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Step Parent Problem

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catfish22

Junior Member
What is the name of your state? PA

Good Morning, I have a rather serious problem with my 17 yr old daughter, she has always been a blessing to raise until recently. She started hanging around a girl from the neighborhood who's parents could careless what she does, she smokes, drinks and does drugs. I have seen my own child go down hill from that point. We tried (my husbad and I, who is not her bio. father, but has raised her since she was a little over a year old) to talk to her about this. Her attitude is "I don not care". I caught her with a text message from a boy who wanted to sell her weed. Needless to say I had her phone turned, and home tested her which was positive. I pulled all her privliages, tried to get her council, only to have her rebell harder against me and her stepfather. Her Bio father has never been involved in her rearing, lives in another state and could care less, does not pay support has defied court oders in 2 states (all on record) . My daughter seems to think after all these years she no longer has to listen to her stepfather , he has an awful time with her when I am not home. My daughter and some of her friends seem to believe in the state of PA a step child does not have to listn to a step parent unless unless bio parent is out of the state. I have never heard such a thing, but she has and is using that at an excuse for doing what she wants when she wants when I am at work or away from the house. We have tried over and over to talk. Please if anyone has any insight into this matter, I would be greatful.

Teens Mother:confused:
 


cbg

cbg

I'm a Northern Girl
You could always do what I have done (and had some success with) when an employee tells me that the law requires that I do (or not do) something as their employer.

Tell her that you will release her from having to listen to her stepfather as soon as she shows you a link to the law that says she doesn't have to.

Since no such law exists, she'll be a long time looking for it.
 
>Charlotte<

>Charlotte<

Lurker
Welcome to the war between parents and children, otherwise known as "Who Can Out-Stubborn Whom." Even more fun when they're 17 and think they're all grown up now. The harder you discipline, the harder she'll rebel, so you have to ratchet-up the discipline, after which she'll ratchet-up the rebellion.

Just remember this: whomever gives up first, loses.

Now would be a good time to start letting her in on what it takes to be an adult on ones own. Make her sit at the table with you when you pay your bills. Let her see what's in the checking account and what (possibly) must be deferred or juggled. It's a good time of year to teach her how to do her taxes, too. Or take care of maintenance on the yard, car, appliances, etc. You know, all the fun things we adults get to do. Then remind her that in less than a year she'll get to have fun too! Then when she turns 18, boot her ass out.
 
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majomom1

Senior Member
catfish22 said:
What is the name of your state? PA

Good Morning, I have a rather serious problem with my 17 yr old daughter, she has always been a blessing to raise until recently. She started hanging around a girl from the neighborhood who's parents could careless what she does, she smokes, drinks and does drugs. I have seen my own child go down hill from that point. We tried (my husbad and I, who is not her bio. father, but has raised her since she was a little over a year old) to talk to her about this. Her attitude is "I don not care". I caught her with a text message from a boy who wanted to sell her weed. Needless to say I had her phone turned, and home tested her which was positive. I pulled all her privliages, tried to get her council, only to have her rebell harder against me and her stepfather. Her Bio father has never been involved in her rearing, lives in another state and could care less, does not pay support has defied court oders in 2 states (all on record) . My daughter seems to think after all these years she no longer has to listen to her stepfather , he has an awful time with her when I am not home. My daughter and some of her friends seem to believe in the state of PA a step child does not have to listn to a step parent unless unless bio parent is out of the state. I have never heard such a thing, but she has and is using that at an excuse for doing what she wants when she wants when I am at work or away from the house. We have tried over and over to talk. Please if anyone has any insight into this matter, I would be greatful.

Teens Mother:confused:
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YOU are her parent and she needs to abide by YOUR rules. Your 'rules', for a minor, are the equivalent of a law, IMO.

One of those rules is that she is to be respectful to Step Dad always, and he is in charge, when you are not there. She should lose priviledges for disobeying this rule, just as she would for breaking any other rule.

I do know that is easier said than done, I have a 17yo, but you have to keep insisting that you are the parent and she will follow your rules, or pay the consequences.
 
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catfish22

Junior Member
Thank you all so very much for your responses. I have tried to teach her the roles in life she soon will be playing, bills, yard work, cooking. Ieven helped her find a "mock appartment " in the paper and showed her how much it will cost her to live, she feels she will have "friends to help with that" I told her to Wake up!!!. She has a savings account I require her to deposit a % when cashing her work check, she found away around that by signing her pay checks over to a neighbor, who in return cashes them, thus not having to deposit. Me and that neighbor are going to have words(just found this out) I would think this neighbor would have contacted me on this matter but she has not. I will keep trying as long as my own sanity has it, however my patience is wearing thin. Thank you again and if anyone has info on this check cashing deal, please feel free to enlighten me.
 
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CourtClerk

Senior Member
This is not a legal question and no one here is going to be able to teach you how to parent your child and especially a child that is almost an adult. Clearly, something went wrong years ago where she feels like she can disrespect the adults that are paying for the roof over her head. Nothing about that is going to change in a few short months because the issue didn't start overnight. She didn't just wake up and get like this and her friends didn't make her like this. Sorry, but it's the truth.
 
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Ausmumof2

Junior Member
catfish22 said:
Thank you all so very much for your responses. I have tried to teach her the roles in life she soon will be playing, bills, yard work, cooking. Ieven helped her find a "mock appartment " in the paper and showed her how much it will cost her to live, she feels she will have "friends to help with that" I told her to Wake up!!!. She has a savings account I require her to deposit a % when cashing her work check, she found away around that by signing her pay checks over to a neighbor, who in return cashes them, thus not having to deposit. Me and that neighbor are going to have words(just found this out) I would think this neighbor would have contacted me on this matter but she has not. I will keep trying as long as my own sanity has it, however my patience is wearing thin. Thank you again and if anyone has info on this check cashing deal, please feel free to enlighten me.
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Hahahahahahaha This is the type of thing my mother did, and when my daughter and son start this BS I can assure you this is what I'll do.....

Contact her principal.....tell him of your difficulties and tell him you'd like to spend the day with her at school, to see if the problem is in fact with her friends (lie), then follow her butt around school all day.... to the bathroom, where she sits with her friends, classes, bus home, to work everywhere************** ONE of 2 things will happen, she'll be alienaited from everyone (especially, those who are influencing her now, "they don't want you hanging around mom....gawd your so embaressing). Possibly get fired from her job.... (temporarily) relying on your for money and what not....(more power for you)..... The SECOND thing that may possibly happen, is that she might be so shamed by you she's ready to meet about it, at which time you can tell her....."I'm going to do this everyday of you life for the rest of your life, till you rid yourself of your hateful little attitude and grow up.... that man has loved you and raised you like his own, now some appreciation would go a long way YOUNG lady!!!!!" Maybe some home truths about her real father thrown in there....."your real dad hasn't paid **** for you.... whans the last time you saw him??" that kind of thing.....

I hate to say it, but at that age (I was REAL BAD at that age) you gotta break them first of they'll break you!!!!!

Good luck
 
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Ausmumof2

Junior Member
Oh and if you don't actually do the whole school work following thing..... threaten to..... the do it around home for a bit and to the friends homes...... she'll hate it right away!!!!
 
Just Blue

Just Blue

Senior Member
your real dad hasn't paid **** for you.... whans the last time you saw him??" that kind of thing.....
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Anyone who says this to their child AT ANY AGE is an idiot and should be smack repeatedly across the face.
 
stealth2

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
Ausmumof2 said:
Maybe some home truths about her real father thrown in there....."your real dad hasn't paid **** for you.... whans the last time you saw him??" that kind of thing.....
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This is an absolutely disgusting piece of "advice". You don't badmouth the kid's dad, regardless. She's half him as well as half you - way to make her feel worthless.
 
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stmfitr636

Member
catfish22 said:
... I require her to deposit a % when cashing her work check, she found away around that by signing her pay checks over to a neighbor, who in return cashes them, thus not having to deposit. ...Thank you again and if anyone has info on this check cashing deal, please feel free to enlighten me.
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In my house, minors are required to follow rules or suffer the consequences... which in this case would be as follows:

A call would be made to her employer... where a request that future earnings from said minor will be relinquished to you and only you. If this is not possible, then consider this 10 min notice of termination of said minor's employment.

And then 100% of jr's earnings will then be deposited into savings... so that $$$ for dope can be tracked at least.

The escort to school (and/or work) works well too... and I have emails from our skid's teachers as proof of effectiveness. Leaving the house for anything other than school and work will be completely prohibited... at least until she turns 18.

I'll save you the next post: By installing keyed deadbolts and screwing windows shut or installing audible alarms on all ingress/egress points so that you may release the hounds if need be.

Having stepdad babysit this kid while you're not home is not doing you any favors. Stay home with your kid. If that involves quiting your job... sorry.

Here's a website for you: http://www.stepfamily.asn.au/forum/index.php
 
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penelope10

Senior Member
Teenagers are tough....one poster suggested going up to the school with your daughter (I did not, however, agree with all her suggestions).

Anyway, I did this with my now twenty-five year old and it seemed to work. I told her not only would I go up to the school, but I'd either go up in PJ's are the grubbiest clothes I could find, plus huge rollers in my hair. I would ask permission from the principal, of course to do this, and I'd have him notify all the teachers that I was to be assigned a seat right next to hers for each and every class.

I was pretty involved at the school, knew the principal and vice principal pretty well, and it scared her enough to straighten up her act.

Also my daughter knew from past experience that I don't make idle threats...Would not have embarrassed me in the slightest to have followed through.

One more bit of non legal advice:

Don't make step dad the bad guy in this. Step up to the plate yourself.

And don't bad mouth Dad around her that only makes the situation worse.

Daughter is now 25 as I said, and has since thanked me for all the awful, Mommy "stunts" I pulled off.

Sooner or later they do grow up.....
 
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Ausmumof2

Junior Member
baystategirl said:
Anyone who says this to their child AT ANY AGE is an idiot and should be smack repeatedly across the face.
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Excuse me ?!?!?!?!?!?!?! How dare you!!!!!!!!!! Obviously I wouldn't condone upsetting a child, for the simple pleasure of it!!!!! However in severe circumstances, sometimes you need to shock their system.... if the girl wants to be treated like an adult,why not sit her down and explain a few things to her about her dad.....Granted maybe what I had previously said was a little harsh, but perhaps sitting her down and talking maturely to her zmight be a little different....

However I do resent the way I was told I needed to be smacked i the face!!!!:mad:
 
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