what will happen?

[Tess3711]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? OH PA
I am the custodial mother. The father has not been in contact with his child in 9 years. I have just received a notice of contempt of court. here's a little back ground info....
2000 - child born in PA
2002 - i am awarded custodial parent and permission to move to Ohio. 2hrs away. he must come to ohio to pick child up for visitation. i must then pick her up in PA. he never came to pick her up.
2003-2010 - no contact whatsoever. i moved within the same city, but did not notify him or the court. pick up was court ordered to be at my parents house anyways - they still live there.
2010 - he mailed me a letter. basically accusing me of keeping child away from him. demanding that i call him immediately so he can speak with his daughter. my phone number has never changed. he could have called me. although at this point she is 9 and does not know this person exists. (i was remarried and she believes my husband is her father.) i would be hesitant to let contact begin at this point - she has no idea who he is!
2011 - i have been served. i must show up to court because he has accused me of being in contempt of court.he obviously knows my present address as well. as papers were sent to my home address.
info that i know on dad. he was in mental facility as well as drug therapy in 2002. he is on soc sec for his disability(i assume for a mental dis - he was hospitalized against his will - court put him there) dad and his parents and close sibling no longer live at the same addresses in PA. i honestly dont know how to contact him. (letter he mailed was discarded as i thought nothing would ever come of it)
what do you think will happen?What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

 

[mistoffolees]

I can't say what WILL happen, but what SHOULD happen is that he will have to prove his allegations. That is, he will have to prove that you prevented him from seeing the child. To do that, he would need to show that he showed up for his court ordered visitation and was denied.

Do NOT ignore the hearing. Ideally, you should have an attorney.

Now, if Dad wants to be involved with the child, ask for phased in visitation with supervision for some period of time.

 

[single317dad]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? OH PA
I am the custodial mother. The father has not been in contact with his child in 9 years. I have just received a notice of contempt of court. here's a little back ground info....
2000 - child born in PA
2002 - i am awarded custodial parent and permission to move to Ohio. 2hrs away. he must come to ohio to pick child up for visitation. i must then pick her up in PA. he never came to pick her up.
2003-2010 - no contact whatsoever. i moved within the same city, but did not notify him or the court. pick up was court ordered to be at my parents house anyways - they still live there.
2010 - he mailed me a letter. basically accusing me of keeping child away from him. demanding that i call him immediately so he can speak with his daughter. my phone number has never changed. he could have called me. although at this point she is 9 and does not know this person exists. (i was remarried and she believes my husband is her father.) i would be hesitant to let contact begin at this point - she has no idea who he is!
2011 - i have been served. i must show up to court because he has accused me of being in contempt of court.he obviously knows my present address as well. as papers were sent to my home address.
info that i know on dad. he was in mental facility as well as drug therapy in 2002. he is on soc sec for his disability(i assume for a mental dis - he was hospitalized against his will - court put him there) dad and his parents and close sibling no longer live at the same addresses in PA. i honestly dont know how to contact him. (letter he mailed was discarded as i thought nothing would ever come of it)
what do you think will happen?What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

At this point, the original visitation order is still in effect. Dad has the right to visit with his daughter on the schedule ordered by the Court. However, if he never came to the address in the order, or your address, to pick her up (as stated in the order), then he'll have a hard time proving contempt.

I wouldn't be too worried about the actual contempt charge, but it's quite probable that Dad will be introducing himself to your child in the near future. Prepare yourself for that, and don't ignore the issue any longer.

 

[Antigone*]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? OH PA
I am the custodial mother. The father has not been in contact with his child in 9 years. I have just received a notice of contempt of court. here's a little back ground info....
2000 - child born in PA
2002 - i am awarded custodial parent and permission to move to Ohio. 2hrs away. he must come to ohio to pick child up for visitation. i must then pick her up in PA. he never came to pick her up.
2003-2010 - no contact whatsoever. i moved within the same city, but did not notify him or the court. pick up was court ordered to be at my parents house anyways - they still live there.
2010 - he mailed me a letter. basically accusing me of keeping child away from him. demanding that i call him immediately so he can speak with his daughter. my phone number has never changed. he could have called me. although at this point she is 9 and does not know this person exists. (i was remarried and she believes my husband is her father.) i would be hesitant to let contact begin at this point - she has no idea who he is!
2011 - i have been served. i must show up to court because he has accused me of being in contempt of court.he obviously knows my present address as well. as papers were sent to my home address.
info that i know on dad. he was in mental facility as well as drug therapy in 2002. he is on soc sec for his disability(i assume for a mental dis - he was hospitalized against his will - court put him there) dad and his parents and close sibling no longer live at the same addresses in PA. i honestly dont know how to contact him. (letter he mailed was discarded as i thought nothing would ever come of it)
what do you think will happen?What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

In addition to Misto's advice, I suggest that you sit your daughter down, apologize to her for the lies and tell her the truth.

 

[Silverplum]

In addition to Misto's advice, I suggest that you sit your daughter down, apologize to her for the lies and tell her the truth.

I vigorously agree.

You have lots of bad things to say about Dad, and I'm not defending him. But you, poster, have made quite a few mistakes, yourself. Time to fix them.

 

[Tess3711]

thanks for all the quick replies!

 

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? OH PA
I am the custodial mother. The father has not been in contact with his child in 9 years. I have just received a notice of contempt of court. here's a little back ground info....
2000 - child born in PA
2002 - i am awarded custodial parent and permission to move to Ohio. 2hrs away. he must come to ohio to pick child up for visitation. i must then pick her up in PA. he never came to pick her up.
2003-2010 - no contact whatsoever. i moved within the same city, but did not notify him or the court. pick up was court ordered to be at my parents house anyways - they still live there.
2010 - he mailed me a letter. basically accusing me of keeping child away from him. demanding that i call him immediately so he can speak with his daughter. my phone number has never changed. he could have called me. although at this point she is 9 and does not know this person exists. (i was remarried and she believes my husband is her father.) i would be hesitant to let contact begin at this point - she has no idea who he is!
2011 - i have been served. i must show up to court because he has accused me of being in contempt of court.he obviously knows my present address as well. as papers were sent to my home address.
info that i know on dad. he was in mental facility as well as drug therapy in 2002. he is on soc sec for his disability(i assume for a mental dis - he was hospitalized against his will - court put him there) dad and his parents and close sibling no longer live at the same addresses in PA. i honestly dont know how to contact him. (letter he mailed was discarded as i thought nothing would ever come of it)
what do you think will happen?What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

I think you are going to have issues due to the lies you have told your daughter. She should NOT believe that the man you screw is her father. He is YOUR husband but NOT her father. He is someone you sleep with and live with but NOT her father. YOU moved without informing the court. That is a problem. Dad could make a case of you keeping the child away from him considering you haven't told her the truth and made sure she knows who her father is. You would be hesitant for contact because YOU decided to lie to her daughter. Make sure you have a good therapist lined up because she is going to need it when she finds out her mother is untrustworthy and the people she love have lied to her about the very essence of where she came from.

 

[LdiJ]

I think you are going to have issues due to the lies you have told your daughter. She should NOT believe that the man you screw is her father. He is YOUR husband but NOT her father. He is someone you sleep with and live with but NOT her father. YOU moved without informing the court. That is a problem. Dad could make a case of you keeping the child away from him considering you haven't told her the truth and made sure she knows who her father is. You would be hesitant for contact because YOU decided to lie to her daughter. Make sure you have a good therapist lined up because she is going to need it when she finds out her mother is untrustworthy and the people she love have lied to her about the very essence of where she came from.

Whoa OG...that's a bit of overkill with this specific set of facts. Yes, mom made a big mistake in allowing the child to believe that her stepfather was her actual father. However, dad has also made absolutely no attempt to see the child at all for 9 years.

Yes, the child may need some counseling to help cope with this but the level of insults you threw into this IMO was not warranted.

 

[Lovely Lotus]

Whoa OG...that's a bit of overkill with this specific set of facts. Yes, mom made a big mistake in allowing the child to believe that her stepfather was her actual father. However, dad has also made absolutely no attempt to see the child at all for 9 years.

Yes, the child may need some counseling to help cope with this but the level of insults you threw into this IMO was not warranted.

I agree 100% with you. if the father wasnt around, then i can understand the mother wanting to have a father to support her daughter. i have the same problem where my daughters father disowned her, and my boyfriend helped me raise her since she was 6 months old and she calls him daddy, and she is now about to turn two. the mother thought she was helping her child by providing her with a stable family. yes the child will be upset she was lied to, but you have to explain to her that her father wasnt there, and this man wanted to be her father. it will take a long time for her to understand, i know from experience, but she will be fine.

 

[mistoffolees]

I agree 100% with you. if the father wasnt around, then i can understand the mother wanting to have a father to support her daughter. i have the same problem where my daughters father disowned her, and my boyfriend helped me raise her since she was 6 months old and she calls him daddy, and she is now about to turn two. the mother thought she was helping her child by providing her with a stable family. yes the child will be upset she was lied to, but you have to explain to her that her father wasnt there, and this man wanted to be her father. it will take a long time for her to understand, i know from experience, but she will be fine.

Wrong. Stepdad is not Dad and you (and OP) are making a HUGE mistake by letting your child think otherwise.

You can provide a stable family life without lying to an innocent child. I would strongly suggest that you start fixing your mistake now.

 

[LdiJ]

I agree 100% with you. if the father wasnt around, then i can understand the mother wanting to have a father to support her daughter. i have the same problem where my daughters father disowned her, and my boyfriend helped me raise her since she was 6 months old and she calls him daddy, and she is now about to turn two. the mother thought she was helping her child by providing her with a stable family. yes the child will be upset she was lied to, but you have to explain to her that her father wasnt there, and this man wanted to be her father. it will take a long time for her to understand, i know from experience, but she will be fine.

You really need to understand that YOU have the opportunity NOW, to not make the same mistakes that the OP made. Your child is still young enough to be educated that your boyfriend is not her actual father, without it causing any traumna.

 

[Ohiogal]

I don't think it is harsh considering the bolded:

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? OH PA
I am the custodial mother. The father has not been in contact with his child in 9 years. I have just received a notice of contempt of court. here's a little back ground info....
2000 - child born in PA
2002 - i am awarded custodial parent and permission to move to Ohio. 2hrs away. he must come to ohio to pick child up for visitation. i must then pick her up in PA. he never came to pick her up.

2003-2010 - no contact whatsoever. i moved within the same city, but did not notify him or the court. pick up was court ordered to be at my parents house anyways - they still live there.

If he was to pick up at your parents' house -- was your child there at the proper time he was to pick her up? Or was she never there? Why didn't you notify the court of your relocation/change in address?

2010 - he mailed me a letter. basically accusing me of keeping child away from him. demanding that i call him immediately so he can speak with his daughter. my phone number has never changed. he could have called me. although at this point she is 9 and does not know this person exists. (i was remarried and she believes my husband is her father.) i would be hesitant to let contact begin at this point - she has no idea who he is!

Did you contact him when you got the letter to try to discuss things? Or did you ignore it? Did you write to him or call him? Or did you determine that what is in the past is the in the past and your daughter has a new daddy? When did you remarry? When did your child start calling your new bedbuddy daddy? Why did you not explain to your child that she has a father she doesn't say? Why did you lie to her? To where did he mail the letter in 2010?

2011 - i have been served. i must show up to court because he has accused me of being in contempt of court.he obviously knows my present address as well. as papers were sent to my home address.

And when did he find that information? Did he find it recently or seven years ago?

info that i know on dad. he was in mental facility as well as drug therapy in 2002. he is on soc sec for his disability(i assume for a mental dis - he was hospitalized against his will - court put him there) dad and his parents and close sibling no longer live at the same addresses in PA. i honestly dont know how to contact him. (letter he mailed was discarded as i thought nothing would ever come of it)

So you IGNORED the letter he mailed to you trying to get contact with his child and therefore did refuse him contact with his child because you figured he would not pursue it?

what do you think will happen?

I think if dad has an attorney you may have issues because I could make a great case for parental alienation and hiding the child from her father. Which could possibly lead to a finding of contempt on some issue as well as reintroduction of the child to her father with various other orders to include counseling for the child, restraining orders prohibiting the stepfather from interfering with the relationship between dad and child and various other things.

 

[Ohiogal]

I agree 100% with you. if the father wasnt around, then i can understand the mother wanting to have a father to support her daughter. i have the same problem where my daughters father disowned her, and my boyfriend helped me raise her since she was 6 months old and she calls him daddy, and she is now about to turn two. the mother thought she was helping her child by providing her with a stable family. yes the child will be upset she was lied to, but you have to explain to her that her father wasnt there, and this man wanted to be her father. it will take a long time for her to understand, i know from experience, but she will be fine.

Little girl, you have slept with more than one person at the time of conception. You want to play musical daddies. You have no semblance of the harm your idea of proper parenting could bring your daughter.

 

[Lovely Lotus]

Wrong. Stepdad is not Dad and you (and OP) are making a HUGE mistake by letting your child think otherwise.

You can provide a stable family life without lying to an innocent child. I would strongly suggest that you start fixing your mistake now.

I am sorry i dont want a man who threatened to kill me and my daughter to be known as her father when he hasnt been there for her. Oh, and he was sneaking around with another chick the day she was born.

You really need to understand that YOU have the opportunity NOW, to not make the same mistakes that the OP made. Your child is still young enough to be educated that your boyfriend is not her actual father, without it causing any traumna.

With the situation, i have no choice but to explain to her when shes older. She will know hes not her father, but that doesnt mean he isnt her dady who kept her from being homeless and was giving me money for formula when her supposed real father was blowig.money on stupid crap.

Little girl, you have slept with more than one person at the time of conception. You want to play musical daddies. You have no semblance of the harm your idea of proper parenting could bring your daughter.

Ok. I was 17, just got out of a two year stint of a boarding school where i wasnt allowed to contact anyone and only saw my parents once that two years. I got ot, was having a wild streak, and just wanted to feel cared about. Was it stupid? Yes. Do i regrt it? No. My daughter is my lifesaver and i am a damn good mother from the circumstances. Atleast i raise my own children and make sure they have what they need. I bet yor life aint so perfect behind this facade you have on the board either, so those in glass houses should not throw stones.

 

[LdiJ]

To be completely honest, I doubt that any layperson, after 7-8 years of no contact with the father of their child, would bother to attempt to notify the father or the courts if they moved within the same city, particularly in a situation where their parents lived in the same home and therefore they could be found. Honestly I doubt that most people would expect the parent to pop back up again after that many years.

After all, mom DID get the letter than dad wrote in 2010.

Of course now, I know better, but I honestly don't think it would have occurred to me in a similar circumstance, before I knew what I know now.

It was a mistake for mom to allow the child to think that her stepfather was her actual father. However, its a human mistake that many people make. Had she simply allowed the child to call him dad, but made sure that the child understood that she had a real father out there somewhere, I would not have a problem with it after that many years.