help exwife says im in contempt and im paying plus arrears

[michaelmcmullen]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Minnesota

I have been paying child support plus arrears. I just got served papers from my ex wife's attorney that I'm in contempt of my child support because I'm in arrears and they want to change the divorce decree. how can they do this. I'm paying my child support and arrears. I only 40% of my check and that is before taxes. How can anyone live and take care of my kids when I have visitation with them. she is just trying hurt me and the kids.

 

[FlyingRon]

Eh? You are in contempt if you didn't follow the court order. Just because you're making payments doesn't make you not in violation of the order. You needed to work out the arrearage problem with the court. I can't even understand the question with the word visitation in it. Visitation has nothing to do with whether you are paying child support or not. The question is how they can raise your children when you're a dead beat and won't contribute as agreed to their financial support?

 

[michaelmcmullen]

Eh? You are in contempt if you didn't follow the court order. Just because you're making payments doesn't make you not in violation of the order. You needed to work out the arrearage problem with the court. I can't even understand the question with the word visitation in it. Visitation has nothing to do with whether you are paying child support or not. The question is how they can raise your children when you're a dead beat and won't contribute as agreed to their financial support?

I am paying full amount plus my arrears. the arrears are from before court finalization. I have followed it. I am not a dead beat.

by court I have too 990 per month I pay 1100.38 per month how can I be in contempt

 

[stealth2]

I'm not understanding the full situation, I'm afraid. So...

You/your wife filed for divorce and you paid no support between the date of filing and the final order, is that correct?

The final order had you paying $X/mo in current support plus $Y/mo in arrears? Does $X + $Y = $1100.38?

HOW are you paying? Does the order specify how to pay it?

Here's the thing you may not understand (many do not). CS is basically a reimbursement from NCP to CP of money already spent for the child(ren). It is usually awarded starting from the date of filing (which is how you start from the final date w/arrears if there was no temporary order). In your case, Mom was supporting the kids from filing - finalization, while you were (apparently) not. The court equalizes things by having you pay Mom back in the form of additional monthly assessment.

I must assume that neither did you have the advice of an attorney, nor did you do adequate research into (a) how this all works nor (b) what guideline support would be and put that away. As such, it is not Mom's, the court's nor the system's fault that you now find yourself in a financial bind. Console yourself with the knowledge that Mom was in a similar bind while waiting for a support order to be made.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

If he has paid the full child support payment and the arrears since the court date, then mom does NOT have the ground to ask for contempt. She is in for a reality check if that is the case.

Make sure you have full records of your payments since the court date.

 

[michaelmcmullen]

There was no child support set until the judge finalized the papers. Which he put as the starting date two months before that date. So by the time I set it up with child support and getting back to work (off because of medical) to have it withdrawn from my check I was behind. But what I didn't tell you is that changed the locks and moved her boyfriend in before the divorce was even started. I had to ask the court just to see my kids. And the money I am paying now hasn't even been going for the kids. She bought the boyfriend a car. She yell at me every time I do anything with kids. She is like if you can spend money on the kids then maybe I should take you back to court to pay me more money. I save ever dime by not eating but one meal a day just so I can do things with them plus I have friends that pay sometimes because they see how I live. One of my friends does all my money accounts for my bills and they can't believe I'm just making it. I just have to get a attorney. She wants me to pay for hers also.

 

[stealth2]

There was no child support set until the judge finalized the papers. Which he put as the starting date two months before that date. So by the time I set it up with child support and getting back to work (off because of medical) to have it withdrawn from my check I was behind.

Okay, answered my question in a round-a-bout way. You neither paid nor put away money until it was ordered.

But what I didn't tell you is that changed the locks and moved her boyfriend in before the divorce was even started.

Moot point.

I had to ask the court just to see my kids.

This is not unusual when a couple divorces.

And the money I am paying now hasn't even been going for the kids. She bought the boyfriend a car. She yell at me every time I do anything with kids.

Because you are reimbursing her for money already spent. Your kids have a roof, food, clothes? The money is (or has) gone to the kids.

She is like if you can spend money on the kids then maybe I should take you back to court to pay me more money.

Not nice, perhaps, but not illegal, either. You're allowed to not talk to her.

I save ever dime by not eating but one meal a day just so I can do things with them plus I have friends that pay sometimes because they see how I live. One of my friends does all my money accounts for my bills and they can't believe I'm just making it.

What do you eat? Do you eat out (even fast food?)? What do you do with the kids? How old are they? Lots of things to do with kids thsat are not expensive yet fun.

I just have to get a attorney. She wants me to pay for hers also.

She's allowed to ask the court to order that. She may or may not get it.

 

[single317dad]

If you are following the court's order to the letter, then you are not in violation of the order, so will not be held in contempt. If she's wasting the court's time with a stupid motion then she and her attorney are in for a treat from the judge.

If she yells at you, ignore her. If she threatens you, ignore her. If she spends the money in a way you don't approve of, ignore her. When the arrears are paid up you'll have enough money to eat more. Good luck.

 

[lifechanges]

I would just ignore her, if you are paying what is ordered, you are not in contempt.

It's easy to get caught up in arrears during that 'seperation' time- while many like to immediatley jump to the 'deadbeat' conclusion (I loathe that btw)- many don't know the reality. The reality is a lot of times guys are still paying bills during seperation, many times grandparents step in with financial help, etc....the NCP is very easy villified.
You may have someone paying 3/4 of a CS bill because that is all they can afford and still eat- those arrears can accumulate/plus interest.

Many other reasons (medical, surgery, etc)- when these things happen in intact families (a parent loses a job, is out on medical leave, etc) and cannot provide momentarily, they aren't called deadbeats and hated on by society are they?

Anyways, to answer your quesiton-you aren't in contempt if you are paying now what ordered plus arrears. They may or may not get attorney fees, it's typical to ask for it all though.

I would just respond to the attorney (or get one yourself) that indeed you are complying by paying CS and arrears as the court ordered. It could just simply be a bullying tactic-the divorce is done right? What the heck do they think they can change? It could simply be one of those attorneys' trying to milk money out of a divorce even if they have NO case.

 

[Zigner]

Just to be clear, whether or not the OP is in contempt has no bearing on whether or not the ex can request a modification of the order. They are two separate matters that just happen to be heard at the same time.

 

[lifechanges]

Just to be clear, whether or not the OP is in contempt has no bearing on whether or not the ex can request a modification of the order.

One can request a modification-but if they just recently divorced and agreed to all terms- not sure exactly what the heck she's wanting to modify? You can't modify CS amounts unless there is substantial change of circumstances/pay- if he's already paying arrears? I dont' know, honestly it sounds like she just found an attorney that wants to bleed some money out of you both. Most divorce agreements don't include 'arrears' into a modified CS amount.

"She is like if you can spend money on the kids then maybe I should take you back to court to pay me more money"

The above is just disgusting, and sadly not rare. $900 a month for two children and resenting what you DO do for your children when with you and guilt you for more. Greed, plain and simple, I sympathize.

 

[torimac]

Do you even have kids? Do you know how much money it costs to raise two kids? $900 for half of the expenses is not greed.
2 extra rooms for housing: $500-1000 (the higher amount is sometimes needed to move into a better school district. if you are single or married without kids, you can rent a small apartment without regard to the local schools)
food for two kids: $300-400
Utilities: $150
Cell phones: $100
School supplies: $ 100
Extracurricular activities (limit one per kid): $200
Medical care: $100-300
Clothing: $150-300
Personal care (toiletries, haircuts, etc): $75
Extra furniture, bedding, towels, dishes, etc, household items needed for extra humans in the house: $50
Toys (anything from dolls, legos, books to x-box, skateboard, iPod): $50-150
Gas to drive them everywhere: $40


That's just the simple and conservative list off the top of my head. About the only thing not necessary is cell phones and toys, but I have provided both to my child. The cell phone mostly because I am a paranoid mom that likes to be able to reach my child. The toys because I actually get a 1/2 -1 hour of peace if my child has a book to read, a game to play in the evening.

The lower amounts total to $1825, which is in the ball park of the $900 a month child support. And that's no emergencies, no special needs, no chronic conditions, no winter clothing (grew up in MN, when I moved back I spent about $600 on winter clothes for my kid and myself), no athletic or musical talent that strongly encourages more lessons, no college prep, no braces or glasses, no driver's education, no prom. It certainly does not cover court costs to handle custody and support issues. It does not cover loss wages sitting up with first one and then the other because they can never get sick at the same time, moving fees because their school district does not have Latin or AP Calculus or a dance team, night classes so you can get the better paying job and hopefully pay for their college.

When you divorce, you still have kids. You need to realize that kids still need food, shelter, etc. If you receive a summons for child support, the responsible thing to do would be to start setting aside money to pay the support. One can hope that the ex will be understanding during hard economic times, but remember, you did divorce them for a reason.

Don't ignore the served papers, you need to respond. She can ask for more money, it does not mean she will get it. She can ask for her lawyer to be paid for, it does not mean she will get it.

Do your research, document what you can and be prepared to bring the documentation to court. If at all possible, get a lawyer.

 

[lifechanges]

Do you even have kids? Do you know how much money it costs to raise two kids? $900 for half of the expenses is not greed.
2 extra rooms for housing: $500-1000 (the higher amount is sometimes needed to move into a better school district. if you are single or married without kids, you can rent a small apartment without regard to the local schools)
food for two kids: $300-400
Utilities: $150
Cell phones: $100
School supplies: $ 100
Extracurricular activities (limit one per kid): $200
Medical care: $100-300
Clothing: $150-300
Personal care (toiletries, haircuts, etc): $75
Extra furniture, bedding, towels, dishes, etc, household items needed for extra humans in the house: $50
Toys (anything from dolls, legos, books to x-box, skateboard, iPod): $50-150
Gas to drive them everywhere: $40


That's just the simple and conservative list off the top of my head. About the only thing not necessary is cell phones and toys, but I have provided both to my child. The cell phone mostly because I am a paranoid mom that likes to be able to reach my child. The toys because I actually get a 1/2 -1 hour of peace if my child has a book to read, a game to play in the evening.

.

Actually I do...two full time steps, one full time bio-all teens_ I promise you I know a lot about child expenses/costs

Here 'motive' to pursue a change because she sees him spend money on his children is ridiculous-that's simply an opinion, it DOES reek of greed. It also reeks of greed to go for contempt when he's already paying arrears. It sounds like greed from some attorney's side AND his ex to be honest.

I'm sorry but your numbers come across quite inflated also

School supplies for example- in a typical public school, you get supplies beginning of the year and maybe re-up on a couple things during the year- it does NOT cost $1200 a year for two kids, sorry. A lot of numbers seem exaggerated...again, we have been raising 3 teens so I DO know the costs. If they both approach raising their kids at each parent paying half of their childs support that's $1800 a month for both kids.

In addition, this number was found to be an accurate number based on his financial affidavit, well, BOTH their salaries, so by the COURTS and state standard he is paying what is due to his children, he's paying the arrears also.

I will and cannot call a man a deadbeat because he got behind during a seperation period. Many of them are ordered to continue paying all household bills and do, and then get tagged w/being deadbeats for not saving for CS in ADDITION to paying all bills. I've seen it happen WAY to many times to jump to the deadbeat conclusion.

Child expenses are divided based on what both parents make-not all kids 'qualify' for those inflated amounts or extra curriculars or french cuisine classes either they wouldn't have done this if they were married either based on their salaries I'm guessing.

 

[torimac]

Actually I do...two full time steps, one full time bio-all teens_ I promise you I know a lot about child expenses/costs

Here 'motive' to pursue a change because she sees him spend money on his children is ridiculous-that's simply an opinion, it DOES reek of greed. It also reeks of greed to go for contempt when he's already paying arrears. It sounds like greed from some attorney's side AND his ex to be honest.

Your concept that her motive is greed is an opinion. It doesn't matter why she is taking him, she is allowed to take him to court. He is not in contempt of anything until a judge finds him as such. He needs to respond to the paperwork. If there is a court appearance, he needs to go. Child support amounts may change if circumstances have changed. If at all possible, he should get an attorney.

Greed on the attorney's side? Now you are just making stuff up. The attorney is being paid by the client. It doesn't matter if she gets more money or not. If s/he is a good attorney, this one client doesn't even matter-they can get more. The attorney is simply doing a job for a client.

 

[Zigner]

Who's we? The forums usual harps? Do you just sit there and stalk people online where they post to jump on them and try and bully them out of your 'home'. Get another hobby please-you should be growing tired of this one.

I can speak for all of the senior members on this: We would ALL much rather that you take some time to learn and research in order to give legally accurate and applicable advice to posters. Also, we would ALL prefer that, when you are shown to be in error, that you acknowledge it and learn from it. We've all been there and are still there.