Are there any people on the fathers side

[Bre's_mom]

What is the name of your state? Washington

I have heard so many people on this site bad mouth step parents and fathers, are there any people out here that actually think fathers deserve more than what they get?

 

[ktarra617]

i am a stepmom and a CP. I am married to an NCP. He is a wonderful father.

I don't believe father's get a fair shake in the courts. But I try to be pro-child more than anything else. I think dads need equal rights to their children. I think moms and dads need to grow up and realize that it stopped being about them the day the child was born.

Yes there are a lot people who do nothing but bash stepparents but there are also a lot stepparents out there who do nothing but bitch about how they have to pay that person so much money. They give the rest of us good stepparents bad names.

I am for the father's getting equal rights to their children and I am for the children having equal access to both their parents.

just my 2cents!

 

[efcoco]

TOO MUCH BASHING GOING ON ..I AGREE.

I DONT THINK IT IS A FATHER OR MOTHER ISSUE.
I HAPPEN TO KNOW ALOT OF FATHERS THAT ARE NCP THAT DO JUST FINE. I HAVE TO REMIND THEM OF THE CP SITUATION ALOT BUT..ALL IN ALL..THEY DO FINE. THEY PAY CHILD SUPPORT WITHOUT WHINING...THEY REALIZE THAT CHILD SUPPORT IS NOT A BILL. THEY EVEN CONTRIBUTE TO THE THE "OTHER" FINANCIALS ...LIKE....SON WANTING TO BE IN SPORTS..COST MONEY WHEN NOT IN HIGH SCHOOL..ABOUT $80.00 BUCKS JUST FOR SIGN UP. THEY REALIZE THAT SCHOOL CLOTHES..ONCE OR YEAR ..CAN BE VERY EXPENSIVE FOR A PRE-TEEN..TEEN...ETC.
I FEEL...PERSONALLY ...
THAT ALOT OF NCP DONT CARE TO REALIZE..OR MAYBE THEY JUST DONT CARE....THAT CP DOES NOT TAKE CARE OF THE EXTRAS THAT "THEIR" CHILD DESERVES.

IN MY CASE...I HAVE THE EX THAT DOES NOT CARE TO KNOW..WHAT THE EXTRAS ARE... HE SAYS THATS WHAT CHILD SUPPORT IS FOR.

AS FAR AS STEP-PARENTS.
WELL..FROM EXPERIENCE...THEY HAVE NO SAY SO..AS FAR AS WHAT I TAKE MY EX BACK TO CT FOR..(BY THE WAY..I HAVE NOT..AFTER 11 YEARS) I FEEL THAT THEY MARRIED INTO A SITUATION THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THEM. THE DIVORCE PAPERS DONT HAVE THE STEP PARENTS NAME IN THEM....NOR DOES THE CHILD SUPPORT PAPERS.

JUST A REPLY..

 

[grandpabri]

TOO MUCH BASHING GOING ON ..I AGREE.

I DONT THINK IT IS A FATHER OR MOTHER ISSUE.
I HAPPEN TO KNOW ALOT OF FATHERS THAT ARE NCP THAT DO JUST FINE. I HAVE TO REMIND THEM OF THE CP SITUATION ALOT BUT..ALL IN ALL..THEY DO FINE. THEY PAY CHILD SUPPORT WITHOUT WHINING...THEY REALIZE THAT CHILD SUPPORT IS NOT A BILL. THEY EVEN CONTRIBUTE TO THE THE "OTHER" FINANCIALS ...LIKE....SON WANTING TO BE IN SPORTS..COST MONEY WHEN NOT IN HIGH SCHOOL..ABOUT $80.00 BUCKS JUST FOR SIGN UP. THEY REALIZE THAT SCHOOL CLOTHES..ONCE OR YEAR ..CAN BE VERY EXPENSIVE FOR A PRE-TEEN..TEEN...ETC.
I FEEL...PERSONALLY ...
THAT ALOT OF NCP DONT CARE TO REALIZE..OR MAYBE THEY JUST DONT CARE....THAT CP DOES NOT TAKE CARE OF THE EXTRAS THAT "THEIR" CHILD DESERVES.

IN MY CASE...I HAVE THE EX THAT DOES NOT CARE TO KNOW..WHAT THE EXTRAS ARE... HE SAYS THATS WHAT CHILD SUPPORT IS FOR.

AS FAR AS STEP-PARENTS.
WELL..FROM EXPERIENCE...THEY HAVE NO SAY SO..AS FAR AS WHAT I TAKE MY EX BACK TO CT FOR..(BY THE WAY..I HAVE NOT..AFTER 11 YEARS) I FEEL THAT THEY MARRIED INTO A SITUATION THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THEM. THE DIVORCE PAPERS DONT HAVE THE STEP PARENTS NAME IN THEM....NOR DOES THE CHILD SUPPORT PAPERS.

JUST A REPLY..

Hey, quit yellin'. Take the caps lock off.

Thanks

 

[efcoco]

HEY GRANDPA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks....thought the big letters might help ya!!
your hearing seems fine though.

 

[coolmomof4]

My husband's the CP of his 7 yr old son. Sometimes the system actually works!

 

[pthalo]

best thread I've read so far.....

Aside from the yelling, I think this is by far the best thread I have seen on this sight.. But if you have read my posts you know I've got to make a correction..

Ktarra, it really stops being about mom and dad the day that the child is conceived.. A child's health and well being is partialliy determined by what happens when he/she is in the womb.. Children born out of a stressful situation often have little quirks that others do not (oral fixations, low body weight, jittering, etc...) Its not that I disagree with you I just think that people need to take a step back and realize the responsibility begins before the child is even born..

"THEY PAY CHILD SUPPORT WITHOUT WHINING...THEY REALIZE THAT CHILD SUPPORT IS NOT A BILL. THEY EVEN CONTRIBUTE TO THE THE "OTHER" FINANCIALS ...LIKE....SON WANTING TO BE IN SPORTS..COST MONEY WHEN NOT IN HIGH SCHOOL..ABOUT $80.00 BUCKS JUST FOR SIGN UP. THEY REALIZE THAT SCHOOL CLOTHES..ONCE OR YEAR ..CAN BE VERY EXPENSIVE FOR A PRE-TEEN..TEEN...ETC."

You know, I got torn apart earlier this week for making similar comments about obligations going beyond child support.. Where were you when I needed backup...LOL.. I love my son and I will do anything for him, including paying everything I have to make him happy.. Hunter is the most important part of my life.. He is the light at the end of a tunnel.. He is the sun that shines over my head.. He is the reassuring touch that makes me continue to dream and to hope... More NCP's need to feel that way, I'll be the first to point that out..

It is so reassuring to me to hear that there are people out there that don't automatically think that mom has the final say and the control.. Slowly the system will change so long as men are willing to stand up and say, I want to be a "real man" (check my post on LisaB's government protects my daughters father posting for more on why I quoted this phrase.) and be a dad, not just a stand-in who pays money..

Stepping off the soapbox now and hoping that someone else will preach for awhile.. Thankyou all for the wise words.. You have given me hope that I am not fighting a losing battle...

 

[usmcfamily]

Hmmmmmmmmmmm........I am neither pro-CP or pro-NCP ...... I try to be pro-child......meaning that I am on the "side" of whomever has the best interest of the child at heart. I, too, see that all too often it is the NCP (not necessarily always a father--they can be mother's too) getting the raw deal and I will work equally as hard for them as I would a CP....sometimes harder. I am a CP myself but have seen some of the things that my ex has gone through (like the state requiring him to carry health insurance on our child despite the fact she is fully covered by my husband's plan.....that is money he could use to facilitate more visitation if he had it in his pocket instead of wasting it on unused insurance!)......and I have also seen the things that all three of us (the ex, myself and our daughter) have been through in the last 6 years as we struggled through the situation to arrive at the happy place we are in now (we all get along ).......with all that I have seen I have come to have a great deal of compassion for those NCP's out there who WANT to be involved with their children and are being denied that opportunity -- because that is a child being denied the right to their parent!!
But - by that same token there is equitable "bashing" of CP's on here by the NCP/step-parents .......I guess it goes both ways.......too bad too, because the ONLY ones truly hurt by any of it are the innocent kids........

 

[haiku]

I am on the childs side. I am a mom and a step-mom. Yes one of those insane souls who married a man with kids from a prior marriage.(but then so did he!)

I did my best before that happy day to assure that he and I are both perfectly capable of supporting ourselves without the other, but my husband not only pays his support, I am also able to stay home with our child until she is in school full time, then I will return to my career. I think life would be a lot easier for people, (women in particular) if they took care of thier financial security BEFORE they marry, divorced person or not.

Is it tough? yeah, sometimes, but I just roll with it. No big thing, my marriage and child are bigger than anything the ex can 'attempt'. SHE is past, thier kids present, and my husband always does what is right for them(kids). The sad part is, he does have no say ultimately in the decisions made for them, and unless he was to wage all out war, there is nothing we can do right now as we watch his oldest fail in school. (she won't do what it takes to get him to study) It is scary to think about his future, and know we may still end up "holding the bag" even though she is the "all powerful" CP she made the real decisions to ruin his future.(if you have to pay the price, at least let you be the one who did the damage KWIM?)

I was raised by a "real" single mom-no support or visitation, and I was one for a while, and I didnt get close to what my husbands ex receives in comparison (she married better than me the first time LOL) So I can relate to being a CP also, but it makes it hard for me to sympathize when she complains about how hard it is to my husband, when I know what it is "really" like.

So before I "bash" I look at each question o a case by case basis, I am an equal oppurtunity basher!

 

[karma1]

hey, not gonna get any "step" support here......

this site is not designed for that-but if you have a legal question-post it-
however, the most up to date info cannot be found here either
go to
www.deltabravo.net
(shoud be paid for all this advertisement I do for this site-lol)
you cannot vent on this board, either, being a step parent-this is not what this board is for
again-see above site for this-
best wishes.....

 

[coolmomof4]

I know I responded earlier, saying my husband is CP of his son. That, of course makes me a step-mom. I agree that there is a lot of step-bashing that happens on this forum..I have been on the receiving end of it quite often. I understand many people's position that we're "out of luck" because we chose to marry into the situation we are in, and that a lot of step-moms do nothing but moan and complain. But sometimes, the situation is different.

I am a step-mom and my step-son lives with us full time, except for occasional visitation. I am also a stay-at-home-mom. So I am with this child A LOT more than the NCP and the CP. Maybe I still wouldn't have any say in court, but I am the one who has to deal with his nasty attitude after visits, I take him to his doctor appointments, school stuff, etc when my husband is working. And he confides in me a lot about what goes on during visits and stuff his mother tells him. So if I ever have to go to court and a judge tells me I have no say, that would be an injustice, to my ss. Not because I would get up and needlessly bash bio-mom with my "emotions" but because without my being here for their son like I am, maybe no one would know how he's feeling on a day to day basis about what's going on in this part of his life.

I guess what I've said could be shark bait, for professional bashers, concerning my husband's role in his son's life, but let me say that he is also very involved. But, like most people do, he works, he can't possibly be home all the time, so it would make sense that I hear and see a lot that he doesn't.

 

[Bre's_mom]

Hmmmmmmmmmmm........I am neither pro-CP or pro-NCP ...... I try to be pro-child......meaning that I am on the "side" of whomever has the best interest of the child at heart. I, too, see that all too often it is the NCP (not necessarily always a father--they can be mother's too) getting the raw deal and I will work equally as hard for them as I would a CP....sometimes harder. I am a CP myself but have seen some of the things that my ex has gone through (like the state requiring him to carry health insurance on our child despite the fact she is fully covered by my husband's plan.....that is money he could use to facilitate more visitation if he had it in his pocket instead of wasting it on unused insurance!)......and I have also seen the things that all three of us (the ex, myself and our daughter) have been through in the last 6 years as we struggled through the situation to arrive at the happy place we are in now (we all get along ).......with all that I have seen I have come to have a great deal of compassion for those NCP's out there who WANT to be involved with their children and are being denied that opportunity -- because that is a child being denied the right to their parent!!
But - by that same token there is equitable "bashing" of CP's on here by the NCP/step-parents .......I guess it goes both ways.......too bad too, because the ONLY ones truly hurt by any of it are the innocent kids........

I agree with you, its the child that gets the raw end of the deal, and it should be equal right to both parents, I think joint custody is a great thing, the child needs to be with both parents...

 

[Sara_1970]

Since when is this site NOT for Step-parents? (I didn't read that anywhere before I signed on.) Is it just because Mr. IAAL doesn't like step-parents that people are saying this?

Step-parents have a lot of valid gripes. We are intertwined in the children's lives and although we may not have a legal say, we most certainly have the right to complain when CP's do their best to alienate the children.

 

[ktarra617]

pthalo, I agree that it does begin at conception but you have to admit that in our society the way it is there are a great number of pregnancies that never make it to term either because of natural miscarriage or abortion.

Now let me state something here, I personally am against abortion for myself but I am not going to tell another woman what she has to do. That is a very personal decision and its not up to me to decide for someone else.

That being said, since you never know which ones are going to make it to term and which ones aren't is why I said at birth. However Pthalo makes a very good point that it quits being about the parents at conception.

I agree with coolmom, i stay at home too and so when we have extended visits with my sd I am the one with her the majority of the time. He is very involved father but he does have to work. So he wouldn't know everything that goes on if I didn't tell him what his daughter tells me during the day. Sometimes the skids feel safer talking to you and letting you relay instead of telling it directly to the parents. Takes the pressure off of them.

I'm all for anything that makes the kids lives easier. They have it rough enough as it is sometimes.

Good luck to all of us.

 

[MindyT]

Reply to Sara_1970

THANK YOU again for another very good point. I DO believe that the people bashing stepparents, stepMOTHERS especially, are agreeing too much with IAAL. They seem afraid to disagree with him or argue with him. I don't care about anyone else's opinions about stepmoms--I know what I've been through and I know how my situation is, not any of these folks. I can't really blame them for being so prejudiced just for that simple reason--THEY DON'T KNOW everything about every individual person or situation. Thanks again for reiterating what I've already said. SOMEone just may be on my side after all!