Can a parent get custody of only one of their children?

[notsurewhatto]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? WV

My ex and I were never married. We have two kids together. We have never lived together. Both children live with me. Oldest is four. There is no formal custody agreement but I have let him see them whenever he wants. He never took much interest in our son (his 2nd child) and I had hoped that would change. Now that our son is old enough to be aware of the way his father treats him differently I have told my ex he has to have visits with both children even though he only wants to take our daughter. He sees them maybe once a month.

He stated he is filing for custody/visitation through the courts. But he only wants custody or visitation with our daughter. Not with our son. I've consulted with child therapists on the best way to deal with this and both have advised me it is not healthy for their father to have a relationship with one but not the other. So I have told my ex that he can see them whenever he wants BUT he has to spend time with both of them together. Will a judge see this as me withholding the kids (since he only wants to take our daughter and I've said no he needs to take both of them together) or would a judge allow a non custodial parent visitation with one child while neglecting the other? He pays child support for both. My ex pointed out that sometimes one parent has custody of one child and the other has custody of the other child so I know cases like this exist. However I've been the only caretaker of both children since birth and they have always lived with me. They have never even spent a night with their father (which I hope changes with visitation). I don't like separating them because it is hurting our son to see his dad pay more attention to his sister and he is left out. What are the chances of a judge approving what he's asking for? Thank you

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? WV

My ex and I were never married. We have two kids together. We have never lived together. Both children live with me. Oldest is four. There is no formal custody agreement but I have let him see them whenever he wants. He never took much interest in our son (his 2nd child) and I had hoped that would change. Now that our son is old enough to be aware of the way his father treats him differently I have told my ex he has to have visits with both children even though he only wants to take our daughter. He sees them maybe once a month.

He stated he is filing for custody/visitation through the courts. But he only wants custody or visitation with our daughter. Not with our son. I've consulted with child therapists on the best way to deal with this and both have advised me it is not healthy for their father to have a relationship with one but not the other. So I have told my ex that he can see them whenever he wants BUT he has to spend time with both of them together. Will a judge see this as me withholding the kids (since he only wants to take our daughter and I've said no he needs to take both of them together) or would a judge allow a non custodial parent visitation with one child while neglecting the other? He pays child support for both. My ex pointed out that sometimes one parent has custody of one child and the other has custody of the other child so I know cases like this exist. However I've been the only caretaker of both children since birth and they have always lived with me. They have never even spent a night with their father (which I hope changes with visitation). I don't like separating them because it is hurting our son to see his dad pay more attention to his sister and he is left out. What are the chances of a judge approving what he's asking for? Thank you

I do not think a judge would order that, and I also think the judge would think poorly of dad for asking for it, but I do not think that the judge can actually force him to spend time with both children.

 

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? WV

My ex and I were never married. We have two kids together. We have never lived together. Both children live with me. Oldest is four. There is no formal custody agreement but I have let him see them whenever he wants. He never took much interest in our son (his 2nd child) and I had hoped that would change. Now that our son is old enough to be aware of the way his father treats him differently I have told my ex he has to have visits with both children even though he only wants to take our daughter. He sees them maybe once a month.

He stated he is filing for custody/visitation through the courts. But he only wants custody or visitation with our daughter. Not with our son. I've consulted with child therapists on the best way to deal with this and both have advised me it is not healthy for their father to have a relationship with one but not the other. So I have told my ex that he can see them whenever he wants BUT he has to spend time with both of them together. Will a judge see this as me withholding the kids (since he only wants to take our daughter and I've said no he needs to take both of them together) or would a judge allow a non custodial parent visitation with one child while neglecting the other? He pays child support for both. My ex pointed out that sometimes one parent has custody of one child and the other has custody of the other child so I know cases like this exist. However I've been the only caretaker of both children since birth and they have always lived with me. They have never even spent a night with their father (which I hope changes with visitation). I don't like separating them because it is hurting our son to see his dad pay more attention to his sister and he is left out. What are the chances of a judge approving what he's asking for? Thank you

Visitation is a right and not an obligation. You can't demand he takes both children. A judge would allow visits with only one child. How old is the youngest child if the oldest is four? There could be many reasons why dad only wants visitation with the four year old. Maybe he is not comfortable with babies. maybe he is not comfortable with diapers. Maybe ....

 

[stealth2]

The NCP can take both, neither or just one - It may not be nice or what you feel is best, but you may not deny ordered visitation based on that choice. Sorry.

 

[cheesecake46580]

That is just awful! This could be a red flag that dad is so possessive of the daughter he have any kind of a past record. Just sounds very odd to me! I would differently ask for a CASA or gal for your children if he files a case to help look out for there best interests.

 

[Proserpina]

That is just awful! This could be a red flag that dad is so possessive of the daughter he have any kind of a past record. Just sounds very odd to me! I would differently ask for a CASA or gal for your children if he files a case to help look out for there best interests.

WHOA what in the world are you suggesting?!

 

[Zigner]

WHOA what in the world are you suggesting?!

Frankly, the same thought crossed my mind. Why is the father only interested in one of the children?

 

[cheesecake46580]

WHOA what in the world are you suggesting?!

Just to look at everything that is a big red flag in the human services field! Thus why I suggested a casa or gal to look out for the kids

 

[Silverplum]

I figured Dad doesn't believe the youngest is his child.

 

[Proserpina]

Frankly, the same thought crossed my mind. Why is the father only interested in one of the children?

The same reason a parent often feels much closer to one of multiple children. The only difference here is that Dad is honest about it.

And I'm sorry, but cheesecake was VERY clear - the implication being that Dad must of course have molestation plans for the little girl. I have a huge problem with that train of thought.

Worse? Guess what Mom is going to be doing now?

 

[Proserpina]

Just to look at everything that is a big red flag in the human services field! Thus why I suggested a casa or gal to look out for the kids

No, you intimated that Dad must have some sort of evil plan for his daughter.

If you're going to make a leap, at least own it.

 

[Proserpina]

I figured Dad doesn't believe the youngest is his child.

There's that, too. But that's not quite as sinister, is it?

 

[LdiJ]

Frankly, the same thought crossed my mind. Why is the father only interested in one of the children?

It crossed my mind too.

But it also crossed my mind that he might not want to deal with a child as young as the son.

Silver's idea that he might not believe the son is his child did not cross my mind, because he is already paying child support for both of them.

And then I went back to wondering the first thing again.

 

[Proserpina]

It crossed my mind too.

But it also crossed my mind that he might not want to deal with a child as young as the son.

Silver's idea that he might not believe the son is his child did not cross my mind, because he is already paying child support for both of them.

And then I went back to wondering the first thing again.

I'm saddened that the collective "we" have jumped straight onto that train-track. Would we be thinking the same thing if the genders of the children were reversed?

I know it's a stereotype but there's some truth to this (as with most stereotypes now I think about it): Men very often don't get all mushy with babies. They're often little bundles of Prime Stench without a personality and sometimes that doesn't change till until the child is at least out of diapers.

(Um... the underlined pertains to the child, not the parent, although it could be true for both)

 

[LdiJ]

I'm saddened that the collective "we" have jumped straight onto that train-track. Would we be thinking the same thing if the genders of the children were reversed?

I know it's a stereotype but there's some truth to this (as with most stereotypes now I think about it): Men very often don't get all mushy with babies. They're often little bundles of Prime Stench without a personality and sometimes that doesn't change till until the child is at least out of diapers.

(Um... the underlined pertains to the child, not the parent, although it could be true for both)

Both things crossed my mind. Admittedly it probably would not have crossed my mind if the genders had been reversed. It also might not have crossed my mind if Indianapolis wasn't currently reeling from the Jared Fogle case.