No, we actually do want to help.
I suggest you sit down with mom and have her clarify exactly what she realistically wants to achieve in the divorce, then come back and post it in a paragraph or two.
This is easy, considering the ever-changing plan for her successful integration into the workforce as an independent person is all we've discussed for months now. But it still doesn't get any of the technical questions answered. (not to mention this is the wrong forum.)
First. They've been married 22 years.
1. She doesn't want a divorce, but she's come to terms with him pushing for it and tried to get down to brass tacks.
2. She doesn't care if the house is sold or not, she just wants a place to live and raise her children.
3. She knows she needs a job and has already applied to several entry level pharm tech positions.
4. At the suggestion of several people, including my father and I, she wants to enter a 24 month adult program at the community college that will get her a certificate in pharm tech, rad tech, ultrasound tech, or something similar, and preferably one that will include an Associates degree as well. Although with all the remedials she would need the later may not be realistic. She would like spousal support to cover some or all of this.
5. She will realistically have the kids in her care more than 1/2 the year, but he will not budge on 50/50 joint custody despite that fact. She wants him to since it's not realistic.
6. She wants the child support that they are entitled to, not even necessarily general living expenses but if nothing else to put in a college fund since my father, who lucked into an advanced degree, neglected to fiscally prepare for any of my brother's future.
7. She would like spousal support to help with living expenses at the very least while she in what would be considered a rehabilitative period.
8. She would like some spousal support in Futuro to help bridge the income gap between what she will make and what the boys are accustomed to. Obviously it will be less than rehabilitative support, and obviously it will never meet the original lifestyle they had until she's been working for several years, but she's going from being the primary person in charge of a 6000 a month budget, to zero. I'm only looking at case studies here and she's not trying to be greedy.
9. She REALLY wants to know if this mediated divorce agreement is fair or if she would be better just letting it go to court. (My advice was that mediated is generally better, but if she doesn't sign by Friday he's filing a contested divorce. He sprung this on her in May, and said he's wanted a divorce for 8 years.) So again, she REALLY wants to get the pros and cons figured out.
10. She want's to be in control of her own finances after the divorce and not have to go through him every time she wants a pair of shoes for the kids.
11. She wonders (I personally wonder this too and I asked him.) Why should she leave? Why doesn't he take the money he was going to pay in spousal support for housing and go get himself an apartment. He is, after all, the one who wants the divorce. If he's only home for 3-4 hours a night and weekends, then why should he interrupt their normal lifestyle with a SAHM? Hell, my father already takes them somewhere every weekend (lake, etc) since this started. It's not like it would be any different.
And when you found out I was, in your mind, I had to be young. Sorry if I wasn't clear about that. You weren't either.
