Date Rape & Gross Sexual Imposition

[lriggnatsum]

What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state?
Ohio

Hi,

I am now 22 years old and the guy is now 24. When I was 16, I was dating a guy and he forced me to have sex with him. He was about 6'6'' tall, 350 lbs., and is a master at karate. I, on the other hand, am now 5'9'' and 140 lbs., but then, I was only about 5'7'' and weighed about 125 lbs. He would always hold my head and make me do other things that I did not want to do also. He would say things like, "You just please me". The day it happened, I had asked him to take me home, but he pulled into a parking lot instead. One time, I told him to stop and he shoved me off of him, which scared me from trying to stop him anymore. He then took complete advantage of me and made me have sex with him by holding my hips against him. A friend of his called me a few years later and asked if he had ever done anything like that to me and I said that I didn't want to talk about it. He told me a story that a girl both him and the guy had dated and it was very similar to mine, so I told him my story. Then, when I was 21, a former friend of mine and I stupidly started talking to him again. We stopped by his house one night and her and I had a few drinks. He did not drink anything, but when she fell asleep, he started trying to take my clothes off and touch me again. I kept pushing him off of me and saying "No", but whenever I would try to get up or wake her up, he would stop me. He would start softly hitting my leg and get harder until I stopped trying to get up, or if I actually stood up, he would pull me back down beside him. He thought I was drunk, but I wasn't. He denies everything when talking to me, but I know what happened and when my former friend confronted him about all of this, he didn't deny it, but instead was mad that I told her.

I was wondering if it is too late to do anything about what happened. Should I have spoken up right away or is it too late? He harrasses me sometimes and I ran into him at the mall yesterday and when I tried to avoid him, he made a point to walk faster so he could get close to me, so I jolted into another store. Is there anything that can be done to him for what he did to me? I am taking anti-depressants because I could not deal with what he did and the nightmares were getting worse. My family does not know, just a few close friends.

Also, I think that my former friend might have been envolved the night we were drinking at his house. I think she knew what he was doing. She has caused a lot of emotional distress in my life and she is constantly harrassing me with instant messages and text messages. Is there anything that can be done about her?

Thanks,
D. Buckley

 

[hassled65]

In order to give you accurate advice, we are going to need more details. Where exactly did he touch you? What were you wearing? How did it make you feel?
Also, we need to know details of all your sexual relationships including, most importantly, the first one.
We can help, but you need to be straight with us.

 

[lriggnatsum]

He pulled my shirt down and touched and kissed my breasts both when I was 16 and when I was 21. He put his hand down my pants and "fingered me" when I was 16. He would put my hand on his penis when I was 16 and when I was 21. He would hold me head and make me suck on his penis when I was 16. When I was 16, I was wearing jeans and a t-shirt. When I was 21, I was wearing jeans and a camisole with a nice blouse overtop of it. It made me feel used and disgusting. I lost my appetite and would crying and get sick and not sleep. I didn't want guys touching me and because he was a bigger guy, I have problems being around guys who are bigger than me as far as weight goes. I feel ashamed and sometimes I don't want to live. He told his friends that it was mutual, so I have to put up with them making wise cracks about me "putting out" and them, including him, calling me sexy whenever I see them. I have gone to therapy and am on anti-depressants because I get really depressed sometimes. I would have, and sometimes still do, have nightmares of him touching me and coming after me. I used to not sleep because when I would close my eyes, I could hear his voice and feel him touching me. I thought it was my fault up until about two years ago. I'm scared of him and he knows it. He would also try to get me to come over to his house when I was 20, but I wouldn't go and he would get very angry. As far as my sexual relationships go, he was my first one. Since him, I have been with a couple of other guys, but none treated my like he did. Those were all mutual things. I didn't really know anything about sex until this guy came along and it seemed that it was all he wanted. If there is anything else you need to know, I will do my best to answer your questions. I just want help.

 

[BadJudgement]

You should have definately spoken up sooner. Your family (mainly mother and father) should know about this. If you can find other women that he's done this to then you might be able to do something. Your best bet would be to avoid him completely...don't go to his house or hang out with his friends EVER again. If he comes after you, call the police and have a restraining order or something put against him. The police can't keep him from hurting you but having paperwork that shows he's been a problem for you that the police had to get involved can weaken his case if he decides to do something harmful to you.

 

[lriggnatsum]

More

I know that I should have spoken up sooner, but is there anything that can be done about what he did to me in the past? Is it too late to press charges or whatever for rape and gross sexual imposition? Is there a timeframe in Ohio saying that a person only has so long to turn them in?

 

[stuckinlamad]

Information on statute of limitations

FIRST OFF let me say this most importantly HASSLED65 HAD NO RIGHT TO ASK YOU ANY OF THOSE QUESTIONS!!! In here you can ask questions about certain things but it was completely inappropirate for that person to ask you those questions. I am very sorry that you had to feel like you were suppose to answer those questions online to strangers who have a sick desire to know those kind of answers.

SECONDLY and to the point of what you wanted to know the OHIO statue of limitations for Rape is 20 years (I read on another site that it was 6 years for any felony other than murder but that might not include rape).

This is what I found searching online
http://www.rainn.org/statutesoflimitationcrim.pdf
Ohio
The prosecution of the offense of sexual battery must
commence within twenty years.

This is from a news article in Cincinnati, though it is about a different subject this was what the prosecuter in the case said.
http://www.cincypost.com/2003/06/05/cool060503.html

Ohio law that says the statute of limitations doesn't begin on sex crimes against children until the victim turns 18.
I really hope this helps

 

[lriggnatsum]

Thank You

Ohio

Thank you so much for that information. I can't get upset over those questions being asked because I thought that I was going to get help. I don't know if I am going to report these incidents or not. What do you think I should do? I'm afraid of him denying it since it was just me and him the first time and my "friend" was asleep the second time. It's basically my word against his. Also, I'm afraid of my family finding out, and I'm afraid of having to relive it.

 

[nash ville]

yeah, you have to report the incident as soon as possible if you don't want this thing to happen to you again. as long as he's at large, he can still come up to you and force you to be in bed with him. your family will definitely support you all the way so you have nothing to worry about. after all, you're not the one who's at fault here, remember that you're a victim of a lustful person.

 

[lriggnatsum]

Question

So, even though it is my word against his and we're not talking anymore and we have nothing to do with each other anymore, I should still report it?

 

[Happy Trails]

yeah, you have to report the incident as soon as possible if you don't want this thing to happen to you again. as long as he's at large, he can still come up to you and force you to be in bed with him. your family will definitely support you all the way so you have nothing to worry about. after all, you're not the one who's at fault here, remember that you're a victim of a lustful person.

Nash ville, you are violating the Terms and Conditions of this site:

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[stuckinlamad]

It is always your choice

It is your decision on what to do. A lot of women have a very hard time going to the police due to embarrasement, fear, or just the emotions of having to relive those times. I can't tell you what do you should do. I offer my suggestions only. I know you are scared, you don't know what people will say or do or think. But you don't have to feel alone. If you don't think your ready to go to the police then don't go. I am not saying this to try to convince you to go to the police I am just saying what I feel. You know what kind of person he is. He did this to you twice over a period of several years. A person like this doesn't just stop on thier own. He made you feel week because you weren't able to stop him. You may not be able to stop him with sheer force but you can take your power back.
There are a few things you can do to make yourself feel stronger though. Have you taken any self defense classes. Not just Karate or what have you. There are specific self defence classes you can take. Ones that will teach you how to stop someone twice your size with little strength. I know I have taken them. A simple trick: have you ever gotten pinched on the inner arm or thigh: a tiny pinch on either one of those areas HURTS try it you'll see. There are many technics you can learn which require little strength but can help a lot. It is within you to do so it always has been. But only if you are ready. It is not a simple or easy thing to do but it can be worth it if you are ready.

 

[lriggnatsum]

Thank you sooooooooooooooo much. You have been a great help. I have thought about the self defense classes, but have never taken them. I don't know what I will do, but I know what he is capable of and I don't want him to hurt anyone else again. I know that he's engaged now, but I don't know if it's by choice on her part or not. I am dating a police officer now which is how I know what he did was wrong. I looked it up in his books from the academy. I think the only other question I have right now is if I go to the police, do I need to get a lawyer? I can't afford one.

 

[stuckinlamad]

Lawyer

I can't answer the lawyer too much but from what I know.... The DA (District Attourney) will be the procecuter for the state since you can tell them what happened and they can take it from there. You do need a lawyer however if you choose to file a civil lawsuit for monetary damages which I don't think is a concern at the moment. Take it one step at a time.

 

[lriggnatsum]

Okay. Once again, thank you so much!

 

[Happy Trails]

Thank you sooooooooooooooo much. You have been a great help. I have thought about the self defense classes, but have never taken them. I don't know what I will do, but I know what he is capable of and I don't want him to hurt anyone else again. I know that he's engaged now, but I don't know if it's by choice on her part or not. I am dating a police officer now which is how I know what he did was wrong. I looked it up in his books from the academy. I think the only other question I have right now is if I go to the police, do I need to get a lawyer? I can't afford one.

lriggnatsum, I am sorry something like this happened to you. I do have to be honest with you though. This is going to be a very tough case with no evidence. It will be your word against his with no physical evidence. The likelihood of the prosecution taking on a case against this guy isn't very likely. You should report it, but do not get your hopes up.

Seek some counseling and learn to cope with what you went through.
http://members.aol.com/medinacountyrcc/STOPRAPE.html
http://crisiscenter.netfirms.com/
http://www.thelantern.com/main.cfm?include=detail&storyid=309365