Another Missed Visit By Mother *IM FATHER*

[daddy1980]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Washington State

ok so i have posted a couple times on this website before and have gotten some good responses/ideas but i have another question so here it goes. i will give a small timeline of whats happened to help get the best replies.

11/15/09 Ex gf and our 3 1/2 month old baby daughter move out of our apt

11/19/09 Ex g/f files civil protection order DV

12/1/09 we go to court for protection order and i am given 2 days per week supervised visits at a local center here in town that does anger management classes etc and also does supervised visits. I am also ordered by court to take anger management classes wich are 8 weeks long and judge will see us in 8 weeks for review hearing.

1/26/10 we go to court for review hearing and ex asks for 1 day per week supervised for 1 hour at same supervision place but judge says thats not enough time for my visits and grants me 2 days per week at my mothers house supervised for 1 hr each visit for feb and then starting march 1st they go to 2 hours per visit 2 hours per day.


2/15/10 When mother brings our daughter down for my visit she states that she wont be making wednesday's visit 2/17/10 due to she has a very busy week and her new b/f will be watching baby that day instead and he wont bring her down. When asked about makeup visit for later that week she said she was to busy and maybe she would make it up the next week.

The next week she failed to make up the previous weeks visit.

2/24/10 When mother brings baby down for my visit she mentions she wont be making 3/1/10's visit (My 1st scheduled 2 hr visit) cause she is going out of town but mentions she will be there for the 3/3/10 visit and will make it work to make up that visit later in the week. she asked my mother on 3/3/10 (Wednesday) when dropped baby off for visit what day I wanted to make up the missed day and she would make it work. my mother stated thursday or friday would work for me but had to be in the evening since i worked untill 4:30 pm so she told my mother that was fine she would make it work and stated she would call my mom to let her know what day she would bring her down for makeup visit.

She failed to call my mother and failed to pick up phone when my mother called her so she never made up that visit.

So now she is 2 visits behind and fails to make them up.

3/8/10 I went to see a lawyer paid $50 cosultation fee for 30 minutes and explained everything above to her. She told me that if the mom fails to make up either visit this week then it was a no brainer i needed to file for contempt against the mom since its now becoming a pattern for missed visits.

Any advice on what you guys/gals think i should do?

Also the Lawyer said that i needed to get a parenting plan started and that she said it shouldnt be a problem for me to get Thursday - Monday visits maybe as soon as August wich is when our daughter turns 1.

Any advice appreciated

 

[696400]

Court-Think long term-hold on for seniors though.

 

[cheesecake46580]

1. Keep a claender of all visits
2.document any and all conversations with mom
3.Send mom a certified letter nicely asking for make up time. Send a calender with like 5 or 6 days that would work for the make up time. Have her respond in writing by X day what works for her.
4. If possable only talk to mom in writing.
5 mail her a calender a month at a time of planned visits.

By doing #3 you are trying to work with mom If she don't pick up or refuses the letter keep it sealed and let the judge open it. But this shows you are trying to work with mom.

 

[Ohiogal]

File for contempt and file for a parenting plan as the attorney advised you.

 

[daddy1980]

File for contempt and file for a parenting plan as the attorney advised you.

Thanks for the advice i see your a GAL in ohio its nice to see a response from someone who is for the children and not for mom/dad

Without me taking your reply as legal advice do you think Thursday-Monday is out of range for me by august as the lawyer i talked to mentioned?

In august our daughter will be 1

The only thing i worry about as far as getting 3 days or so a week is the ex is gonna fight it tooth and nail as she allready doesnt like the fact that the judge gave me 2 days a week at 2 hours per visit.

I just want to be the father our daughter deserves to have even if the ex doesnt try to get along with me i would love to Co-Parent as i think its in our daughters best interest.

Her mother and I created our daughter not just her mother and i love her more then anything. I am a very proud father

 

[CJane]

Without me taking your reply as legal advice do you think Thursday-Monday is out of range for me by august as the lawyer i talked to mentioned?

I think 4 days every week is HIGHLY unlikely. That's more than 1/2 the time, and you're still not even allowed to communicate with Mom or be in the same room as her.

50/50 schedules are generally NOT the norm, and are almost never awarded in a contested situation. Mostly because they don't really work when the parents can't/won't communicate with each other.

If you file for contempt, you can expect Mom to be given a lecture by the judge - at most. And, you can expect for a plan to be put in place that allows you more time. But it's not very likely that you're going to get 50/50 and it's not AT ALL likely that you're going to become primary parent.

 

[stealth2]

It would behoove people to read the history behind all of this. A lot of these questions have been asked and answered, and this really would have made sense in being added to one of the OP's precious threads.

 

[CJane]

It would behoove people to read the history behind all of this. A lot of these questions have been asked and answered, and this really would have made sense in being added to one of the OP's precious threads.

Precious?

I think I gave him the exact same advice earlier. And I still think he's going to have a really hard time proving mom's behavior is contemptuous.

 

[daddy1980]

Precious?

I think I gave him the exact same advice earlier. And I still think he's going to have a really hard time proving mom's behavior is contemptuous.

You mention you think it will be hard for me to prove contemt? well as far as i know contempt in this situation would be the mother failing to comply with court ordered visits correct? i mean whats the point of a judge ordering these and the 3 of us (mom,myself,judge) signing it if she doesnt have to comply? not complying with what a judge orders in my opinion is just like spitting in his face (basically her telling him i dont have to comply with what you tell me)

I dont want to have to file contempt but at the same time i dont get alot of time with our daughter and her missing visits make my time that much less.



And 2 posts up you state (If you file for contempt, you can expect Mom to be given a lecture by the judge - at most. And, you can expect for a plan to be put in place that allows you more time)


Well if you think i am gonna have a hard time proving it why would you mention judge would lecture mom and give me more time?


Just a little confused about that thats all

 

[stealth2]

Precious?

I think I gave him the exact same advice earlier. And I still think he's going to have a really hard time proving mom's behavior is contemptuous.

Well... I meant previous, but precious works, too!

 

[ecmst12]

Obviously you screwed up, since the RO was granted and you were only allowed supervised visitation....so what did you do?

 

[LdiJ]

Thanks for the advice i see your a GAL in ohio its nice to see a response from someone who is for the children and not for mom/dad

Without me taking your reply as legal advice do you think Thursday-Monday is out of range for me by august as the lawyer i talked to mentioned?
In august our daughter will be 1

The only thing i worry about as far as getting 3 days or so a week is the ex is gonna fight it tooth and nail as she allready doesnt like the fact that the judge gave me 2 days a week at 2 hours per visit.

I just want to be the father our daughter deserves to have even if the ex doesnt try to get along with me i would love to Co-Parent as i think its in our daughters best interest.

Her mother and I created our daughter not just her mother and i love her more then anything. I am a very proud father

I think its out of your range. Right now the child has not spent more than two hours at a time with you, supervised, and you think that the child is going to be ready to be separated from her primary caregiver for 4 days in a row, by August?

You might be able to gradually work your self up to something approaching 50/50 or every other weekend Thursday - Monday, but not until your child is bonded enough to you to be separated from her primary caregiver for 4 days at a time.

I don't see that being very likely at 1...nor is that even the best schedule for a 1 year old. A 1 year old really should not go 4 days without seeing either parent. A one year old's schedule should be shorter, more frequent visits.

 

[Childrencome1st]

When you said Thursday-Monday, were you talking overnights? Or daily visits?

 

[cheesecake46580]

Ok what I mentoned above with the certified letter will halp you prove contempt and if mom is an a$$ about it it shows the court that too.

I will caution you about to much visitation on a young child My now 6 year old ended up with severe seperation anxiety from me because she was allowed to go with dad to much as an infant. No one ment for it to happen it just did and she paid the price in pre school and K. I litterly had to put her on the bus screaming and crying for mom not to leave her it was the same when she went to her dads, grandma's anyone. I always just told her mommys always come back gave her a kiss and walked away it took forever to help her with this. I am in no way bashing you for this I think it is sweet you are a loving dad and want to be with your child. Just do your homework on recomendations for a child the age of yours and see how she does every child is different and no one rule is right for every child. Here is a template from indiana that our guidelines for young children just somehing to think about add to or start with.
The best of luck to you!

Indiana Parenting Time Guidelines

 

[stealth2]

My now 6 year old ended up with severe seperation anxiety from me because she was allowed to go with dad to much as an infant. No one ment for it to happen it just did and she paid the price in pre school and K. I litterly had to put her on the bus screaming and crying for mom not to leave her it was the same when she went to her dads, grandma's anyone.

So... this has been diagnosed by a professional as being caused by spending too much time with her Dad as an infant? Really?