily terminate the biological father's rights in a situation like this one. The biological father meets the statutes for legal abandonment in pretty much all states.

However, the reality of things is that a termination of parental rights plus a stepparent adoption honestly need an attorney. It is NEVER a DIY project if you want to truly make it happen.

But that doesn't mean she won't have to try to find him.