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  1. #1
    marmatag Guest

    Dating a minor...

    What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state?i'm in California.

    This is an annoyingly complicated situation. I'm a 20 year old male, and my girlfriend is only 17. She doesn't want to tell her parents that we have a relationship because she thinks they will be opposed to the idea, so we've been dating for a couple weeks. Now i really like this girl, and want to make it a long lasting relationship. However, i'm worried that there may be legal ways for her parents to sue me, or have me arrested for seeing their daughter behind their backs. We don't intend to have sex. That is a non-issue. But is it possible for them to cause problems? What if we went to them and explained that she was lying to them, what could they do to me? And if they disapprove of our relationship, and i see her, what could they do? Is there any legal defense that would help me should they take action, or in the laws eyes, am i completely at fault??? I didn't even know she was that much younger until we had been dating for about 1 week!

    thanks for a reply.
  2. #2
    rmet4nzkx is offline Senior Member
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    The age of consent is 18 in California, if you are not planning to have sex the big problem is out of the way, bottom line, it is a misdomeanor to have sex if you are less than 3 years older however if you are more then more severe penalties apply.
    PENAL CODE SECTION 261-269
    261.5. (a) Unlawful sexual intercourse is an act of sexual intercourse accomplished with a person who is not the spouse of the perpetrator, if the person is a minor.
    For the purposes of this section, a "minor" is a person under the age of 18 years and an "adult" is a person who is at least 18 years of age.
    (b) Any person who engages in an act of unlawful sexual intercourse with a minor who is not more than three years older or three years younger than the perpetrator, is guilty of a misdemeanor.
    (c) Any person who engages in an act of unlawful sexual intercourse with a minor who is more than three years younger than the perpetrator is guilty of either a misdemeanor or a felony, and shall be punished by imprisonment in a county jail not exceeding one year, or by imprisonment in the state prison.

    261.6. In prosecutions under Section 261, 262, 286, 288a, or 289, in which consent is at issue, "consent" shall be defined to mean positive cooperation in act or attitude pursuant to an exercise of free will. The person must act freely and voluntarily and have knowledge of the nature of the act or transaction involved.
    A current or previous dating or marital relationship shall not be sufficient to constitute consent where consent is at issue in a prosecution under Section 261, 262, 286, 288a, or 289.
    Nothing in this section shall affect the admissibility of evidence or the burden of proof on the issue of consent.

    From District Attorney ([url]http://www.stanislaus-da.org/statutory_rape.htm[/url])
    What is Statutory Rape?
    Statutory Rape is unlawful sexual intercourse with someone
    under the age of 18.

    With you being 20 and she 17 you could be either more or less than three years older depending on when your birthdays fall. Until she is 18 her parents can bring charges for various things and keep you away and make your life miserable. On the other hand there is no problem dating as long as you don't cross the line insofar as sexual activity and her parents agree.

    That is the problem, you are older and she didn't tell you how old she was and now doesn't want her parents to know you are dating and you are not plannig to have sex. Something isn't right, because she is not being forthright and forcing you into a compromised position. When will she be 18? I would suggest you seriously consider this carefully and if you are serious, ask to meet her parents and get their blessing, you'll win more points with honesty than with deception or at least will be able to assess the situation better.
  3. #3
    marmatag Guest
    Until she is 18 her parents can bring charges for various things and keep you away and make your life miserable
    What kind of charges? Even if she was to sneak out and see me of her own accord, would i be at fault? Even if i didn't know she was sneaking out?

    We really want to see each other. We're going to talk with her parents, i really hope it works out, but i have a feeling the law is going to keep us from falling in love.
  4. #4
    stephenk is offline Senior Member
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    how desperate are you? you only know her for 2 weeks and now you're in love?
    Cal Naughton, Jr.: I like to think of Jesus as a mischievous badger.
  5. #5
    CdwJava is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by marmatag
    What kind of charges? Even if she was to sneak out and see me of her own accord, would i be at fault? Even if i didn't know she was sneaking out?

    We really want to see each other. We're going to talk with her parents, i really hope it works out, but i have a feeling the law is going to keep us from falling in love.
    You could be charged with contributing to the delinquency of a minor, and prehaps some other offenses as well. And, her parents COULD seek a restraining order against you.

    My suggestion? Either date above board and WITH her parents permission (and do NOT fondle, grope or do anything remotely sexual unless you like jail), or do not date at all.

    I know you will ignore all of our suggestions and see her anyway, but at least you won't be able to say you were surprised if you get arrested.

    Carl
    A Nor Cal Cop Sergeant

    "Make mine a double mocha ...
    And a croissant!"

    Seek justice,
    Love mercy,
    Walk humbly with your God

    -- Courageous, by Casting Crowns ... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pkM-gDcmJeM
  6. #6
    marmatag Guest
    Quote Originally Posted by CdwJava
    My suggestion? Either date above board and WITH her parents permission (and do NOT fondle, grope or do anything remotely sexual unless you like jail), or do not date at all.
    i've got her parents permission now. So what are we not allowed to do besides sex? i don't understand your comment about liking jail... Are you saying if i put my hands on her in any way that is remotely sexual (like a back rub?) i could be thrown in jail?! And in "Law terms," what is groping defined as? i'm rather confused. :P
  7. #7
    CdwJava is offline Senior Member
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    To put it bluntly, if you touch her private parts (any of them) you could be charged as a child molester. In other words, no heavy petting.

    Carl
    A Nor Cal Cop Sergeant

    "Make mine a double mocha ...
    And a croissant!"

    Seek justice,
    Love mercy,
    Walk humbly with your God

    -- Courageous, by Casting Crowns ... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pkM-gDcmJeM
  8. #8
    roma Guest

    Question?

    I have a question, if he was 18 and she was 14-15 is it the same law that applies? I have heard that the severity of the law increases as the minor's age lowers. Is this correct?
  9. #9
    CdwJava is offline Senior Member
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    Yes. But, we have plenty of laws to deal with adults that molest children - be they 18 and 15, or 18 and 14.

    Carl
    A Nor Cal Cop Sergeant

    "Make mine a double mocha ...
    And a croissant!"

    Seek justice,
    Love mercy,
    Walk humbly with your God

    -- Courageous, by Casting Crowns ... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pkM-gDcmJeM
  10. #10
    Shay-Pari'e is offline Senior Member
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    The age of consent in California is 18. This means that if you are over the age of 18 and you engage in “sexual activity” with a person under the age of 18, you have committed statutory rape. “Statutory rape” is a rather ugly term, and you may argue that the other person “was willing” and that you did not actually rape them. In truth, that doesn’t matter, because according to the law, the person under 18 with whom you had “sexual activity” with was not old enough to voluntarily consent “to sexual activity with another person.”
    Last edited by Shay-Pari'e; 09-01-2004 at 11:49 AM.
  11. #11
    CarrieMartin Guest
    if its "love" and you plan on having "long lasting relationship" then it can wait another year (probably less now) until she's of legal age... (18, here in cali) its not worth a molestation or statutory charge.

    dont take her to any parties w/ alcohol etc. dont buy her cigarettes, then you wont exactly be contributing to the delinqency of a minor

    her parents cant have you arrested for hanging out... just make sure you keep your hands (etc...) to yourself. but i do hope you've thought about the fact that her parents may not approve for good reason. after all, there is a huge difference in maturity between 17 to 20.

  12. #12
    saxman66 Guest

    dating a minor

    My state is Texas. The age of consent is 17. What are the laws in Texas about dating a minor? Is there a maximum age difference. Seeing how 18 is "truly legal" are there some catches to her being only 17. I have her parents blessing too.
  13. #13
    Happy Trails is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by saxman66
    My state is Texas. The age of consent is 17. What are the laws in Texas about dating a minor? Is there a maximum age difference. Seeing how 18 is "truly legal" are there some catches to her being only 17. I have her parents blessing too.
    **If you want to start your own thread you will probably get a response. By attaching your questions to another posters post can confuse the original posters questions. It's called hi-jacking. But you can start your own thread.
  14. #14
    mudmonkey Guest
    different case but same senario(sp?) i know of a male 20 years of age who is "dating" a now 16 year old (she was 15 when they got together) i was wondering how far they can go legally parental consent or not. she has said that they have had sex but i dont know if this is true. any help would be much appriciated, i have tried to find state laws on this but i dont really know where to look. btw this is in california, thanks guys...and gals.
    greg
  15. #15
    cbg
    cbg is offline Senior Member
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    Read the post directly above yours.

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