Best way to handle domestic assault charge? (Virginia)

[LdiJ]

She called the court earlier asking if she could talk to the prosecutor about it. They said she could write the judge a letter explaining the situation. I'm assuming we're better off consulting a lawyer about that first so as not to say the wrong things in it. Or maybe that's a bad idea in general?

I suspect that the lawyer will advise that she NOT write the letter at all.

 

[piccolo]

Not "could seem like:". It is more like "would seem like" because that is the classic situation.

That's very unfortunate for the few not actually doing that.

 

[Just Blue]

You, both of you, need parenting classes and couples counseling.

 

[Zigner]

The baby was on our bed when I reached down to pick her up. Please stop assuming things.

Reread your own post. According to your own post, MOM had the child in her arms when you tried to grab the child from mom.

 

[piccolo]

Reread your own post. According to your own post, MOM had the child in her arms when you tried to grab the child from mom.

She grabbed the child and placed them on the bed then got in between us...

 

[piccolo]

You, both of you, need parenting classes and couples counseling.

Surely there's a parenting forum somewhere for you to lecture people? I came here for simple legal advice.

 

[Just Blue]

Surely there's a parenting forum somewhere for you to lecture people? I came here for simple legal advice.

sigh...

Actually, this site is for legal guidance...and every one of my posts to this thread was good legal guidance. The parenting classes will show the court/judge that you recognize that you need assistance in that area for the sake of the baby...because, obviously, what you and mom are doing isn't working. Same for the couples counseling...you need help in dealing with conflict. Calling the police to "scare" the other parent is a nasty, controlling and dangerous thing to do. Not to mention the waste of police resources...while they were responding to your nonsense someone else, perhaps in real danger, had to wait for help.

 

[Zigner]

She grabbed the child and placed them on the bed then got in between us...

Still not the story you told in your first post. I would suggest, as was suggested previously, that you speak to an attorney. You can't keep your story straight here, so you can't expect to [/i]not[/i] get yourself in trouble with the courts.

 

[Just Blue]

To make a long story as short as possible, I live with my girlfriend and our baby in Virginia. We got into a heated argument a few days ago over unimportant matters. Then the next day I attempted to take the baby out for one of our usual walks. Still being angry, she tried to refuse and say I couldn't and wound up grabbing the baby and physically restraining me from taking her. I reached in to try to pick her up and in the process made light physical contact with my girlfriend. I am sure you hear that kind of phrase all the time from actual woman beaters but please believe me... it was quite a light merging of bodies and I have never laid hands on any woman like that.

Anyway she immediately called the cops saying I shoved her and you can imagine how that turned out for me. I foolishly was honest and told them I did make light contact with her which they're using as an admission of guilt for assault. They lied to us and said they were going to take her and the baby to the police station for safe keeping overnight but they were really taking her to get her statement and get a warrant for my arrest. She didn't even know they were going to arrest me until after they coerced her into writing down her version of events. She and they both said she begged them not to arrest me (because she knows it was BS and just wanted to scare me or whatever) but apparently in this state it's no longer up to the victim to drop domestic assault charges because there were too many instances of wives being convinced to do it against their wills that wound up getting way worse. That totally makes sense but sucks for guys like me.

My girlfriend and I made up really quickly the next day and now we're both just wondering what, if anything, we can do to make these charges go away. Apparently it's up to the prosecutor how to proceed. Do I need a lawyer or is my girlfriends support and lack of willingness to testify against me gonna be enough? Could she get into legal trouble herself if she recants her story and says I did not shove her? Any advice is very much appreciated!

And yeah...You did say any advice was appreciated.

 

[piccolo]

Still not the story you told in your first post. I would suggest, as was suggested previously, that you speak to an attorney. You can't keep your story straight here, so you can't expect to [/i]not[/i] get yourself in trouble with the courts.

Please show me in my first post where I said I tried to grab my baby from her arms? I neglected to mention she placed her on the bed first before I reached for her, that's all.

 

[piccolo]

sigh...

Actually, this site is for legal guidance...and every one of my posts to this thread was good legal guidance. The parenting classes will show the court/judge that you recognize that you need assistance in that area for the sake of the baby...because, obviously, what you and mom are doing isn't working. Same for the couples counseling...you need help in dealing with conflict. Calling the police to "scare" the other parent is a nasty, controlling and dangerous thing to do. Not to mention the waste of police resources...while they were responding to your nonsense someone else, perhaps in real danger, had to wait for help.

Quite presumptuous and rude of you to assume that what we're doing as parents isn't working because of a single mild incident.
I fully agree about the wasted police resources and the nastiness of involving them at all. I am very unhappy that she did it. Not much I can do about it though, my baby needs me in her life.

 

[Just Blue]

Quite presumptuous and rude of you to assume that what we're doing as parents isn't working because of a single mild incident.
I fully agree about the wasted police resources and the nastiness of involving them at all. I am very unhappy that she did it. Not much I can do about it though, my baby needs me in her life.

If you can, objectively, review what is going on and still think you are (both of you) being good parents...then you REALLY need therapy. This was not a "mild incident"...for God's sake! You were arrested!

And frankly, when the mother tried to prevent you from taking the baby out for the daily walk...you should have just backed off. Let her cool off. Instead, you decided it was a great idea to force the issue. That is not good parenting.

That you can't see this is very concerning.

 

[piccolo]

If you can, objectively, review what is going on and still think you are (both of you) being good parents...then you REALLY need therapy. This was not a "mild incident"...for God's sake! You were arrested!

And frankly, when the mother tried to prevent you from taking the baby out for the daily walk...you should have just backed off. Let her cool off. Instead, you decided it was a great idea to force the issue. That is not good parenting.

That you can't see this is very concerning.

I don't know what kind of weird mormon background you come from but yes, the actual incident that took place was extremely minor compared to any other domestic assault situation I can imagine. There was no violence, no abuse, only an argument and an extremely minor collision when she got in my way, after which I immediately backed up as you say. Literally as minor as something like that can be. The only over the top part of it was obviously her calling the cops.

 

[Ohiogal]

1 - There is a non-violent contact protective order but we are still allowed to be around each other. We live together.
2 - Not sure why you're lecturing me on what the cops do. I did not call them.
4 - Not a lie, just a different, more accurate retelling of events where there was accidental contact and no intentional shove. The truth.
5 - Thanks for yet another lecture. I thought this place was for legal advice? I did not and never would use my baby as a "freaking tool" in any argument. All I did was try to take her for a walk. Where are you getting this utter nonsense from?

Then she lied the first time around when she called them which is a crime as well -- filing a false police report.
Yes you and mom are using your child -- hence why you and she behaved the way you did. It is not nonsense. I am an attorney who defends parents against CPS. Guess what? CPS can remove your child for the child being in the middle of a DV incident -- it is considered abuse of the child.

 

[Ohiogal]

Quite presumptuous and rude of you to assume that what we're doing as parents isn't working because of a single mild incident.
I fully agree about the wasted police resources and the nastiness of involving them at all. I am very unhappy that she did it. Not much I can do about it though, my baby needs me in her life.

Have you established paternity? And don't say you signed the birth certificate because that is NOT a thing that happens. It would be an AOP. But unless you have established paternity and have court orders, MOM is the ONLY legal custodian of the child.