2Mistakes

[wileybunch]

Your thread got closed while I was typing a response ...

However, in this situation with "spy daughter", I truly don't think she deserves that kind of punishment. She was put in a situation by her mom that she didn't know how to handle.

I talked with her about it, and above all, I think she needs some counseling to deal with it all. She's so confused and torn up inside.

Yes, she did not know how to handle it. This kind of thing parents do burns me up so much. So selfish not giving a crap about what it's doing to the child. Your daughter felt remorse (her crying) as she should. Then you forgave her, I'm sure, but then she knows not to do it again, but I agree she needs help in understanding how to stay out of the middle b/c she hasn't seen the end of being put in this position. We got this same kind of counseling for my now 13yo stepdaughter and she's much more at peace. When push came to shove, she felt like she had to protect her mother or her mother's feelings, but her mother is vindictive, jealous, and cunning and doesn't need protection in the first place and all it's done is eat her kids up so they don't know which way is up. It makes me ill thinking of how selfish a parent can be to do this in the first place, but it's good to know the peace the child gets after getting some counseling and it doesn't necessarily have to take much for them to know it's safe what they can say (and also that they can return to the counselor if they feel they have something they want to work out that they don't have to discuss with EITHER parent).

And I know that I am probably being manipulated a little. She's playing the situation. I guess my point is that it shoulsn't even be a situation b/c the ex should have never put her in this position.

Kids do play situations even in "intact" families (called "splitting"). Good to nip in bud now b/c in this situation, the splitting is being encouraged and demanded of by one parent vs. it just coming from the child ego which is really bad news if it were to continue.

It's a good thing you all were so perceptive to the rustling under your door.