Best for the child.....need advice

[Gevalia]

And if you had always created an atmosphere of ACCEPTANCE of adoption, that it is normal, and a valid way to make a family, the siblings would never CONSIDER saying anything was somehow BAD about being adopted.[/B]

Stunningly excellent point. She's worried about a reaction that she, herself, will have been responsible for creating.

 

[Shay-Pari'e]

Have you ever heard a 16, 13, 12, 11, 10, 9, and 5 year old fight??? They throw their jabs in anytime they can.....
I will leave this forum with this. I simply was seeking legal advice and realize that you will only get opinions.
I have a lot to learn in life, as do all parents for that matter. I am a gr8mom.....one more on the way. I love our family no matter how we've come together.
I am simply looking at what is best for her AT THIS POINT IN HER LIFE. Sure, we probably made the mistake of not telling her at a young age, I just don't think now at 13 is the time to do it.
We are raising these children in a Christian home and PROTECTING them, not lying to them. We are not only physically protecting them but emotionally protecting them as well.
I think that everyone took what I was saying incorrectly. So sorry that you all took what I said the way you

You are divorced, how was that emotionally protecting them? And one on the way? Is this from the divorced husband? Seriously mesed up situation.

Did you adopt the 16 year old?

 

[gr8mom]

Hello to all, I would like to start by saying that I am the step-father in this matter. I have read your reviews and am really surprised at the attacks, YES ATTACKS!!!. I agree that maybe Aubree(The child in question) should have been told at a very early age, therefore we would not be at this impass. With that said, we have seven children with our eigth due on the 26th of this month.....YIPPPEEEE!!!!!!! HENCE GR8MOM!!!! A large amount of you have accused my wife and by proxy, me of out right lying to our children. I guess that we simply do not know how to weigh the childs right to know with protecting her emotional wellbeing at this tender, emotional(going through puberty) stage in her life. Yes, her siblings love her, but for you people that have children, you already know how vindictive they can be(kids). For those that do not have children or are not experiencing the same, please keep your ignorant comments to yourself!!!! If you have children, then you know that it is a childs job to OSTERSIZE the other when an arguement is underway, don't you? or let me guess! you and your kids are perfect? If you lack the ability to give an an opinion that is not a personal attack, then please feel free to keep your rude comments to yourself. If we were rotten parents and did not care about our children(as some eluded to) we would not be asking for advice on this forum. I guess it is just easier to JUDGE others ? Seeing that the rude individuals on this site have zero past indescetions of their own! Have a great day and may God bless you all!

 

[Silverplum]

.... then you know that it is a childs job to OSTERSIZE the other when an arguement is underway, don't you? or let me guess! you and your kids are perfect?

I sure hope y'all don't homeschool.

 

[Shay-Pari'e]

If you are the Step dad, then these are not your children. How many kids does she have from the divorced father?

This thread is getting seriously confusing.

Bottom line,**************Dad can tell that child she is adopted, no court in the world would stop him from doing that, so you have your answer.

 

[momofrose]

Hello to all, I would like to start by saying that I am the step-father in this matter. I have read your reviews and am really surprised at the attacks, YES ATTACKS!!!. I agree that maybe Aubree(The child in question) should have been told at a very early age, therefore we would not be at this impass. With that said, we have seven children with our eigth due on the 26th of this month.....YIPPPEEEE!!!!!!! HENCE GR8MOM!!!!

Having 8 children does not make a great mom - it makes her fertile.

A large amount of you have accused my wife and by proxy, me of out right lying to our children.

That is because you are

I guess that we simply do not know how to weigh the childs right to know with protecting her emotional wellbeing at this tender, emotional(going through puberty) stage in her life.

Kids are always at a "tender" age - by protecting her you are lying to her which will no doubt lead to severe emotional problems down the road.

Yes, her siblings love her, but for you people that have children, you already know how vindictive they can be(kids). For those that do not have children or are not experiencing the same, please keep your ignorant comments to yourself!!!! If you have children, then you know that it is a childs job to OSTERSIZE the other when an arguement is underway, don't you? or let me guess! you and your kids are perfect? If you lack the ability to give an an opinion that is not a personal attack, then please feel free to keep your rude comments to yourself. If we were rotten parents and did not care about our children(as some eluded to) we would not be asking for advice on this forum. I guess it is just easier to JUDGE others ? Seeing that the rude individuals on this site have zero past indescetions of their own! Have a great day and may God bless you all!

The facts are the facts and the fact is that you and your wife continue to lie to this child- put yourself in her shoes - c'mon - it doesn't take a rocket scientist ti figure out that she needs to know the truth and needs to know it NOW!!!

I truly hope this child finds out the truth..quickly so she can adjust and get on with her life...you are doing her NO favors!!!

Adios!

 

[moburkes]

This is interesting. You're the current husband? What happened to the ex-husband? If the 2 of you have 7, with 1 on the way, how many did she have before?

She's already having a child with you, and she just recently divorced?

This is absolutely confusing.

And, the word is ostracized.

 

[Silverplum]

Please. This is ridiculous. We are not in junior high.

Hire an attorney.

Hello to all, I would like to start by saying that I am the step-father in this matter. I have read your reviews and am really surprised at the attacks, YES ATTACKS!!!. I agree that maybe Aubree(The child in question) should have been told at a very early age, therefore we would not be at this impass. With that said, we have seven children with our eigth due on the 26th of this month.....YIPPPEEEE!!!!!!! HENCE GR8MOM!!!! A large amount of you have accused my wife and by proxy, me of out right lying to our children. I guess that we simply do not know how to weigh the childs right to know with protecting her emotional wellbeing at this tender, emotional(going through puberty) stage in her life. Yes, her siblings love her, but for you people that have children, you already know how vindictive they can be(kids). For those that do not have children or are not experiencing the same, please keep your ignorant comments to yourself!!!! If you have children, then you know that it is a childs job to OSTERSIZE the other when an arguement is underway, don't you? or let me guess! you and your kids are perfect? If you lack the ability to give an an opinion that is not a personal attack, then please feel free to keep your rude comments to yourself. If we were rotten parents and did not care about our children(as some eluded to) we would not be asking for advice on this forum. I guess it is just easier to JUDGE others ? Seeing that the rude individuals on this site have zero past indescetions of their own! Have a great day and may God bless you all!

 

[Shay-Pari'e]

This is interesting. You're the current husband? What happened to the ex-husband? If the 2 of you have 7, with 1 on the way, how many did she have before?

She's already having a child with you, and she just recently divorced?

This is absolutely confusing.

And, the word is ostracized.Apparently 3 plus the adopted daughter. She she had another one within the same year of the divorce, or the others are Step Daddie's. Honestly, I'm confused why Step Dad is even on this thread, he has no dog in this fight and no legal standing regarding her children with the divorced huby.

 

[Gevalia]

Of course siblings pick on each other. For drinking the last of the soda, for taking too long in the bathroom, for not sharing toys, for hogging the TV--any number of typical sibling-rivalry type things.

But shunning and ridiculing her for finding out she's adopted and she's been lied to her entire life?? That's not sibling rivalry, that's sheer cruelty. If those are the kind of kids you've raised, I'd hardly call you a Christian family or a "great mom".

 

[Silverplum]

Honestly, I'm confused why Step Dad is even on this thread, he has no dog in this fight and no legal standing regarding her children with the divorced huby.[/I][/B]

Because the Great Fertile Mom is too traumatized by us, so she sent Big Stepdaddy to come and fight her battle for her.

 

[Gevalia]

Assuming that even was Big Stepdaddy.

 

[moburkes]

Assuming that even was Big Stepdaddy.

Agreed. But the rest of what you wrote was probably accurate too. Not sure why you deleted it. Its a big stretch for her to THINK that we believe anything that comes out of her mouth at this point.

 

[Gevalia]

Frankly, because I'm so confused by this family I can't keep everyone straight and I'm not sure it was correct. Is this guy (the poster) supposed to be her new husband, stepfather to the kids, or is he the recently divorced ex-husband? Or the formerly divorced ex-husband? I'm not sure this "poster" is the guy who wants to tell the 13 y.o. that she was adopted. It's absurd.

 

[Just Blue]

Frankly, because I'm so confused by this family I can't keep everyone straight and I'm not sure it was correct. Is this guy (the poster) supposed to be her new husband, stepfather to the kids, or is he the recently divorced ex-husband? Or the formerly divorced ex-husband? I'm not sure this "poster" is the guy who wants to tell the 13 y.o. that she was adopted. It's absurd.

I think I figured it out...

Mom had remarried after her divorce from the adopted daddy, and the guy that came to the rescue it the NEW husband. He of course has nothing LEGALLY to do with this and should stay out of the situation.

OP:
The FATHER has every right to tell his DAUGHTER that he loved her so much that he wanted her for his daughter and adopted her. The fact that you, mom, have attached a stigma to adoption ,is not his concern. And you new Husband should mind his own business as this has NOTHING to do with him.
I really suggest that you and the girl's father sit down and do this togeather...It will be much better for her to hear it from both of you.