Psychotic Husband

[nsayn]

I have no say in this matter.

 

[mistoffolees]

NEW York

My mother's husband is extremely mentally and emotionally abusive, but not physically. I've been telling her for 10+ years to get rid of him, but they would always "reconcile".

The control and mental abuse has reached an all time high and gets crazier by the minute. (speaking things like "she is controlled by satan" and a "evil rotten sinner" )

He controls all of the money and my mother has no savings. He has control of the only car. He refuses to give my sister who is a minor lunch money for school or support her finacially. He also refuses to support my mother finacially.

Right now there is no food, toilet paper, paper towels, heat in the house.

My mother is not allowed to withdraw money from their joint account as he says it is all his.

For weeks he starts at 6am in the morning complaining that she owes him money.

She cannot afford a lawyer of any kind. everyone walks on egg shells in the house.

How do we get rid of him? What do we do?

If your mother is in danger or seriously abused (which would include not having any food), SHE needs to take action. There are social service agencies that can help her. Meanwhile, she needs to get a job to support herself.

If your sister is in danger or seriously abused, you can contact social services to report neglect.

However, what you see as a psychotic husband could be interpreted differently. Seems to me that the wife is at fault nearly as much. She's letting herself and her daughter starve and is unwilling to do a thing about it?

Of course, if he truly is insane, he can be committed, but that takes quite a bit more than most people realize-and your mother would still need to be able to support herself..

However, the whole thing sounds suspicious. Any time I see a child trying to break up the parents' marriage for 10 years and the parents not having a problem with the marriage, there are obviously a lot of other issues involved. The marriage is between your mother and father and you have no say in that at all. When there is danger of harm, then you have a right to speak up, but it sounds like that is only recent. And even then, you have no say in your parents getting divorced.

 

[nsayn]

I am wrong as stated by mist.

 

[mistoffolees]

I've been going through this most of my life, as I did used to live with them. As a child I would not be allowed to go to the doctor unless there was an extreme emergency. The $5 co-payment was just to much.

I have been subjected to the same mental and emotionally abuse my mother is facing. I have had holy water thrown at me. I myself was once cut off from lunch money when I was in high school.

I'm not going into too much details as I fear he can find this thread and it will make matters worse.

My mother won't do anything because she feels that she can't. He has all of the money and always has. She is 60 now and can't really get a job. This is a marriage of 30 years. She'd leave for good this instant if she felt she could.

I am not in the middle for the sake of it. This situation is out of control.

I already told you what to do. If your mother or sister are endangered, you can call social services.

If they're not in danger, then you have no role in the matter - other than you could offer to take them in and/or give them money.

 

[nsayn]

She will not take any action b/c she does not believe there are free services. She insists it's just free consultation. (which she's probably right..?)

So I just call social services. They will either do nothing because the husband will lie through his teeth or put my sister in foster care. Problem SOLVED!

Then I tell my 60 y/o mother to go find a job. I will pay for my sister's schooling and needs also. All while trying to support myself. Guess I will have to pay for an apartment for them also. This should be no problem since I make barely $400 a week. Problem SOLVED!

Sorry about the sarcasm, but this is extremely frustrating.

Mods feel free to delete this thread.

 

[mistoffolees]

She will not take any action b/c she does not believe there are free services. She insists it's just free consultation. (which she's probably right..?)

So I just call social services. They will either do nothing because the husband will lie through his teeth or put my sister in foster care. Problem SOLVED!

Then I tell my 60 y/o mother to go find a job. I will pay for my sister's schooling and needs also. All while trying to support myself. Guess I will have to pay for an apartment for them also. This should be no problem since I make barely $400 a week. Problem SOLVED!

Sorry about the sarcasm, but this is extremely frustrating.

Yes, it is. No one said it's easy.

But, unfortunately, people have to take responsibility for themselves. If your mother won't, you can't do it for her. You CAN act if she's in danger or you can provide money to her, but that's about all - unless she's willing to become responsible.